by Misti Murphy
“What I know is that things haven’t been easy on her recently and she has reasons for acting the way she did,” I say as Summer grabs an armful of beers and ciders. Maybe the way we got together is unorthodox, but the connection I feel to her is not wrong. “She wasn’t trying to drive me crazy. She doesn’t have some underhanded reason for getting close to me.”
“I hope you’re right,” he grumbles as we walk toward the girls. “I’ve never seen you so infatuated before. Ever.”
“If you say so…” I play it off like I haven’t noticed exactly how obsessed I am.
Rebel laughs as we drop our empties in the recycle bin before we join the girls. He sees right through me. Senses there’s more here than meets the eye.
“Looking good.” I take Ivy’s wrist and pull her against my chest.
She yelps even though she comes easily, like she was expecting me to keep a certain amount of space between us in front of my family. But that’s not going to happen. I wrap my arms around her bare midriff. Straighten the beaded strap at the nape of her neck. Her skin is warm to the touch and she sinks into me. “How are you doing? Summer, you didn’t quiz her too hard, did you?”
Summer balks. “I don’t interrogate people.”
“Hmm.” I smirk. I still remember the barrage of questions she asked us all when she was trying to work out how to fix my brother’s reputation. “You kind of do.”
“You do, kitten,” Rebel backs me up.
“Unbelievable.” She rolls her gaze at both of us.
“No.” Ivy smiles up at me. “We’ve been having fun. I might have been the one asking the questions, actually.”
Damn, that’s good to hear. It means she’s comfortable with Summer. Which isn’t really surprising. My gonna be sister-in-law-when-my-brother-stops-fucking-around-and-pops-the-question has this magical ability to help people feel their strength. I want that for Ivy. I want her to see herself the way I do. As a fighter. And not as someone who is broken. Or someone who has no control. Or who gives up.
“Thank you, Ivy,” Summer says. “I’m so excited to have another girl around the place. These boys can be a bit much. Especially when they’re together.”
“Red, you love us. Don’t pretend you don’t,” Rebel says. “Are you going to spend the entire evening shielding Ivy with your puny guns, bro, or are you going to introduce us?”
“Hmm, you mean my massive guns. That are bigger than yours. We both know I bench more.” I grin. “Ivy this is Rebel. He’s older than me by one minute and seems to have gotten all the grouchy genes. But he’s a good guy. Ignore what the media says about him because none of it is accurate. Well, except for that bit about urinating on Alec Hawthorne. But it’s not like some weird kink. We just really hate that jerk.”
Ivy makes a strangled sound and sputters into her hand.
“Idiot,” my twin mutters.
“Are you okay?” I ask Ivy.
“How anyone ever thinks you’re charming…” my brother says dryly.
“Mmhmm.” She nods and sniffles.
“Ivy, huh?” His brow creases and unlike Riot he doesn’t offer his hand.
“Ivy Love,” Summer tells him as she hands us each a beer.
That elicits a chuckle and a humorous glance from my twin. “Ever been in love, Rogue?”
“Nope, can’t say I have.” I’ve never been as infatuated with a girl as I am with Ivy, but love is a whole other level of emotional commitment. It’s fucking forever. It’s getting a dog you don’t want. And kicking your pride to the curb. And showing up every freaking day for someone.
Until Ivy I didn’t want to show up on a regular basis for anyone who wasn’t family, let alone every damn day. Didn’t want to worry about letting them down. Yet, with her, yeah, I can see it. Oh fuck, I’m going to be joining the mafia, aren’t I?
“But I bet you wanna be in Love,” he murmurs with a pointed smirk.
In. Love. With her tight walls squeezing me. Fuck, yes I do. Crude bastard. But I suppose I deserve it after all the times I’ve stirred him about Summer. And even my rules don’t seem to stand up to how much I want her. “Don’t be a jackass.”
“Never mind them,” Summer says, while Ivy just appears confused. “This is just how they are.”
“You look kind of familiar, Ivy.” Rebel rubs his jaw.
