by Rona Halsall
I put everything on the line for Matt, he gets all the fun and I’ve got a bloody debt to pay.
The debt. The very idea of it set off a chain reaction in her body, making her pulse race, sweat gathering under her arms, the muscles tensing at the back of her neck. She was meeting James for lunch and was determined to get clarification this time. You can’t have a deal with no boundaries, she kept telling herself as she went about her work. That wasn’t a deal at all. That was manipulation. It was bothering her, the not knowing, buzzing around her head like an angry wasp, and however much she tried to swat it away, it kept coming back.
The sound of the office door opening startled her from her thoughts, and Fiona walked in. ‘I can’t stay long,’ she said, sitting on the opposite side of the desk, her bag on her lap and a grim expression on her face.
Sara blanched, the arrangement to meet having slipped her mind.
‘Thank you so much,’ she said before Fiona could get started. ‘For covering for me last Thursday. Matt would have a fit if he knew I was out with James.’
Fiona gave her one of her laser stares, which seemed to pierce into her mind. ‘I need to talk to you about James. He’s not…’ She scrunched up her nose, like she’d smelt something repulsive. ‘He’s not worth the hassle and he has some evil little ways once you get to know him. I don’t want to see you throwing away all the good things you have with Matt for that piece of shit.’
Sara’s eyes widened. She wasn’t sure she’d ever heard Fiona use crude language before. Heat rushed through her body. ‘No. No, you’ve got it wrong. I’m not having an affair with him or anything. It’s not a relationship.’ She stopped herself, backtracked, her words tripping over each other in her eagerness to refute Fiona’s assumption. ‘Well, only in the business sense.’
Fiona’s eyes narrowed. ‘What do you mean? I’ve seen you going off for lunch together. Or at least I assumed that’s what you were doing. Looking very cosy.’ Her stare was intense and Sara looked away, tidied the stack of invoices on the desk in front of her while she tried to find the right words to explain.
‘I’m doing some extra work for him in connection with his sportswear business. Just to bring some more money into the house while Matt gets his new business going.’ She gave a quick smile, gone before it had properly formed. ‘Last night was a one-off.’
Fiona gave a dismissive snort. ‘I’m happy to cover for you once. But I’m not going to make a habit of it.’
Sara cringed inside and knew she had some making-up to do. ‘I’m so grateful. Really I am. It was very kind of you and I feel bad that you had to lie for me. It won’t happen again, I promise.’
Fiona checked her watch and got up. ‘Look, what you do with your life is your business, but my advice would be to steer well clear of that man on anything but a business level. He has a way of…’ She stopped what she was saying, flapped a dismissive hand. ‘I’m sure I don’t have to spell it out for you.’
Sara watched her leave, not sure what to think. Was that jealousy talking? Her warning had certainly struck a chord. The idea of meeting up again with the group of people who were there on Thursday made her stomach churn. There had been something a bit off about that event, and although she couldn’t work out exactly what it was, she knew she wanted no part of it.
James appeared on the dot of twelve, and she was still mulling over Fiona’s words as they settled in their seats at their usual pub. Her nerves were on edge, making her fidget, her leg bouncing up and down under the table.
‘What’s wrong with you?’ James said after they’d sat in silence for a few minutes. Normally the conversation flowed, but Sara’s thoughts were locked on how to phrase her question.
It’s now. Ask him. Go, on, do it!
She steadied her bouncing leg, took a deep breath and looked him in the eye. ‘It’s about our deal.’ His eyebrows lifted, his eyes meeting hers while he waited for her to carry on. ‘I need to know how long it will take me to pay off the debt and exactly what’s involved. I don’t like it being so vague. And Matt was suspicious about Thursday and I hated having to lie to everyone.’ She shook her head. ‘I don’t want to do it.’ Her voice sounded whiny, and she hated that she’d put herself at his mercy. The same mistake as Mum. How stupid was that?
He picked up his beer glass and took a long swig, wiped a hand across his mouth. ‘I do see your point, and I think we said we’d review the situation after Thursday’s event, didn’t we?’
