To Christmas with Love

by Jennifer Robins

  “Yes, I’ve stored them in the back of my closet. I really don’t want you to go to the trouble. I’m not sure I’m not sure I want a tree. Or any Christmas things.”

  “Why don’t I come over so I can take a look at those ornaments you’re hiding? Then we can decide if you’re ready or not.”

  She squirmed on the sofa in a nervous manner. “Oh, I don’t know…”

  “Come on now, you can’t hide from life forever. I’ll tell you what. Let’s just look at what you’ve got, and if it bothers you, we’ll simply put the box away and that’ll be it.”

  She took a long, deep breath as she paused to think. “All right, but when will you be coming? I’ve just gotten up. I haven’t even had my coffee yet.”

  “How about I bring something to go with that coffee? Say in about half an hour, maybe forty-five minutes?”

  “I guess. But don’t expect too much from me when it comes to Christmas.”

  She glanced around, assessing the condition of the apartment. Magazines were scattered on the coffee table, last night’s coffee cup still sat on the side table. Used tissues lay around the room. Too much crying, she thought. She hurried around the room, picking up the debris and clearing off the coffee table. She sighed, wondering what she was doing having a man over, even if it was just to look at Christmas ornaments.

  She froze—she could have sworn she heard someone laughing. She stood still to listen, but whatever it had been, it didn’t sound again. She shrugged her shoulders and continued to make her home presentable. With so little time to clean up and get dressed, she hustled like she’d never done before.

  Dressed in a grey sweatshirt and fleece pants, she placed two cups next to the coffeepot, filling one for herself. A knock at the door signaled David’s arrival. Oh, boy, here he is. She smoothed a hand over the front of her shirt and rushed to let him in. She hesitated a moment with her hand on the doorknob before opening it.

  His smiling face greeted her. “Well, how ‘bout that, you look like your ready for a real workout.” He handed her a bag. “Thought we could have some lunch from The Sandwich Works. Hope you like hoagies. These are the best in town.” He strolled into the kitchenette and glanced around. “I take it this cup here is for me, right?”

  “Yes, help yourself. It’s fresh. And I do like hoagies, thank you.” His bubbly personality eased her anxiety, like always. She took the bag to the table as he sat down with his full cup. The delicious smells emanating from the sandwiches stirred her appetite. “If you want sugar or cream, I have some. I’ll get it for you.”

  “Black is all right with me. Let’s dig into those bun lovers in there.” He pointed to the bag. “I’m hungry. Hope you are too.”

  Aromatic salami, turkey, smoked ham, three kinds of cheese, lettuce, and tomato, all bathed in Italian dressing, made for a fulfilling lunch. Nadine hadn’t had a hoagie in a very long time. It tasted so good, and she savored it slowly, stalling the dig for those forgotten ornaments.

  Finally, David helped her get the box out of her bedroom closet and brought it to the living room. He set it on the floor in front of the sofa. “Okay, here we go. Let’s sit here to examine these treasures of yours.” He took her hand, leading her to the sofa. “It’s all right.”

  With trembling hands, she took one trinket after another out of the box. Before she knew it she found herself commenting on each piece, remembering where she’d gotten it and how old it was. “So much of this is from my parents. Now that they’re older, they don’t put up a large tree anymore. They gave me practically all of their ornaments. Paul and I bought a few, but most are from Mom and Dad.”

  “Are you an only child?” David asked.

  “Yes, I am. I would’ve liked to have had a sister or even a brother, but it never happened.”

  “I have a brother. He’s younger than me, and a real pain at times. Be glad you didn’t have to put up with a sibling.”

  Nadine continued to search through the box when all of a sudden, she squealed. “Oh, for Pete’s sake, look at this.” She held up a cardboard snowman with a long red ribbon strung through a hole in its hat. “I made this in the fourth grade. I didn’t know my mother had put my childhood masterpieces in here. I can’t believe this.” She held it to her chest and gave it a little hug.

  David set his hand on her arm to get her attention. “Now that we’ve determined these ornaments are okay, I think we need a tree.”