“That’s what I said.” Every time I ran into Ivy I had this feeling I’d seen her before. And then I figured it was because Ivy was Uma. Also because it turns out I’ve seen her a dozen times I don’t remember, but Rebel doesn’t have any reason to think he recognizes her.
“Have we met before?” he asks.
“I…” She shakes her head. “No, I don’t think so.”
“Unless you saw her at the hospital after I was shot,” I suggest, but even that doesn’t make much sense since she was dolled up to look like that Frozen princess and none of them recalled seeing anyone fitting the description I gave. And she has the artistic capabilities to completely disappear into her artwork.
“Hmm. Not sure.” He turns his attention to the doors as voices come from inside the house. Bianca and Ethan have arrived by the sounds of it. His lips twist in amusement. “Sounds like this party is about to go to hell. Good to meet you, Ivy.”
“Ever considered studying makeup artistry?” I ask as Summer and Rebel head inside to greet the others. I take her hand and lead her to one of the wide loungers, tugging her down next to me.
She shakes her head. “It’s not the kind of thing you make a career out of. It’s just a hobby.”
It seems to me she’s already managing a career in the industry, between the makeup she used to turn herself into animated characters for children and the work she does at the Mojito Bar. “I’ve met a lot of makeup artists who would disagree with you. And there’s so many cool things you could do. Prosthetics and special effects. Human art. I have contacts. I could—”
“You could drop it,” she says. “It’s only a hobby. That’s all.”
“What about costume design? You’re so talented.” Surely she sees that.
She stares out over the water instead of at me. Worries her lip. “I’m going to finish my degree. That’s what my dad would have wanted.”
“Is it though?” For someone with a plan she sure doesn’t seem happy about it. “From everything you told me, I think your dad would want you to be happy. I think he’d not want you to compromise who you want to be.”
“Please, just leave it alone.”
“I can’t when it makes you look like that.”
“Like what?” She frowns at me.
I push out my jaw and take a breath. She’s a fighter, but I don’t think she realizes it yet. I want her to know that I’m in her corner and if I have to push her, I will. “Like you’re resigned to the inevitable. What is it with your family? You make it sound like they’re the mafia.”
She opens her mouth before snapping it shut and swallowing whatever it was she might have said. Hopping off the lounger, she adjusts the strap on her bikini top. “I’m going to swim.”
Chapter Twenty-Four
Ivy
“I didn’t mean to upset you,” Rogue says as he swims up behind me and wraps his arms around my waist. He smooths his lips over my cheek. “I just find myself wanting to make sure you get everything you want. I want you to be happy.”
His touch instantly soothes me. Tingles start to develop as the tension melts from my muscles. At the other end of the pool, the end I avoided when I slipped into the solar heated water, his younger brother and Rochelle Kitt are having an intimate conversation that makes them seem cut off from the rest of us.
Yes, I know who Rochelle Kitt is without having to be introduced to her. Just like I know who the rest of them are. Other than Summer Heart they’re all famous movie stars. Besides recognizing each and every one of them from the big screen, I’ve watched the drama unfold. Heard the gossip. Read between the lines.
Seeing Rebel threw me. I was thrown again wh
en he told me he thought I was familiar. I’m so used to being unnoticed.
I didn’t expect that he would pick up on the fact that we’ve come across each other before, although I didn’t lie when I said we hadn’t met. He’d been on a one-track mission that night. And I’d been with Nathaniel. Not that I would have had the guts to step into Rebel’s path and talk to him anyway.
I’d been so out of place. Uncomfortable. I’d only been out of treatment for a couple of weeks when Nicole had blindsided me, cajoled me into attending the party with Nathaniel. And my guilt was so strong I couldn’t say no to her. Not after what I’d put them all through.
So I’d been there. In the fray. Awkward and somewhat invisible. Almost near enough to feel the splash. Though luckily, not literally that close.
I’d heard the exchange between Rebel and Alec. It had sent chills down my spine. I couldn’t stand there and do nothing. So I did the only thing that I could think to do in that moment. I recorded the whole event on my phone.
