by Misti Murphy
“No, it’s really not.” Once upon a time I would have believed that, but I know better now. The money I had saved for my education went quickly while I found my feet outside the institute. Between rent and my car and starting over from scratch it didn’t go far.
Nicole wouldn’t even let me go home to get my clothes. My wardrobe was bursting with designer clothes and shoes. Maybe it still is. I have no idea, because I haven’t been back.
Instead I held down several jobs to make ends meet. I chose to stay with Adira long term. I agreed to work in the background at Nicole’s charity until she deems my debt paid. I’m strong enough to handle that. I’m strong enough to make it clear that I’m done living my life to her dictates.
Well, I’m trying to be. “And the last thing I want is to feel like I owe you.”
“You wouldn’t. It’s a gift.”
“That’s not a gift.” The way he wants to take care of me is so sweet it almost hurts my heart to tell him that I won’t let him. I can’t. I need to deal with this problem on my own. “I’ll find a way to handle it.”
“I want to help,” he says. “Let me.”
I shake my head. “Not with this. I need to do it myself. And maybe with Dr. Keller.”
“Okay.” He huffs out a breath. “If you change your mind or you want me to go with you to see your mom—”
“I have it handled,” I snap. His eyes widen and I’m pretty sure mine echo the movement. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that.”
Just the thought of Rogue and my mom in the same room…it has my heart racing like I’m having an anxiety attack. My stomach churns over the idea of him coming face to face with my brother. There are so many things that I am not telling him, that I should come clean about. I just don’t know how to even begin…
“Can you two stop humping in my pool? I’m going to start cooking.” Rebel’s voice is a welcome boom that breaks through my thoughts.
“We’re doing no such thing,” is Rogue’s rough reply as he lifts me up onto the tiled edge of the water.
“I’m sorry,” I repeat as Rebel walks away. “Family is always a touchy subject for me. You are so lucky to be so close with yours.”
“It’s okay.” He smooths a hand over my knee and instantly eases my fears. “I pushed too hard. Don’t ever feel bad about showing me your boundaries.”
My heart freaking melts.
He winks as he plants his hands on the tiles either side of my body and pushes up. His muscles bunch and flex. I want to lick my way up his arms and along his shoulders. Over those flat brown nipples on his wide pectoral muscles. I want to nibble at his Adam’s apple and run the flat of my tongue over that sexy as sin shadow on his jaw.
I lean back on my elbows and enjoy every inch of the view as he emerges fully from the pool. His whole body hovers over me. Water droplets fall like rain and do nothing to dilute the fire in me. “So when can we go home?”
He smirks down at me. “Who says we’re going to make it to your place or mine before I find out what boundaries you might not mind me crossing?”
“Rogue Maddox, you are going to be the death of me,” I whisper as he climbs to his feet on solid ground. I can’t keep the silly, capricious grin off my face as he takes my hand and helps me up.
He grabs a towel from one of the loungers and hands it to me before tucking one around his own hips. “Come on. It’s chilly out of the water. Let’s find your clothes.”
“They’re in your room, Rogue,” Summer says.
“It’s not his room,” Rebel mutters. “It’s a guest room, but he never fucking leaves. Even though he has his own place to go to.”
“Yeah, but it’s not home like here. Besides, I honestly don’t think you’d be able to handle it if I moved out completely,” Rogue claps back. “You’re practically an empty nester.”
“You remember I’m only older than you by a minute, right?” Rebel comes back at him.
“I think I’m getting whiplash,” I murmur. I have a feeling my childhood might have been fun with a brother like these guys. Instead I ended up with an older brother who liked to see me cry.
Rogue chuckles. “Baby, you’ll get used to it. I promise.”
“And then maybe you can convince him to move into his apartment,” Rebel tells me. “So Summer and I can have some peace and quiet.”
“It’s like I’m not even here,” Riot pipes up.
“You aren’t,” Rogue and Rebel fire in unison.
“You’re away more than you’re here these days,” Rochelle says, like she misses him despite how close they’ve been the entire time they were swimming.
