Brave Beginnings

by Ruth Ann Nordin

  “You better be careful. People are watching.”

  Chogan glanced at the crowd that developed around them. He gritted his teeth. Did people have nothing better to do in this town than to stick their noses into other people’s business?

  “Good day to you, Barney!” Ernest called out to an overweight, balding man.

  “Afternoon, Ernest. Is that Injun giving you trouble?” Barney asked, inspecting Chogan up and down.

  “I don’t know,” Ernest said and turned his gaze to Chogan. “Do you mean me harm?”

  Chogan gripped the broom and dustpan so tightly that he wondered if they’d break. “I do job,” he snapped, cursing himself for not speaking the full sentence correctly. The words were there in his mind, but his tongue stumbled on them.

  Ernest made a show of looking up and down the street. “And a fine one too. No one cleans up the waste like you do, wouldn’t you agree?” he asked the group of men and women who huddled nearby.

  They laughed and whispered to each other.

  Chogan felt the heat rise to his face before the broom handle snapped in his hand.

  Ernest raised an eyebrow. “You might want to tame the savage within,” he muttered so no one would overhear. In a louder voice, he said, “Oops. I see you missed a piece of paper right there.” He motioned to the paper he’d thrown into the street and smiled at Chogan. “I wouldn’t want you to lose this job. A man like you… Let’s face it. What other chances are you going to get?”

  “I told you those redskins are lazy,” a woman told her friend, as if Chogan wasn’t in hearing distance!

  “We must be patient with him,” Ernest called out to her. “He grew up in a dirt home.”

  The two women pressed their hands to their necks and blanched.

  “I’m sure in time, he’ll do better.” Ernest patted him on the back. “All in good time.” Though his voice remained pleasant and his smile wide, an underlying malevolence reflected in his eyes. “I best be off to work at the bank. Real work, you know.” He passed by the group and greeted the people by name before he continued on to the bank, not once bothering to look back at Chogan.

  Chogan’s pulse raced with the need to slam his fist right into Ernest’s smug face, but he knew he couldn’t do it. Not with everyone watching. It would disgrace Julia, and as it was, he couldn’t bring himself to tell her the job he found. For the past week, he tried to, but the words wouldn’t come out. It was enough that he lived with the shame. Going from what he’d been to what he was now, from brave hunter to picking up litter and horse droppings… He could imagine her shame. It was one thing to work at a paper, but this was a depth he never thought he’d have to sink to.

  “Injun!” someone yelled.

  Chogan blinked and forced his gaze off of Ernest’s retreating figure.

  Barney pointed to the piece of paper in the street. “This garbage needs removal.”

  “And where do you want me to put you? You won’t fit in a trash can,” Chogan muttered.

  “What did you say?” Barney snapped.

  “Nothing,” he lied and picked up the paper.

  “I don’t like that tongue on you, Injun.”

  Chogan shrugged. “Then don’t talk to me.”

  “Why I never!” a woman exclaimed and hurried off, practically dragging her friend by the arm in the process.

  “Watch yourself,” another man said. “We only welcome civilized men here.”

  The rest of the group nodded and left together, as if they were heading off to the same place.

  Chogan took a deep breath and closed his eyes. He slowly exhaled to release the tension in his body. Without meaning to, he recalled the time when he sat upon his horse. He wore breechcloth that day instead of the tight pants and buttoned shirt he wore now. His hair had been braided and hung down his back. The wind ruffled the two eagle feathers attached to his head. There was no hat. No short hair. No need to conform to the white man’s world in a vain attempt to prove himself.

  The summer heat bore down on him as he scanned the open land for the best buffalo among the herd. The other hunters waited for his cue to make their move. He got his bow and arrow ready. The others followed suit. Then, in one swift motion, he gave the signal and pressed his heels into the flanks of the mount. The horse burst forth into a full gallop as Chogan led the way to the buffalo that’d been grazing. When the buffalo realized what was happening, the herd headed off. The race was on.

  Never had Chogan felt more alive than in the thrill of the hunt. And now…

  He opened his eyes. The cold air stung his skin, the clothes covered him from the neck on down, and instead of holding a bow and arrow, he held a broken broom and dustpan. It was a far cry from what he’d once been. People once looked upon him with respect. Now they had utter contempt for him. He understood most of it was due to Ernest, but had the white people not assumed the worst already, he wouldn’t have had to pick the lowest job the town offered. Nor would he have just had to endure the condescending stares and remarks the busybodies felt the need to add to Ernest’s taunting.

  With a heavy sigh, he turned back to his work, not sure what else he could do.

  ***

  Julia was on her way to the grocer when she saw Ernest heading in her direction. She hurried to the store and thought she could make it into the building before he spotted her. But she was wrong.

  He called out to her and quickened his pace.

  She glared at him but didn’t stop heading for the store. If she let him make her turn on her heel and go back home, she’d always be running from him. Then he’d have power over her and know it. He lived in town, and like it or not, she was bound to run into him at some point. That, however, didn’t mean she had to talk to him.

  She reached the door at the same time he did, and before she could open it, he blocked her. “Get out of my way,” she snapped, her heart racing with a mixture of anger and anxiety.

