by Rona Halsall
Hailey nodded. ‘I suppose you would.’ But she didn’t sound sure.
They sat in silence, absorbing the implications. Sara was determined she wasn’t going to discuss it any further because… what if… She started speaking to rid her mind of the horrible pictures, the appalling possibilities. ‘I want to go home. I can’t be separated from my kids. I can’t.’
Hailey gave her arm a reassuring rub. ‘How about I try and talk to Matt for you? See if I can smooth things over.’
Sara considered her suggestion. ‘Why not? He seems to have warmed to you recently.’
Hailey made no response, ignoring the implied question in her comment. Instead she pulled Sara into a sudden hug. ‘You really know how to sabotage yourself, don’t you, sis? Honestly, you had it all. But it wasn’t enough, was it?’ She sighed. ‘That’s you all over, always wanting the next thing. You were like that as a kid. Never wanted the toys you had, always wanted the thing you couldn’t afford.’ She pulled back, a hand on Sara’s shoulder, and gave her a determined smile. ‘We’ll get it sorted, don’t you worry.’
But Sara was worried. Because the only way to sort this out was to watch the video. She couldn’t challenge James until she knew what had actually happened. That was the reality. Her skin crawled. She clasped Hailey’s hand, grateful that she had at least one person she could rely on.
Hailey went downstairs and got Sara’s phone, brought it up to the bedroom. They held hands as they sat next to each other and Sara pressed play. Two different men, neither of them James. Just less than half an hour each. The only good thing about it was there was no evidence of rape. Fondling, caressing and everything else you might like to do to someone. One man spent a good fifteen minutes sucking her toes and licking her feet.
‘It could have been worse,’ Sara said when the video finished and she switched the phone off, trying to diminish the effect it’d had on her. Not wanting to allow these men to have taken anything from her, to have broken her. But her skin itched to be washed, crawling with the ghostly touch of their fingers.
‘Two of them. Bloody hell,’ Hailey whispered, sounding as stunned as Sara felt.
‘Neither of them was James, which makes me wonder if he was filming it.’ Nausea stirred the contents of Sara’s stomach, and she ran down the landing into the bathroom, hugging the toilet bowl as she spewed up her last meal. Strangers taking advantage of her when she was unconscious. Filming and sharing it. Once again, bile burned the back of her throat as she heaved and heaved until there was nothing left.
She ran the shower, washing every inch of her body, then doing it all over again, the water as hot as she could stand it. Finally, when the water ran cold, she dried herself and went into the bedroom, finding an oversized T-shirt and dressing gown that Hailey had put out for her. On shaky legs she made her way downstairs, feeling distanced from herself somehow, the reality of what had happened almost impossible to comprehend.
Hailey was in the kitchen making tea. ‘I’ve put extra sugar in yours for the shock,’ she said, handing Sara a mug before they both sat at the table. ‘Don’t you worry, we’ll get the bastards who did this.’
Sara wasn’t sure they would. How can we even start to find out who’s behind it? She was shrivelling up inside, disgust and shame stamping on any self-worth that might have been in there. She thought about James, how lovely he’d been to her, so kind and caring she’d actually thought he might be a little in love with her. But there was another puzzle to solve.
‘What I don’t get,’ she said, as she slumped into her seat, ‘is who sent the video to Matt. And why.’
Hailey stared at her, gave a derisive snort. ‘Are you blind?’
‘What do you mean?’
‘Well, it has to be James. He wants you for himself.’ She pursed her lips, getting her argument in order before she spoke. ‘Look at his behaviour, the way he’s been grooming you. You told him how jealous Matt is. You told him if Matt found out you’d been going out with another man, he’d blow a fuse.’ She pointed at the phone, which Sara had brought down with her. ‘Looks like he just threw a stick of dynamite into your marriage. And I suppose he’ll be around to pick up the pieces.’ She took a sip of tea and gave a dismissive huff. ‘Oh yes, I’ve met his sort.’
Sara scrunched up her nose. ‘I’m not sure that makes sense. Wouldn’t he know I’d work out it was him?’