Of course Nathaniel had guided me out of the ballroom the moment Rebel had gained the upper hand so I never had a chance to be questioned by the police about what I’d witnessed. Not that it would have made a difference since I probably wouldn’t have been able to find the guts to speak to them. And now it’s too late.
If he works it out he’ll hate me for not coming forward. And so will Rogue. He might be willing to ignore my weaknesses now, but how many flaws can I expect him to overlook? Especially when it impacts his family.
I wish my family were the mafia. At least they have a code. They have loyalty and honor. My dad was one of those people. Not in the mafia. Honorable. If anything, he tried too hard to keep the peace. He let it blind him to what our household was really like. My mom took advantage of that.
And now I’m trying to keep the peace, because it’s what he would have wanted. I’m just not sure I can keep going along with it. The more of me I find the more I think I don’t want that life anymore.
But cutting ties isn’t easy either. They’re my family.
“Ivy, talk to me,” Rogue says gruffly against my shoulder. “I can’t handle your silence when you’re upset because of me.”
I turn around. Water beads on the tips of his hair and his eyelashes and the end of his nose. His blue orbs stare at me like he isn’t certain what his next move should be. He’s chased me. Caught me. Treated me like I have a voice. Forgiven me for keeping my identity from him. Dealt with the idea that I break his rules. He’s into me anyway.
He isn’t the one who needs to make up his mind about what the next move should be. That’s on me. I can’t be with Rogue and keep all these things about my family locked up tight like I’m going to be able to go back to that life at some point. For years, I did what was expected of me. I played the role of dutiful daughter and pretended that I didn’t hate every moment of it. I let my mom dictate my future in every way imaginable. And when my dad asked me to keep the peace with her of course I promised that I would do it.
With Rogue I can just be. With Rogue I finally feel free. Confident, even.
“I thought about it,” I admit. “I poured over catalogues to all the best cosmetology academies, when I was looking at colleges. I finally decided to apply to Cinema Makeup School. I got accepted. I even had a good chunk of money saved from helping the queens with their costumes, which I planned to use toward first semester tuition. But mom wanted me to study business. She was adamant it would be a smarter career move for me. That it would make me useful to her company, since I refused to be a leader. To her, cosmetology is grunt work. It’s what people who aren’t born to shine do. It’s not what we do.”
And I hate it. Because I’m not that girl. I don’t want to shine. I want to be…just…me. Quiet, in the background, Ivy Rose Love.
“Does she have any idea what makeup artists actually do?” Rogue grumbles. “I couldn’t live without mine. She’s the reason I look so damn fire on screen. I literally won’t make a movie without Petra.”
I shrug. “It doesn’t matter.”
“Of course it matters.” I jump at the anger in his voice, and he softens. “Anyone can see you’re exceptionally talented. I hope you know that you are.”
“My family is all about expectations and appearance.” I snort under my breath at the irony of finding my creative passions in a field that is about exactly that. Only, with my family it doesn’t matter how perfect it might appear on the outside, on the inside it’s completely rotten. My brother is a nightmare. Nicole will never let me out from under her thumb. Rogue will never be a welcome part of my life.
No, he will never be a welcome part of that life, but I don’t have to be either. What is it Dr. Keller always says about being my own entity? I’m starting to find that with Rogue’s support I do have the spine for it. Or at the very least, I will, in time. “Dad suggested a compromise. They would pay for Cal State and I could take cosmetology outside of that if that was what I wanted.”
Of course I said yes. Because I always said yes to him. How could I not when he was always in my corner in every way except against Nicole? “So I started Cal State and not Cinema Makeup School. And the classes weren’t too bad. I figured I’d get settled in and then decide whether I still wanted to pursue cosmetology. Then everything happened with my dad…and with me…”
He holds me that little bit more carefully, but also tighter. I find strength in his support. “So why not change now?”
