by E. M. Leya
"I hope that's all it is." I stood, rolling my shoulders as I waited for Bayne. It was easier to let him lead me back to the bedroom than try and find my own way. I was getting better at estimating where I was, but still not perfect.
Once in the bedroom, I stripped off my clothes, excited to shift and be with my mate. A night curled up on the bed was exactly what I needed. Well, no, I needed a night out running and hunting with my mate, but that wasn't going to happen right now with as tired as I was and my blindness. It was going to take time to learn how to move through the forest together when I couldn't see. I hoped a donor was found quickly so I wouldn't even have to try.
"You are the sexiest man alive." Bayne pressed his naked body against mine.
I grinned, enjoying the feel of him against me. "Other than you, of course."
"We make a good team."
"We do." I ran my hands down his side as I kissed him softly.
Bayne pulled back. "My wolf is growling. He wants his turn with you. I promise I'll remind you just how sexy you are when we shift back."
"I'm holding you to that." I took two steps back and went to my knees, ready to shift. "I love you."
"I love you too." Bayne sounded as if he was on the floor too.
I relaxed, and stepped back, ready for my wolf to step forward, but was surprised when my wolf seemed to ignore me and refuse to come. I closed my eyes, focusing inward on my wolf, finding him withdrawn and refusing to communicate with me. Again, I tried to shift, but my wolf didn't move.
I'd never experienced anything like it. My wolf always wanted out. He loved the freedom and hated that we spent so much time in human form. And now, with my mate, he seemed to always push me to shift, but as I thought back over the last day or two, he had been oddly silent. The only time I remembered him stirring was when we were watching Justin be tortured. He'd wanted a part in that. His anger at being blind was strong and he'd wanted to kill the man who made us that way.
Bayne's wolf licked my arm.
"I'm trying. My wolf won't come forward." I closed my eyes again, hoping that the nearness of Bayne's wolf would draw mine forward.
Still nothing.
I felt him inside me, but it was almost as if he was lying in the corner of my mind, refusing to get up, refusing to even acknowledge me. "Bayne, he's not coming. I can't shift." I tried again.
After several minutes I sat down on the floor, tired and sweaty from trying to force the shift when my wolf didn't want to come forward. I shook my head, unsure what to do. I'd never heard of anyone not being able to shift. There were times one side fought with the other and forced them to not shift, or even times my wolf had forced the shift on me, but the nothingness of this was scaring me.
"What is it?" Bayne was in human form again and pulling me onto his lap.
I shook my head. "I don't know. He's there, but it's like he won't come. He just lays there like he isn't interested in even paying attention to what is going on around us. He didn't even blink when your wolf licked me."
"Is he sick?"
"I don't think so. If he was, I would be too, wouldn't I?"
"I'd think so, but I don't know. Maybe it's something we don't know about. That could be why you're so tired. I'm calling Cohen." Bayne stood and grabbed his phone.
As Bayne talked to Cohen, I got a wave of worry from Kurt. It was the first time I'd really had him communicate through our link since I'd taken him as my alpha. I sent back a wave of reassurance, not wanting him to worry. It said a lot that Kurt would feel such a minor thing. Pete hardly noticed when his wolves called for help.
"Cohen is off work in ten minutes and said he'd come here but would have Stephen, his mate, with him." Bayne sat down on the floor beside me again. "When was the last time you remember your wolf active?"
"At the cells when you were torturing Justin. He wanted to kill him. He wasn't out of control or anything, but I had to calm him. He wasn't any worse than your wolf probably was. I get he wanted revenge."
"I had to hold my wolf back, especially when Justice shifted."
"Mine never got that bad, he was pacing in my mind, watching, wanting, but never tried to come forward." I brushed my fingers through my hair. "Before that, he's been really quiet, but I thought it was just because we couldn't go running. He didn't have a choice but to let me be in control for a while until we got used to being blind."
"I've never heard of a wolf not being able to shift. It's usually the other way and the wolf keeps trying to take over." Bayne sounded worried.