Hailey took another sip of tea, frowned. ‘Hmm. I see your point.’
‘And I see yours. Maybe neither of us is quite right.’ Sara ran her hands through her wet hair, teasing out the knots. ‘Whatever game he’s playing, I haven’t a clue what outcome he’s looking for. Does he want to make me helpless?’
They sat in silence for a moment, thinking.
‘Well, we can theorise as much as we like,’ Hailey said with a sigh. ‘Only James knows the truth. You’re going to have to ask him.’ She must have noticed her sister’s appalled expression and reached across the table, grasped Sara’s hand. ‘I can come with you, if you like.’
Sara was tempted, but shook her head. ‘I think he’s more likely to tell the truth if it’s just me. Perhaps this is how I’m supposed to repay my debt, but he couldn’t tell me because I’d never agree.’ She chewed her lip. ‘You see, that’s what doesn’t make sense. I had no idea any of this had happened. He could have just carried on organising little getaways, making me think it was a treat for me and companionship for him. But now I know… well, I’ll never go anywhere with him ever again.’
‘What if he says you have to, or he’ll tell Fiona and the police about you stealing the money?’
‘I’m not sure he would, though, because surely he covered up a crime by paying what I owed?’ Her head was aching, and she rubbed at her temples, trying to ease the pain. ‘The deal is off, I’ve already told him that. But I need to know if there’s any more video footage.’ She felt the blood drain from her face, hands covering her mouth the moment she’d spoken the words. ‘I was there for two nights.’
What else did they do to me?
A shiver of revulsion ran through her. ‘I’ve got to go to bed. Honestly, I can’t think about this any more.’ Her jaw clenched. ‘But tomorrow, I’m going to get to the truth.’
Hailey nodded. ‘And I’ll have a chat with Matt. See if I can get him to reconsider.’
‘It’s a deal.’ Sara flashed a quick smile at her sister before making her way upstairs.
As she lay in bed, her head on the pillow that smelt of Ezra, she ached for her children, for the life that she’d had. The life that she appeared to have lost.
Unless I can work out a way to get it back.
With that thought in her head, and determination in her heart, she finally fell asleep.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Sara woke suddenly, a loud bang making her sit up, wondering where she was for a moment. Then she remembered she was at Hailey’s house. A child’s clock sat on the bedside table, with big numbers and a picture of SpongeBob SquarePants on the dial. It was seven o’clock, and Sara knew that Hailey went out jogging every morning, whatever the weather. Had that been the door banging?
She covered her head with the duvet, not ready to face the day, but memories of the previous evening crowded into her mind, jabbering at her, filling her head with shouting and images she didn’t want to see. Today was going to be a make-or-break sort of a day. A day to find out exactly what was going on with James and persuade Matt that she was the victim of a crime rather than a cheating wife.
Take control, she told herself as she threw back the duvet and went for a shower. You can’t let the bastards win.
With her pep talk in mind, she dressed in yesterday’s clothes and went down to the kitchen to get the coffee on, thinking that she’d have to borrow an outfit off Hailey for work, including a pair of shoes. They were a similar height, and although Hailey was slimmer, she favoured stretchy sports clothes, which made her feel more approachable to the youngsters she worked with. Sara was sure ther
e’d be something she could squeeze into.
‘You’re looking a little casual today,’ Fiona said when Sara reached the office and found her sitting behind the desk looking at something on the computer. She didn’t usually appear this early, and never on a Monday, due to other work commitments, and it caught Sara by surprise. She blushed as Fiona looked her up and down, the expression on her face an indication that she didn’t approve.
‘Long story,’ she said, adjusting the oversized T-shirt that Hailey used as a nightshirt. It was the only top she had that was big enough and Sara was wearing it over black leggings, with trainers that were a size too big. From a distance, it didn’t look too bad, and was the sort of ensemble a lot of the young mums wore. Not to work, though.
She was hoping to go home at lunchtime, when Matt wouldn’t be expecting her, and see if she could have a sensible conversation with him. She’d decided that she would have to make a complete confession if he was going to believe she wasn’t having an affair and allow her back home. It would be a relief, she thought, to tell him about her failed investment and her debt to James. Once everything was out in the open, maybe it would encourage him to be more honest about his own business dealings.
