R.I.P.

by Charity B.

  “Please, Micah, please stop,” she sobs.

  I’m her husband! All I’m doing is what every other husband on the planet gets to do to their wife. “I’m almost done. You’re so tight.”

  She coughs and chokes on her tears, the shaking of her body causing my orgasm to shoot through me. I moan, “I’m coming, baby. Oh, God, I’m coming in that dry pussy.”

  Her hand covers her mouth, quieting her whimpers. As soon as I pull out, I wipe the excess come on her leg. She rolls over to her side, crying into her pillow. The guilt of what I’ve just done slams against my chest, and I place a hand on her shoulder.

  “Daddy, is Mommy okay?”

  My head jerks up to see Adriel in the moonlight, standing next to the bed holding her misshapen doll. My heart races in my chest at my daughter witnessing my loss of control.

  “Y-yes, baby.” My voice shakes as I lift my sweats and jump from the bed. “She’s just a little sad right now.”

  I press my hand against Adriel’s back to lead her to her room. She climbs onto her bed. “Daddy, were you fucking Mommy just now?”

  My mouth goes dry, the fear of her repeating what she saw making me snap. “Watch your mouth, little girl. What Mommy and Daddy do is between us. It’s rude to walk in our room like that.”

  She crawls under the sheets. “Okay, Daddy.”

  I nod to her and kiss her head. “That’s my good girl.”

  The thought of going back to bed with my wife tonight is unbearable. I’d rather sleep in the morgue. Going to the closet, I pull out a couple of pillows and a comforter before making my way downstairs to the living room couch. I set my alarm early enough to ensure Bennett and the kids won’t see me.

  Azalea

  38 years old

  I don’t move a muscle while I listen to the linen closet close and his steps descend the stairs. I’m so angry. I’m angry at him of course for crossing that line, but I’m really angry at myself for pushing him that far. He would have never dreamed of doing something like that ten years ago. Though I suppose everyone has their breaking point.

  Go to him.

  Fuck you! Fuck You!

  I lie in my dark bedroom for what feels like hours before I push the sheets back. I need him. He’s the only one in the whole world I truly love. My feet move slowly across the carpet as I pass Adriel’s room. His door isn’t closed all the way, so a light push is all it takes to open it.

  He’s in his bed when I lift the sheet and slide inside with him. My hand grazes across his chest, but he doesn’t wake up until I reach into his pajama pants.

  “Mom,” he whispers in a shaky voice.

  “Hi, baby.” I kiss him, enjoying the fact that he doesn’t grope at me like his father does. He doesn’t do anything at all because he wants me to take control. He’s such a good boy.

  There were times in the past when he acted as if he didn’t want this, but I know he’s just worried about his father finding out. He’s told me many times that he loves me and what we do together. I don’t know what I would do if I didn’t have Malakai. I would have probably drunk a whole bottle of formaldehyde years ago. His touch is gentle and hesitant no matter how many times we do this.

  “Are-are you okay?” he murmurs sleepily.

  “I’m just sad.” I kiss down his neck as my fingers roam across his body. “And you always make me feel better.” I hear him swallow in the dark, and I whisper against his lips. “Be quiet, baby.”

  He loves you more than anyone.

  Fucking sicko.

  ‘The other night dear, as I lay sleeping. I dreamed I held you in my arms.’

  The room feels like it’s made of gelatin, the walls are wobbly, and everything is blurry and dark. Malakai’s voice sounds like a shadow of itself when he says, “I will always love you, Mom. I wish we could run away together and it could just be us.”

  More than anything I want that. I hold him tight, feeling his body as I whisper the song I’ve always sung to him.

  “You’ll never know, dear, how much I love you. Please don’t take my sunshine away.”

  Micah is thankfully already gone when I wake the next morning. He left bowls and cereal boxes on the kitchen table. I’m not hungry, but the kids might be.

  Adriel leaves for the bus stop, taking the pollution in the oxygen with her. The air is fresh and clean when it’s only me and Malakai. I walk up to him, brush his shaggy hair from his gunmetal eyes, and kiss him. He keeps his hands at his sides as I wrap my arms around him, squeezing him tight.

