She nodded against his lips, sucking in a breath before her muscles clenched down on him, pulsing and throbbing as she let out a small, quiet moan. He came seconds later, jetting across her hand and stomach. He lifted his head, and opened his eyes. Her eyes were still closed, but a small satisfied smile played on her lips.
He leaned down to kiss her smile at each edge.
“I love you, Apollo.” She opened her eyes, and they blazed at him fiercely, daring him to disagree with her.
He wouldn’t. He needed her love. Craved it. He wanted to horde it and keep it close to him forever.
“I love you,” he whispered, kissing her one more time before reaching for the tissues next to the bed. He cleaned her hand and stomach, and then wrapped his arms around her. “I need a nap.”
“Another one?”
He kissed the top of her head. “Yes. Stop arguing. Sleep.”
She sighed, relaxing into his shoulder. “Okay. I can’t argue with naps.”
He didn’t know how long he stayed there, listening to her breathing, but eventually he fell asleep, too, as happy and as fulfilled as he’d ever been in his whole life.
Getting Out
“Are you sure I can’t come with you?”
Nora dug through the bag Detective Vance gave her, searching for her wallet and I.D. She shook her head. “No. I’m stopping at the grocery store for my first interview and then I have a second interview at the bookstore. I applied online last night.”
“That’s great.” Apollo was enthusiastic, and she smiled at him.
A job was a job, but she wanted to start working her plan. She’d healed enough she could get herself from place to place, and last night, Matisse let her use his computer to fill-out applications. As soon as she submitted them, she received an auto-response giving her a time for an interview.
She was hopeful.
She did one other thing last night, but she wasn’t going to tell any of the guys about it. She filled out the questionnaire Dr. Murray gave her, and she printed it out. She didn’t do it for him. He wouldn’t need it after she met with him today and told him she resigned, but she found herself wanting to answer the questions for herself.
She’d written page after page of responses. Once she started the introspection, she couldn’t stop. She went deep, deeper than she’d ever gone.
And then she came to the relationship question. Are you in a relationship? How do you see your relationship developing? How do you want it to develop?
The last two questions seemed to ask the same thing, but as she thought about it, she realized the first asked about reality, and the second asked about fantasy.
How did she see her relationship with the guys developing? Physically, they were moving fast. Emotionally, they were moving even faster. She’d fallen for them after no time, and now she was in love with them. All five of them. Solidly. Completely.
But how could a relationship between five guys and one girl possibly work?
She turned it over and over in her head. If she was one of five girls in love with Ryan, or Seok, how would she feel? Everything in her body and heart rebelled at the idea. The image of someone else touching them, kissing them, hearing them say they loved them; she could actually feel a crack appear in her heart.
So what would it do to the guys? She didn’t love one more than the other, and she couldn’t imagine giving one of them up. The crack which appeared in her heart when she considered them with someone else? It widened when she thought of living without them.
The reality of this relationship was she had absolutely no idea how it would develop. And if it didn’t, and she had to leave them, she knew it would gut her.
She wanted it to work. Maybe that was the fantasy. She wanted to support them the way they supported her, and she wanted to see their dreams come true. She wanted to help them get there. She wanted to marry them, and eat dinner with them, and go to bed with them every night, and someday, she wanted children with them.
It seemed completely out of the realm of possibility. Answering the questions led her to more questions. Vermont might be a liberal state, but it didn’t allow for a person to be married to five men. And what would her children face in school when the six of them showed up at kindergarten orientation?
She finished answering the questions and stopped, printing out what she had, and ignoring the fact her answers could be construed as relating to a two-person relationship. Only someone reading very closely would realize she was talking about all six of them. She folded the papers in half and stuffed them into her bag. She went to bed not long afterward, her heart hurting.
In the morning, things didn’t look as bad, especially when she woke up with Matisse’s arms wrapped around her and his lips on her neck. Cradled in his arms, she was safe. When he opened his eyes, his caring shined on her. He was thinking about her, he only saw her. He was with her, and happy.
Pushing away her worry for now, she got on with her morning. The guys were excited about her interviews, and seemed relieved she moved on, no longer demanding to participate in Dr. Murray’s study.
“I’m going to my interviews first, and then I’m going to meet Dr. Murray at his lab.” She peeked at Ryan. “I think he knows I’m going to quit.”
“Probably,” he agreed. “I was pretty clear with him yesterday. Can I meet you there?”
“I think I should do it on my own.” The guys began to argue, and she shook her head. “This isn’t me being stupid, or stubborn, or taking a stand because I think I need to. Dr. Murray needs to see I’m quitting because it’s my decision and mine alone.”
Ryan still shook his head, but each of them was unhappy. “Do you all want to meet me there? Wait for me?”
That they could agree to. Ryan and Apollo could go to the library, do their homework and wait. Seok, Matisse, and Cai would stay home, finishing the things they needed to do, and join the other two later.
Apollo lingered when Ryan went to collect his books. “I can wait for you in the car.”
“Go to the library with Ryan and get your things done.” She leaned over and kissed him. “I’ve distracted you from your work for three days. You’ll have uninterrupted hours of study.”
