“What do you mean, ‘what the hell’? What the hell with you? What the hell happened to your face?” Her hand came up to touch my cheek, but I flinched and backed away. It was too painful to touch.
I grabbed her wrists and checked for bruises. She inspected the rest of my face for damage. I pulled up my sleeves, and she gasped. The bruises were thick and dark today, and the weight of my cotton shirt was nearly too much friction to bear.
“I called you last night. You didn’t answer. I needed you, and you weren’t there.” The weight of that statement hung in the air. I hadn’t realized I was crying until I felt the tears drip off my chin and onto my chest.
We embraced gently. She avoided my arms, and I circled her waist. It was then that I realized how thin she had become. I could feel her shoulder blades poke through her shirt.
“Oh my God, are you sick? You’re so skinny. Where are these men who are supposed to be taking care of you?”
Her shoulders rounded as she slumped against the couch. “You first, then we’ll discuss me.”
If this was her way of evading my questions, she was crazy. I’d play along for now, but she was going to talk. We began with me. I told her about Craig and his anger about changing my limits list. I told her I’d fought him off and ran. I told her about Luca coming to rescue me, about Jonathan getting me through the night, and about how I had quit my job with Sandra, and the talk with my mom. By the end of my verbal barrage, her face was blank.
I kept trying to hand her the apple juice, but each time I did, she turned her face to the side, grimacing. What the? I pulled my phone from my purse and brought up the picture I’d taken the day this whole mess had started.
“This was us a few weeks ago.” I leaned in next to her and took a new picture. “This is us now. Look at us. This isn’t who we are. This isn’t who we saw ourselves to be. Look at you, Jade. You’re a shadow of yourself. You look like a refugee. I look like a prizefighter.”
I scrolled between the two pictures. It was amazing how a few weeks could change a life.
“I’m going to be all right. I just haven’t been feeling well.”
“They aren’t beating you, are they?”
“They never beat me. They have always been gentle and kind but in control. I like that. The bruises came from my own stupidity and hardheadedness. Look around you, River, do I look like an abused woman?”
I had to admit, she didn’t look abused. Her residence was beautiful, her refrigerator was full of food, and her closet was full of designer clothes. She looked like the kept woman she was.
“Why aren’t you eating? You need to eat.” I wanted to spoon-feed her myself, but if I couldn’t get her to drink juice, I would have never persuaded her to eat. “You need to quit this job. It’s going to kill you.”
“Sandra let me go today. It looks like we’re both free.”
“She let you go? Was it because of me? I can’t say I’m unhappy about this turn of events. I’m sure we can get Tiffany to rent you the room again. Hell, she never moved anyone in since you left.”
“She never moved anyone in because I still rent the room. I wanted to make sure I always had a place to stay. It was part of my negotiations with Eric and Todd.” The duo had real names. I suppose if neither of us were part of The Dean’s List then the rules that surrounded the club didn’t really exist. We would never publicly divulge information, but we could talk amongst ourselves.
“Eric and Todd, huh? What will happen now that you’re not part of the service? Will they keep you? Do you want to stay?”
“I’m pregnant, River. That’s why I was released. I broke the rules by getting knocked up. I have been on my deathbed with morning, afternoon, and night sickness for a week. I’m sorry I missed your call. Eric took my phone so I wouldn’t be bothered. He’s worried about me.”
I’d been so angry with her for not answering my call, and now it somehow seemed unimportant. She was pregnant, and that opened up the need for new discussion. “How does the duo feel about this new development? How do you feel?”
“Initially, I was scared. I knew they loved me, but I wasn’t sure how far their commitment would be. We met through The Dean’s List, after all. I used to think all men who bought sex were slimy little bastards. Then I got to know my two. What we have is untraditional, but it works. We have had some bumps in the road, but we have managed to pave our way through them. I’m in love with them, and I am in love with the idea of having their baby. To my surprise, they were thrilled.”
I wasn’t sure if I should even ask, but I had to know. “Who’s the father?”
“They both are. I don’t know whose DNA was deposited, and it doesn’t matter. All I know is we are having a baby. What about you? You were enamored with Mr. Broom which I deduce from our earlier conversation is Jonathan. What will happen with him? Will you see him?” Was that hope I saw in her eyes?
“No. Sandra indicated he had moved on. I haven’t had time to process that. I tried to talk myself out of loving him, but I couldn’t.” I’d tried, and I’d failed. Dismally. He was too much the whole package I wanted in a man. How could I not? “I fell hard, and it will take some time to get over him. Last night when we were together, he cried. I know he blamed himself for the whole event. But when I got up, he was gone. No note. No message. Just gone.”
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I hadn’t had time to process the stark reality of his departure, but I needed to get through this moment with Jade. Right now, she needed me.
I laid my head in her lap, hoping to find comfort and give comfort. Softly, Jade stroked my hair. She would make a great mother. Although tough, she was compassionate and caring. She was motherly. So much had changed in so little time.
