by T. K. Chapin
“And you must be Jill,” the woman said, shaking her hand.
“Yes,” Jill replied, perplexed.
“Rose and I know each other from the homeless shelter in Spokane. We both helped hand out meals the other day.” Jake smiled over at Rose.
“He wouldn’t stop talking about you,” Rose added, smiling at Jake and then over at Jill.
He went beet red in embarrassment. “Rose . . . ” he said, trying to get her to stop.
Jill smiled as her heart warmed. She realized he did still have an interest in her.
Rose said, “I have to get going. It was nice seeing you again, Jake.” They hugged and she headed out to the parking lot, leaving Jake and Jill on the boardwalk.
“You helped the homeless?” Jill asked, looking at him.
“I try to help whenever I can.”
“Wow. Well, you’re just perfect, aren’t ya?” Jill asked jokingly.
Jake shook his head. “I’m not perfect by any means. Hey, sorry about not calling the last couple of weeks. I’ve been meaning to reach out to you again. Things have been really complicated lately.”
“It’s okay,” she replied, turning to walk with him to their cars. The snow had stopped, and a white blanket of snowflakes covered the parking lot, pine trees and buildings.
Jake seemed so nice, so perfect, and so unbelievable. Jill found herself gushing over him. As they arrived to her car, they both paused for a moment.
It might have been the holiday or the half glass of wine she’d had at her parents’ house, but something came over Jill in that moment. She closed her eyes and leaned in to kiss him.
“Jill . . . ” he said softly, killing the moment.
She opened her eyes and went red in embarrassment as she pulled back. “What?” she replied.
He didn’t say anything, just stood there awkwardly, making Jill all the more uncomfortable.
“Whatever, Jake,” she said in reply to his silence. She got into her car and slammed the door in frustration. Tossing the sack into the passenger seat, she turned the key over and took off.
She put herself out there for this guy, and he rejected her coldly. Jake had no idea of Jill’s background with Bradley dying or just how much courage that took on her part, and she felt devastated. With tears running down her cheeks, she prayed on the way home for God to help her.
Getting back to the house, she wiped her eyes and took a deep breath before walking inside.
“Hey, Sis, you okay?” Joseph asked, rising from his seat on the couch.
“I’m fine,” she replied, ducking her head and covering her face with a hand on her forehead as she hurried through the living room and into the kitchen. As she entered, her father, Adam, looked up from the table to meet her eyes.
“Honey?” he said.
Jill felt her emotions were in check when she walked into her parents’ house, but making eye contact with her father caused her to break. Tears rolled down her rosy cheeks again as she sat the sack down on the table and took off her coat. Struggling to speak, she said, “It’s a hard day.”
“Brad?” he asked, standing up and taking her coat from her. Her father helped her through the loss of Bradley more than anyone else in her life had. He’d stayed the night with her over at her house on several occasions shortly after Bradley had passed. He pointed her to God over and over again through the difficulties, and while she still had pains and hurt left from losing Bradley, God took the brunt of the burden from her. Her father, Adam, was always just a phone call away, and she took great comfort in that fact. Adam was someone whom everyone in the community relied upon. As the pastor of the community church in town, Adam was looked at as a pillar of faith for the town of Suncrest.
“It’s kind of about Bradley . . . ” Jill started to say.
“Go on,” he said, motioning for her to sit down as he handed Julie the sack and Jill’s coat. Jill also handed her scarf to Julie to put away as she took a seat at the table with her father.
“I met someone, and . . . ” Jill paused, looking up at her father. She didn’t want to go into the details of how she was so forward with this new guy. “I just put myself out there . . . and it took a lot to do that, you know? And the guy rejected me.”
Her dad was quiet as he processed the information and nodded. Then he said, “Do you have feelings for this new guy?” he asked, bringing his hands together on the table.
“Yeah, but I don’t know him that much . . . but I know I haven’t felt anything like this in a long time. His name is Jake.”
Saying it out loud to her father felt weird. Being inside the walls of the house where her and Bradley’s marriage reception was held just made it feel all the more awkward.
Jill recalled the evening when Bradley’s mother had stopped by and she began to cry harder. “Susan came by the other night, Dad!”
“Susan cares about you, Jill. That’s not a bad thing.”
Slowing her crying down, she wiped her eyes and shook her head. “She told me she wished it would have been me who died!”
“What?” he replied, eyebrows furrowed. “Why would she say that?”
“I was all dolled up for a date that night with Jake when she suddenly came over. It was mortifying, Dad. I haven’t been on a single date since Bradley passed, and the one night I do, she decides to stop by!”
He shook his head and said, “That wasn’t right of her to say that to you.”
Jill’s mother had been standing in the doorway from the living room to the kitchen, listening to their conversation. She came over to Jill and leaned down, wrapping her arms around her. “I love you, honey.”
“I love you too, Momma,” Jill replied, hugging her back.
Adam stood up and came around the table to Jill and Julie. He wrapped his arms around both of them and said, “You don’t focus on Susan’s words, Jill. While what she said to you was wrong, she’s just hurting.”
Julie added, “As for this new guy . . . Pray about it and let God take care of the details.”