He tilted his head, kissing her a little deeper, and a little more forcefully. “That doesn’t have the appeal you think it does.”
She smiled against his lips and drew away, standing straighter and smoothing her shirt. “How do I look?”
“Hot,” Matisse said as he walked by, stopping to kiss her cheek.
She blushed, calling after him, “But do I look employable?”
He made a noise that could have meant anything and she rolled her eyes.
“You look beautiful,” Apollo whispered.
She separated her hair into three sections and braided it quickly down her back, securing the end with an elastic. She made sure her wallet was in the front pouch of her backpack along with her bus pass, and reached for her jacket. Her stomach was in knots.
“I’m ready.”
“I’ll walk you out.” He reached for her hand, and she took it. He squeezed her hand and she squeezed his back, leaning into his shoulder.
As they walked through the kitchen, she opened the door to the basement. “Seok! I’m leaving!”
He dropped something onto his workbench and then he appeared, taking the stairs two at a time. He leaned forward, holding the door jam with both hands and kissed her lips. “I’ll see you there. Three?”
“Three.” She nodded.
He opened his mouth to speak but closed it again. “Three.”
He left her there, and Apollo tugged her away. She happened to glance up into his face and noticed it was tight.
“Oh, Apollo.” She realized what she’d done. “I’m sorry. I’ll… I’ll say goodbye on my own. I’ll be right back.”
He tugged her back when she tried to extricate herself. “No. I’m dealing with it, Nora. It’s hard, but not unmanageable. I can’t help but want you all to myse
lf.”
She reached for him, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him in closely. “It’s not fair.”
He let out a sigh, his warm breath tickling her neck. “I choose this, Nora. Don’t think for a moment I’m a victim, or I don’t want this. These guys are my best friends. They are, truly, my family. I’m okay.”
Sliding out of his arms, she searched his face to see if he meant what he said. He met her eyes, and finally, she nodded. “Okay.”
Matisse was in the living room, typing on his laptop while Cai sat next to him, typing away at his.
“I’m going to my interview.”
He tossed his laptop next to him, making Nora wince. He made a move with his hand, brushing aside her reaction. “It’s fine. They make them to be dropped.”
“I don’t think they do—” she began, but cut off when he grabbed her from Apollo and kissed her deeply. His tongue scraped against hers and he sucked her lower lip into his mouth before kissing her chin and neck and blowing a raspberry near her shoulder.
“Good luck,” he said, smiling and sitting down again.
Cai shook his head, watching Matisse. She leaned over and kissed Cai on the cheek. “See you later.”
“Good luck, Nora.” He kissed her cheek and then gave her another, longer kiss, next to her lips.
Nora straightened when footsteps coming down the steps.
“Headed out?”
She nodded at Ryan, letting Apollo take her hand again as she walked to where he waited for her at the front door.
“I’ll meet you at Converse,” he said as they got closer.
She swallowed hard against the nausea welling as she thought about going back to the building. “Thanks.”
“Thank you.” He kissed her on the cheek.
She knew why he was thanking her, so she nodded. “You were right. I'll end up working a little longer, but it's okay."
He closed the door behind them, waiting for her to walk with him and Apollo to his car.
“I love you,” he whispered, getting into his car.
She waved at them as they got inside and drove off. The bus stop was a couple of blocks down the street. Taking a deep breath, she let the cold, fall air fill her lungs.
When she got to the stop, there were a few other people waiting. Each of them had their ear buds in their ears and seemed happy blocking out the world. It worked for her. She watched down the road, It was Sunday, which meant there were longer gaps between bus runs. She still didn't have a watch, but she knew she left the house with plenty of time to get here on the hour.
She was grateful for the job interviews today, but on top of having to quit the study with Dr. Murray, she was, quite honestly, overwhelmed. She had hurdle after hurdle to jump over today.
The blue city bus rumbled up the road, stopping in front of them. With a hiss of released air, the bus lowered and the doors opened. She climbed the steps, swiping her pass and then finding a seat before sliding next to the window. She watched the scenery become a blur as the bus gathered speed. It slowed as it reached stops, but usually ended up rolling away once it became apparent no one was waiting.
It dropped Nora in front of the grocery store with plenty of time for her interview. Hitching her backpack on her back, she went inside, going to the customer service desk and letting the person there know she had an interview. The woman at the counter eyed her suspiciously, and her stomach dropped.
"You're the girl," she said.
She met the woman's much-less friendly gaze. She opened her mouth to reply, but heard her name. "Honora Leslie?"
She fixed a smile on her face and turned to face the store manager. He frowned, and led her back to his office.
As soon as she had taken the seat he pointed to, he began to speak. "The online application process automatically schedules interviews for anyone who meets a certain criteria."
She nodded. "I worked at a deli for the past two years, and I put my employer down as a reference. You can call him. I'm reliable, I'm punctual, and I’ll work weekends and evenings."
"I don't need to call him. I can't hire you."
