Lorcan nodded once. “It appears from certain markers in your blood and that of your sister that you have at least some ancestry from outside Ardann.”
“Outside Ardann? From where?” I stared at him. I didn’t know what I had expected to hear, but that hadn’t been it. Kallorway had been enemies with Ardann for as long as anyone could remember. And the Sekali Empire had been uninterested in the “southern savages” for even longer. Where could such an ancestor have come from?
“That is what we are trying to determine. And it is not the only thing. There are curious markers in your blood. Ones we can find no sign of in your sister’s. Further study is needed.”
He frowned at me. “But our work must be done under the utmost secrecy.”
“Secrecy?” I scoffed at him. “Don’t try to tell me that none of this has occurred to anyone else. I’m sure the king is greatly interested in my origins.”
“Naturally we are not keeping our discoveries a secret from the royal family,” said Jessamine stiffly. “But there are certain factions…There is a delicacy to how we release certain details…”
The royal family? So Lucas knew they were investigating me in secret. Of course he did. I tried to focus on Jessamine’s words.
“Yes, I know,” I said impatiently. “Devoras, Stantorn, executing me. I am aware that some of those in power would rather see me dead than alive.”
Lorcan frowned. “Perhaps that was true last year, Elena, but times change.”
I stared at him. Wasn’t he the one who had lectured me only weeks ago about all the protection he had given me? And while it was true that no one had yet attacked me this year, I hadn’t forgotten that a Stantorn—or one of their servants—had attempted to abduct me last summer and had gotten away with it entirely.
“What do you mean? They don’t want me dead? But after I enlisted, you said—”
“There have been developments even since then,” Lorcan interrupted. “The tide is always changing. And you can hardly claim to be unaware of your recent feats in the arena. Well, others are also aware of them. And there are an increasing number who believe you have been here long enough to prove you are not some rebellious commonborn who will attack at the first opportunity.”
I snorted.
“We have suffered some devastating losses at the border this year,” Jessamine continued for him. “And not just among our commonborn troops. These things are always about timing, and you have managed to gain attention at just the right moment. People are looking for hope. And then come the stories of you. Your power, your strength, your control. First in Abalene, where they say you held back the tide of an epidemic with the words from your mouth, and now in the arena, where you have only to speak to blast away any opponent.”
I stared at her, my mouth falling open.
“I most definitely didn’t turn back any epidemics on my own,” I started, but she cut me off.
“The truth is not important here, Elena. It is the perception. You are protected here within the walls of the Academy, so you do not hear the stories circulating at court or feel the turning of emotions. Our kingdom needs hope. And you have arrived in the nick of time.”
Lorcan leaned toward me. “And so, you see why this would not be an opportune moment to announce that you may not be Ardannian at all. Or at least, not completely. The seeds of doubt about your loyalty might once again start to flourish. And the king does not wish to see the tide turn back toward fear—not toward you nor in regard to the war.”
“It makes it all the more important,” said Jessamine, eager again, “that we acquire some more samples of your blood. With further study we may be able to determine exactly…”
Her voice faded from my hearing as I reeled under their revelations. But one thought pushed its way to the fore. If I hadn’t pushed my way in here demanding answers, I would still know none of this. They had been wanting more of my blood, but it didn’t seem to have occurred to them to share any of this with me. To simply ask for a sample.
And Thornton’s continued pushing of my limits now took on a more sinister note. If I had been determined to beat Weston, that first week when he called me for a second bout…If I had pushed myself too hard and collapsed, how convenient for them it would have been.
I leaped to my feet again, and this time began pacing the room, unable to remain still. Jessamine had earlier referenced the other commonborn test subjects, and that was the root of the problem.
“I don’t know why I’m surprised. At either of you.” I paused mid-stride to glare at them both. “You’ve been the same ever since I arrived. I’m nothing but a test subject to you. Well, you’re wrong. I’m a person. And I deserve the same respect and consideration as anyone else. Would you draw Lucas’s blood and study it without his knowledge? Or Finnian’s? Or one of the twins? Would you keep information like this from them? When it related to them personally?”
Neither of them said anything.
“Well? Would you?”
“Of course we would not,” said Jessamine. “The circumstances…”
“No!” I said, slicing at the air with my hand. “There is no difference. Some things are going too far. No matter what. Did it ever even occur to you that I might assist you willingly if you only asked?”
Jessamine leaned toward me. “Would you? Assist us? This is an important line of study, more important than perhaps you realize.”
I stared at her, slowly shaking my head.
“Do you even hear yourself? Either of you? What am I? The hope of Ardann, or a test subject without rights or even basic consideration?”
She froze, something passing across her eyes I couldn’t read.
“You’re right,” said Lorcan, and I was the one to freeze. “We should have consulted you before now.”
I blinked at him. “I…I am?”
“Of course.” He nodded. “You have more than proved yourself a mage. The time for doubt is passed. You are one of us and should have been afforded the same privileges and courtesy as one of us.” He gestured across the table at his counterpart.