She nodded, hardly able to breathe while she waited for his pronouncement, like a criminal in court anticipating the verdict. I am a criminal, she reminded herself, and wondered if owning up might be the better way forward. Whether Fiona would take it to the police. She couldn’t take the risk, though. Think about the kids, she told herself, memories of social workers escorting her to a new temporary home springing to mind. Echoes of the confusion and misery she’d felt filled her head. That won’t happen. They’ve got Matt. Another voice added, And Hailey. She gritted her teeth. She was going to be the one looking after her family, nobody else.
‘Are you listening?’ James asked, an amused smile on his lips. ‘You were miles away then.’
She took a big gulp of beer, the coolness of it a welcome relief. ‘Sorry. I’m listening now. It’s just there’s a lot going on.’
‘So, what I’d like to do is take you away for a treat. A spa weekend.’
She wasn’t sure she’d heard him right. ‘What? Why?’
‘Because I’ve been under a lot of pressure and need a little break, and I don’t want to go on my own.’ He shrugged. ‘Simple as that. It will be counted as part of your repayment.’
‘How can it be if it’s costing you money?’ She fiddled with her beer mat, picking at the edges, separating out the layers. ‘I don’t understand any of it, to be honest, and I hate that feeling.’ Her voice cracked and she took another gulp of beer while she collected herself.
He smiled at her over the rim of his beer glass. ‘I promise I’ll think about the repayment terms. Perhaps we can give it some proper consideration while we’re relaxing at the spa, and I can assure you that by the time we get back, we’ll have sorted something out. How about that?’
A weekend away? It was a tempting prospect, and she couldn’t deny she enjoyed James’s company. If, by the end of the weekend, she decided she didn’t like whatever terms he came up with, then she’d try and devise a different way to pay him back. Matt kept telling her he was very close to finishing the contract. When he was paid, they could catch up with the mortgage, pay off their temporary overdraft extension, clear a couple of the credit cards. Oh God, will there be anything left? It seemed unlikely. Panic froze her thoughts. I don’t think I’ve got a choice.
‘When were you thinking?’ she asked.
‘This weekend. I’ve got it booked.’
She gasped, incredulous. ‘But it’s Monday now! I can’t just drop everything.’
‘Oh, I think you can.’ His hand reached across the table and covered hers, his voice gentle. ‘I love spending time with you, Sara. Just this once, please. Humour a lonely man and give me the pleasure of your company.’ His eyes met hers, hypnotic, appealing.
The lure of a break, some time to regroup and re-energise, was tempting. It was exactly what she needed. Hadn’t Hailey said as much just the other week? Despite her better judgement, she was almost persuaded. There was one major stumbling block, though. ‘What will I tell Matt?’
James looked at the ceiling, then back at her. ‘I think a friend from college has invited you to a hen party. Nothing raucous. A spa treatment for the girls, a weekend of relaxation and pampering. That won’t be far from the truth, so it won’t feel like a lie.’ His thumb stroked the back of her hand.
She gazed at him, getting hotter by the minute, wondering if his intentions were what she thought they might be.
‘I’m a married woman, James.’ Her voice wavered and she cleared her throat before carrying on. ‘I want to be clear. I’m
not having sex with you.’ It wasn’t that she hadn’t thought about it. He was an attractive man and she was undeniably drawn to him, to his easy company. The way he was so considerate and gentle with her. But she wasn’t about to cheat on her husband. That was something she’d never do.
He snatched his hand away as if he’d been burned, looking thoroughly shocked. ‘Oh my goodness, no. There’s no hidden agenda here.’ With a surge of embarrassment, she remembered they’d had a similar conversation when he’d first suggested the deal, and she felt mortified for even suggesting his intentions might not be honourable. ‘I honestly think of us as friends. That’s all.’
‘I just don’t see how you taking me to a spa is repayment for a debt when it’s going to cost you quite a bit of money.’
