Fake It Till You Make It

by M. Ullrich

  Genevieve wanted to answer without lying more than she already had. “After leaving my high school sweetheart behind, I’ve been taking my time with getting back into the dating game.” Harper didn’t react. Their food arrived, and Genevieve breathed a sigh of relief, thinking the conversation was over.

  Harper took charge of plating, making sure Genevieve had a little bit of everything she had ordered, but she was careful to check on Genevieve’s food preferences.

  “Is there anything here you’re not interested in trying?”

  Genevieve looked at the endless array of meat, seafood, pasta, and every vegetable New Jersey was capable of producing in the autumn. Genevieve’s mouth watered. She looked up at Harper, who was still poised with her fork and knife over a platter, and shook her head. She wanted to try it all. Harper handed her an overfilled plate, and they dug into their dinner robustly without a word.

  “Was leaving your sweetheart behind hard for you?” Harper said between bites of pasta.

  “No.” Genevieve shocked herself because the answer didn’t even require a thought “That was part of my old life.” She sipped her beer, swallowing back the bitter taste that accompanied that truth. “I outgrew that life, but they were settled in it. They didn’t even entertain the idea of moving here with me.” She pushed food around her plate.

  “Would it have made a difference if she did?” For the first time that night, she didn’t meet Genevieve’s eyes.

  Genevieve thought of everything she and Jeremy had shared over the years. Their past was so easy to picture, but she couldn’t conjure up a picture of their future. “No, it wouldn’t have.” Genevieve’s heart sped up at the sight of Harper’s gray eyes. “We just weren’t meant to be.”

  Harper pushed her plate away. “I don’t know if I believe in such an idea.”

  “Why not?”

  “Experience,” Harper said with a sad smile. She clapped her hands against her stomach. “Well, I can’t eat another bite, and I’m exhausted. Ready for the check?”

  Genevieve nodded. Harper paid the bill quickly with the company credit card after a short protest from Genevieve and remained quiet until they stepped outside.

  “Thank you for the company,” Harper said.

  “Thank you for the invite. I haven’t eaten that well since I went home to see my mom last weekend.” Genevieve was surprised when Harper gripped her elbow gently and started to walk her to where she was parked behind Harper’s car. “Thank you again,” Genevieve whispered.

  Harper blinked slowly and looked into Genevieve’s eyes for a moment. The gentle smile she wore never faltered.

  “Good night, Genevieve. I’ll see you in the morning.” Harper turned away and walked to her car.

  Genevieve drove home with her head lost in a thought tornado. She recalled the way Harper shut down when she’d asked her about her relationships or lack thereof. Someone had obviously hurt Harper in the past, but how could someone do such a thing? She thought of her own confession during dinner. Every word she spoke was true. What did that mean for her and Jeremy? Her life was spiraling away, and she needed to gain control of it fast.

  Step Eight

  Expect the Unexpected

  “Hey, Gen!”

  “What’s up, Max?” She and Matthew were staring at her. She put down her pen to give them her full attention.

  Maxine looked at Matthew and back to Genevieve. “Matthew is taking a poll for his next article. Do you think lesbians or gay men are more likely to fall for a good friend?”

  Genevieve took off her glasses and started to clean them. She contemplated the question carefully, taking into account what she had learned about the gay community over the last couple of months. The answer seemed obvious. “Bisexuals,” Genevieve said with confidence. “For sure.”

  Matthew rolled his eyes. “Well, duh. But bisexuals aren’t included.”

  “Why not?” Genevieve said. “It’s a valid sexuality. If bisexuals are the obvious choice here, I don’t see why you’re purposely excluding them.”

  Matthew’s eyebrows rose slowly. “Is this a sensitive subject or…”

  “No!” Her mind scrambled as if she just remembered her cover. “I just got into a debate the other day about the recognition of all sexualities.” She had read an article instead of debating someone, but Matthew didn’t need to know that.

  “If I included every sexuality, my piece would turn from a short column to a sixteen page thesis,” he said with a laugh, “so I narrowed it to the two.” Matthew ran his fingers through his naturally platinum locks. “Now will you please answer the question?”