  “You’ll have to forgive me, but I wasn’t thinking of putting up a tree. Bedsides I wouldn’t have the foggiest idea of which place to go to.”

  “Come on.” He helped her to her feet. “I know just the one. Go get your coat.”

  “David, I don’t have the extra money for a tree. I barely make ends meet on my weekly pay as it is. Extras like Christmas trees are not included.”

  “Who’s asking you to pay? This is my idea, so I’ll take care of it. Just go get ready for a trip to the tree lot. And don’t forget to wear gloves.”

  Before she knew it, they were in his car, driving down the main highway to town. How on earth had she ever let him talk her into this? She wanted nothing to do with Christmas, but here she was going out to get a tree. I do love the sweet smell of pine. I’ll dress it with silver and gold bulbs and a chain of fancy colored lights, perhaps with a garland draped lazily around its branches…

  At the far end of the shopping mall parking lot, a square area had been roped off to house the many fir trees waiting for their new homes. David pulled right up to the entrance. “Here we are. Let’s take a look at what they’ve got.”

  They went in. Trees stood on both sides like a corridor. Nadine inspected each one—to her surprise, she was getting into the search for a tree. She rushed over to a cute little five-foot tree standing at the end of the lineup. “This one looks perfect. Not too big, not too small. It will fit in my living room perfectly. Just right.”

  The man tending the lot helped David tie the tree to the top of his car while Nadine watched, amazed by the change in her attitude. The smell of the pine reminded her of Christmases gone by and how much she had enjoyed them.

  ****

  Ornaments lay strewn on the sofa and across the coffee table, waiting to be selected for a place on the fresh, outstretched branches of the Christmas tree. “I can’t believe I’m decorating a tree when I was sure I’d never do this again. You certainly have a way of convincing me otherwise.” She handed him the star for the top of the tree.

  “That’s because you needed me and didn’t know it.” He laughed as he got down from the chair he’d been standing on. He stepped back to view the flickering star. “She looks good, don’t you think?”

  “Yes. I remember buying that star just before the wedding. I wanted to have a nice Christmas our first year in our new home. Paul never got to see it.”

  David moved close to her and took her hand. “He would have liked it.” He put his arm around her and drew her close. Without hesitation, she turned toward him. His lips met hers with gentle assurance while he held her in his arms.

  A mix of emotions exploded so fast she could hardly catch her breath. Feelings of passion long oppressed, guilt that she could betray Paul’s memory, and her ever-present loneliness. She longed for the peace she felt in his arms, but she drew back and turned away from him. She said nothing else, just continued to place ornaments on the tree.

  David came up to her and placed another soft kiss on her cheek. “I will never do anything to hurt you, but I can’t help myself. You’re so beautiful, so tempting. I couldn’t resist.” He picked up another bulb and placed it on the tree. “Are you getting hungry? It’s been awhile since those hoagies.”

  “Maybe a little. What did you have in mind?”

  “How about some pizza? I know a place not far from here that delivers. They have a great selection. Where is your phone book?”

  She hurried to the closet by the door to get the yellow page directory. As she brought to the living room, David grinned at her. “At this r
ate, we’ll have the tree completely decorated by the time the pizza arrives.” She smiled, picked up another bulb, and handed it to him.

  By the time the pizza arrived, they’d finished decorating the tree. The colorful lights reflected their brightness from the faces of the silver and golden bulbs.

  David placed the flat box on the table while Nadine set out two plates, forks, napkins, and glasses for the liter of cola that had come with the pizza. Tantalizing aromas of pepperoni and cheese escaped through the vented lid.

  Nadine sat across from David at the small round table, her eyes fixed on the contents of the pizza box. He reached in to scoop out a wedge of the pie and held it up to her mouth. She reached with both hands for it while taking a bite. A little giggle bubbled up in her throat.

  Laughing at her enthusiasm, he took another slice for himself. “See, you are hungry. This is good.”