“Rebel, you just want to have babies,” Bianca Del Ray pipes up over a wine glassed filled with bubbles. She pushes a strand of her platinum hair out of her jade colored eyes. “Sorry Summer, but it’s true.”
“What?” Riot sits forward, suddenly all ears.
“Are you serious?” Rogue’s mouth slackens. “Why didn’t you fucking say so?”
“Because it’s none of your business,” Rebel mutters.
“We had a moment,” Summer admits. “We thought we might be. But we aren’t.”
“Are you okay?” Riot asks Summer.
“Yeah.” She brushes him off. “We’re just discussing a few scenarios. Working out what we want for our future. But nothing is happening any time soon.”
“That doesn’t mean you can’t move out.” Rebel points at Rogue. “And give us some privacy.”
“So you can work on your football team.” Rogue chuckles. “Gotcha.”
“Seriously. We’re not having a baby any time soon,” Summer says. “We have an exclusive with Marty to finish. The media will probably come out of the woodwork at that point. Everyone will want a sound bite or a quote. There will be follow-up interviews. We’ll need to be on our toes. United. We need to show the entire world you won’t be cowed, Ro. These next few months are going to come with a lot of public scrutiny.”
Rochelle Kitt nods and swallows. “I know.”
Anxiety makes my chest tight and my lungs ache. My heart feels like it wants to puke. Of course they’re going public with Ro’s story. They should. But the thought of being thrust into the spotlight I’ve avoided for years makes me want to run and hide. Just straight up disappear.
“Once that dies down we’re going to go visit my brothers, and then we’ll see where we’re at in regards to when we’ll have…” Summer’s gaze softens as it lands on the grumpier twin, “…babies. You’re all invited to join us at the ranch, by the way.”
“Kitten, did you have to?” Rebel huffs like they’ve had this conversation before and it frustrates him.
“You’re going to need the moral support,” she says into the rim of her own wine glass. “You might have gotten lucky with Burke, but my other brothers will tear you to pieces.”
“We’ll be there,” Rogue says.
“Both of you?” Rebel glances at me with a strange expression on his face. Almost puzzled. Surprised. But also…I don’t know…like I suddenly belong here. Like I’m one of them.
It’s the weirdest thing because when Rogue looks at me like that, he tells me I’m his girl. And it makes my heart all skittery. Rebel does not come close to having that kind of effect on me even though they look identical in so many ways. Probably right down to having identical dicks. And since I’ve sucked one… I choke as that thought breaks my brain. I cough violently into my hand as I double over.
Rogue’s hand rubs a smooth circle on my back. “You okay, baby?”
“Yes.” I wheeze. Gasp. Cough again. My face is on fire and I can’t look a single one of them in the eye. “Yes. I’m f-fine.”
“You just realized you’ve seen Rebel’s dick, didn’t you?” Rogue chuckles.
“W-what?” I glance up to see those baby blues full of humor.
“It happens a lot,” Rebel says. “More than you would imagine.”
“We’re not actually identical,” Rogue confides. “Mostly because of a
piercing.”
“You handled it like a champion,” Rebel says.
“It happened to me,” Summer admits.
“And me,” Bianca adds.
“Me too.” Rochelle smiles.
It feels like my eyes grow wider with each proclamation. They’ve all seen at least one of the twin’s penises. But which one? I almost want to start poking out eyes with the heel of one of Adira’s shoes at the thought that Rogue might have been that close to any of them.
“Yep.” Lincoln raises a single finger. “Me too.”
“Oh, look at her.” Bianca studies me intently. “She thinks we’ve all slept with you.”
Rogue guffaws as he turns to face me. His arm goes around my waist. His hand squeezes my ass and jolts me toward him. “Summer sleeps with my twin. Bianca and Ro; I got drunk and went skinny dipping in the pool with them.”
“Every single weekend for the last five years straight,” Bianca says dryly.
“Not that often,” Rogue reassures me.
“And Ethan and I have seen both of these idiots strip bare in public,” Lincoln adds with an arch of his eyebrow that only adds to the devilish deepness of his voice. He glances around at the others. “In fact, anyone who has ever googled has seen at least one of the twins’ dicks, right?”