  “It’s tough to say because I think men are quick to act on attraction, but women are more emotional. If we’re talking about falling for a friend, I’d have to say lesbians.”

  “Yes!” Maxine leaned forward with her hand outstretched for a high five. Genevieve was quick to give it to her. Matthew rolled his eyes. “Are you speaking from experience?” Maxine said to Genevieve.

  Genevieve’s eyes went wide. She had done so well dodging questions about her past. “Are you asking me if I’ve ever fallen for a friend?”

  Maxine nodded earnestly. The older woman looked almost excited to hear an untold story. Genevieve didn’t have the heart to deny her.

  “Of course,” she said, “haven’t we all?” That earned an enthusiastic agreement from both of her coworkers.

  “Who was it? Best friend? Teammate?” Maxine leaned forward.

  Genevieve blurted out the first name that came to mind. “My best friend, Chloe. We were friends since grade school, and when it came time for college and becoming adults, we were there for each other’s curiosities.”

  Even Matthew seemed interested in Genevieve’s story. “What happened?”

  “After a few drunken nights together, I thought we had a deeper connection, but we didn’t,” Genevieve said wistfully. “She’s still my best friend and always will be.”

  Clarissa approached their small group, apparently deciding to join the conversation. “Do you still love her?” she asked.

  Genevieve cursed Clarissa’s superhuman hearing. She needed to answer this question just the right way to keep Clarissa at bay with her intrusive comments and need to cause embarrassment. She put on her best solemn expression and said, “No, but I don’t know if I’ll ever be completely over her either.”

  “Good,” Clarissa said, looking just beyond Genevieve. “Oh, hello, Harper.”

  Genevieve spun around quickly. “Harper!” She nearly squawked the name. “We were just helping Matthew with a poll about the deadly trap of falling for friends.”

  “Of course.” Harper’s unreadable expression fell away to a professional smile. “I hope it’s turning out to be a good one.” Harper pointed her attention to Matthew, who made his way back to his desk.

  “One of my best pieces yet, naturally.”

  “And what are you working on, Clarissa?” Harper said in a tone that was all new to Genevieve, and she crossed her arms over her chest. Genevieve nearly shrank into herself.

  “It’s a secret right now, but I promise it’ll turn you on.”

  Harper completely ignored Clarissa’s now unnecessary presence. “I actually came by to talk to you, Genevieve.” Everyone except Clarissa took that as their cue to get back to work. Harper cleared her throat. “How would you like to lend your advice to another review?”

  Genevieve was surprised, to say the least. Harper wanted to spend time with her again so soon? “Sure,” Genevieve said breathily. “What will it be this time?”

  “Brunch. Are you free Saturday at noon?”

  “I am.” Even if she wasn’t, Genevieve still would’ve answered yes.

  “Great.” Harper’s face lit up, “I’ll pick you up. It’s street parking, so it makes more sense to take one car.”

  “Oh, okay,” Genevieve stuttered, grabbing a notepad. “Let me give you my address.”

  Harper waved her off. “I already have it in your emplo
yee file.”

  Genevieve tilted her head and smirked. “Isn’t that an abuse of power?”

  “It’s being resourceful.” Harper looked at Genevieve, the soft smile never leaving her face. “I’ll let you get back to work.” Harper started to turn away but looked back briefly and nodded toward Genevieve’s desk. “And your gummy bears.” She left Genevieve in an excited stupor.

  “Don’t say I didn’t try to warn you,” Clarissa said as she sashayed away.

  Genevieve fell back into her seat with a huff. “Whatever.”

  *

  Picking the perfect outfit for weekend brunch with a boss she’d been growing closer to as the days went by proved to be very difficult that Saturday morning. She didn’t know the dress code for where they were going, but brunch wasn’t really a black-tie affair. But she was also sure they weren’t going to the beat-up diner down the street, so she couldn’t be too casual.