“River, I might have an idea to help us both. Since Eric and Todd travel several days a week, they wanted to hire someone to be my companion. I refused, but since you don’t have a job, and I need you, would you consider moving in here with me? You could help me turn the playroom into a nursery?”
“You want me to move into your fancy Fifth Avenue high-rise? What insidious acts will I have to perform?” I was teasing her, but I could see her eyes dim.
“I’m so sorry I got you into that. I was happy in my situation, and I thought you would be, too. I never expected it to end like it did. Let me show you your room before you tell me no.” She led me down a hall into a beautiful bedroom. The king-sized bed sat center stage. The color scheme was bold just the way I liked it.
“Won’t it be weird with me here when your men are here?”
“No, they are going to have to get used to you anyway. You will be my child’s godmother and aunt. You’re a permanent fixture. Besides, with everything that’s happened, I think a change of scenery is in order.” She led me to the attached bathroom and walked me into the enormous closet. “As a perk, when I get too fat for my clothes, you can have them. The Louboutins are already yours, as the boys banned me from heels until the little one is born.”
“Shouldn’t you ask them first? This is their place, after all.” I looked around the bedroom and wondered if I could find the things I needed. Things like comfort, safety, and love. After glancing at Jade, there was no doubt. She had always been my rock.
“No, this place is mine. They signed it over after the Dom incident. The experience made them realize how much they had to lose. They were trying to make me stay forever.”
“No way. You own a flat on Fifth Avenue, and it’s free and clear? Wow, who would have thought that possible?”
I stayed long enough to make her scrambled eggs and dry toast. Just as she was sitting down to eat, her men entered the house. They stopped the minute they saw me. I wasn’t sure if it was my face or the simple fact that a stranger was there that startled them.
I was surprised by their looks. Eric was tall and handsome, his hair sandy blond and his eyes sea-green. Todd was average height with dark hair and dark skin. In seven or so months, there would be no doubt whose DNA created
their child. The men were like night and day, and yet their demeanor was the same. They doted on my friend, and I knew right then that she would always be okay.
They were ecstatic when they heard I’d be moving in. I told them it wouldn’t be long-term, but just until Jade had the baby.
I hugged my friend goodbye and told her I would begin moving my things over the next day or two. The duo kiboshed that notion and arranged for a moving company to pick up my things on Monday. I would pay Tiffany what I owed her and move on with my life. Again.
Chapter 24
I probably should have erased the picture of Jonathan from my phone, but I didn’t have the heart to do it. Looking at him was my guilty pleasure. He was still one of the nicest people I’d ever met, and he’d always seemed to know what I needed.
It was as if he had really cared about me.
Maybe him leaving was just another gift, a way to tell me I needed to figure out my life on my own.
How attached would I have become to him had I been able to continue what we had? There was no future for us. He’d made that clear from the beginning. Maybe if we had met under different circumstances it might have worked out. Here I was, lying to myself again. Under what circumstances could it have worked? None. It wasn’t like we walked in the same circles. Someday we might, but not at this time.
I often wondered how he really felt about me. He said I was sunshine, but what else did he think? I treated our time together like a relationship. I was smitten with everything about him from his looks to his bedroom prowess. Did he see me as a beautiful woman or a woman who had a price? How could a man who hired me for sex ever respect me? Hell, I didn’t respect myself.
I stayed in bed from Friday until Monday. The door buzzed a few times, but I didn't answer it unless I was expecting Chinese take-out or pizza. Too much time on my hands created other issues. My mind replayed the last few weeks of my life. Weeks I never wanted to repeat and yet I would have jumped at the chance to have one more day with Jonathan. I stressed over my less-than-perfect finances. The extra courses I picked up cost money. Money I didn’t have. The only good that would come from this situation was the time I would have to focus on my studies. And in the end, wasn’t that the intent? I wouldn’t be debt-free or guilt-free, but I was free, and I could work with that.
* * *
The duo had arranged for the pickup of my things. All I needed to pack were my clothes. My closet was divided into two sections. My pre-Jonathan clothes were mostly second-hand or purchased from large box stores like Forever 21. My post-Jonathan wardrobe was brands that ranged from Tahari to Escada. There was a disparity between the two sections and yet I felt connected to both. I was the girl who went to college, and the woman who dined at Per Se and stayed at the Ritz. Never once did I feel out of my element, like I wasn't good enough. All my insecurities came from the voices in my head that had told me I was nothing. Why had I never considered those voices to be worthless?
I checked my phone before I placed the beautiful blue dress I never got to wear in the garment box. My belongings were ready to go. Luca checked in every day and today was no different. He always said he was thinking of me and hoped I was healing.
Physically? Mentally? I wondered which he meant.
We planned on coffee that Thursday.
I'll never forget the first time I saw him. He was buttered toast and I was hungry. I had decided then that I’d wanted him. In fact, I’d decided I would be wealthy enough one day to get me a Luca. The irony of the situation was that I had my Luca, and he was wonderful. His friendship was offered freely.
Despite my misgivings and unfortunate final experience, I did have some wonderful moments during my short tenure as a Dean's List student. My greatest joy and biggest regret would be Jonathan. I played with the charm hanging from my wrist and decided that from that point forward I would work on my self-esteem and confidence. I would become the woman a man like Jonathan would be proud to date.