“I guess because I feel like I owe my dad. He wanted me and Mom to get along more than anything. He made me promise that I would find a way.” But that is probably never going to happen. “When I moved in with Adira, I knew I couldn’t continue living the same way, but I still felt like it was my duty. I’d made a promise. I was fighting so hard to just feel normal. I was still so lost. I compromised with Mom because that’s what my dad would have wanted. I’d live with Adira while I went to college. Explore my options. When second year internships started, I would work for her. I’d continue to work for her until I paid off my tuition.”
But lately it feels like nothing I do will ever be enough for my mom. And this business with her pushing Nathaniel Croft and me together every chance she gets sets off wailing internal alarms inside me.
I used to think of him, not just as one of Dad’s business acquaintances, but almost as a friend. He was so much younger than the rest of them. Only a few years older than my brother, and so smart. But I would never date him. Not for Nicole. Not even for my dad.
How much am I willing to let her take from me in order to keep our family whole? At what point do I absolve myself of the guilt I feel over breaking my promises?
“We need to get you out of that agreement,” he says.
“Huh?” My heart jolts, and it takes a second for me to recall there’s no way he can read my thoughts. “What?”
“I’ll pay your tuition. We’ll pay back whatever you owe her. You can choose—”
I clap my hand over his mouth. How can he be so generous when he barely knows me? Sure, we’ve pranced around each other for a couple of months. Gotten somewhat intimate. Talked into the wee hours of the night one time. And shared secrets while cuffed together. But we’re still so new. He only found out who I am a few hours ago, and even now, “I’m practically a stranger.”
“You’re my girl.” He moves his hands to my ass and slides his palms down the back of my thighs as he scoops my legs up around his hips. “We’ve talked more and shared more in the time I’ve known you than I’ve ever shared with anyone who wasn’t related to me by blood. I’ve been more open with you than I’ve been with my friends over there.”
“That was Uma,” I say. “Not me.”
“That was you. Unrestrained Uma. Brave Ivy. You.” He tips my chin up with his fingertips. Touches my mouth with the pad of his thumb. “Just because you chose to wear a costume and call yourself something different, it doesn’t mean I didn’t see who you truly are. I listened to every word that fell from your
gorgeous lips. I saw every expression that crossed your exquisite face. I observed everything you told me with your body.”
My mouth waters. I want to suck that thumb between my lips. Bite down on the fleshy pad with my teeth. His touch does things to me. It stirs up a part of me that does not want to be contained. The tingles under my skin congregate between my legs. I feel him there too, through his trunks. Thickening. Hard. I want to reach down and wrap my hand around his erection, but I’m well aware of our surroundings.
Riot and Rochelle are climbing out of the pool a few yards away. Grabbing towels. Drying off. Rebel and Ethan and their other friend Linc are drinking beers around the grill. Summer and Bianca Del Ray are conversing on the lounge that faces the electric fireplace.
Rogue’s blue orbs darken as his pupils expand. He leans in until his lips touch my neck. “You are beautiful, sexy, cute, funny. I saw it when you were Uma. I didn’t want to be aware of it when I ran into you as Ivy, but that doesn’t mean I wasn’t, each time we came into one another’s orbit. Although it did bewilder me. Until Ben filled me in on what should have been so obvious. What I can’t believe I missed.”
“I worked really hard on making you miss it.” This thing between us was not supposed to grow and become this warm, encompassing, sometimes giddy sensation in my chest. I thought I was safe. I was sure I’d never willingly open myself up and let pain have another opportunity to get under my skin. But here I am. Just as obsessed as he is. And with everything to lose. “I want you.”
He growls against my throat. The vibration of his lips on my skin makes me melt. “You’ve got me. Which is why I’m going to pay your tuition.”
“No.” I try to keep my voice steady when his teeth press into my skin. Try to keep the greed for him to myself. “I won’t let you do that. I can’t. It’s too much.”
“It’s pocket change.” His stubble follows after his teeth. First up to my pulse point and then down to my collarbone. His tongue snakes a line along that bit of bone.