‘Did Louise enjoy herself?’ Fiona said as she finished what she was doing and stood, hitching her bag on her shoulder.
Sara frowned, wondering for a moment who Louise was.
‘Have I got her name wrong?’ Fiona gave a little laugh. ‘I’m so bad at names. Anyway, did you have a good weekend?’
Sara moved towards the spare desk, where she had been sorting out some files for archiving, not wanting to catch Fiona’s eye. ‘Lovely, thanks. And my girls had a wonderful time with Chelsea. All that shopping, they think they’ve been to heaven.’ She flushed, embarrassed that she hadn’t rung Fiona the previous evening to thank her. ‘I should have been in touch. You must think I’m awful, it’s just…’
Fiona was standing next to her now. She put a hand on Sara’s shoulder and peered at her face, looking concerned. ‘You’re a little peaky. Is everything okay?’
Sara glanced at her friend and sank into her chair, all the strength seeping from her limbs, as if she was slowly dissolving. It took so much energy to keep up a pretence, and she wondered if she really needed to with Fiona.
‘No,’ she mumbled, with a weary sigh. ‘Everything isn’t okay.’
Fiona put her bag down and pulled up a chair. She rubbed Sara’s shoulder. ‘Come on, then. Tell me all about it,’ she said, gently. ‘Maybe I can help. And it always feels better to talk about problems, doesn’t it?’ She frowned then. ‘It’s not James, is it?’
Sara closed her eyes. I can’t tell her about that, can I? She cringed at the very idea. Fiona was a bit of a prude really and the thought of telling her about the hotel and the video was unthinkable – it would shock her to the core. Better to keep that to herself.
She glanced at Fiona. ‘Matt’s thrown me out.’
Fiona’s mouth dropped open. ‘Oh no! When? Last night?’
Sara nodded. ‘He’s got this idea I’m having an affair.’
‘With James?’ The distaste was evident in Fiona’s voice.
Sara shook her head, laced her fingers together. ‘No. He got this… He’s made all sorts of assumptions that are just plain wrong, and he wouldn’t let me tell him the truth.’ She blew out a long breath. ‘Honestly, Fiona, I’ve never seen him so worked up.’
‘Well, you’d probably get worked up if it was the other way round, wouldn’t you?’
Sara tensed. Fiona always did like to present both sides of an argument, which made it difficult to work out whose side she was on.
‘I know, I understand, but someone sent him…’ She stopped herself, aware that once she started explaining the details, the whole truth was in danger of coming out. And she couldn’t let that happen. Fiona could never know the truth. Because then she’d tell the police, and Sara would be no better than her mother. Stealing was never a solution. Funny how life had a way of slapping you round the face with things you said you’d never do.
‘Sent him what?’ Fiona coaxed, obviously curious.
Sara swallowed her temptation to confess, took a deep breath and redirected her thoughts. She looked at Fiona, whose face did sympathy very well. Not telling the whole truth is not a lie, she told herself before she answered. ‘He misunderstood. That’s what happened. Then he overreacted and threw me out of the house. Wouldn’t let me back in. So I had to go and stay with Hailey.’ She pulled at her T-shirt. ‘These were the only clothes we could find to fit me.’
‘Oh Sara, I’m so sorry to hear that. And Matt’s just getting on his feet again, isn’t he? Such a blow getting made redundant, especially in the IT industry. You don’t expect it, do you?’ She gave a little shake of the head, lips pressed together. ‘The girls were telling me all about it over the weekend. They said… Well, they did say there’d been a bit of tension in the house, you know. That you two had been arguing.’
Sara focused her gaze on the wall in front of her, unable to deal with Fiona’s sympathy any longer. Fiona with her perfect house and perfect husband and perfect daughter and loads of money and everything she could possibly want. How could she even begin to understand?
‘They’re so proud of their father for setting up his own business,’ Fiona continued. ‘Maybe he’s just feeling a bit stressed and will have calmed down today. Have you spoken to him?’
