Fighting for Arielle

by Karina Sharp

  “Nope. Just clean cut, clean shaven, properly squared away, McCrary.”

  I take a sip of my drink, place it on the table to the side of the bed, and look to McCrary guiltily.

  “I can’t really remember what happened after I heard you come in. Can you tell me? I mean, how did you even know where I was or to come check on me?”

  McCrary’s eyes still and his mouth tightens.

  “You sure you want to hear the whole thing right now?”

  I nod slowly in response.

  McCrary pulls a chair next to bed and takes a big gulp of cold soda before he clears his throat.

  “I just had this ominous feeling all evening that something bad might happen. My friends even said I seemed a little off, but while we were texting, it was easy to cast aside. Then, you stopped texting. At first, I tried to tell myself that maybe you fell asleep or were playing piano or something else plausible. The feeling ate away at me, so I went by the house, but you weren’t there. I saw your phone on my bed and called Macy from it. She told me you went to your apartment and gave me the address.

  “I drove by your place, telling myself I was crazy and even bordering on stalking. When nothing looked or seemed out of the ordinary, I parked my car and rolled down the windows for some fresh air. Then, I could hear some muffled voices and crying. As I was walking to your front door, I knew something was wrong, but I couldn’t get inside before I heard him scream at you followed by a huge crash. My adrenaline took over; I kicked in the door and made out his figure, even in the dark. I charged at him, pulling him to the ground. I don’t know how many blows I delivered, or if I would’ve stopped if I hadn’t realized you were knocked out. Seeing you there, helpless, injured, and unconscious was a moment of sheer terror.

  “My desire to torture him and make him pay penance for everything he’s ever done in his pathetic life was outweighed by my fear of you being seriously injured and the potential I might have to go on in this life without you. I called 911, found a lamp to turn on, and tended to you, hoping you were going to be alright. You were in and out of consciousness. Elkins lives in the same complex, so I called him for help. Before he could get there to help, I heard your dickwad husband start to stir and moan, but I didn’t want to leave you. That’s when the best moment of the entire night happened. Swanks scurried over and sat on him so he couldn’t get up. It was golden! He looked at me, and I swear if he could talk, he would’ve said, ‘I got your back.’”

  “Wow... I had no idea.” I shake my head in disbelief, processing the information. “I told you Swanks is the best ever.”

  “Yeah... He’s kind of my hero now,” McCrary laughs.

  “Mine too.”

  I smile, but looking up to McCrary and realizing the possible ramifications of him risking life and limb for me, delivers me to a place full of guilt. I blink to try and keep tears from welling in my eyes.

  “I’m so sorry, McCrary. I had no idea Brody was back in port. I feel so terrible for putting you in that situation. I had no way of knowing he was in town.”

  McCrary’s face fills with pain, and his eyes cloud. “I’m the one who should feel guilty, Arielle. It’s all my fault that you were even put in this predicament in the first place.”

  I reach out and hold his hand.

  “That’s ridiculous. It’s no more your fault than it is my own, McCrary. I chose to be with you, spend time with you, and move out- decisions I came to all on my own.”

  His hand grows stiff, and his jaw tightens.

  “That’s not what I meant.” He draws in a long, uneasy breath. “I just hope you can forgive me,” he mutters.

  I wait for him to continue.

  “I saw Brody earlier in the evening: in the JAG office. It turns out he knows Elkins. I didn’t know who he was at first, but before Elkins even introduced me to him, I had a sneaking suspicion.”

  “What? How?” I am in shock and a state of disbelief. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  McCrary’s eyes fill with sadness and sorrow. “I’m so ashamed of myself. I just...I guess I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to alarm you. Mostly because I was afraid if you knew he was here, you would feel compelled to go back home and not stay the weekend with me, and I was so afraid of what might happen if you went back to him.”

  He pauses to recover his words.

  “I mean, if you went back to him being in your apartment.”

  “That’s horse shit. You said you were afraid I would go back to him, and you meant it.”

