Bad Dad

by Sloane Howell

  Her face softened.

  So, she was going to take the diplomatic approach as well. It was obvious what she was doing. If she wanted to engage in psychological warfare she was barking up the wrong tree. She had no idea.

  “I-I don’t want to overstep.”

  I smirked.

  Her lips mashed into a thin line. “Logan is a great student. So smart. He deserves to be at school with his friends.”

  Forceful but friendly.

  I sighed and played along. She was scared. But she wasn’t going to be scared away. “I appreciate the concern. And thank you for the kind words about Logan. But, I told you what’s happening.” I nodded to her car. “Time to leave. I’m asking you nicely.”

  Her arms folded over her chest. She was a challenge. I both liked and hated that about her. The fact her perky tits stretched the fabric on her shirt didn’t play to my advantage. Beauty and wits were no match for the love I had for my son, though. And the need to protect him.

  She looked me in the eye. “He’s doing great other than this one incident, and it wasn’t his fault. Please consider bringing him back.”

  I paused. She made good points. The fact still remained that I’d do anything to protect my son. That included ignoring a perfect set of tits, an ass from heaven, and a snarky, yet concerned mouth. Not to mention the fact she didn’t have a clue as to what was going on with us. It was a reason I didn’t like interacting with other parents, either. Everyone always knows what’s best, when they don’t have the first clue to someone else’s situation.

  “I’ll think about it.”

  Her jaw tightened a little. Forehead wrinkled. “Umm, thank you?” She turned to leave. Stared back at me like she didn’t know what to make of the situation. She knew I’d probably never bring him back.

  “What’d you do?” Janet and Logan rounded the side of the house.

  “Are you kidding me right now?” I glared at both of them with a side eye from hell and pointed where they came from. “Get in the house.”

  Logan halted in his tracks until he saw Ms. Chapman, then high-tailed it right past me and hugged her. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to get in trouble.”

  She dropped down and squeezed him right back. “It’s okay. I saw everything. And you weren’t in trouble.”

  Janet elbowed me in the ribs as hard as she could when she walked up. The sentiment hurt more than the physical jab. “Are you going to introduce me to your friend?” Janet stared up at me with a shit-eating grin plastered across her smug face. Nothing but judgement sat behind the frames of her glasses. “Thanks for letting us know everything was okay out here.”

  She walked over to Ms. Chapman.

  “You already know her. And thanks for coming outside when you didn’t know if it was safe. With my son.” I stared in the other direction and ground my jaw.

  “I’m Janet. Logan’s, umm—I’m a friend of the family.” She held out a hand to Ms. Chapman and it was like nobody knew I was fucking standing there.

  “It’s nice to meet you, formally. I’ve seen you at school, and Logan’s talked about you in class.”

  Then it happened.

  All at once.

  All three of them.

  Six eyes.

  “I told her I’d think about it.” I looked at Logan. His smile faded. It crushed me. “I’m sorry, buddy. There are things that you and your teacher don’t know. Things that you don’t need to know, that some people can’t seem to remember.” I moved my stare to Janet.

  Ms. Chapman released Logan and took a step toward her car. She held up her hands. “I wasn’t trying to tell you how to parent. I just wanted to check on Logan.”

  I nodded. “Understood.”

  It was still an act. Observing people was what I did. I knew I wasn’t done with her. It was obvious her and Logan had bonded at school.

  Janet’s face tightened. “Yeah. We’ll talk about it.”

  Ms. Chapman took a step toward her car.

  “Logan, say bye to Ms. Chapman.” I folded my arms over my chest.

  Logan hugged her and said bye. A tear streamed down his cheek. The earth yanked me harder into the ground.

  Janet practically shook herself out of her boots but managed to compose herself.

  I walked Ms. Chapman to her car and opened the door for her.

  “Thanks,” she mumbled.

  “I meant it.”

  “What’s that?” She pressed the button. The car started, but barely made a sound.

