Emma: There's No Turning Back

by Linda Mitchelmore

  ‘I’d write, you know,’ Ruby said. ‘Only—’

  ‘You could learn. There are evening classes at Miss Adams’s Academy on Parkside.’

  ‘Bossy boots. Tom said ’e’d teach me, actually. When I told ’im ’ow you’re leaving’ ’e said ’ow in God’s name would I ever read a letter should you send one. Or a postcard. You could send me a postcard with a picture on it, couldn’t you? From wherever it is you’re goin’. Tom says—’

  ‘Of course I’ll send one. I’ll send lots.’

  ‘Will you stop interruptin’ and let a body speak?’ Ruby said, and Emma knew she wasn’t cross really.

  They were both doing the best they could in a sad situation. One more day and Emma and Seth, with Fleur beside them, would be standing at the rail on the deck watching England disappear as their ship set sail.

  ‘Sorry,’ Emma said. ‘My little weakness. Interrupting.’

  ‘Not just the one weakness though, is it?’

  Ruby gave Emma a knowing look and tapped the side of her nose.

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘Matthew Caunter. Is that why Seth’s whiskin’ you away so fast? So you won’t be tempted now ’e’s back. ’E’s still around I see. Only yesterday—’

  ‘No it’s not! And don’t you dare tell me off for interrupting this time. And keep your voice down.’

  ‘All right,’ Ruby said, lowering her voice to just above a whisper. ‘Keep your shirt on. Only you’d ’ave to ’ave been blind not to ’ave seen the passion there was between you an ’im on that dance floor after the weddin’. Did ’e write and tell you ’e’d be there?’

  Passion? Had Ruby really used that word? Had everyone in the room noticed her and Matthew dancing oh-so-closely, so intimately? So wrapped up in one another that if he’d lifted her face to his and kissed her, there and then, in front of everyone she wouldn’t have been able to resist?

  ‘No.’

  ‘But your goin’ away ’as got summat to do with ’im, an’ I know it. I don’t know why you feels you can’t tell me. I’ve kept every secret you’ve ever told me. Those letters—’

  ‘You saw me burn all his letters with your own eyes, Ruby, and I told him not to write to me any more because I’m married. He didn’t know that when he wrote.’

  ‘Ah, the lady do protect too much.’ Ruby laughed.

  Emma couldn’t stop herself from laughing with her. Yes, Ruby was probably right in what she said. ‘The phrase is “the lady doth protest too much”,’ she corrected her. ‘It’s from Hamlet. Shakespeare. Mr Johns got us to read it in Form Four.’

  ‘Oh, you and all your clever learnin’! You got my meanin’ though.’ Ruby giggled. ‘An’ I was right. You are sweeter on ’im than you ought to be, you bein’ married an’ all.’

  ‘Sometimes our hearts have minds of their own, Ruby,’ Emma said, her voice low, her face serious, knowing she was baring her soul before Ruby and that Ruby would take that as an admission that she was sweet on Matthew. Although ‘sweet’ wasn’t the word Emma would have used. Hungry for him, perhaps? ‘And you are not to repeat what I’ve said to anyone, ever, do you understand?’

  ‘Yes, miss,’ Ruby said. ‘All I know is it’s a cryin’ shame for ’im because ’e’s been on that telephone of Mr Smythe’s down on the reception desk every time I walked by. At all hours. Sometimes someone rings in and Mr Bell sends whoever’s passin’ to go and fetch’m, or he makes a telephone call ’imself. And I ’eard ’im mention your name more than a few times. Only ’e called you Emma Le Goff every time and not Emma Jago. ’E were talking low with ’is back to me, but my ma always says I’ve got ears like an elephant for pickin’ up things I ain’t supposed to ’ear, so I ’eard ’im.’

  ‘What else did you hear?’ Emma asked.

  ‘Well … an’ I don’t know as you want to ’ear this, but I ’eard ’im ask someone about that cow of a girl who beat you up – Margaret Phipps. Why would ’e want to ’ave anything to do with ’er?’

  ‘Sssh,’ Emma chided.

  Ruby shrugged.

  A group of four – two elderly ladies and two young men who might have been their grandsons – came in and settled themselves at a nearby table. Emma didn’t know them, but that didn’t mean they might not know who she was.

