by Rona Halsall
‘I was hoping to see you today,’ she said when he came into the office, her voice chilly as an Arctic wind. The sight of him repelled her now, and she wondered what she’d been thinking in her little daydreams where they were more than friends. Her finger stabbed the air. ‘You’ve got some explaining to do.’
‘Nice to see you too,’ he said as he closed the door, clearly confused. ‘What’s the problem?’
‘The problem is someone sent Matt a video. It was filmed at the hotel this weekend.’ She spat out the words like bullets, hoping she’d find her mark and see guilt in his face.
He looked genuinely surprised. ‘Someone saw us together? A friend of your husband?’
‘No.’ She glared at him. ‘Friends of yours, I believe. Friends who drugged me and abused me while I was unconscious.’ He reeled back at the accusation, his jaw dropping, clearly lost for words. ‘How could you, James? How could you do that to me?’ Her voice cracked and she fought to keep her composure, holding back her furious tears. ‘I trusted you, and I thought…’ Her hands closed into fists, frustration and rage and shame balling together as she beat them against her thighs with such force it made him jump. ‘And then you do that!’ She wanted to hit out, make him understand her pain, but first she needed the truth.
He looked stunned, completely taken aback. ‘I’ve no idea what you’re talking about. Why don’t you just take a deep breath and start again. Somebody saw us at the hotel and told Matt, is that it?’
She stared at him. Has he really just ignored what I said? Then she understood. He was trying to make her believe it didn’t happen. Her fury ratcheted up a notch.
‘No, that’s not bloody it. Weren’t you listening?’ She picked up her phone and swiped through, looking for the video. ‘I’ll show you…’ She frowned and searched some more, but she couldn’t find the clip anywhere. A flush of heat raced through her body and her mind froze as she realised the truth.
It’s gone.
Someone had deleted it.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
She stared at her phone, and frantically went through the process again from the beginning, making sure she hadn’t missed it, but no, the video wasn’t there any more, vanished as though it had never existed. Her shoulders tensed as James stood behind her, looking over her shoulder.
‘Show me,’ he said, so close she could feel his breath on the back of her neck.
She stepped away from him, panic freezing her brain, making her unable to do anything but repeat the process she’d already been through three times. ‘It’s not… I don’t understand. It’s not there.’ James put a hand on her shoulder, and she shrugged it off, spun round to face him. ‘You keep your filthy hands off me,’ she spat. ‘I know what I saw.’
He stared at her, and she could see the confusion and hurt in his eyes. ‘Look, I’m really sorry if I’ve done something to offend you, but I’m still no wiser as to what you’re talking about.’
She glared at him. ‘You and your creepy friends.’ She jabbed her phone at him as if it was a lethal weapon. He flinched. She carried on with her rant. ‘I don’t know exactly what’s going on, but someone sent a video of me and two different men to my husband.’ She registered his shock, and nodded. ‘That’s right, two men, strangers, and they were… they were molesting me, and Matt’s thrown me out.’ Her chest was heaving, her head bursting with rage as tears started to fall, thickening her voice. ‘And the only person who could have anything to do with it is you.’
James blew out his cheeks, tugged at his beard, clearly lost for words. ‘That’s… Oh my God, that’s terrible.’ He looked properly concerned. ‘If you need somewhere to stay while you sort everything out, you’re always welcome at my house, you know.’
Did he just say that?
‘You’re not listening,’ she snapped. ‘I know this is you, I know it. You and your shady bloody deal.’
He put up a hand as if to defend himself, eyes wide. ‘Now just hold on a minute. You can’t think I’d do anything to harm you, Sara. I…’ He stopped himself, looked at the ground. ‘You know I’m very fond of you.’ He sounded genuine, and a ripple of doubt ran through her mind. His eyes met hers. ‘Look, without seeing the video, I still don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m not sure I heard you right. You said two men? You were filmed with two men?’ There was a look of pure disbelief on his face. ‘And you’re sure it was you?’
‘Yes, it was me. I have a tattoo on my thigh. There’s no mistaking it.’
He started pacing the floor, clearly agitated, his hands opening and closing. ‘Christ, Sara, I don’t know what to say. Honestly, you’d think a hotel like that would be safe, wouldn’t you? I heard a similar incident on the news, but that was London. You’d think in the Yorkshire countryside…’ He stopped and turned to her. ‘Did you recognise either of them? Could they be members of staff?’ He stopped pacing. ‘Shouldn’t we go to the police?’
There was nothing in his demeanour to suggest guilt, only shock and anger, and she started to wonder if she’d been jumping to conclusions. But he’s the common denominator, she reassured herself. He took me to that hotel. Ah, but that doesn’t mean he was involved, said a voice in her mind.