  Dress code aside, Genevieve wanted to look like she belonged with Harper, who always looked good. Genevieve froze, a pair of dark wash jeans in her hands. Did she want people to think she was with Harper? How would that make her feel? Genevieve’s face flushed. Such an assumption would make her feel…wonderful. Harper was stunning, attentive, kind, and funny. If Genevieve was dating a woman, she’d be lucky for it to be Harper. A sly smile slid across Genevieve’s face. What the hell, Genevieve thought, grabbing a burnt orange dress from her closet. There’s no shame in wanting to look good.

  A pair of navy blue tights and matching cardigan later, Genevieve was ready just as her doorbell rang. “Just a minute!” she called out as she slid on her heels. Her heartbeat picked up consistently with each step toward the door. Harper was early, but she seemed like the type who’d show up early everywhere she went. Genevieve couldn’t hide either her surprise or disappointment when she found Jeremy waiting on the other side.

  “Jeremy?”

  “Gen!” He stepped forward and lifted Genevieve up into an enthusiastic hug. Genevieve landed on her feet gracelessly and pulled back to question her boyfriend, but he kissed her instead. “Hey, babe.”

  “Hey.” Genevieve hurried him into her apartment and shut the door. “What are you doing here?”

  “I came to surprise you!” He smiled goofily as he looked Genevieve up and down. “Did you know I was coming? Did Chloe tell you? I told her to keep it a secret.”

  “No, Chloe didn’t tell me anything.” Genevieve glanced at the clock. Harper would be there any minute.

  “So you normally get this dressed up on Saturdays?” He sat down, taking up most of her couch.

  “I have a work brunch to go to.”

  “Can you skip it? I came here so we could spend some time together. I didn’t like how we left things the last time you came to visit.” His puppy dog eyes shone, and Genevieve found herself able to resist them for the first time.

  “I can’t skip it, but you can hang out here.” As if on cue, a knock sounded at the door. “That’ll be my boss now.”

  “Your boss is picking you up?”

  Genevieve ignored him. She was too busy trying to figure out the best way out of this situation. She took a deep breath and opened the door. Harper was standing in the hallway, all casual confidence with her hands in her pockets, smiling back at Genevieve. “Harper…”

  “Hi,” Harper said. “You look fantastic.”

  Genevieve fell into a shy stupor, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear and blushing. “Thank you.” The moment ended as soon as Jeremy’s deep voice bellowed from over her shoulder.

  “Hey, I’m Jeremy.” He stood up and extended his hand to Harper. “I’m Gen’s—”

  “Jeremy is one of my best friends from back home!” Genevieve answered enthusiastically through a tight smile. As casually as possible, she pushed her boyfriend back on the couch.

  She leaned into Jeremy and whispered, “I’ll explain everything when I get home.”

  “Jeremy is paying me a surprise visit,” she said to Harper as she picked up her purse and moved toward the door.

  “We can reschedule if you want.” Harper’s offer just added to the woman’s undeniably considerate personality. Dammit if Genevieve didn’t like her more for it.

  “No,” Genevieve said firmly. “I made plans with you, and I’m keeping them. I’d much rather go out with you.” If any bit of honesty could come out of the situation she was currently in, this was it.

  “Let’s go then.” Harper extended her bent elbow for Genevieve. “Shall we?” Genevieve felt a bit of herself melt at Harper’s cute display of chivalry as she took her arm and they walked out into the autumn afternoon.

  They spent the drive to the nearby restaurant in companionable silence. Genevieve was relieved Harper didn’t ask any more questions about Jeremy, at least not before she had a chance to put together the answers. She tried to think of a story to tell, but her attention would always go back to Harper.

  Harper’s hands looked strong as they gripped the steering wheel, and her forearms flexed beneath the plush material of her sweater. Harper wore dark sunglasses that hid her eyes from Genevieve, but even those looked good on her. Harper’s car was clean and sleek, much like its owner, and the interior smelled of new car and teakwood. Genevieve shook herself from the trance she was falling into.

  Her boyfriend was back at her apartment, and his very presence was forgettable simply because Harper was next to her.