  ‘I don’t know why,’ Emma said, ‘and that’s the truth. But I’m going away the day after tomorrow and Matthew Caunter will be staying here, so he told me. For the time being anyway. And then he’ll be going back to America I expect. His son lives there.’

  ‘Son? I didn’ know ’e ’ad no son? You didn’t say before.’

  ‘I don’t tell even you everything,’ Emma said. ‘So can we drop Matthew Caunter from the conversation?’

  ‘But not from your ’eart, eh?’ Ruby said.

  ‘Ru—’

  But Ruby put up a hand to stop her.

  ‘I’m sayin’ no more. Now what was it you dragged me away from Tom on me day off fer? It’d better be good.’

  ‘Oh, it’s good,’ Emma said. ‘Very good. First of all I’m going to give you lots of my clothes. I’ll need much warmer things for winter where I’m going than I need here, so you can have my light wool coats. And there are two skirts I’ve hardly worn which will be too thick for summer where I’m going, but not thick enough for winter. Seth says it will be cheaper to buy new things when I get there than it will be to pay for shipping things that might not be of use to me any more.’

  ‘Shippin’? You’m goin’ on a ship? So it’s a long way you’re goin’?’

  Damn. Emma was going to have to watch her words a lot more carefully, wasn’t she? How horrid it was living like this, though.

  ‘Can you forget I said that?’

  ‘Already ’ave,’ Ruby grinned. ‘But I’m glad you mentioned Seth because all the while we’ve been sittin’ ’ere I’ve been wonderin’ if ’e was goin’ with you or not.’

  ‘You cheeky madam,’ Emma said, but she said it without rancour because Ruby was right – she hadn’t mentioned Seth and she ought to have done.

  ‘Aren’t I?’ Ruby said, poking out her tongue at Emma. ‘An’ I’m goin’ to have to find someone else to be cheeky to now you’m desertin’ me.’

  ‘I’m not deserting you.’

  Should she tell Ruby that she was only leaving because Matthew had said that her life, all their lives, were in danger with Miles Jago on the loose and determined to recover what he considered rightly his – or not? Fleur’s safety was paramount. They had to go. And she couldn’t tell Ruby the reason why.

  ‘Well, you’re goin’ anyway. What’s ’appening about that big ’ouse of yours? You id’n leavin’ that to the bats and the rats, are you?’

  ‘No. Olly Underwood is buying Mulberry House and he’ll want some of the furniture,’ Emma told her. ‘But not all of it because he’s got things of his own. Seth’s sent some pictures in to Austen’s Auction Rooms which were his parents, but he doesn’t much like them anyway. Neither do I, for that matter – huge, dark stormy sea paintings in black frames.’ Emma gave a shudder at the awfulness of the paintings she’d never liked. She wasn’t going to miss those. Perhaps Seth would paint some scenes to go on the walls of their new home, wherever and whenever that would be. ‘Oh, and there’s a small table and two carver chairs that need a home. Olly won’t need all my baking things, and my bowls and jugs with flowers on, so you can have them. And—’

  ‘Stop! Stop!’ Ruby cried. ‘Where, for pity’s sake, do you think I’m goin’ to be able to put that lot in my cell of a room up at the ’otel? Tidn’t only your ’eart what’s been given a funny turn, it’s your brains an’ all. Not that I ain’t grateful. I could use a decent coat. But ’onestly, Em, furniture!’

  ‘Sorry,’ Emma said. ‘I’m getting ahead of myself. I should have told you this bit first. Seth’s not selling Shingle Cottage. You know, where I used to live and then where Mrs Drew lived with Edward?’

  ‘Of course I know Shingle Cottage. I know I ain’t ’ad
the education you ’ave, but I can’t fer the life of me see what Seth not sellin’ it ’as got to do with me. Seems a bit final, though, sellin’ almost everything but that – like you’re never comin’ back.’

  Emma gulped. Never coming back. Yes, that’s exactly how it felt for her, too. She hoped with all her heart that one day they would be able to return, but how far in the future that might be she didn’t want to even think about.

  And would Matthew be in that future? She doubted it. He’d find someone else to love and to love him. Get married again. A good-looking man like him. An interesting man who would never take the easy route in life. A dangerous man, but in the most exciting sense. She shook her head, trying to banish Matthew from her mind but it was like trying to banish dew on grass before the sun comes up and evaporates it away.