  “Julia, give me a chance to apologize,” he said. “Granted, I acknowledge you’re right to be upset—”

  “You’re right I’m upset!”

  “And I’m sorry.”

  “Sorry?”

  “What I did was wrong.”

  She narrowed her eyes, unwilling to believe him. “If you’re so sorry, then tell Mr. Wilcox he can hire Chogan again.”

  “I did.”

  She slapped him, making sure there was enough force in it to adequately wipe the false sincere look off his face. “I’m not stupid. Don’t you think I know a lie when I hear it? Don’t you think I hear people talking about my husband? Did you not once think of the damage you were causing because you let your wounded pride get in the way of doing the right thing?”

  She stopped shrieking at him so she could catch her breath. He made her so mad she couldn’t think straight. All she could do was act.

  Ernest waited for a moment and softly said, “I don’t blame you for not believing me. I behaved abhorrently.”

  “And you still are. Get out of my way so I can shop.”

  “I think after what we meant to each other, I deserve the chance to make amends. I was wrong. I let my pride get in my way. I should have gracefully accepted your marriage. I went to Josh Wilcox about hiring Chogan again. I explained everything, but Larry Bleier insisted that Chogan should find employment elsewhere.”

  She shook her head. “Don’t make me slap you again.”

  He held his hands up and sighed. “I can’t make you believe me. I understand that. I felt terrible for what happened, so I offered to help Chogan find employment somewhere respectable. I tried to right my wrong. I’m sure Chogan mentioned it to you?”

  She slapped him again. “I warned you not to make me slap you again. Stop lying to me!”

  This time he brought his hand to his red cheek. “I take it Chogan didn’t tell you then?”

  “Must you persist in this? Next time I’ll whack you with my purse!”

  With a shrug, he said, “I’ve done all I could. I guess Chogan
is right. Picking up horse waste and litter off the streets will work well. It’s hard to watch someone not seek a higher purpose in life, but if it makes him happy…”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  He furrowed his eyebrows. “But certainly he told you about his new job.”

  She hesitated to respond for Chogan had told her he found a job, but whenever she inquired about it, he found a way to change the topic so she forgot about it until later when he wasn’t there to ask.

  “Julia,” Ernest softly replied, “you deserve so much better.”

  She slapped him. “You did this to him!” She swung back her hand to slap him again, but he caught her wrist. “If you hadn’t interfered with his job at the Tribune, he wouldn’t be cleaning the streets. How do you sleep at night?”

  He caught her other hand as she made another attempt to strike him. “What has he done to bewitch you? You’ve lost all sense of reason!”

  “You have no idea how much he attained at his tribe. You think being a vice president is impressive? His position in the tribe was better than that. He’s more of a man than you’ll ever be!”

  His expression darkened. “You would dare compare me to a savage?”

  “Ma’am, is he bothering you?” The deputy set his hands on his hips. “Sir, get away from the lady.”

  Ernest released her hands and stepped away from her. “I meant no harm.”

  The deputy motioned to the street. “Maybe you should get on to whatever business you have to do.”

  Ernest glanced at her and straightened his coat. Then he took another look at the deputy before he strolled down the street.

  Realizing her body still trembled with rage, she took a deep breath to calm down. She couldn’t recall a time when she’d been more upset. How could Ernest justify his actions? She didn’t understand it. But she’d had enough. She had enough of him and this town.

  “Will you be alright, ma’am?” the deputy asked.

  She smiled her appreciation and tucked a stray strand of hair back into the bun at the nape of her neck. “Yes. Thank you.”

  “If he gives you any more problems, don’t hesitate to ask for help.”

  “Alright.” She took another deep breath. Finally, her pulse was returning to normal. “I need to find my husband.”

  The deputy nodded and headed down the street in the direction Ernest had gone.

  She turned in the opposite direction and looked for any signs of litter on the streets to give her an idea of where Chogan might be. He must be so humiliated. This wasn’t anything like she thought their lives would be like in Bismarck when they got married. Chogan didn’t deserve the way people were treating him.

  She had to turn down two streets and pass three blocks before she found him. He was picking up an old newspaper that someone left on a bench. She couldn’t help but recall how proud he’d been to be in charge of printing the paper, and now here he was, picking it up so he could throw it out because someone else was too lazy to put it in the trash can not far from the bench.

  “Stop it!” She ignored the people who turned to look at her and marched over to Chogan who still held the paper in his hand. When she reached him, she snatched it from him and threw it back on the bench. “No. I won’t have you doing this.” Then, realizing the people hadn’t budged from their spots, she yelled, “Don’t you have anything better to do than to watch other people?”

  “Julia, calm down,” Chogan said.

  “Calm down? All of these people don’t care what happened to you, and you want me to calm down?” She glared at them until they finally stopped watching them and headed off to whatever it was they had to do. “Why can’t they mind their own business?”

  He set the broom and dustpan down so he could remove his gloves. “Most of them don’t know what happened. You can’t blame them.”

  “But none of them would hire you. Not unless you agreed to clean up the streets?”

  “Someone has to clean streets. If it’s not me, it’ll be someone else.”