Jill smiled through the tears as she felt the warmth and love of her parents fill her. Even though she hadn’t been a child in their home for over a decade, they still made her feel loved, important and cared for.
**
After the big Thanksgiving meal, everyone made their way from the dining room to the living room. It was time to gather around for the old family tradition of Jill’s father playing his guitar while leading everyone in song.
Jill was about to leave the dining room when her grandmother, Ruth, called out for her from the table.
“Jill,” Ruth said with a delicate and fragile voice.
Stopping, she turned and smiled. She came back over to her grandma and said, “I thought Joseph was going to wheel you in.”
“He brought me in here, but I think he’s still upstairs in the bathroom.”
“I’m right here,” Joseph said, walking in from the side doorway into the dining room.
“That’s okay, I got it,” Jill said, smiling over at Joseph.
“Thanks, sis,” he replied and left into the living room.
Grabbing onto each of the handles of the wheelchair, Jill pulled her grandma out from the table and pushed her across the floor into the living room. As Jill positioned her in the circle in the living room, Ruth grabbed onto Jill’s hand and smiled as she patted it.
Jill found a seat over on the couch and listened as her father opened up their time with a prayer.
“Dear Father, God in Heaven. We come to you today giving thanks for our lives. Each day, help us remain grateful and full of gratitude for what we have, for each day is a gift in itself. I pray you continue to bless this time we have together as a family, and I ask you fill the hearts of my family with joy. We pray these things in your name, Amen.”
Adam began to pull his guitar up onto his lap when Jill’s grandmother decided to speak up.
“I have an announcement,” she said, raising her hand in the air.
Jill shot a
look over to her mother to see if she had any idea what was going on. Julie looked just as confused as Jill felt. Jill became worried.
“Okay, Ruth. Go ahead,” Adam said, letting his guitar relax on his knees.
“As you know, this last week I had an appointment with Dr. Evans.”
“Yeah. You said it went as expected,” Julie said, reassuring Jill that everything was okay.
“I did say that,” Ruth replied, looking over at Julie. She let out a sigh and said, “But I lied. It’s most likely down to weeks now . . . ”
Jill’s eyes began watering as she felt a knot appear in her chest. How many times am I going to cry today?
“Can you stay with us?” Adam asked. “We wouldn’t want it any other way, Ruth.”
“The hospital has all the equipment I need. It’s not exactly the most affordable stuff to rent out and have at the house. I have to relocate to the hospital.”
“Hopefully we can find a way to keep you home,” Adam said as he stood up and walked over to his wife, putting a hand on her shoulder. “God will provide.”
Jessica, Jill’s seven-year-old sibling, was sitting at the feet of Adam and Julie. She reached up and tugged on Adam’s shirt. “Why’s Momma crying, Daddy?”
Adam got down on one knee and pulled Jessica in close to him, wrapping his arm around her shoulder. He ushered the other children to scoot over to him. Looking them all in the eyes, he said, “Grandma’s going to heaven soon.” His eyes filled with tears. He looked up at everyone in the room. “Everyone come in close.”
Everyone got down on the floor—except for Grandma Ruth—and huddled together in a small and tightly fitted group. Light crying soon filled the air of the Parker home that evening as they went to the Lord in prayer again.
“We come to you again, Lord, this time with somber and heavy hearts as we come to the new knowledge about our sister in Christ, Mother and Grandmother Ruth. We pray that we are able to enjoy these final days ahead of us with her and remember that it’s in your time. Not the doctors’, not ours, not anyone’s but your timing, Lord. Help us to find a way to bring her home so she can go in peace, with family surrounding her. We pray, Amen.”
After a few moments of silence and a few more minutes of weeping, everybody returned to their seats in the living room. Clearing his throat and wiping his face of tears, Adam pulled his guitar back onto his lap. “Let’s praise the Lord for this life we have and the hope He provides us.”
Glancing over at her grandmother, Jill was happy to see her smiling and nodding. She seemed happy.
“Jill?” Adam said with a raised eyebrow.
“Yeah?” Jill replied.
“Come sit with me. We’re going to do a song we haven’t done in a long while.”
“Okay,” she replied nervously as she stood up and went over to join his side on the loveseat.
Adam nodded to her and strummed the strings on his guitar. She knew the song immediately; the song was the old hymn, Amazing Grace, the song they had played at Bradley’s funeral. That wasn’t the only history of the song. Before that, it was an old Parker family favorite. “Dad . . . ” Jill said, shaking her head.
“It’ll be okay, Jill,” he said.
Jill was hesitant. “I don’t know . . . ”
“Let’s try it.”
He strummed the strings again and Jill began to sing, “Amazing grace . . . ” then stopped.
Adam joined in as he restarted, “Amazing grace, how sweet the sound . . . ”
Jill wasn’t singing, and tears started to fall from her red and swollen eyes. “I’m not strong enough, Dad.”
“No. You’re not, but we have a Savior that is. Let’s pray,” Adam insisted, putting a hand up on her shoulder for a moment. “Lord, I lift Jill’s heart up to you. Help her heal like she hasn’t been able to do. Help her have your peace and understanding that surpasses anything we can do on our own. And please, Lord, help us all here at the Parker home to set our eyes and minds on you, Lord. Amen.”