  ‘Shingle Cottage is empty now,’ Emma said, slowly. ‘It needs someone living in it or it will get damp. It will fall victim to the bats and the rats as you said just now. The garden will be a jungle if it’s not tended soon. You could put all those things I said you can have in Shingle Cottage. Some small pictures for the walls, too. There are two studies of flowers you might like, which I forgot to pack before Pickfords took the tea chests away. I’ll even throw in some curtains and a bed. How would that be?’

  ‘Gawd, but you do talk in riddles. Are you sayin’ what I think you’re sayin’? You want me to move into Shingle Cottage? Gawd, but Mr Smythe will ’ave somethin’ to say about that if I’m not at ’is beck and call.’

  ‘That’s exactly what I’m saying,’ Emma said. ‘And Mr Smythe will soon find someone else to do his bidding. I doubt he’d give you the sack just because you don’t want to live in any more.’

  ‘You’re a right little schemer, you are.’ Ruby laughed. She reached across the table for Emma’s hand. ‘Do you really mean it? That I could live there? What if it didn’t work out for you and you ’ave to come back, because you lost your fortune or summat? I’d get kicked out quicker’n lightnin’ strikes, wouldn’t I?’

  ‘Yes, I really mean it. Shingle Cottage is very dear to me because it was my family home and there’s no one I’d rather live in it than you. And we wouldn’t turn you out on on the streets. I promise.’

  Emma knew how that felt, to be homeless. Seth wasn’t likely to lose his money either – or his fortune as Ruby had put it. When his uncle and aunt died, he’d be inheriting another one. They’d sent a copy of their will already.

  ‘You say the nicest things, Em,’Ruby said.

  ‘So, what do you say? Will you move into Shingle Cottage? We’ll expect a peppercorn rent, of course.’

  ‘Eh? Come again? A pepper what?’

  ‘It means a very tiny amount just to keep it legal, so the house remains Seth’s and not yours. Say a shilling a month?’

  ‘I’ll ’ave to forego my bar of Nestlé chocolate every month to pay it, but it will be a small sacrifice,’ Ruby said with a grin. ‘Oh, Em, you really do mean it, don’t you?’

  ‘I do. So the answer’s yes?’

  Ruby squeezed Emma’s hand, tears in her eyes, and nodded, obviously too full up to speak for a moment. She mouthed ‘thank you’ at least three times, though, her unruly curls bouncing as she continued nodding.

  ‘Come on,’ Emma said. ‘Let’s go and take a look at the things I’ve put by for you up at Mulberry House. Then we can begin taking what you want to Shingle Cottage. This tea’s gone cold anyway so we might as well go.’

  Emma stood up and Ruby jumped up to join her.

  ‘’Ats on!’ Ruby said, reaching for hers and ramming it onto her head.

  ‘Hats on,’ Emma agreed. Her insides were a mix of sadness and excitement and not a little bit of regret that she might not see Ruby ever again after tomorrow.

  Or Matthew. Not that she’d even glimpsed him in the distance since he’d told her the things he had down on Crystal Cove. And perhaps that was for the best.

  ‘’Ere,’ Ruby said, linking her arm through Emma’s as they left the café. ‘I’m feelin’ ever so naughty. I think I might suggest to Tom that me an’ ’im move into Shingle Cottage right away. Live in sin. What do you think to that, Emma Jago? Eh?’

  I think it might lead you into a mire of lies you can’t extricate yourself from if my own experience is anything to go by, Emma thought, but no way was she going to tell Ruby that.

  ‘It’s not for me to tell you how to live your life,’ was all she could think of to say.

  ’You’ll send me photographs of Fleur, won’t you?’ Ruby asked. ‘I don’t need to know how to read to look at photographs. I’d like to be able to see ’ow ’er’s growin’ up.’

  ‘Of course I will.’

  ‘An’ I’ve ’ad another thought,’ Ruby said. ‘Gawd, but I’m full of ’em at the moment, ain’t I? Once us ’ave got that stuff you’re givin’ me over to Shingle Cottage and we’ve sorted the pepperpot thing about the rent, us’ll ’ave to say goodbye.’

  Ruby clung even tighter to Emma’s arm and Emma didn’t have the heart to tell her it was peppercorn, not pepperpot. She was going to miss Ruby’s delightful mis-understanding of things, and her mispronunciations.