The smile faded from his face and she could see a sadness in his eyes. ‘The truth is, I’m lonely. I have no wife, no contact with my daughter, and my father is being very difficult.’ He sighed. ‘The handover of the business is stressful, and I need to switch off for a couple of days. I don’t want to do that on my own.’ He glanced up at her. ‘It won’t be too much of a chore for you, will it?’
She felt bad then for questioning his motives, and desperately started backtracking lest she cause more offence. ‘No, no, not at all. It sounds like a lovely treat.’ In fact, the idea of a spa weekend – no children to think about, no meals to cook, and a bit of pampering – sounded like bliss.
‘I feel like we’re pals now, and we work so well together. I’d really appreciate it if you’d just accept that your company has value to me.’ He gave a rueful laugh. ‘I suppose it’s quite hard to understand when you’re in the opposite situation, and every minute of your day is spent dealing with other people’s needs.’ He took another swig of his beer, put his glass down and held up his hands. ‘There it is. Nothing complicated or untoward. I’d like the pleasure of your company and we’ll knock some money off your debt.’
She considered the proposition for a moment. All that mattered was the fact that James considered this as part repayment.
Nine thousand pounds.
She wondered how much her time was worth. How many meetings, how much companionship James would need before he considered the debt repaid. It could take years. The thought landed with a thud in her belly. Years before she could put her crime behind her without fear of repercussions. She looked at the man across the table, and heard Fiona’s warning to stay away, remembered the vitriol in her voice. What had he done to make her react like that?
Chapter Twenty
It was the end of Thursday – football practice done and dusted, children settled – and Sara was finally getting ready to go up to bed when Matt bounced into the kitchen. He reached into the fridge for a beer. ‘Finally,’ he said, with emphasis, ‘I’m getting there.’
She looked up, his words not really registering. Now’s a good time, she decided, having been wondering all week how to break the news of her impending weekend away without causing friction. Time was running out. Do it!
Her mouth went into action before she could chicken out. ‘I forgot to mention… I’ve been invited to a hen party with the uni girls this weekend. You remember Louise? I said no when she first asked because you’re so busy, but someone dropped out and she’s asked me again. It’s years since I’ve seen them and… well, I’d really love to go.’ She took a deep breath. ‘I’ll be going Friday night, coming back Sunday.’
I’m paying back the debt, she reminded herself. This is the only reason I’m doing it.
‘You must remember her,’ she said, when Matt’s confusion seemed to have rendered him temporarily speechless. ‘We lived next door to each other in halls.’
Matt scowled, banging his beer onto the worktop while he looked for the bottle opener. ‘I didn’t think you were in touch with any of your old uni mates. I thought you’d outgrown them.’
Her jaw clenched and it took a beat to dampen her annoyance. ‘We chat on Facebook and I fancy meeting everyone again, so I already said I’d go.’ Sara hated how defensive she sounded. Why shouldn’t I have some time with friends? Even if they were imaginary, it was the principle of the thing.
He opened his beer, took a long swig, then leaned against the worktop, giving her a hard stare. ‘And I’m looking after the kids, I suppose?’ He sounded like she’d asked him to lick the toilet clean.
‘They’re your kids as much as mine.’ She spat out the words, annoyed that he was making it sound like he was doing her a reluctant favour. He was being so awkward about her being away for two measly nights when he’d been off on all sorts of jaunts with his football mates over the years without a backward glance. In fact, now she thought about it, this would be the first time she’d been away from the family since the twins were born fourteen years ago.
Her resolve hardened, forming a lump in her throat. I deserve a break. The idea that she should be able to take some time for herself was rooted in her mind now, blossoming into full-on indignation.
‘I’m going. It’s all sorted. Nothing to pay because the girl who backed out is mortified she had to cry off at the last minute. She’s happy for me to take her place.’ The lies were coming easily now, fuelled by anger. ‘I know you’ve nothing on. I’ve been working flat out and I need a couple of days off.’
There was a hard glint in his eyes. ‘You really don’t care about me and my work, do you?’