“Jessamine and I are both academics. Sometimes we can become so focused on the details that we forget the big picture. You have proven yourself in two disciplines now, and Walden assures me of your intelligence. We may not have cracked your origins yet, but one thing we should not have overlooked is your position among us as a mage.”
Jessamine slowly nodded, her eyes fixed on him.
“I hope you will accept our apology and consider working with us fully to move forward our understanding of the great power to be found in words.”
He sat back, and they both fixed me with identical looks of hope.
I stumbled back to my seat.
At the end of last year I had decided to embrace my position as a mage. And I had spent this year striving to win a place among them, to win a voice among them. And here I was with two of the most powerful mages in the kingdom talking to me almost as an equal. Asking me for my help. Telling me that I was one of them. No—that I was the hope of Ardann.
All I had to do was say yes. Yes I would help them.
I could stop hiding, stop playing games with my power and true abilities. I could join them and actually be their hope rather than just the empty promise of one.
But even as I thought it, I felt a phantom weight in my arms. A small girl’s eyes looked up into mine, suddenly clear of infection, as she told me she was hungry. And the ghost of a laugh sounded in my ears, coming from a girl who looked far too young to be facing the front lines next year.
They called me the hope of Ardann, but they meant I was the hope of the mages. And if I looked past the flattered feeling that wanted to simply accept his words, Lorcan had entirely missed my point.
I deserved respect and consideration because I was a person, not because I was a mage. And if I lost sight of that, how quickly would I lose the essence of myself as well?
Somehow I had been placed here, in the midst of these mages. And the com
bined efforts of two of their most intelligent researchers hadn’t been enough to work out why or how. Not in nearly two years of study. And yet here I was.
I was in a unique position to push for change. To keep reminding them at every turn that they weren’t the only ones in this kingdom. That a vast number of commonborns shared it with them. People who might never be able to read or write, but who still deserved consideration.
I hadn’t turned back an epidemic—and certainly not alone. Beatrice and Reese would have made their breakthrough without me. And they would have subsequently treated the patients without me, too. Just a little more slowly.
But how many more would have died in that time? How many had been saved because Lucas had listened to my suggestion, and his father had requested assistance from the mageborn outside the healing discipline?
It shouldn’t have fallen to me to make such an obvious suggestion. And yet it had. Not because I was more intelligent than the rest of them, but because I saw things from a different perspective.
And if I wanted to become one of them, I would have to give up making such suggestions. Because the more I pushed, the more uncomfortable I would make them. And the more uncomfortable I made them, the less stable my position would be. I couldn’t have it both ways.
And it didn’t take much reflection to realize which person I wanted to be. How could I ever return home and look my family in the eye if I chose now to embrace only my magehood? No.
Somehow I had to learn how to be both mage and commonborn. And the rest of the kingdom would have to learn to adjust along with me.
I suddenly realized Lorcan was still waiting for an answer. I sighed and looked across at him.
“I accept your apology, of course. And I will give you whatever blood you need because you’re my commanding officer, and I am bound to obey your directives. But my full attention and energy are needed elsewhere.”
“Elsewhere?” Jessamine frowned. “What could be more important than unlocking the mysteries of how to control power?”
I shook my head. “A great many things, Jessamine. In my opinion, of course.”
I stood up and crossed over to the door. “I heard Acacia is away. Have her find me when she gets back, and you’ll get your blood. Oh, and this year is nearly over. Since I am a soldier under your command, should I be expecting to go home over the summer at all?”
Lorcan cleared his throat. “It should be possible to arrange a short visit at least. And I have already had an application from the Cygnet family for you to be given leave to attend some sort of celebration at their home in Abalene as well. Naturally I agreed.”
A small smile crossed my face. I should have known Coralie would leave no detail of her birthday unaccounted for.
“Thank you.” I paused. “I assume I will be assigned watchers again for these excursions. Please let them know there is no need to skulk around in hiding. I won’t confront them or make a scene.”
Neither of them said anything, so I walked out of the room.
Chapter 23
I left Lorcan’s office with a heavy weariness, but I soon felt my energy returning. I had made the right decision, and the knowledge gave me a new buoyancy.
Final exams were nearly upon us, and this year I didn’t fear failing them. I now led the class—alongside Dariela and Lucas—in both combat and composition. And I had already completed all of my healing and armed forces assignments for discipline studies.
Naturally Araminta didn’t share my confidence, and Coralie and I spent hours assisting her in study. Finnian excused himself from these study sessions, having no need of them himself, but Saffron often joined us. Whether for her own sake or to help Araminta I wasn’t sure.
But even with the extra study, the exams seemed to race upon us with much greater speed than the year before. I blinked and found myself trooping out to the arena with the other second years. We had to wait this year for Thornton to finish the first year exams, but since we would be the first year level to be examined in the arena, we all waited there.