  They both had a second piece and drank another glass of the cola. “Want another piece?” she asked.

  “No, I’ve had my fill, thanks. Put the rest away for your lunch tomorrow.”

  “Thank you so much for the tree.” She looked down at the partially empty box. “And dinner, again. It’s been an interesting day.”

  “I’m glad you enjoyed it. I know I did. Tomorrow, I have to be at the station for my forty-eight hours, but I’ll call you. What time do you usually get home from work?”

  “Some time around five, if I’m not tied up with something more they want done. I never know for sure. But I’m always home by six or six-thirty.” The thought of him calling her again, getting too involved in her daily life, soured her good mood. She turned to him with a sober expression. “I like you, David, but I’m not sure if I’m ready for a relationship. It’s hard for me to even think of dating…”

  He reached across the table and took her hand in his. “I won’t push you, but I still would like to keep in touch. All I ask is for you to think about me if you’ve enjoyed my company. How much I want to see you again, to talk to you, to be with you.” He gave her hand a gentle squeeze. “I understand how you feel about your husband, and I’m not asking to take his place. I only ask that you give me a chance, get to know me better. From the first time I saw you, you’re all I can think about. Just give it a chance, please.”

  He looked so hopeful, almost pleading, she couldn’t say no. “There’s no harm in friendship, I guess, as long as you understand what I’ve been through. You’ve made a difference in my life already and I can’t deny that. I really feel good about the tree, even about Christmas for the first time since Paul…” She paused to hold back her tears, almost choking on them.

  “I do understand,” he said as he rose, bringing her up from her chair by the hand. “Do friends allow a goodnight kiss?”

  She stepped back. “Please, David. I just can’t, not now.”

  He went to the sofa for his jacket, put it on, and walked to the door. “I’ll call you tomorrow night. Stay sweet, sweetie.” He opened the door, giving her a little wave before leaving.

  She watched the door close, trying to process the events of the day. The twinkling of the lights on the tree caught her eye. “Huh, a Christmas tree in my living room,” she mumbled as she began to clear the table. She glanced back at it with a smile.

  The last piece of the scrumptious pizza was too tempting thrown away. She slipped it into a plastic storage bag, and into the fridge it went. Everything was clean and neat again. Time to relax and maybe give Tessa a call.

  “Hi, Tessa.” She sat on the sofa, her legs tucked up under her. “Just thought I’d let you know what I have in my living room. Now be sure you’re sitting down for this.”

  “Okay, this better be good, ‘cause I was about to turn on a movie I’ve been waiting to see.”

  “All right then. It’s something you’ve been nagging me about. I now have a decorated Christmas tree in my apartment and can’t figure out why. Except that a certain fireman who won’t take no for an answer persuaded me into having this wonderful token of the holiday. He even paid for it. It’s beautiful.”

  “Oh, you little stinker, you! I am so happy. I just hope you can enjoy it. Christmas had always been one of your favorite holidays in the past. So, what’s the deal?”

  “He called me this morning, uh, around noon, then he came over. We took out the old ornaments from my closet and before I knew it, I had a tree all decorated in my living room.”

  “Well, do you like it?”

  “Yes, as a matter of fact, I do.”

  “I can’t come over tonight, but I’ll pop in tomorrow to take a look at this wonder of yours. Now tell me what else went on with Mr. Fireman?”

  Nadine shifted to her right when she once again saw a shadow pass through her peripheral vision. “Uh, Tess? Do you believe our dearly departed come around to watch over us?”

  “What? I thought we were talking about a certain fireman. Why are you asking this? Or are you just changing the subject?”

  “No. I really want to know what you think about the hereafter.”

  “Why? Do you think Paul has been coming around?”

  “As a matter of fact, yes, I do. I keep seeing something moving around me at times. A kind of shadow. But it disappears when I try to look straight at it.”

  “Okay, it is possible Paul pays you a visit now and then. I do believe we have a life after death and can look in on our loved ones occasionally. Does this happen often? You never mentioned it before.”