“I—"
The manager held up his hand. "I understand the police say you had nothing to do with the shooting. But I still can't hire you. Families with kids come here every day and they won't feel safe if they see you here."
"I can work nights," she told him. "I can stock shelves."
He raised his eyebrow. "Sorry, Miss Leslie. I can't. I apologize for the inconvenience, and thank you for applying."
He held out his hand and automatically, she took it. "Thanks for interviewing me."
"Good luck with your job search," he told her, opening the door to his office and indicating she should leave.
She grabbed her backpack and left, meeting the slightly smug gaze of the woman at the customer service counter.
As she walked back to the bus stop, a sinking feeling grew in her stomach. Her interview, if it could be called that, lasted all of five minutes, and she got in early. She had a solid hour and a half before her next interview, but she'd probably have to wait at the stop for half an hour before the next bus arrived. It gave her plenty of time to think about the manager’s words.
A few people joined her as time went on, a mother with her baby and reusable grocery bags stuffed full of groceries, a few teenagers. The mom fed her baby bits of a muffin while they waited until it began to rain and they all huddled under the bus stop’s roof. The water dripped onto Nora’s head and trailed down the part in her hair, running under her ear and dripping onto her neck.
She scooted a little closer to the center of the stop, trying to get out from under the corner of the awning where the water snuck in. The mom next to her smiled, inching a little closer to the center, to make room for her.
She squeezed in, but the little bit of human kindness made her throat tighten.“Thank you.”
By the time the city bus finally pulled up, Nora was thoroughly soggy, and her anxiety rode her full force. She climbed onto the bus, her feet squishing in her shoes and found a seat. With every passing moment, her dread grew. The ride to her next interview at a bookstore took longer than the ride from the house to the grocery store. It was on the other side of town, and with the rain, more people waited for the bus.
She arrived at the bookstore, frozen and wet, and a lot less hopeful. Like she had at the grocery store, she found the customer service counter and told them she was there for an interview. She waited for a while, perusing the books nearby.
“Honora Leslie?”
A girl who wasn’t much older than she was eld out her hand. “Hi, I’m the manager, Cassie Watson. Come back with me?”
She followed her past the rows and rows of books into a tiny office at the back of the store. Cassie closed the door behind her and leaned against it. “I’m sorry to have wasted your time like this, Honora.” She started right away. “But I can’t hire you. I’m sure you understand why.”
She pushed a wet curl out of her face, tucking it behind her ear. “I had nothing to do with the shooting at the school. I’m just trying to find a job. I’m dependable and I’ll work whatever hours you need.”
As soon as she started talking, the manager began to shake her head. “It doesn’t matter. You could be the best employee we ever had, but I can’t hire you. People will take one look at you and be afraid.”
“Are you serious?” She shook her head. “You have no reason not to at least grant me an interview. I’m qualified.”
“Do you really want to waste your time and mine?”
Her shoulders slumped in defeat. She shook her head.
“Look,” Cassie said. “I really am sorry. It sucks, but I’ve got to think about my sales and the safety of my customers. I have to go on the very worst case scenario. I mean, what if…” She shook her head. “I can’t.”
“I’m sorry I wasted your time,” she said as she pulled her backpack on angrily.
“No problem,” Cassie replied, ac
cepting her apology was genuine. “Good luck finding something.”
Swallowing hard against the tears in her throat, she could only nod. She left the store immediately, but rather than wait for the bus, she walked toward campus. It was about a two mile walk from the book store to Converse Hall, and it was still raining, but wet was wet, and she couldn’t possibly feel worse than she already did.
She crossed the street, and started walking, jumping over puddles and keeping an eye out for trucks that might splash her with dirty street water. As she walked, she tried to formulate a plan.
How was she supposed to save money? She couldn’t even get a night job, stocking shelves. Panic rose in her chest. She couldn’t expect the guys to support her for weeks on end. She stopped at a cross-walk, waiting for the crossing sign to change. She had no car, and only whatever money was left on her bus pass, and maybe $100 in savings.
What was she going to do?
She crossed the street onto Brownington’s campus. The medical center was ahead and beyond it, Converse Hall. The idea of seeing the guys, and telling them what happened, was both embarrassing and depressing. They would be angry on her behalf, and then they’d feel bad for her.
Poor, pitiful Nora.
Ugh. That will get old real soon. Nobody wanted a sad sack girlfriend.
Her stomach cramped as the grey stone building came into view. She kept her eyes fixed on the stairs and front doors, but her eyes wanted to land on the grass where Tilly’s body had fallen, or up at the window, where she had seen her lilting from side to side.
She forced herself to walk up the stone steps, pulling open the heavy wooden door. Even with her longer ride to the interview, the clock above the glass display case housing fliers for psychology clubs and tutors, indicated she had an hour until the boys arrived.
On her list of shitty things she had to do today, this was the last box she had to check, but it was arguably the one she was most nervous about. She found the stairwell and climbed the stairs to the fifth floor.
“Hey, Nora.”
She mentally labeled Dr. Murray’s face: DISAPPOINTED.
Finding Nora: A Reverse Harem Romance (The Searchers Book 2) Page 6