Many of the other students fingered something hidden in their sleeves and robes, and I wondered what compositions they had chosen to prepare. I didn’t ask any of them, though, not even my friends. None of us knew who we might face today, and no one wanted to give up the advantage of surprise. I also imagined they had each poured as much strength into their compositions as they were able.
I felt no concern over failure, however. Today, at least, we would each only participate in one bout. And despite my speed disadvantage, I had a flexibility the rest of them lacked. I hadn’t had to choose my compositions in advance.
In reality we didn’t wait long, but the minutes still seemed to stretch endlessly. My mind wandered to Lorcan and Jessamine’s studies. Had they found anything in the new vials of blood I had given them? Had they unlocked the secrets of my history?
Coralie had said I had permission to leave with her directly after exams, but perhaps I could find a moment to ask them before then. Or should I trust they would come to me if they made any breakthroughs? I wanted to, but I still wasn’t truly sure I could.
The sound of feet made all twelve of us sit up. Only Lucas looked as calm as ever, his court mask firmly in place.
But the boots sounded too numerous for Thornton and Lorcan, our two combat examiners from first year. Were there to be extra judges this time?
When our two instructors came into view, they did indeed have a small entourage. General Griffith in his glittering silver robe strode beside them, three other silver-robed officers trailing behind.
For a moment I sat frozen before remembering to clamber to my feet and salute. The general smiled at his children, sitting in the first row of seats, and then looked up at me and nodded.
I took the gesture as permission for me to resume my place and did so.
“The general has honored us with his presence,” said Lorcan. “He wishes to observe his two children complete their first arena exam today.”
But his eyes flicked up to me as he finished speaking, and they held a message I couldn’t read. When the general also turned several times to look up at me, including once during the first bout between Clarence and Araminta, I realized something at least of Lorcan’s message.
General Griffith wasn’t here to observe his children. He was here to observe me. The private under his service. The apparent hope of Ardann’s war effort.
A small prickle of sweat broke out beneath my collar. What consequences might come from this? I couldn’t even begin to imagine. I had begun to feel more hopeful about my enlistment since Lorcan had told me that the great mage families no longer wanted me dead. But I should have known the situation would be more complicated than that.
What exactly was the general thinking? Should I put on a spectacular show or downplay my strength? I still hadn’t made up my mind when Coralie was called, facing off against Saffron, thankfully for them both. But I barely registered their bout, or the following ones, my gaze constantly straying to the silver-robed officers sitting at the front of the arena. And then I heard my own name called.
I sat frozen for several seconds of confusion. Was he calling me? I couldn’t be sure because he had called too many names.
“I repeat,” said Thornton, his voice carefully blank, “the next bout will be Elena against Lucas and Dariela.”
“What?” said Coralie as a ripple spread among the other students. “But…”
Thornton fixed her with a stern stare, and her words trailed off. When he turned his stare on me, I somehow lurched to my feet.
I walked down to the arena floor in a daze. If Dariela and Lucas were equally surprised, they hid it better. They also moved into the arena, heads bent together as they whispered—about strategy no doubt.
I looked across at our audience and detected a gleeful gleam of anticipation in General Griffith’s eyes. Of course. No doubt this change had come from him. I glanced over at Lorcan, but his face was as carefully blank as Thornton’s. Ha
d the Head of the Academy been unable to refuse the suggestion from the general because of my status as a private?
And did the general just wish to see me pushed to my limits? To my limits and most likely beyond since they had chosen not just two opponents, but the two strongest in the class. I had never fought against two at once before, and both Lucas and Dariela had no doubt brought their strongest compositions.
Or did he intend for me to lose? An ordinary trainee who failed their exams was locked away somewhere where they could not access written words and thus risk losing control of their power. It was why the exams were usually fairly easy. No one wanted the trainees to fail.
But I had always been a special case. Failure last year would have meant my execution since I could not safely be contained. And that had aligned perfectly with the agenda of far too many on the council. But Lorcan and Jessamine had assured me things had changed. Surely they did not want to execute their hope of turning the tide in the war effort?
I watched the light on General Griffith’s face and had another thought. If one exception could be made for me to the normal consequence of imprisonment, could not another one also be made? One in the opposite direction?
What if the price of failing now was that I would be expelled from the Academy, leaving me no other option but to transfer to a regular Armed Forces command? One, no doubt, on the front lines. Perhaps even under General Griffith himself.
I looked over at Lucas’s dark head still bent toward Dariela’s fair one, and my heart sank. I thought I had escaped my fate of enlistment. I thought I had won freedom at the Academy. But I wasn’t really free. And if I couldn’t defeat the two best trainees in our class, I would discover just how little freedom I really had.
I changed my sword into my left hand, so I could wipe my sweaty right palm against my robe before transferring it back. I only had one option. I had to win.
I tried to think quickly as they separated, walking slowly toward positions on either side of me. With two of them working together, one of them could keep me occupied with the sword, while the other released one of their compositions. I would have to move fast—faster than I’d ever moved before—if I was to have any hope of not going down in the first minute.
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