  ‘Not goodbye, Ruby,’ Emma said. ‘Au revoir. It’s French and it means “to the seeing again”. Which we will.’

  And she crossed her fingers behind her back that they would.

  ‘I’m going to have to take Olly into our confidence,’ Seth said. ‘Caunter suggested it. He called when you were out with Ruby and showed me telegram evidence – over a dozen of the things – that everything he’s told us is true and we’re only leaving in the nick of time.’

  ‘Miles?’ Emma said.

  ‘Yes. Olly will need to be on his guard in case Miles evades capture – which Caunter is pretty certain he’ll have a good stab at – and turns up here expecting you and me and Fleur to be here. Caunter suggested Olly get a big guard dog.’

  ‘A dog. I see,’ Emma said, her voice sad.

  Seth hoped it wasn’t because she was going to be missing Caunter. Not just now, but for the rest of her life. He watched as Emma – her back to him with her shoulders hunched rather more than he thought they should be just folding a few clothes on the bed – began to pack her carpetbag. In just a few, short hours, Olly would arrive to drive them to the railway station so they could begin their journey. Torquay. Exeter. Bristol. The Atlantic Ocean. Seth had given the car to Olly – a thank you for taking on power of attorney over his affairs.

  ‘You don’t have to take that old thing,’ Seth said. ‘It’s seen better days.’

  ‘Yes, I do!’ Emma said, wheeling round to face him. ‘It’s part of me, this bag. It’s all I have of my old life and I’m taking it. I am never, ever, going to part with it.’

  There were tears in her eyes and she blinked hard to be rid of them, and Seth was cross with himself for upsetting her. It had almost broken her heart saying goodbye to Ruby. Even Seth had had tears in his eyes watching their last embrace.

  ‘Of course. I’m sorry,’ Seth said. ‘I shouldn’t have said that. It was insensitive of me. But if you change your mind there’s still time to drive over to Rossiters and buy a leather one. Something more sturdy that will keep out the rain.’

  ‘I said I want to take this one!’ Emma turned her back on Seth again and began laying some underthings, very gently as though they might break, in the bag.

  ‘I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that either. But none of this is easy for me,’ Seth said, coming to stand behind her. ‘It’s beginning to feel as though it’s me – us – on the run, rather than Miles. All I’ve ever done is try to keep my nose clean, not get caught up in my father’s and my brothers’ evil ways and yet the bad things they’ve done are all around me somehow, a miasma of evil.’

  ‘Go on,’ Emma said, still with her back to him, but packing more slowly now. As though she had all the time in the world, which she didn’t – which none of them did.

  ‘When you agreed to marry me I couldn’t
quite believe you’d said “yes”. Especially so because of the bad feeling there was in the town – still is in some quarters – towards me, being a Jago. I loved you even more, if that were possible, for being so strong as to stand beside me and take some of that bad feeling, too. I carried the joy of your acceptance with me for weeks and weeks. And then, when the Reverend Thomson refused to marry us and you were prepared to risk your reputation by moving in with me, unmarried, I realised how very much you loved me. But the time’s never been right for us to marry legally, has it?’

  Emma shook her head and Seth’s heart gave a lurch, lost its rhythm for a beat or two. Was she saying the time would never be right for her? He was too afraid to ask.

  ‘We could ask the captain to marry us,’ Emma said, turning around very, very slowly to face him.

  Her beautiful, deep, brown, eyes searched for his and held his gaze. Her skin still had the look of youth on it – no lines, no blemishes – and yet she was all woman now. Seth drank her in.

  ‘On the boat,’ she finished.

  Was he hearing right? Could he be sure it wasn’t wishful thinking and that it wasn’t the conversation he’d had in his head many times with Emma over this issue?

  ‘We could,’ Seth said, a huge grin spreading across his face. He thought his heart might burst with joy at that moment. He’d played a waiting game for Emma, been as understanding as he could over Caunter and now all that waiting and understanding was paying off. If he’d been a praying sort of man Seth might have sent up a prayer of thanks. But he wasn’t. And he and Emma weren’t married yet.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  It was while Seth – with a hugely excited Fleur hanging onto his hand because she was going on a big boat and she was afraid if her papa went out without her he was leaving her behind – was making a last-minute visit to the bank with some papers he’d forgotten to put in his safe deposit box, that Matthew arrived at Mulberry House to see Emma.