“Of course,” I stutter. “I know that. I knew that.”
“She’s googled it,” Bianca says.
My cheeks burn. I’ve googled him to stalking proportions, but I can honestly say I’ve never gone looking for full nudes. It just did not cross my mind. “W-well, I…No. I mean…”
“Enough, Bianca,” Rogue snaps at her.
“It’s okay.” I want to disappear as Rogue pulls me behind him. If a hole in the deck could open up and swallow me, that would be great.
“No, it’s not,” Rogue says.
“She was just playing.” Linc’s so-brown-they-seem-black eyes seek me out around Rogue’s broad chest. “She didn’t mean to upset you.”
“I truly didn’t.” Bianca grows more subdued.
“Well, you did,” Rogue tells her.
“It’s fine.” I take hold of his arm as I move around him. “And she’s right. I’ve googled you.”
“See?” Bianca glances up at him with a victorious smile.
“I just didn’t think to turn off the filter,” I murmur.
Rogue’s gaze snaps my way, his blue orbs as hot as flames.
Lincoln laughs. “Oh, I am looking forward to getting to know you, mon chéri.”
“Don’t start that shit,” Rogue says, but his bicep relaxes under my hand as the tension leaves him.
“So are you in? For the ranch?” Summer brings us back around to the topic at hand.
“I…” wasn’t aware that the invitation extended to me. I just assumed she was talking to everyone else. They don’t know me well enough to ask me to go away with them. “That’s probably not—”
“Of course you’re invited,” Summer says. “The more the merrier. Plus there’s plenty of room. The boys built two new cabins over the summer. They’re thinking about turning the main ranch house into a bed and breakfast. Say you’ll come?”
“Maybe,” I concede.
“We’ll be there,” Rogue says again and squeezes my hand. “I’ll talk her into it.”
“I’m in.” Bianca raises her glass in toast. “I could go for a fine piece of ass in Levi’s and a cowboy hat.”
“I just want to see Rebel deal with Summer’s brothers.” Ethan grins from ear to ear. “How many did you say you have again?”
“Six,” Summer says.
“Count me in,” Lincoln says.
“Us too,” Riot announces. “I’ll just have to make sure it doesn’t conflict with any other commitments.”
“Alright. We’ll pick a date and let you all know,” Summer says.
“Everyone ready to eat?” Rebel asks.
“Yeah, we’ll be right back.” Rogue tugs me along after him into the house. Through the expansive living area. Past an office and several empty rooms until we get to the room where my clothes are laid out on top of the dark covers on the big mahogany bed.
“Scared?” he asks when I balk in the doorway.
Scared? No. Recalling in vivid detail the way his tongue played over my flesh the last time we ended up in a bedroom alone together? Absolutely. My insides clench. “Are you planning to cuff me to your bed again?”
“It wasn’t my bed I cuffed you to last time.” He stares down at me from under heavy lids as he tugs me into the room and shuts the door. His mouth hovers by my ear, his breath hot. “Why, would you scream?”
“Okay.” I laugh as I rub at the goose bumps that break out on my arm. Tingles start between my thighs. Is it weird that I’m both turned on and creeped out? “Now, I might be a little scared.”
His eyes widen and turn to ice like his jaw. “Do I need an explanation for why that would scare you?”
“No. It was just a little unexpected.” I shake off the unpleasant sensation. I want to concentrate on the here and now. Being alone with him. The way he makes my heart race. The butterflies.
“There’s more,” he says matter-of-factly, like he can read my mind.
“A little.” I shrug.
“Tell me.” He sits on the edge of the bed and takes my hand. Tugging me to stand between his thighs, he rests his hands on my waist.
I glance at the closed door. This room is a cocoon. We’re alone. Rogue is fiercely protective. It all makes me feel safe. “My brother used to chase me into a storage closet and wedge it shut.”
“W-what?”
“Sometimes for minutes. Other times for what felt like hours.” My chest is tight with the memory of being locked in that dark space until one of the maids found me. And then more often than not I would be scolded for crying about it.