I left a check on the counter for the remaining rent due on my lease. Tiffany seemed happy to have the place to herself.
I glanced over my shoulder and said goodbye to my old life. I was the new, improved me. The girl who focused on school. I had a shitload of student loans, but they were mine, and I would chip at them like every other person did, one chunk at a time.
* * *
That night I met with Ben at his favorite restaurant. He was distressed by my experience. He kept brushing my cheek with his thumb as if he possessed some magic elixir that would heal my bruise on contact. I wished that were the case. The blackness had faded and now it was an ugly combination of purple and green. I did my best to hide it, but I lacked the skills needed for that kind of coverage.
"Tell me his name. I'll make sure he pays for that." Ben's voice was dead serious.
"You know I can't do that. Ben, I totally believe in karma and he'll get his. I got this, not because I deserved it, but because I needed the wake-up call. I needed to learn to listen to my instincts."
"What did your instincts tell you about me?" His question told me that no matter a person’s age, we were all concerned with how others perceived us.
"I liked you from the beginning. You are a kind, gentle soul. You are a good man. I was in the process of limiting my schedule to three men. Only one of which I had intercourse with." I stared off into space and thought of the one man who made my body tingle simply by his presence. "Anyway, I wasn't cut out for this kind of work. I had no idea how much it would take from me, so I chose the people who didn't take from me but gave something to me."
"I liked you from the beginning, River. You have a sassy innocence. You were humble, and that was refreshing."
"I was hoping we could still meet for dinner, Ben. I do need mentoring, not the type The Dean's List offers, but real-world mentoring. We can still meet every week if you want, and we'll trade off on who pays the bill. When it's my treat, we may have to choose someplace a bit less fancy." I looked around the steakhouse he seemed to favor. I might be able to swing this about once a month. Maybe.
"How about we meet for dinner every week, and I pick up the bill? I can afford it more easily than you." His warm hand came to rest on top of mine. “Also, I have this political fundraiser to attend in a couple of months. I was hoping I could persuade you to attend. I would be the envy of all the old geezers having you on my arm." Ben still wanted to meet with me? The man was amazing, and I felt extremely thankful for his kindness and consideration. He was the Rx for my soul.
"I'd love to go.” Lord knows, between Jade’s closet and mine, I could come up with something to wear.
"So, tell me about these other men." He knew I couldn’t give him details, but I thought he wanted to know what kind of men they were.
"One is a very nice man, but he lacks self-esteem." As I listened to myself, I found it funny that I was responsible for raising someone else’s self-esteem when mine was so low. "He was so sweet and considerate. We spent our time learning about all sorts of things. He was working on his confidence and I was grateful I could help. I am going to meet with him one more time to say goodbye and thank him for his kindness."
"That's what's amazing about you. You could punish all men for the sins of one, but you're grateful to the few who showed you kindness. That's a real gift, my dear."
I hated to get emotional in front of Ben, but his affirmation touched me. I suppressed the tears that threatened to spill.
"The third man was actually my first and he was everything I could have hoped for in a mentor. He seemed to know what I needed, and he was always there to provide it whether it was a kind word, a vanilla latte, or a reassuring hug." Damn it. A rogue tear escaped and trickled down my bruised cheek. It would be the only one I would allow.
"It sounds like you have feelings for this man." It was impossible to get anything past Ben. Thankfully, we didn't have a romantic connection. I didn't have to worry about him being jealous.
"If I'm being honest with myself, I fell for
him immediately. In spite of my efforts, my heart had a connection to his. It was like it beat at the same pace and rhythm."
"Where is this man now? Are you still seeing him?"
"Oh, no. He saw me through the night of the incident. For whatever reason, my friend Luca called him. Anyway, he was there for me that night, but I guess it was too much. And now that I'm not part of the ‘club’ I imagine he will move on to another girl." The thought of him with another woman twisted my heart so painfully it felt like I couldn’t breathe.
As only a grandfather figure could do, he scowled. "The man is an idiot." His statement was direct and to the point. He warmed my heart. Maybe I would need to think that way to get through the pain. Putting him in the role of the idiot would be a stretch for me.
"I'm not sure who the idiot is at this point, but I'm thinking it might be me. The only thing I am grateful for is I never actually had sex with anyone I didn't care about. I'm coming to terms with that first, and once I move past that I'll focus on the idiot quotient."
We spent the rest of the evening talking about my career aspirations. He told me to go to his HR department and see if there was anything I might like to try. I was touched by his generous offer, but I wanted to make it on my own. Through hard work and due diligence, I would create my future.
With a kiss on the cheek and a promise to meet the following Monday, Ben put me in a cab and sent me home. There wouldn't be a form to sign to account for my time. This time I gave it freely, and I felt incredibly wealthy.
* * *
Jade was sitting on the couch with a bucket in one hand and a plate of refried beans with cheese in the other when I arrived home.
"Hey ho…me," she teased.
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