  Then, in the bright sunlight of a November afternoon, Genevieve finally started to figure it out. She found Harper attractive. She didn’t just appreciate the other woman aesthetically, she was attracted to her. When the realization hit her, she shifted her eyes away and turned toward the passenger side window.

  “Genevieve,” Harper said as she parked the car. “I have a confession to make.” Genevieve turned to Harper so quickly her neck cramped. Her eyes were wide with fear. Harper couldn’t possibly know what she was thinking, right? Harper lowered her sunglasses enough to look at her over the rim. “I invited you here under false pretenses.”

  “What? What’s false about the pretenses?” She nearly smacked her own forehead for being so inarticulate.

  “I’ve been here before, many times.” Harper looked away and Genevieve was almost certain her boss was blushing. “I thought you might like it, and I enjoyed your company the other night. But when I came to ask you—”

  “We had an audience.”

  “I didn’t want any rumors going around all because of a friendly brunch.”

  Genevieve’s heart sank in disappointment. “Yeah, of course.”

  Harper blew out a pent-up breath. “I’m glad I got that off my chest.” Her million watt smile came to life. “Come on,” Harper said and opened her car door. “I just know you’re going to love this place.”

  Harper practically jumped from the car and went around to open Genevieve’s door for her. In that split second alone, Genevieve scolded herself for being disappointed that Harper’s interest in spending more time with her was purely platonic. She was the one with a boyfriend hiding in her apartment and a string of lies following her everywhere she went.

  The second realization of her afternoon was harsh. She didn’t even deserve Harper’s friendship.

  Step Nine

  Be Inquisitive and Patient

  Genevieve settled into a safe silence during brunch. The lingering guilt from the car had followed her into the restaurant and wrapped around her heart in an icy grip. Instead of willingly participating in conversation, Genevieve focused on her food and thought of a way to resolve the entire situation with no one getting hurt. She folded her napkin and placed it on her lap before looking at Harper, who stared at her tenderly. I don’t want to hurt anyone but myself, she thought resolutely.

  “Tell me about Jeremy,” Harper said. “Have you two been friends for long?” Harper sipped her coffee, seemingly oblivious to the way Genevieve was shifting anxiously.

  “We, uh…grew up together.” She gulped at her ice water.
She wanted to tell Harper so much more, she needed to tell her the truth. “He’s my boyfriend,” she said in a small voice. She clamped her eyes shut and waited.

  Harper didn’t say a word.

  Genevieve started to panic. Silence was worse than a torrent of words. She reopened her eyes to make sure Harper hadn’t left. The other woman was still sitting across from her. She searched Harper’s face for any sign of disgust or disappointment, but her expression gave nothing away.

  “My boyfriend’s name was Trevor,” Harper said, “and we were together on and off through high school.”

  Confused, Genevieve shook her head. Harper had clearly misunderstood her. This slip-up was a sign. Now isn’t the time for me to explain. I’ll have to wait for another opportunity, Genevieve thought resolutely. She chose to keep the focus on Harper and opted to use humor as a deflection.

  “Trevor and Harper?”

  Harper laughed. “Like two characters out of a bad teen romance.”

  “Sounds like an accurate description.” Genevieve took a slow sip from her water. “Tell me more.”

  “About Trevor?”

  “About Harper.” Genevieve pushed aside her empty plate and leaned forward on her elbows. Harper never broke eye contact as she mirrored Genevieve’s actions and leaned forward. Harper’s sweater hugged her defined upper arms enticingly, and Genevieve swallowed against a dry throat, this time not from anxiety or guilt.

  “What would you like to know?” Harper’s smile was encouraging, and Genevieve felt like this was her opportunity. If she wanted to know more about this brilliant, charming, gorgeous woman, now was the time to ask.

  “Tell me about the young Harper Davies. Your family and your life growing up at the Jersey Shore.” Genevieve settled back, getting comfortable for what she hoped would be a long story.

  “Ah.” Harper made a show of scratching her chin thoughtfully. “We’re talking many years ago. I don’t know if I can remember my younger days.”