  “What would you like to do today? Maybe we could catch a matinee and grab some burgers after? Would you like that? Just you and me?”

  “Uh…sure.” He shrugs under my hug.

  I hold his face in my hands and kiss his perfect mouth. “What you said last night, I want you to know I truly do want that too.”

  Beautiful, beautiful.

  It’s all your fault!

  His mouth twitches as he raises an eyebrow. “What I said last night?”

  “About leaving together.”

  He tilts his head, his brows narrowing in confusion when my brother Bennett walks into the kitchen.

  “Good morning, family. Is there coffee?”

  I gesture to the pot and lean against the counter. “Help yourself.”

  Ruffling Kai’s already messy hair, he asks, “Why aren’t you in school?”

  “Suspended.”

  Bennett whistles. “Just like your uncle, aren’t ya?”

  “Don’t encourage it,” I murmur and rub my temples. I have a huge headache coming on.

  He pours his coffee and says, “I just got a call from the nursing home in Madrid. They need a removal, and the family would like to speak with us, so I’m going to bring in Snow.”

  I groan. She’s a necessary evil, but it’s more money, and I’ve never been a fan of Snow Ryan.

  “All right,” I say. “I’ll go prepare the van and meet you there. Text me the address.”

  “Right-o, sis.”

  “Come on, Malakai, grab your jacket. It’ll be good practice for you to watch.” He follows me down to the morgue. “I’m sorry about the movie. How long are you suspended for?”

  “It’s fine,” he mumbles. “Three days.”

  I wrap my arms around his waist and give him a tight squeeze. “I promise, we’ll go out before you have to go back.” His nod is stiff as I kiss him. “Good boy.”

  Grabbing a cot, I pile the protective gear, body bag and cleaning supplies on top. “Put on a gown. We’ll suit up the rest of the way when we get there.” I follow my own orders, sliding the slick polyethylene up my arm.

  Malakai stays quiet on the drive. I wonder what’s eating at him, but we have a job to do, and he needs to know what’s expected. He’s rarely around the families of the deceased.

  I explain about being quiet and respectful, not touching anything and getting the job done as quickly as possible. I pray Bennett beats us there.

  We pull in front of the nursing home, immediately putting on our gloves. “Keep off the goggles and mask until we get to the room, in case we run into the family. It usually upsets them to see us looking like the C.D.C.”

  My cell phone rings in my pocket, and I groan at the school’s number on the screen. Why are they calling me and not Micah?

  “Hello?”

  “Hello, Mrs. Courtenay? This is Ms. Lenora Leahy, the school counselor.”

  AHHHHHHH!

  Tell this bitch to fuck off!

  “Yes?” I snap. I don’t have time for this.

  “Well, I—I regret to inform you that we had a student pass away this afternoon. Ashley Radcliff.”

  “I’m terribly sorry to hear that, and I don’t mean to sound insensitive, but I’m in the middle of working, so would you mind telling me what Ashley Radcliff has to do with my children?”

  Malakai’s eyes go wide, vaguely reminding me that Adriel mentioned the girl’s name at dinner last night.

  “Adriel and a few other girls
were in the locker room when it happened. I feel it would be best if they were sent home for at least the day after witnessing something so horrific.”

  I want to laugh at her. Adriel probably adored every minute of it. She’s in love with death. Micah would tell you it’s because she’s like me. She’s absolutely nothing like me. I don’t love death, I respect it.

  “Picking her up right now isn’t an option. She either needs to remain in school, or you need to call her father to pick her up.”

  “We already called your husband. He didn’t answer.”

  “Look, I’m sorry. I must go. Send her on the bus after school. She’ll be fine. I’m a mortician so she sees dead bodies all the time.”

  “O-of course, Mrs. Cour—”

  “Thank you, Ms. Leahy. Goodbye.”

  I hang up when Malakai asks, “What happened?”

  Stepping out of the car, I wave him off. “A girl in Adriel’s class died today. Ashley Radcliff? Did you know her?”

  He doesn’t make a move to get out of the car, so I bend down to look at him. His hands are wringing in his lap as he stares out the front windshield.