  “Don’t try to excuse them, Chogan.” Tears filled her eyes as she scanned the street, realizing that he did a better job than whoever did it before. “You always do your best, no matter what they give you. You’re too good for this.”

  He collected her in his arms, and she clung to him, not knowing what else to do but cry. “It’ll be alright.”

  “You’re right it will because we’re getting out of Bismarck. I can’t go on living here. We’ll go to your tribe where they know how to respect you.”

  He tightened his hold on her and whispered, “Are you sure?”

  “I’ve been thinking about it, and after all of this, I’m sure.”

  He kissed the top of her head. “I’d like to go back. I miss hunting.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me this sooner?”

  “Because your life is here.”

  “No. My life is with you. It doesn’t matter where we live. I just don’t want to see you treated like this.”

  “Thank you.”

  As she stayed cocooned in his arms, she thought it was something they should have decided on when he got fired from the Tribune. But the decision was made now, and she was glad to get away from Ernest and those who mindlessly believed him.

  “I will return the supplies to my employer,” Chogan said as he released her. “Then we will go home.”

  “I need to stop by the grocer first. I promised Aunt Erin I’d pick up some sugar, milk and eggs.”

  He picked up his things and turned to her and smiled. “We will do that first.”

  She wiped the rest of the tears from her face and returned his smile. Finally, things were going to be better. They could put this whole miserable experience behind them and start over.

  ~~********~~

  Chapter 18

  Julia’s smile faltered as she watched her aunt who added water to the soup she was making. “Won’t you be coming with us?” she softly asked, her voice barely audible above the boiling broth.

  Her aunt set the empty bowl by the sink, looked her way, and gently replied, “I just bought this house. I can’t sell it right now, especially in the middle of winter.”

  She sank into one of the chairs, her shoulders slumped. “But I can’t stay here.”

  “And I don’t expect you to.” Erin pulled up a chair and sat close to her. Taking Julia’s hands in hers, she continued, “I knew that when Chogan got fired it was a matter of time before you two made this decision.”

  “Then why didn’t you say something?”

  “Because there are some things you two have to realize on your own.”

  Julia swallowed the lump in her throat. “Did you know what job they gave Chogan?”

  “No, but I figured it wasn’t good when he kept avoiding the topic. I realize that Ernest caused a lot of trouble, and I believe the day of reckoning will come for him but who knows how long that will be? Until that day comes, people will mindlessly believe what Ernest said.”

  “Chogan never attacked him!”

  “Of course, he didn’t.”

  “I don’t understand why Ernest’s opinion matters to so many people in this horrible place.”

  Her aunt sighed. “Most people don’t take time to examine the facts. Maybe someday people won’t be so quick to judge an Indian, but for now, you and Chogan will never be completely happy here. I think going to his tribe is the best course of action for you. You won’t have to worry about being treated badly over there because you’re white.”

  “I know. They were very nice to us when we were there.” Julia felt the tears slide down her cheeks before she realized she was crying. “I just don’t know what I’m going to do without you.” She tried to say more, but the swell of emotion that rose up within her forbade her from speaking further. All she could do was cry and hold on tightly to her aunt’s hands.

  Erin drew closer to her so she could hug her. “Oh, Julia. My dear, it’s not like we’ll never see each other again.
You’re not going that far away. You’ll come to visit, and I’ll visit you. We still see Gary and Woape, don’t we?”

  “But it’s not the same. I am not close to them like I am to you.”

  “I feel the same way, Julia. When you were younger, I thought of you as the daughter I never had, and when you grew up, you became my most cherished friend. I love your brother, of course, but he and I will never share the connection you and I do.”

  “Then why won’t you come? Chogan likes you. And Gary and Woape are there.”

  “Maybe I will once the weather is better and I can sell the house. You know how long it took us to get ready to move here. I can’t just pick up my things and leave today.” Erin pulled away from her and cupped Julia’s face in her hands. “I really mean that much to you?”

  Blinking back her tears, Julia nodded.

  Erin smiled. “Yes, I will go out there to be with you, but I can’t go right now.”

  At her aunt’s words, Julia’s heart lifted. “Really?”

  “How can I not? I had no idea you thought so well of me.”

  “How could you not know?”

  Erin shrugged and laughed. “I don’t know. I never thought about it, I guess. We were together all the time. It just seemed to be the way things were.”

  “Then it’s good we had this conversation.”

  “You’re right. It is.” Erin stood and helped Julia to her feet. “Go on and help your husband pack. I will finish making supper.”

  Julia gave her aunt a quick hug and kiss on the cheek. “We won’t leave until after lunch tomorrow, but it’s still sudden, isn’t it?”

  “Julia, with you, I’ve learned things either don’t happen at all or they happen all at once. There is no middle ground with you. When you set your mind to something, it takes an act of God to stop you.”

  “I’m impatient.”

  “A bit, yes. But your heart is in the right place. Chogan is lucky to have you. Now be off. I have soup to attend to.”

  Julia left the kitchen and went up the stairs to find Chogan taking out his buffalo hide from the closet. She paused and watched as he stroked the fur with a faraway look in his eyes.