There was no answer to that, so she busied herself with sorting out the washing-up, rinsing the dirty dishes before stacking the dishwasher.
He scowled and guzzled his beer, almost half a bottle gone before he took it away from his mouth. She glanced at him, wondering if she actually knew her husband any more. Had he changed, or had she just not noticed the things about him that annoyed her now? Maybe it’s me who’s changed. Different expectations.
She thought of James, his gentleness and impeccable manners. How considerate he was. The dress he’d bought her, the lunches out, little treats with morning coffee if he was passing. He did everything for her that she’d like her husband to do, but she knew that sort of consideration really wasn’t in Matt’s make-up. He was a different kind of man altogether, and more of a stranger to her by the day.
A new thought hit her then, making her stop what she was doing. Is James really making me repay the debt, or is it his way to spend time with me?
She followed the logic, like tugging on a fishing line, waiting to see what was on the end of it, unsure where her thoughts would lead. Is he in love with me? The very idea made her blush. Certainly his behaviour was that of a would-be lover, a gentle courtship by a lonely man who was too shy to be up-front about it.
Fiona’s words came back to her then, as she sorted dirty cutlery into the holder; the sharp blast of contempt in her voice when she’d given her the warning. Was it jealousy, or was there something about James that Sara didn’t yet understand? So many questions and uncertainties. At least the weekend would give her a chance to get some clarification and assess the situation, then she could decide what to do for the best. No action without information. She’d learnt that on her degree course. Do the research. The weekend wasn’t a blissful retreat with a lonely friend. It was business. She slammed the door of the dishwasher shut. That felt better.
Matt finished his beer, got another out of the fridge while Sara wiped the worktops. She was stunned by her reasoning, testing out whether it changed anything about the way she felt. James knew she was fundamentally honest, knew her theft had been for Matt and her family, a desperate act when she wasn’t thinking straight. He’d acted out of kindness, wanting to help. Perhaps getting her to pay back the debt with nothing but her company was his way of making her feel better about his generosity.
Matt’s voice made her jump out of her thoughts and back into the room.
‘You’re not listening, are you? Did you even hear what I said when I came in just now?’
She stared at him blankly, stopped wiping and put the cloth back on the sink. �
��Sorry, I’ve got a lot on my mind.’
‘I’ve had a breakthrough.’ There was a smug expression on his face now, his earlier frustration apparently forgotten. He was on his third beer, she noticed, the two empties standing together on the worktop, which probably had something to do with the mellowing of his mood. His smile was a little bleary, his body swaying like a tree in the wind. He’s drunk, she realised, remembering that he’d taken a six-pack of beer into his office earlier. He reached into the fridge, opened another bottle and held it out to her. ‘Celebrate with me.’
She shook her head, still annoyed with him and confused by her thoughts about James. ‘No thanks, I’m off to bed as soon as I’ve finished tidying up.’ She cracked a brittle smile, waiting for him to explain what he was talking about.
He frowned, and tried to put the bottle back on the worktop, but got it wrong and banged it down hard, sending a spurt of beer over the floor. ‘Oops.’ He chuckled. ‘I’ll just have to drink it myself then. Reckon I deserve a celebration.’ He leant back against the worktop, legs crossed at the ankles. ‘I’ve just cracked the code,’ he slurred. ‘Nobody will be able to find it. Honestly, it’s pretty devious, even if I do say so myself.’
‘I’ve no idea what you’re talking about,’ she muttered as she picked up the cloth again, remembering that she hadn’t wiped the table ready for the morning.
‘I’m talking about a bloody genius bit of work. That’s what. So all I need to do is run a few tests and it’s all ready to load up the content.’
She looked at him then as the implications registered. ‘You mean you’ll get paid?’
He smiled and nodded. ‘That’s right. I know it’s taken longer than expected, but hiding things on the internet is not as easy as it used to be.’ He grinned. ‘Nobody’s going to find this one.’
‘Hiding things?’ She frowned. ‘What things? What do you mean?’