  I sigh before scooting back into the driver’s seat. “Are you okay?”

  He needs you.

  It’s your fault.

  Shaking his head as if trying to comprehend my words, his black hair flops around. “How did she die?”

  Looking at my phone to check the time, I take his hand. “I don’t know, she didn’t say.” I’ve never been good at consoling. I never know what words will be best. “Do you want to stay in the car while I do this?”

  With slumped shoulders, he wraps his fingers around the handle to open the door. “Nah, I’m fine.”

  We remove the gurney from the back, and I moan in gratitude when Bennett pulls up behind us. He agrees to get the family away from the exit path, and after a few moments, Malakai and I make our way inside. I’m tense with the likelihood of the deceased having something to tell me, but as much as it worries me to have Malakai see that, it may help him understand.

  Bennett’s text said the cadaver was in room fifty-four. Once we get in front of the door, I order Malakai to put on his head gear. The dead man’s name is Allen Vance, and the lucky bastard went in his sleep. No pain, no fear…just bliss.

  He’s been dead for a few hours by the look and smell of him. “Remove the blanket, and place it in one of the plastic bags.”

  Malakai obeys, impressively hiding his disgust at the soiled sheets. I wipe down Mr. Vance, freeing him of feces before we place him in the body bag.

  “Hello, Azalea.” Mr. Vance lifts his head. One-eyed maggots crawl in and out of deep, black holes appearing in his skin and pour from his mouth as he speaks. I turn to look at Malakai who’s oblivious to the reality before him. Being the only one who can see in a world of the blind is a lonely existence.

  The walls crack with glowing fissures as brown blobs crawl from the gaps. I lick my lips and continue in my task.

  “Hello, Mr. Vance.”

  I feel Malakai’s eyes on me, but I’m looking into Allen Vance’s milky ones. “What have you done?” His voice echoes every word, and I can’t tell if he speaks with disappointment or anger.

  “What do you mean?”

  Maggots crawl to the tip of his fingers as he points to Kai. “Your job as his mother is to teach and protect him. You are doing neither.”

  Anger boils inside me at the judgmental cadaver. “You know nothing. I love him more than my next breath. I love him more than anything.”

  “That isn’t love, and deep down, you know what you’re doing with the boy is sick.”

  My skin beads with sweat as my heart rapidly pumps blood through my veins. Nobody will ever take him from me. We aren’t doing anything wrong. What we’re doing is pure. The fact that he would suggest that the one thing in my life that makes me happy is evil, brings my hand up to slap him. I hit him so hard, his head flies to the side in an unnatural angle, snapping back to stare at me with vacant eyes and a hateful grin.

  I land three more blows before Malakai grabs me, his eyes wide in concern.

  Malakai

  14 years old

  “Mom! Stop!” I grab her arm to pull her away. “What are you doing?!”

  She falls onto the bed, weeping into her hands while murmuring, “He’s wrong. He’s wrong.”

  I don’t know what to do. I’m partially stunned. She’s talked to herself for as long as I can remember, but I’ve never witnessed her speaking to, much less getting into a disagreement with, a corpse. I swallow the stone in my throat because that was the freakiest thing I’ve seen in a long time. To me, of course, he’s only a dead man, though it’s painfully obvious that to her he’s much more.

  She’s sad, so I naturally want to comfort her. I just don’t want to give her a reason to come into my bedroom tonight. It’s been happening for about a year. I’ve tried to stop her, tell her I don’t want to, but it’s like she doesn’t hear me. When she touches me, I want to scream and vomit all over her, yet she’s completely oblivious. What’s worse is the part of it that feels good. There are times I find myself going along with it, simply to experience it.

  I’m not dumb, I know it’s a fucked-up dynamic. My father would be irate, and if anyone ever found out, she’d be in a ton of trouble. Obviously I want her to stop, I don’t want this sticky overlay to stay on my skin, but I love her, and I don’t think she really understands what she’s doing.

  The rest of the removal goes as smoothly as I guess it’s supposed to. It’s not long until we’re back home, and I’m helping her wheel in Mr. Vance.