"I haven't either. He doesn't feel sick, doesn't seem hurt. He's just quiet. Won't move."
"Knowing Cohen, he'll rush right over." Bayne set me off his lap and stood. "Put on a pair of sweatpants and we'll start dinner. The least we can do is feed Cohen for coming out here." Bayne handed me a pair of pants. "Are you okay? You feel normal?"
"Yeah, tired, but I'm fine. Just worried. I've never had my wolf do this. He's always so active, he's part of everything I do, but now it's like he's almost gone." I slipped the pants on. "It's not possible to lose your wolf, is it?"
"I don't think so. He's half of your soul. I don't think we can survive without them. I've never heard of anyone losing their wolf. Hopefully, Cohen knows something about this." Bayne took my hand. "Come keep me company while I cook."
I wasn't hungry, but he was right. The least we could do was feed Cohen after he took the time to come out after a long day at the hospital. Letting him lead me into the kitchen I hoped that there wasn't something seriously wrong with me. I'd already lost my sight. I couldn't lose anything else. I just couldn't handle it.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Bayne
I was just pulling the steaks out of the oven when Cohen knocked on the door. I tried to ignore the nervousness I was feeling from Brett, but the truth was, I was nervous too. This was something neither of us had seen before. I'd never known a wolf to turn down a chance to come out and play, especially with its mate.
As I opened the door, I prayed that Cohen would know what was causing this. "Hey, thanks for coming." I stepped aside. "Stephen, good to see you too."
"I hope you don't mind me coming with him." Stephen smiled as he stepped in after Cohen.
"Not at all. I made dinner if you'd like. We can talk as we eat." I led them into the kitchen without waiting for an answer. After all, I seldom knew a shifter to turn down a steak.
"Brett, good to see you again." Cohen touched Brett's shoulder.
"I wish it was a friendly visit." Brett sighed.
"Even if I'm here to work, it's still friendly. I'd like you to meet my mate, Stephen. Stephen, this is Brett, Bayne's new mate."
Stephen stepped closer and took Brett's hand as he held it out. "Nice to meet you. Sorry I missed you joining the pack. Once you feel better we can link." Stephen smiled.
"Thanks, it's nice to meet you as well. Sorry to drag you and Cohen out here so late after a long day." Brett frowned.
I sent him a wave of love through our link, hating that he felt guilty for having Cohen come out. I just wanted him better. If that meant bothering Cohen for a few hours, I'd happily do it.
"It's not a big deal. It was a nice drive, besides, it's the first time I've been out to see Bayne's place. It's beautiful out here." Cohen narrowed his eyes at me.
I laughed. "I haven't had any reason to have anyone out."
"Looks like good hunting land." Stephen stared out the kitchen window to the forest surrounding my house.
"It can be." I set a bowl of steamed vegetables on the table, then the plates with the steaks. "What does everyone want to drink?"
"Beer if you have it," Cohen said.
"Same for me." Stephen smiled.
"Water for me." Brett lifted his head toward me.
I grabbed what they wanted and a beer for myself and joined them at the small table.
"So, Brett, do you mind talking about your problem in front of Stephen or would you rather wait until we're done eating?" Cohen asked a
s he cut into his steak.
"I'm fine now." Brett set his fork down and sighed. "It's just that I can't shift. I've tried, but my wolf doesn't want to come forward. It's like he's lying there flipping me the bird."
"You feel him, right? You know he's there?" Cohen didn't look very concerned.
"Yeah, I can feel him. He's there. He knows what is going on. When we were at the cells earlier he wanted to come out, but now, he just refuses." Brett shook his head and blew out a frustrated breath. "I've never known anyone unable to shift."
"I've never seen it happen, but there are cases of it. Several things can cause it. Drug use is one, but I haven't seen any signs of you using anything, right?" Cohen asked.
Brett shook his head. "Never, not even in high school when others were. Hell, I haven't taken anything since the night you gave me painkillers after the attack."
"Drinking a lot?" Cohen glanced at me.
"We went out one night with Kurt, but we only had a few beers. Nothing that would have affected him in any way." I reached over and placed a hand on Brett's leg.