  I am hurt and beside myself. I can’t believe that he doubted me for one minute. “I’m just...I don’t know what I am right now. I’m just so dis-… No… I thought you knew me better than that. Hell, I thought I knew you better than that. I guess I thought wrong.”

  McCrary runs his fingers through his hair. “No, it’s not like that, Arielle. I wasn’t afraid you would leave me for him or something outlandish like that. The things he said about you... He had no idea who I was, and he talked about you like you were no more than a piece of trash. I cut him off, and if the time and opportunity had been right, I would have kicked his ass at that moment.” He looks deflated. “I was going to tell you when I got home, but when you said you were going to move out of there and agreed to wait until the next day to do it, I thought it would be better if I didn’t worry you or make you feel uneasy about him lurking around. Truly, I am so deeply sorry and ashamed. I have no other explanation other than that I am a selfish bastard, and I could have gotten you killed. For that, I will never forgive myself.”

  I am so gravely hurt, and I feel somewhat betrayed, but I refuse to allow myself to cry. I stare at McCrary in disbelief until a knock at the door disrupts my thoughts.

  I look to the door and see Macy carrying her sunniest disposition.

  “I heard someone finally woke up from her beauty sleep.”

  “It’s about time, right?” I try to say lightly. “Although from the looks of things, I think it didn’t do me much good.”

  Macy charges over to the bed and gives me a tearful and somewhat painful hug.

  “I’m just so happy you’re alright, Ari. I’ve been so worried that I haven’t gotten much sleep. Everyone at the gym is asking about you. When McCrary called me and your family to let us know that you’re awake, I texted everyone I know to tell them, and I came straight here. Don’t you EVER go and get hurt again!”

  I plaster a weary smile on my face. “I’m alright now, Mace. You don’t have to worry.”

  “Don’t have to worry? You were out. Like a light. Like cold. I...we thought…there was a chance…”

  Macy rambles on, which is unlike her. She must have truly been shaken up by this whole ordeal. Perhaps I don’t share the same sentiments because I am just learning the details. All of them.

  “McCrary here has been the absolute best ever. He never left your side, like ever. Well, except when I insisted I would be with you, and it would be fine for him to at least brush his teeth.”

  She laughs, and McCrary gives a half-hearted chuckle.

  “He saved you! How crazy is that? I wish you didn’t need saving, but you really did hit the boyfriend jackpot with him. I swear he has no faults or flaws.”

  I clear my throat with unease. Macy’s head looks over to a disheveled and sullen McCrary and then back to me. Macy has always been able to sense when I need to talk or I’m not telling her everything.

  “Micky? I am really, really thirsty for water, and I bet Ari is too. Do you mind going to grab me some water and ice chips? Not the big cubes, but the little chips.” Macy smiles gratefully.

  McCrary, being the intelligent man he is, takes the hint, places his hands in his pockets, and gives a sheepish smile.

  “Of course. Anything else while I’m out?”

  His eyes move between Macy’s and mine.

  “I don’t think so. Take your time, stretch your legs, and enjoy being out of this drab room for a bit,” Macy orders.

  His apologetic and pained
gaze lingers toward mine before he turns away and exits the room.

  Macy’s eyes follow him out the door, then her head whips around to look at me.

  “Alright, out with it. What’s wrong?” Macy says in a concerned, yet stern way. “Don’t try to tell me everything is all fine and dandy. Instead of walking into a room full of relief and excitement. I felt like I was walking into a funeral. The air is so heavy in here.”

  My chin quivers, and I clear my throat, trying to relieve some of the constriction.

  “He knew, Mace,” is all I can get out.

  I look at Macy’s confused face.

  “Brody. He knew Brody was back.”

  “Who knew?”

  Macy’s confusion transforms into clarity right before my eyes.

  “How?” she asks in a little more than a whisper.

  I begin to cry.