  She begins writing his height and weight on a big white board on the wall when she points to her bag on the desk. “Why don’t you get some money from my purse, and have Snow order a pizza?”

  Food isn’t really what I’m worried about. This morning was eventful enough, and I have a bad feeling about Ashley. Adriel was really angry with her, and with what we did last night, I’m nervous about the ideas that popped into my sister’s dark, little head.

  Two wadded up twenties are in my fist as I pass through the doors leading into the funeral home. Uncle Bennett won’t be back for a while, and Snow isn’t in the lobby. Just as I’m about to search for her in the display room, the arrangement room doors open, and she walks out with my dad.

  They’re both flushed, my father’s top shirt button is crooked, and Snow’s blue hair is a mess. My stomach rolls, stretching like silly putty. Meeting my father’s eyes confirms he just fucked the funeral assistant.

  I hold up the money. “Mom wants you to order pizza.” Snow’s pierced eyebrow arches as I shove the cash into her hand and snap, “I’m sure you guys worked up an appetite in there.” She glances at my father before backing into the display room.

  I spin around to leave, and my dad grabs my arm. “Malakai—”

  Jerking free of his hold, I snap, “Don’t worry, I won’t tell Mom where your dick has been.” His eyes narrow like he’s actually going to have the audacity to try and defend his actions. When he opens his mouth to respond, I cut in first. “And just so you know, while you were in there putting your come in that freak, your daughter might have been killing a girl. You probably want to go pick her up from school.”

  His unnaturally confused expression would be entertaining if he wasn’t just cheating on my mom. “What are you talking about?”

  “Yesterday Adriel prayed that God would make Ashley pay, and today Ashley died. After last night, it doesn’t seem all that unlikely, does it?”

  It doesn’t matter what he has to say. I don’t want to be around him or my mother right now. Spinning on my heel, I turn to go upstairs to my room.

  I lay in bed for at least half an hour before the sound of my door opening and closing burns my ears.

  She’s here.

  “Hey, baby,” she whispers as she lies behind me, her fingers finding their way beneath my shirt. “Your dad said you didn’t want any pizza. Are you
all right?” My skin shrinks around my bones, and I choke.

  “I—I’m just not hungry.”

  She shifts in the bed and turns my face to kiss me. I swallow my sob when she removes my pants, kissing her way down my body as if what she’s doing is loving.

  Her eyes shift up to mine with a small smile. “I love you, too, sweetheart. I’m going to make you feel better, I promise.”

  Not a single word left my mouth, making me wonder what the hell she hears me saying in her head to make her keep fucking doing this. Closing my eyes, I cover my face. All it does is make the wet sounds louder in my ears. I wonder, if I scream, would she even hear me? My dad would though, so I keep quiet.

  Her insensibility allows me to silently cry while my body fucking reacts to her violation. As arousal forces itself onto me, my thoughts take me somewhere safe. Somewhere peaceful.

  “Do you ever wonder what it would feel like to have maggots eat your flesh?”

  Adriel’s beautiful, gray eyes widen with her grin, and I snort. “I can’t say that I have.”

  She lifts ‘Optimus Bunny Boo’, a rabbit-legged Bratz doll wearing the head of one of my old Transformers. As she shifts around, her Hello Kitty panties flash at me, swelling up my throat. My face burns hot, and even though my stomach turns in embarrassment, I wish I had the courage to ask her to spread her legs wider so I can see…

  My lungs open up, and her face is in my thoughts. My mother’s kisses and body turn into my sister’s, drowning me in fantasies of how she would look and feel connected to me this way. A moan falls from my lips as her whispered name slips into the air.

  “Adriel.”

  Ashley doesn’t get discussed at dinner, and neither does my father’s failure to answer the school’s phone call. They all go on, ignoring how fucked up this is getting, as if we’re the goddamn Cleavers. Adriel talks of her school projects, and Mom leaves out her assault on the cadaver when she mentions the removal. My father somehow comes up with a day full of events that he never could have done while spending the morning with Snow. I keep quiet, only responding when being asked a direct question, and leave a mostly full plate by the end of dinner.