"Have you been sleeping?" Cohen took a drink of his beer.
"Actually, we were going to talk to you about that the next time we saw you." Brett leaned closer to me. "I'm tired. I don't do anything but I'm up a few hours and I feel as if I'd spent days hunting. I'm exhausted by the time we get home and I hit the bed."
"No fever, chills, or anything physical?" Cohen asked.
"Other than being tired, that's it." Brett shrugged. "I didn't even notice my wolf being distant really until tonight. We were going to shift and spend the night together, but I suddenly couldn't shift. As I got thinking about it, the last time I felt my wolf was at the cells."
"Did you help at the cells?" Cohen took a bite of his steak.
"I watched, but didn't do anything," Brett told him.
"Would it matter?" I asked.
"It might. If he wanted to help and you didn't let him." Cohen glanced over at me.
"You mean me let him?" I didn't understand.
"No, I mean if Brett's wolf wanted to and he didn't let him."
Brett nodded. "I held him back. He wanted to kill him, but that wasn't our place. Nothing we did would have mattered anyway. It wouldn't make me see again."
"Still, your wolf wanted revenge. It doesn't matter now, it's over with, but I think what we are dealing with is your wolf is depressed."
Brett snorted a laugh. "Depressed? Seriously? How can that be? I'm fine."
I bit my lip, trying to figure out what Cohen was getting at. It didn't make sense to me. If the wolf was depressed Brett should have shown signs of it too.
"While you and your wolf are one soul, you are two different personalities or spirits. You both have different needs, desires. Think of today, he wanted to come out and kill, but you in human form knew that the right belonged to Bridger's family. You think like a human. Your wolf thinks like a wolf. How many times have we all argued with our wolf over something? It happens all the time. Think of our matings. My wolf would have never waited weeks for Stephen to agree, and his wolf wouldn't hesitate. It was our human sides that did that. The wolf's needs are primal. Eat, sleep, hunt, sex. What I'm guessing has happened is with you being blind, your wolf is wondering how to fulfill those needs. Yes, you feed him, you are probably having sex, you sleep, but not in the way he does. While being blind affects you as a human in a lot of ways, it almost stops your wolf from doing what comes naturally to him. Have you let him out to run, to hunt?"
"No, not really." Brett sighed. "I've shifted, but not often."
"It might not matter how often you shifted if your wolf is taking the blindness as an end to everything he loves to do," Cohen said.
"How do I make him better?" Brett gripped my hand in his.
"I don't know. Usually, I'd tell you to spend a day as wolf, running, hunting, and letting him have control of everything for a while. It's not that easy for you. Being blind, your wolf needs to relearn how to do everything. He can't just jump off the front porch and take off through the forest."
"But if I can't shift, I can't do that, even if I could run through the forest. He has to let me shift in order to try that stuff. He won't even stir. He's listening, watching, but other than that, he's not active." Brett reached out for his drink, taking a long swallow before turning to me. "Is there a way for Bayne's wolf to force this? Being my mate can he call to my wolf?"
"You can try. I don't know enough about the mating connection to know if it would work, but if anyone can lure him out, it's his mate." Cohen looked at me. "Bayne, tomorrow, or tonight if you want, shift and go outside. Howl for your mate to join you. Tempt him with a short run around the yard where you won't get hurt. Do whatever you can to try and draw him out."
I nodded. "I'll do whatever I can. He'll get over this, right?"
"He should. I've only read of one case where a wolf withdrew and never came forward again and that was a strange case of a murdered mate and violent attack many years ago. Your wolf is young and strong. You have your mate here to help. I hope it's just his way of dealing with everything that has been going on."
"There's no medication or anything I can take?"
"Not that will help. It's hard enough to find drugs that work on shifters. You'd have to take so much of something to have any effect that it could be dangerous. It's not worth the risk. I can't imagine your wolf will stay back for long. His basic needs will be met. Maybe try not eating as human. Have raw steak out so he is tempted when hungry, let him see Bayne out running, playing. Have Bayne's wolf tempt him with sex, whatever you can do to draw him out." Cohen looked back and forth between Brett and me.