She remembered the news story James was referring to, a woman who’d been drugged and raped in a hotel and it turned out to be one of the housekeeping staff. Isn’t that a possibility? Her resolve wavered. Had she wrongly accused James when he’d been nothing but lovely to her?
She clasped her forehead, unsure what to do next, feeling like she was standing on quicksand, being sucked under, and there was nothing she could do about it.
‘I can’t go to the police with no evidence, can I?’ In reality, getting the police involved wasn’t an option, given her theft from the community centre.
He looked thoughtful, his fingers pinching his lips, and it was a moment before he spoke.
‘Do you think Matt still has a copy of this video?’
She sighed. ‘He won’t speak to me.’
‘And he didn’t say where he’d got it from?’
‘No. He just said someone sent it to him and he was mad as hell. I really didn’t have a chance to ask him any questions – he’d already made up his mind about what was going on. I don’t even know if he watched it all.’ Her voice cracked again, her guard crumbling. ‘I don’t understand it. Any of it. But I know what I saw, and it makes me feel sick and humiliated and… filthy.’
She started to cry, covering her face with her hands as her body shuddered.
He grabbed the box of tissues from the desk and handed them to her. ‘Sit down, Sara. Come on. Let me get you a cup of tea. I can see it’s all been a horrible shock.’ He pulled out her chair and gently pushed her into it. ‘I’ll be back in a tick.’
True to his word, he returned with mugs of tea and a packet of chocolate biscuits.
He gave her a tentative smile. ‘Let’s talk this through and see if we can sort out what’s been going on and what we’re going to do about it.’
She gazed at him then, scrutinised his face for clues, little tells that he was being dishonest, but there was nothing untoward, nothing suspicious at all. He said ‘we’. And she felt a tremor of relief. James wasn’t the enemy. He’d never been the enemy. She remembered Hailey’s comment, how she thought he had romantic feelings towards her. I’m very fond of you, that was what he’d just said. And if he was fond of her, he wouldn’t have let other men grope her. She sipped at her tea, the hot sweetness scalding her tongue.
She felt quite useless. Her life as she knew it was like a mirage that was growing hazier by the hour. Trust was a fragile thing, she’d learned that as a child, and she knew that even if she could prove her innocence to Matt, there would still be an element of suspicion in his mind. Because she’d lied to him, hadn’t she? She’d lied about the money, her deal with James, and who she was with at the weekend. Lie upon lie. And even though everything had been innocent and above board with James, Matt wouldn’t believe
her. Not now he’d seen the video. And then, in the future, he’d question everything she said.
My marriage is over. The realisation thumped her in the chest, taking her breath away. And it’s my own fault. One stupid decision had caused her life to fall apart, and she had no idea how to repair it.
There was no going back. She could only go forward, but where she was headed was shrouded in darkness and she was stumbling like a drunkard. It’s not about who trusts me, she told herself. The future depends on who I choose to trust. She glanced at James, on the surface a benevolent presence in her life. But can I be sure what’s really going on?
He caught her eye. ‘Let me ask you this, Sara. What do you want to happen now?’
She clasped her mug a little tighter. I want my life to go back to the way it was before I got this stupid job. Everything had been fine then. More or less. She pulled at that thought, unravelled it a little to find the truth. It hadn’t been completely fine, though, had it? Otherwise she wouldn’t have been yearning for a job, needing to scratch that itch to get out of the house, do something different, use her brain. She’d lost her focus, let it drift away from the most important people in her life – her family. Her needs could wait. There’d be time for her when the kids left home. Why didn’t I see that? This situation was a result of her impatience, her dissatisfaction with her lot, always wanting what others had, like Hailey had said. In that moment, she hated herself with a passion.
‘Sara?’
She’d forgotten James had asked her a question, but now she was very clear about her answer.
‘I want to know who those men were,’ she said between gritted teeth. ‘And I want whoever was responsible brought to justice. Stuff like that can’t be allowed to happen.’ She slammed her empty mug onto the desk. ‘I can’t ignore it, and Matt needs to know I haven’t been unfaithful. How do you get over something like this? I’ve seen the video even if the evidence has gone. I know what happened. And I feel so disgusting I want to rip my skin off.’
‘It was that bad?’
The sympathy in James’s voice threatened to undo her. She could hear her teeth grinding. This wasn’t the time to fall apart. It was the time to fight. She looked up when he spoke again.
‘Look, I’m sorry, but I’ve got to dash.’ He grimaced. ‘Meeting with the bank. I only dropped in because Fiona rang me earlier and told me about your contract being terminated.’ His eyes met hers. ‘That’s what I really came to talk to you about. Because I’ve had an idea, you see. As part of our deal, I’d like you to come and work for me, in Dad’s sportswear business.’
His suggestion came out of nowhere, and it was a moment before Sara could comprehend what he was saying. ‘But why employ me when you could work full-time in your family business and then I could have the position here? Why do you need two jobs? That’s just ridiculous.’