  “I’ll think about letting him come back.” I had to keep her at ease. At least make her think it might happen. “I mean that.”

  “Thank you.”

  I walked back to the porch and stood between Logan and Janet. We watched the Prius disappear around the corner. Logan walked inside.

  Janet whipped around to me. “I’m sorry.”

  I shook my head. “You have to be more careful.”

  “I know. But—”

  “I said I’d think about it.”

  I looked down at her. Janet was a hard woman, but she was still human. I wrapped an arm around her.

  “It’ll be okay. We’ll figure it out.”

  She nodded and leaned into me. “Okay.”

  CHAPTER 3

  Cora Chapman

  TWO DAYS HAD PASSED, AND I couldn’t stop thinking about Landon Lane. My stomach flipped at the thought of what he could do to me with those hands. And his eyes. So intense. His face was better than I’d imagined. I attempted to will away my thoughts, but the brain was a relentless organ. I pushed my cart down the aisle of the small supermarket—the only one in Desire.

  I made my way down the cereal row and snickered at the offerings. A lot could be said about a person’s choice of breakfast.

  I looked up. Bran flakes, Raisin Bran, Total—the fiber spectrum decreased as I worked my way down toward the floor. The sugary cereal was always at the bottom where kids would see it. The whole thing was perfectly put together like Landon’s body. I stared down at Lucky Charms and Fruit Loops and shrugged.

  Why not live a little?

  The box of Frankenberry rattled around in the metal cart when I tossed it in.

  The way he stared at me though. It had to be nothing. It was nothing. My inhibitions swirled down through me like a funnel at the thought of his hardened stare. What was I on this aisle for again? His face appeared on every cereal box. Meal planning just became a lot easier. Hello, Mr. Lane.

  I caught a blur of gray as it rounded the corner. It jolted me from my impure yet somehow welcomed thoughts.

  No way.

  My brain forgot how to control my feet and off I went. It probably wasn’t even him. That’s what I told myself. My black Chucks with white laces didn’t care. They betrayed me, and we flew around the corner.

  “Ahem.” I cleared my throat at his back.

  It was definitely him. Nobody else in this city filled out a pair of jeans that way. The shoulders were unmistakable.

  He froze and dropped his head. “Ms. Chapman.”

  How did he do that? Know who I was without looking?

  A grin spread across my face at the sound of my name until I realized I needed some reason, any reason, to stop him in the middle of the supermarket. “It’s Cora, please.”

  I pushed my cart and a wide smile up next to him. He had meat packed sky high in his cart.

  Did he purchase a slaughterhouse?

  I guess it took a lot of protein to feed a body like his. I wondered what would happen if I brushed up against an arm. Just to see what he felt like. My cheek needed a slap—an intervention of some kind. At best it was poor form to date a student’s parent. At worst, there were probably rules against it. Maybe even laws.

  He refused to show me his eyes. “Need something? On my way out.”

  His voice rumbled through my legs.

  “Wait.” I put a hand on his cart and fortunately he stopped so I didn’t lose my arm in the process.

  He let out an exasperated sigh.
“Yeah?”

  God, this man was an impossible code to crack. I loved puzzles. “I just—I want what’s best for Logan. He’s a great kid.” God, I was such an idiot. Like he didn’t know that already. Truth be told, I cared for all of my students, and I went to Logan’s house with the best of intentions, but I wouldn’t have done that for any other student. Followed someone home like a spy.

  I’d formed a bond with Logan in class. He was my big helper and incredibly smart. I had a habit of not letting go of things—something inside me just had to see Landon again too.

  “Thank you.”

  “I just really think the school is—”

  He held up a hand and still hadn’t even turned to face me. “You explained yourself clearly the first time.”

  “Excuse me?” My hand balled into a fist around the cold metal bar on his cart. I was wrong, and he was right. It didn’t make him any less frustrating.

  He paused. He always paused. And thought. Contemplated. There was something extremely hot about the way he reflected on things. He left me anticipating every word.

  “Goodbye, Cora.”