  Macy stands up and grabs a hair brush from the table next to the bed. I don’t know if brushing my hair is more soothing to her or me, but it does help give me something else to focus on.

  “Hang on. So you’re saying that McCrary knew Brody was back in port?” She thinks over her words for a moment. “But surely he didn’t know he was at your apartment.”

  “Of course he didn’t. Brody was in the JAG office talking to one of McCrary’s co-workers. McCrary didn’t actually know who Brody was at first, but it didn’t take him long to deduce his identity based on their conversation.”

  Macy continues to gently brush my hair. “Poor McCrary... It must have taken everything he had to not give him a good beat down in the office.”

  Macy places the brush to the side, pulls up a chair, and sits beside the bed.

  “Ari, I can tell you’re really hurt by this, and rightfully so, but McCrary is one of the most thoughtful people I’ve ever met. I’m sure he had a good reason, at least in his mind.”

  “That’s just it, Mace.”

  I begin to cry again.

  “I think he was less concerned with my becoming nervous or freaking out because I feared for my safety, and more concerned that I might not move out or, even worse, go back to Brody. I...I thought he knew me better than that.”

  Macy takes my hand and begins massaging my knuckles. She is the queen of creating distractions and diversions.

  “I think he knows you better than you’re crediting him. Sure, in the grand scheme of things, you two haven’t known each other that long, but the length of time you can claim to be in contact with someone and number of facts you can spout off about a person do not measure how well you know them or how closely bonded you are. I’ve known you about as long as he has, and I like to think we are close friends who know each other quite well. And, I haven’t even gotten a sexy dance from you.”

  We both laugh, but Macy continues in her serious tone. “What I’m saying is, yes, you have every right to be hurt and angry with his omission of the fact that Brody was back, but be honest, Ari. What would you have done if he came home and told you Brody was back in Hawaii?”

  “Nothing. It wouldn’t have changed anything,” I spit out quickly.

  Macy raises a knowing eyebrow and drops her chin, looking at me dubiously. I give my answer a little more thought before speaking this time.

  “I don’t know… I probably would’ve freaked out a little and not known what to do with myself, but I was already determined to move out. My problem is that McCrary acts like there was a possibility I would have gone back to that apartment and then stayed.”

  “Is that your final answer?” Macy’s expression changes to one of pity. “You know I love you, and I don’t judge you, but I think you’re glossing over some major details and possibilities. You’re saying that when you found out Brody was in town, you would’ve stayed at McCrary’s that night?”

  Before I can answer, she does it for me.

  “No, you wouldn’t have. I’m not saying everything is hunky dory, and poof! McCrary is back to saint status, but I’m saying you should take a really hard look at yourself and just how much control Brody has over you when you are alone with him, especially in that awful apartment. Just walking into the energy in there made me feel sad and want to hang my head in insecurity.”

  “When were you in my apartment?” I ask in surprise.

  “McCrary called me looking for you and asked for your address. He had a feeling something might be wrong. After talking to him, I also had a bad feeling.” She smiles as if remembering something. “When I got there, I saw a freaked out McCrary talking to you and making sure you knew help was on the way, some Elkins guy making phone calls and dictating how the story would play out on paper- which was that McCrary was visiting Elkins’ house when they happened upon a drunk and disorderly guy beating his wife -and a giant tortoise sitting on top of a bloody and whiney Brody. Best thing I’ve ever seen in my entire life, honestly.”

  I laugh a deep laugh, which hurts as it ripples through my sore body. I imagine the scene and how Brody must have looked trapped under a tortoise.

  “I think Swanks might need a cape or something.”

  Macy nods in agreement.

  “He and McCrary could be a crime fighting pair. You know, as long as they have enough advance notice for Swanks to make his way over to the scene. He’s not exactly speedy, but he is awesome.”

  Macy pauses. “Ari, I have a confession to make.”

  “What’s that?”

  Macy looks off into the distance. “When I went in and heard Brody whining on the floor, I cussed him out. And spit on him. And kicked him, for good measure.”