"Are you sure that it's depression and not something else?" Brett asked.
"No, I can't be sure, but, I can't think of anything else it could be. Other than your blindness you are in perfect health. You have no physical issues from the attack. You don't show signs of an infection or being ill in any way. I am going to research it when I get home, see if I can find any other case studies or information. I'll call a few colleagues, see if they know anything that can help." Cohen glanced at Stephen. "If you want, after we eat, we can all shift and see if that will help draw him out. Maybe if he sees us outside, running around the backyard, he'll want to join."
"I'd appreciate that." Brett sighed. "I thought once Justin was dead I could move on. I guess half of me isn't ready yet."
"You've been through a lot. Don't be too hard on yourself. It's just going to take time to adjust. Let me research and we'll see what we can come up with," Cohen promised.
"Thanks." Brett again reached for his fork.
"So, what is new with the two of you?" I wanted to change the topic, try and take Brett's mind off of his wolf.
"We're headed to Virginia this summer." Stephen smiled.
"Wow, that should be a fun trip. Do you know people there?" Brett asked.
"Pack Authority closed down my old pack due to illegal activities by the alpha. When they split the pack up, a few people went to Virginia. I wasn't very close to many of my old pack, but there were a couple people I try to keep in touch with." Stephen shrugged.
"Illegal activities? Is my old pack looking at the same possibilities? Would they close the pack?" Brett asked.
"No. I don't think so. The things going on in Stephen's pack were a lot worse than what Pete does. Not that Pete isn't bad, but Stephen's pack was killing humans, biting young humans to add to his pack. A lot of dark things," I explained.
"Have you met Rick?" Stephen asked.
"I don't think so." Brett turned his head toward me.
"No, he hasn't been around much since he started that new job," Bayne said.
"Oh, well, he's from my old pack, but the rest are scattered around the country. It's a long story that I'll let Bayne explain sometime." Stephen reached for his beer.
"Virginia sounds fun. I've never been that far east." Brett picked at his food.
"Neither one of us have either
. We're looking forward to it." Cohen smiled. "What about you two? Anything new?"
"No, we really haven't had time to plan or do much. We've been tracking down Brett's attacker, but now that we've taken care of that, hopefully, we can enjoy things a bit more. His family is moving here in the next week, so that will keep us busy for a while, getting them a house and settled in."
"New pack members are always welcome." Cohen met my gaze across the table. "I'm looking forward to meeting your family, Brett."
"It's just my mom and dad. My sister will be around some, but she's a model and travels a lot," Brett explained.
We talked a bit more as we finished eating, but I was only half listening. Brett's uneasiness worried me. He was stressed, and I didn't blame him. I couldn't imagine my wolf not wanting to come forward. Even now as we were eating, he was right there in my mind, listening and waiting for a chance to come out.
Once we finished, I left the dishes for later and we all headed into the backyard. I rolled my shoulders as I inhaled the cool night air. The moon was high in the sky, filling the yard with a dim light.
"I love your yard." Cohen grinned as he stripped off his clothes. "I can shift in mine, but it doesn't connect to the forest. I'd be running every night if I had this place."
"It's nice. My nearest neighbor is Walter. So, we meet in the woods often and hunt together." I couldn't wait for Brett to be able to join us on those hunts.
Stephen set his clothes on one of the lawn chairs. "We'd never sleep if we had a place like this."
I watched my mate strip. "It's nice not to have to worry about having anyone around. I don't know how you live in the middle of town." I'd only been to Cohen's a few times over the years, and while he had a nice place, he couldn't really run.
"It's close to the pack and the hospital." Cohen shrugged.
Brett set his clothes aside before moving toward me. "He's not even interested."
"Your wolf?" I asked.
He nodded.
"Let's see what happens once we all shift and are running around. We'll stay in the open area where you'll be safe if you shift." I hugged him tightly, wishing I could take his fear and pain away. "Ready?" I pulled back and we both lowered to the ground.