Opening her eyes, Jill felt the Holy Spirit move her. There was quietness over her heart and mind that hadn’t been there before. She could feel it in the depths of her soul. It was similar to the quietness one finds in the late evening after a snowfall.
Opening her lips, she began to sing as her father played the guitar.
“Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see.”
Pausing for a moment, she invited everyone in the room to join in on the singing by motioning with a hand. Everyone, including Grandma Ruth, joined in.
“T’was Grace that taught my heart to fear,
And Grace my fears relieved.
How precious did that Grace appear
The hour I first believed.
Through many dangers, toils and snares
I have already come;
'Tis Grace that brought me safe thus far
And Grace will lead me home.
The Lord has promised good to me.
His word my hope secures.
He will my shield and portion be,
As long as life endures.
Yea, when this flesh and heart shall fail,
And mortal life shall cease,
I shall possess within the veil,
A life of joy and peace.
When we've been there ten thousand years
Bright shining as the sun.
We've no less days to sing God's praise
Than when we've first begun.”
The Parker home had found out rather heavy-hitting news that Thanksgiving, but they were able to praise God through the heartache and turn their hearts and minds to focus on the Lord.
Jill had found peace in her heart in a way she hadn’t been able to capture since Bradley’s passing. She didn’t feel bound and tied to the guilt she had been dragging along with her for the last two years. She didn’t know what her and Jake’s future held, but regardless, she felt a newfound freedom in the peace of the Lord.
CHAPTER 5
The following Sunday after Thanksgiving, Jill decided to return to the community church in Suncrest. She had been attending church in Spokane to avoid the awkwardness she feared in returning to the same church she and Bradley had attended.
Pulling into the parking lot that Sunday morning, she saw Jake’s Pinto. Of course . . . she thought to herself as she found a parking spot and got out of her car.
“Is that you, Jill?” a woman’s familiar voice shot across the parking lot behind her.
She turned and saw that it was Samantha, an old friend she had grown up with at the church and even attended school with. “Hey, Sam,” Jill said, walking over to meet her in the parking lot.
Samantha hugged her tightly and grabbed onto her arms. “It’s been so long!” she said.
“I know,” Jill replied, forcing out a smile to match Samantha’s.
“Let’s get out of the cold and get inside,” she insisted to Jill.
Stepping into the church, Jill was greeted by a dozen or so familiar faces she hadn’t seen in years. Samantha split off from her as more familiar faces ambushed her. Margret, Ron and a few other older people that had been at the church as far back as she could remember were there, hugging her and kissing her on the cheek.
“It’s been so long,” Margret said, looking into Jill’s eyes. “We missed you a lot.”
“I know,” Jill said. She was relieved nobody was talking about the passing of Bradley. She kept a lookout for Jake. The last thing she wanted to do was have a conversation with him after the weirdness they’d had in the parking lot when he rejected her.
“Adam says you’ve been going to a place in town?” Ron prodded as Jill was surveying the crowd. “Hope you’re back home for good, kid.”
“We’ll see,” she said, directing her eye contact back to Ron.
Through the sanctuary’s windows, she saw Samantha head up to join the ch
oir in the front of the church. Jill knew that was an indicator that the service would be starting soon. She made her way into the sanctuary, still looking around cautiously. She chose not to sit with her mother and older brother, Joseph, up in the front pew, or the siblings that were sprinkled in with the youth group. Instead, she chose to sit by herself in a pew halfway up on the right side of the church.
While she waited for the services to start, she stopped looking for Jake and turned her attention to the bulletin in her hand that she received when she walked into the church. Glancing over the announcements, she was surprised when Jake suddenly sat down in front of her and leaned over the pew.
“Aren’t you just Miss Popular? Everybody’s clawing over each other to shake your hand,” he said, smiling as he leaned his chin over his crossed arms. He acted like nothing had happened in the parking lot; Jill was confused.
“Whatever,” Jill replied curtly. She pulled the bulletin closer to her face to try to get him to leave. She couldn’t help but still feel something for him, even though he had coldly rejected her in the parking lot out in front of the boardwalk.
“Guess I’ll leave you alone,” he said somberly as he stood up and left the pew.
Jill felt a little bad and looked over her shoulder as she watched him walk down the aisle toward the back of the sanctuary. He can’t just sit down and expect me to act like nothing happened! She furrowed her eyebrows. He was downright rude on Thanksgiving!
**
After the services, the vast majority left the sanctuary and reconvened in the commons area for cookies and coffee. After Jill picked out a cookie and poured herself a cup of coffee, she took a seat at one of the tables near the exit. Just in case Jake wanted to bug her more, she had an escape route.
Seeing Jake walking right toward her, she furrowed her eyebrows at him in the hope to discourage him from sitting. Then she realized he wasn’t looking at her. She turned and looked to see that it was Rose sitting at a table behind her. Rose? Again? Was that why he didn’t kiss me, I wonder? He has something going on with her?