  I released my grip on his cart. He couldn’t get out of the place fast enough. Never even looked at me. But the way he added emphasis on my name. Jesus. I stared down at the goosebumps still pebbling down my arm. Who is he?

  CHAPTER 4

  Landon Lane

  LOGAN CRIED OUT FROM HIS bedroom. I sprang to attention on the couch.

  “Dad!” His scream assaulted my ears, and I went through anything and everything in my way to get to him.

  His door handle busted a hole in the drywall and some of it crackled and dusted the carpet with white powder when I threw it open. My stare went straight to his leg. Blood oozed from a gash below his knee and streamed down his shin.

  “Hang on, buddy.”

  I dashed through the house and into my bedroom. The entire drawer came out when I yanked it open and rummaged through. I grabbed my first-aid kit. In a few seconds I was back in the room.

  I’d managed to snag a few towels along the way.

  Logan glared at me with tears in his frightened eyes.

  “Hold still.” I soaked up the blood with a towel and looked around at the floor. A shattered glass. I stared back at his leg and the Star Wars sheets bunched up around it. “You have to be more careful.” I cleaned the wound with some soap and one of the towels. “I don’t think you need stitches. I know a little trick.” I finished getting him all cleaned up and eyed the cut. A thin layer of residual super glue cracked when I twisted the lid on the tube. I spread some of it inside the skin and pinched it together.

  Logan tensed and squirmed, but I held his thigh steady to make sure it sealed properly. A teardrop landed on one of my knuckles and streamed down the side.

  I admired my work of art for a quick moment and then bandaged him up. “Good as new, big man.”

  I’d fully intended on hearing a thank you or looking up at a smile. Getting a hug. Something. Instead, he looked away and scrubbed a tear out of the corner of his eye.

  I reached for his hands, but he yanked them away.

  “What’s wrong? It’s just a glass. It was an accident, right?”

  He pushed away and crawled awkwardly up to his pillow. My heart squeezed in my chest.

  “Buddy? It’s fine. I’m not upset, I swear.” I stood, dumbfounded, and held the pieces of glass in my hand. Janet barreled past me.

  How long had she been standing there?

  She crawled up next to him in bed and he embraced her and bawled his eyes out into her shoulder.

  Alone.

  I was on an island again.

  She waved me away with her arm.

  “It’s okay, sweetie. It’s okay.”

  I shook my head and sauntered from the room. The hallway closed in on me with every step I took. By the time I got to the end of it my feet were lead, and my legs tried to pull me through the floor. I thought the walls might crush me like a trash compactor.

  What did I do wrong? He was hurt. I cared for him.

  I sat on the couch with my face buried in my hands. One of the longest hours of my life, and I’d had some long hours I wouldn’t have wished on anyone. Parenting 101. He had a cut. We got it dressed and bandaged.

  Janet finally emerged from the bedroom, and I sprang to my feet. “How is he? Is he okay? What happened?”

  She shook her head at me. “You don’t get it, do you?”

  I bugged my eyes out, but remained calm. “Get what?”

  “Really?” She took a seat and slapped her hand on the cushion next to her.

  I sat down.

  “He needs—” She sighed and stared at the ceiling. “You didn’t do anything wrong, okay? He just needs a mother. I can’t be here enough, and quite frankly, it’s just not the same thing.”

  “What do you mean he needs a mother? I mean, I agree, but his mother’s not coming. It’s not gonna happen.”

  “I know that. I’m not an idiot.” She shook her head at me.

  “Well what is it then? I mean, he hurt himself. I fixed it.”

  She rolled her eyes. “It’s not—life isn’t that simple. You can’t parent with a field manual.”

  “It’d be a lot easier.” I shook my head.

  “Oh, Landon. Yeah, you took care of his basic need. But he needed comfort. It’s hard to explain.” She put a hand on my cheek. “He was scared. He’s never really seen blood like that before. He’s not a soldier. He needed to feel safe. Not like he was wounded and being cleaned up on a battlefield.”