  I smile at my wonderfully protective friend and know I would have done the same if I were in her situation.

  Macy brings her fingers to her mouth and begins to nibble on her fingernails.

  “I also may have snapped a picture on my phone of Swanks on top of him.”

  “Macy! You’re terrible!”

  “I couldn’t help it! He looked so proud of himself. It was like he was smiling and holding his head up high. Brody is nowhere in the picture. I don’t need a lasting memory of him.”

  I’m not yet ready to look at the picture of Señor Swankypants- Superhero Tortoise in Disguise, but one day I will. Right now, my focus is getting better physically and getting out of this hospital. I also have a lot to mull over and need to have some very honest discussions with both McCrary and myself.

  After McCrary returns, and Macy leaves, we talk more about the events, his motivations behind his dishonesty, as well as my honest and likely responses had he told me about Brody at the time. McCrary’s sincerity is very clear to me. While we will have a lot to talk about in the coming days and weeks, along with some feelings and insecurities to work through, I know that his intentions may have been slightly askew, but perhaps not as misguided as one might think.

  I am very emotionally fragile at this point in my life, and I continue to fight this unhealthy and unseen control that Brody holds over me. I have no affectionate feelings toward him whatsoever, but that doesn’t change the fact that when I am alone with him or spending a lot of time in that suffocating apartment, my spirit does deteriorate, and he knows it. I know it too; I just don’t like to admit it. No one likes to feel as if someone has an unhealthy hold on them, or that someone who is only out to cause you pain and harm, can still keep control of you emotionally, but that’s exactly how it is with Brody. If I am completely honest with myself, I have to admit that, despite finding McCrary and the fullness he brings to my life, if Brody had not been underway or out of sight and out of mind, I probably would not have had the courage to take the steps to move my life forward so expeditiously.

  Instead of dwelling on the coulda, shoulda, woulda thoughts, I commit myself to accepting my situation as it currently stands and coming to terms with how things actually played out, so I can move on. McCrary should have been honest with me, but I should have been honest with myself too. We vow to be honest with one another from this moment forward. No relationship is perfect because no human is perfect.
We are all prone to mistakes, some more egregious than others, but when we make those mistakes, we must choose to evaluate what happened, the result, and figure out how to change things so that it doesn’t happen again.

  I’ve learned that the hallmarks of any strong relationship are communication, pleasure, and respect. Do you talk to one another about the good, the bad, the happy, the sad, and the mundane? Do you take time to laugh with one another, share a smile, and appreciate each other? Do you say nice things about each other, even when not in the other’s presence? Our relationship sits on those hallmarks and will continue to build upon that foundation. When we hit a snag or feel a little shaky, we still have those original pillars from which we will rebuild.

  Chapter 24

  Arielle

  I am discharged from the hospital with a concussion, a dislocated shoulder, and several scrapes and bruises. I am now in the care of a handsomely scruffy McCrary Ashby who has been given strict instructions to order me to rest, much to my disappointment. Being holed up in bed with him for a week or so does not make me want to rest. He is adorable as he listens intently to all discharge instructions and writes down follow-up appointments. He insists that I not argue with the nurses when they say I need to ride in a wheelchair out to his Jeep, despite my being perfectly capable to walk. He also is very cautious and gentle as he helps me into the car and buckles my seatbelt for me, again, in spite of my protests.

  Riding in the car, my mind wanders to all of the fun and sexy things this whole being relegated to bed rule could bring. Realizing that if he feels he needs to buckle my seatbelt for me, sex is way off the table, I decide instead to take advantage of the time in other ways.

  I look over to him and grin.

  “McCrary?”

  “Yes, honey bunny?

  “While I’m laid up in bed, can we watch So You Think You Can Dance?”

  “Sure. Don’t think I didn’t notice that you set my DVR to record it.”

  “I was just looking out for you,” I smile. “Can we watch 42nd Street?”

  “Of course.”