I have a memory of soft arms and vanilla mixed with cleaning products. I don’t remember the woman’s face though. Only that when she’d pulled me out of the closet, I’d felt safe. She hadn’t berated me.
She’d gone to my mother about my brother’s games. That was the last time I saw her. I exhale shakily. I guess none of the other maids were willing to risk their job. “He would…”
I swallow hard, but I can’t seem to move the boulder in my throat. I used to think it was me. It was only a game and I was the weak one who couldn’t handle the dark. For a long time I thought it was me. My problem alone. But it wasn’t. It isn’t. And even if he saved me…
“Baby?” Rogue’s growl is a dark and feral demand for carnage. It makes me feel protected.
“He would ask me if I would scream,” I spew. “When he’d shut me in, he’d ask me to scream for him.”
“Fuck, Ivy. That’s messed up.”
“It’s okay,” I say.
“No. It really fucking isn’t.” He jumps to his feet. His whole body seems to vibrate with barely checked anger.
His fingers dig into my skin so possessively it’s almost painful. “Your brother is an asshole. Someone ought to check him on it.”
"I know. And that isn’t what I meant by okay. I mean I am. Now. Mostly. It’s behind me. I only see him when I can’t get out of it. We don’t speak otherwise.” I smooth my hands down his biceps. “I do sleep with the light on.”
And yes, that feels like a weakness too.
“You don’t like the dark. Got it.” He pulls me up against him and pushes my jaw up with his thumb so that he can press a chaste kiss on my mouth. “We’ll keep the lights on when we go to sleep later. You are staying with me tonight, aren’t you?”
“Here?” I touch my lips. They tingle. I know he’s being careful with me because of my broken nose, but I want more.
“At my apartment.”
Chapter Twenty-Five
Ivy
A night alone together. My heart jumps for his attention. I want to experience everything with him. The anticipation is so heady, but I’m scared I’ll get too carried away if I’m not careful. It
was one thing to be this obsessed when he didn’t know who I was. But now I have something to lose. “What if I want to wait until my twenty-first birthday to have sex? You know…so you don’t break your rule.”
“It’s a stupid rule,” he says. “Not meant for you.”
What he probably means is it was a rule that only applied to the casual dates and hookups he seemed to prefer prior to me. I’m suddenly jealous of all the girls he’s slept with, and yet… the idea that he’d break his rules for me makes me feel like this thing between us is different than what those women got to experience with him.
I want to believe so badly it’s just me. That what we have is worth waiting for. “It’s important to you though.”
He snorts softly. His blue orbs turn serious. “You’re the only girl I’ve ever considered breaking my rules for, because you are the only girl I’ve ever felt this way about. Before you… it was only… physical. You make me want something more. A future…”
I press my hand over his heart. “I feel it too.”
“So when we go that far… it’s up to you. If you want to wait, I can do that. Whether that’s the two months to your birthday or longer…” He kisses each corner of my mouth and then nibbles on my lower lip. Squeezes my hip. Trails his hand down between my legs and over the flimsy material of my bikini bottoms. “As long as you understand that I’m going to have to stick my tongue on your clit every single day between now and then.”
He taps one thick digit against my clit. My knees buckle and my pussy clenches. It’s only his steady grasp on me that keeps me from dropping like a rock.
“Can you do that and not want more?” he asks.
So much for my desire to take things slow and protect myself. Still, I put on my game face. “I think so.”
He tugs at the ties on the bikini until the bottoms fall away. “Lie on the edge of the bed and pull your knees up to your chest. You don’t just take away the best pussy a man’s ever eaten and think he isn’t going to want to devour it at the first opportunity he gets.”
I don’t even think about it. I do it automatically. I lie on the bed and pull my knees to my chest.
He kneels on the floor. “I asked you before if you’d scream, because this room is soundproofed. Rebel got the whole lower level done when Riot decided to take up the drums a couple of years ago. Singing and guitar is one thing, but the constant beat…” He grimaces. “I want to make you scream with pleasure, Ivy. I want to hear you when you come. I want you completely uninhibited with me. I never want you afraid.”