  I started to speak, but she cut me off.

  Her hand slid to my knee and I relaxed a little. “It’s nothing you did wrong.” She looked down at her hand and then back up at me. “You see? Like that. You don’t know what it’s like because you’re—well, you know—you.”

  I shrugged. She had a point. I wasn’t always great at social cues, though I’d tried hard to assimilate. I read parenting books. Observed others.

  “I give you a lot of shit. But it’s out of love. You’re doing a great job with him. That boy loves you. You know that, right?”

  I stared off at the window. “It doesn’t feel like it sometimes.”

  Her hand gripped my knee. “That’s parenthood for you.” She shoved off my leg and rose to her feet. “I have to go. He’ll be fine. Give him a few minutes and go talk to him. You always smooth it over.” She took a few steps toward the door and picked up her bag.

  Maybe she was right. Hell if I knew. My childhood was the opposite of normal.

  I stood and glanced in the direction of Logan’s room. Was there enough space for another person in our little ecosystem? Was it safe?

  That was the million-dollar question.

  “TELL ME ABOUT MOM.” LOGAN dive-bombed me in his pajamas and we rolled across the bed.

  I pinned him down and tickled his ribcage with my nose. He squirmed and giggled. Kids had short memories and forgave easier than adults. I loved that about them.

  “I want to know.”

  I couldn’t look at him when he asked about her. “When you’re older.”

  “You always say that.”

  I tried to wrestle my way out of the question and flipped him onto his back. “It’s bedtime.” I paused for a second. “I need to talk to you about something else.” I loved their short attention spans too. Segues were gold.

  “About what?” He dropped his head onto his Darth Vader pillow and wriggled the covers up to his neck.

  “I’m going to let you go back to school.”

  He sprang up like the Manchurian candidate and his eyes bugged out. “Really?”

  I couldn’t help but smile. My body trembled at the thought of him back out in the world, but Logan’s smile somehow made it bearable. I nodded. “Yeah.”

  Fists flew out in the air. Reckless hands that I caught without blinking. It startled him for a second, but he was used to it. I let go of his wrists.

  Logan shook his hands and giggl
ed. “This is awesome!”

  “I’m glad you’re excited.”

  He sat there for another minute. I could see a million things running through his head.

  “You really like it there, don’t you?”

  He nodded. “Ms. Chapman is the best. It’s so much fun.” He looked down at his sheets.

  “What is it?”

  “I still want to know about Mom. I can’t stop thinking about her.”

  Damn, I was so close. I pulled him in for a hug. “I know it’s tough when you want to know something and people tell you that you’re too little. But trust me, knowing everything isn’t always a good thing.”

  That was a fact. One I knew all too well. Logan was staying young and keeping his innocence as long as possible.

  He didn’t appear convinced.

  “You have your whole life to grow up, okay? Just be young. Have fun.”

  “Go to school and make new friends?”

  I grinned and messed up his hair. “Exactly.”

  CHAPTER 5

  Landon Lane

  I WALKED INTO GUS’S GYM in Missoula. It was about a half-hour drive from Desire. Cars streamed down the road behind me. Exhaust fumes invaded my nose and mixed with the aroma of fresh bread from a bakery down the street.

  Gus’s place had a wide-open floor plan with a sparring ring in the middle. Workout equipment surrounded it on three sides. Offices and locker rooms and training tables were in the back.

  The place smelled just like a gym—musty, sweaty. Three huge fighter murals were painted on the wall. All three of them were WMMA champions. The ceilings were high, at least twenty feet, with a long pipe and large bell-hooded vents placed every few feet for pumping cool air into the room. It was an inefficient setup for utilities, but I liked the open air.

  “Gonna beat your ass today.”

  I glanced over to a huge smile. Sam Wright, WMMA reigning champion. He was one of the men painted on the wall. I was his sparring partner.

  The job was perfect. Not many people could take punches and kicks from the top fighters in the world. I was built for it. Plus, Gus and I went way back.