She shook her head. ‘I thought I’d give him some space, go and see him later.’
‘Is there anything I can do? Would it help to have some time off, do you think?’
Sara lined up the papers on the desk as she thought, but before she could answer, Fiona carried on.
‘Look, the truth is, I came in early because I wanted to speak to you anyway. I had a meeting with Julia, and she’s concerned that we don’t have enough in reserves and thinks we need to cut our costs a little. To be honest, it’s becoming obvious that our last treasurer really wasn’t up to speed on everything and hasn’t been giving the board the best advice.’ She sighed. ‘The upshot is, Julia has recommended we get more of the volunteers involved around the place. So that would make the manager’s job a smaller role. And when we looked at it like that, we think we might actually only need part-time hours.’
Sara’s heart gave a stutter, her eyes studying Fiona’s face. ‘You’re reducing my hours?’
Fiona gave a little grimace. ‘Actually… I’m afraid Julia thinks we should let you go.’
‘What do you mean, let me go?’ Fiona had Sara’s full attention now, because she knew exactly what she meant, she just didn’t want to believe it.
‘This isn’t me. This is the treasurer and the board.’ Fiona’s eyes glistened, her voice full of regret. ‘I know this job’s important to you, but my hands are absolutely tied, I’m afraid.’ She looked at the floor for a moment, gathering her thoughts. ‘To be honest, though, I do feel there’s a bit of a conflict of interest with you and James being so close these days.’ She pulled a face, like she’d eaten something sour. ‘Look, I really don’t want to be covering for you. I hated having to lie to Matt when you were out with James. Poor man is such a brilliant dad, so dedicated to his kids. I despised myself, I really did.’ She ran her tongue over her bottom lip, clearly uncomfortable. Sara tensed, waiting for the punchline. ‘The thing is, James has a permanent contract and has already negotiated a reduction in hours. Yours is temporary and I know we said we’d extend it until September, but we never formalised that, did we?’ She gave Sara an apologetic smile. ‘Julia has insisted, and given her expertise, we can’t ignore her advice. I’ve rung round the rest of the board and I’m afraid they all agree.’
‘You’re sacking me?’ Sara’s voice rose an octave, her disbelief squeezing her vocal cords. She put a hand to her throat.
‘No,’ Fiona said with forced patience. ‘We’re not renewing your temporary contract.’
‘Oh my God! You said you were happy wi
th my work. Didn’t we talk about a permanent position?’
Fiona nodded, a pained expression on her face. ‘Yes, I know, I know. But that was before I’d spoken to Julia. I’m sorry.’ She blinked. ‘I shouldn’t have made promises I wasn’t in a position to keep, but Sara, given everything that’s happening at home, I’m not sure your mind’s going to be on your work anyway.’ She squeezed Sara’s arm. ‘I think your family need you more. I know it’s been hard on the children with you working full-time. Sophia and Milly couldn’t help letting slip that you don’t seem to have time for them any more. Perhaps Matt feels that way too. Put your energy into your marriage. That would be best, don’t you think?’
Sara bit back her anger. Shouting at Fiona wouldn’t help, however much she wanted to; if the worst-case scenario happened, and she and Matt separated, then she would need her own income, and even if she wasn’t working at the community centre, she’d need a reference.
‘Okay. Well, I can’t pretend I’m not disappointed.’ Her voice was sharp as a knife, cutting through the air between them.
‘Of course you are. And I’m so sorry to have to give you the news when you’re going through a bit of a rough patch.’ Fiona gave her arm a quick rub. ‘I’m happy to have the girls any time if that helps. Chelsea loves having them over, and they’re no trouble. They’re a credit to you and Matt, they really are.’ She stood and picked up her bag. ‘Well, I’ve got to go. Just wanted to catch you and let you know our decision. It seemed only fair. Shall we say you’ll work till the end of the week? Then you can tidy up any loose ends and we can sort out who will be taking over what jobs.’
Sara nodded, jaw clamped shut, too angry to speak. It was only when Fiona was out of the building and she could see her getting in her car that she allowed herself to scream.
She was still seething an hour later when James arrived.