  “Often enough to make me wonder about it. Sometimes I think he’s right here with me. I can feel him, kind of. It’s hard to explain.”

  “Well, this could be a good thing. Maybe he’s letting you know he’s all right, not to worry about him. It also could mean he wants you to go on with your life.”

  “If that’s the case, I wish he’d give me some kind of a sign. Something to let me know he’s all right with what I’m doing. I’d feel a lot better about so many things—like David. I really like him, but I just can’t stop thinking about Paul. It’s like I’m cheating on him. I know that sounds stupid, but it’s the way I feel.”

  “You need to stop that way of thinking and get a life, Nadine. I’m sure Paul would want you to.”

  “Yeah, well, at least I now have a Christmas tree which I was not going to have. It’s here, I really like it. You’ll have to buzz over to see it. David helped me decorate it. He’s so funny, he makes me laugh. He also makes me crazy.”

  “This is a good thing. You should keep on seeing him. Time will tell if he’s a good match for you. Keep an open mind, let things fall in place.”

  “Hold it. No one is talking about a match here, or anything like it. I like him as a friend. Now, Miss Know-it-All, I have to go. We can talk another time. ‘Bye.”

  “All right, ‘bye.”

  Nadine scanned the room for a few moments in hopes of seeing the shadow again. She whispered, “Paul, if this is you, please somehow let me know. I love you, but I need to go on. I’m having a lot of trouble with it.”

  She rose from the sofa, turning off the lamp on the end table beside her. The tree lights shimmered in the darkened room, twinkling gleefully against the branches and ornaments. How beautiful they looked. She watched for a while, then shut them down for the night. Tomorrow is another workday, she thought as she made her way to the bedroom. Morning came early.

  Chapter Five

  Nadine hated having to go out in the cold of the morning. Flakes of snow flew past the living room window as she turned on the TV to catch the day’s weather report. She gulped down the last of her coffee, her attention focused not only on the local weather report, but also on the snow outside the window. Some things can’t be changed, she thought, and weather is one of them.

  With the challenge of the day ahead of her, she dressed and hurried out to her car. She kicked a pile of snow away from the door and got in, turning on the ignition. The warmth from the heater couldn’t come fast enough. She rubbed her gloved hands together and started out for wo
rk.

  At least the streets had been plowed. Traffic moved along at a constant pace. For the first time in the past few weeks, she noticed the Christmas decorations placed on the streetlight poles. She hadn’t paid any attention to them until now.

  The morning began with many phone calls looking for Mr. Williams, the top attorney for the firm. Nadine had no idea when he’d be in, and took down messages with promises that she’d try to locate him. The week was off to its usual busy start.

  Close to the lunch hour, Nadine made her usual trip down to the small lunch counter located on the main floor of the building. Many tables and chairs were set up for the noon crowd, and a large-screen TV overlooked the area. Nadine found it most convenient. She always kept up on what was going on with the local news.

  She’d chosen ham and cheese on rye, a cup of hot tea, and a small bowl of assorted fruit. She took a seat at one of the empty tables facing the TV. The noon news was about to begin. She’d just unwrapped her sandwich and opened her mouth to take a bite when a report began about a serious fire in the inner city. It brought her attention to the film clip running on the screen.

  She clamped a hand over her mouth as she watched the scene—flames engulfing not just one, but three houses on the east side. Firemen swarmed between the burning buildings, their hoses pumping water at the fire. One fireman collapsed right in front of the camera. Two others raced to help him up and away from the heat.

  Horror filled Nadine so she could hardly catch her breath. “David…” She spoke his name softly, but with deep concern. Tears swelled in her eyes, spilling down her cheeks. “Oh, please.” She clinched her fists against the sides of her face. “Please, not him.” She wiped the tears from her cheeks with her napkin. Cold fingers of fear ran down her spine. She couldn’t bear having another man in her life burned to death. Not again, please. Not again.

  “Are you all right?” a nearby security guard asked. She looked up at him and nodded. He gave her a gentle pat on her shoulder before he walked away.