He gave her a quick smile. ‘Family politics, Sara. Can’t have the old man thinking I’m shoving him out the door before he’s ready. He doesn’t pay me anywhere like the going rate in the family firm. But I think he’d like you as his assistant. You’d be doing me a favour. And we could take two hundred pounds a month out of your wages as debt repayment, if that would make you feel more comfortable. No more repayment in kind. We’ve already agreed that, haven’t we?’
Sara shook her head, completely confused. ‘I’m sorry, that makes no sense.’
‘It might not make sense to you. But it makes perfect sense to me.’ He stood and walked to the door, threw a final comment over his shoulder. ‘Anyway, have a think about it. If your husband’s kicked you out, you’re going to need a job, aren’t you?’
She stared after him as the door clicked shut. Do I have a choice?
She had no other way of repaying him the money she owed. And what he was offering her was something she needed – a job.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Sara sat and thought for a long time, unable to come up with a single positive thing to help her situation. Maybe Hailey had news. She gave her a call.
‘Have you had a chance to speak to Matt yet?’ she asked when her sister answered.
‘I’m sorry, Sara, he wouldn’t really talk about it. I said I’d go over later and help with Ezra. He’s playing up, apparently. But that’s no surprise, is it?’ Hailey sounded weary, an edge of annoyance in her voice. ‘Honestly, I can’t believe what a mess you’ve made of everything. I’m so bloody angry with you.’ The static of her breath crackled down the phone. ‘I know you didn’t deserve what happened to you at that hotel, but if you hadn’t stolen that money and done that stupid deal…’ She gave a grunt of frustration. ‘So much of this you brought on yourself.’
Sara ignored her sister’s telling-off, the words skimming in one ear and out of the other, her mind fixed on Ezra, her heart breaking at how confused and upset he would be without her. He was a sensitive little boy, and Matt didn’t have the patience with him that he had with the girls. ‘I can have Ezra. He can come and stay with us.’
‘You’re not listening!’ Hailey snapped, her words rushing out in an angry hurry, the volume cranked up so Sara would take notice. ‘Look, I’m not sure I even want you in my house. You’ve hurt all the people I love most in the world. The girls are fuming, and have told Cassie, so she’s upset and mad with you as well. And someone has told Matt you were with James at the weekend, so that’s added fuel to the fire.’
Sara gasped, horrified. Who would have done that? ‘Someone? Which someone specifically? Did you tell him, Hailey?’ She must have done, because nobody else knew.
‘No, I bloody didn’t! But I guess it’s a small world, isn’t it? People see things.’
‘What people? Who?’
‘I don’t know. I didn’t ask.’ Hailey was beyond impatient now. ‘Look, I’ve got to go. I’m working. I’ll talk to you later.’
Sara stared at her phone, shocked by her sister’s attitude. She’d been so supportive yesterday, but now she’d spoken to Matt, she’d become just short of hostile. She checked the community centre schedule for the day and was relieved to find that she’d done everything she needed to for the groups who were using the facilities. There were plenty of volunteers around who knew where everything was, and she didn’t think she’d be missed if she took an early lunch. She grabbed her bag and left.
Poor Ezra. She knew how impatient Matt could get with his fussy little ways, the clothes he would and wouldn’t wear, the cuddly animals that had to keep him company at the table or he wouldn’t eat. She hurried to the car, pulse racing as she thought about Matt’s rage the night before, hoping he’d calmed down.
Hailey’s words echoed in her mind, and she wondered what Matt had told the girls. It was half-term this week, so the girls would be at home, and she bit her lip as she drove, terrified of what she was about to face.
By the time she pulled up outside the house, she was sweating. How do I have a conversation with Matt without upsetting the kids? Would he even let her see them? The severity of her predicament started to hit home, the possibility that she could be separated from her family. Her very worst fear. She’d vowed that it would never happen to her, that she wouldn’t repeat her mother’s mistakes. She would be different, her life would be different – and it had been, up to a point. But there were also similarities she’d chosen to ignore.
She pushed the thoughts from her head and hurried to the front door, put her key in the lock, but the door wouldn’t budge. The bolt was on. She went round to the side door, frightened that she was locked out of her own house. Tentatively she tried the handle, letting out the breath she was holding when it opened.
Sophia and Amelia were in the kitchen, making toasties, and looked up when Sara walked in, their expressions quickly changing from surprise to anger.
‘Does Dad know you’re here?’ Sophia demanded, looking over her shoulder towards the lounge.
‘I’ve come to talk to him,’ Sara said, unsure how to play this, feeling so vulnerable not knowing what th
e girls did and didn’t know.
‘Well, he doesn’t want to talk to you.’ Sophia’s hands were on her hips, her body blocking the way through.
‘In fact,’ Amelia snapped, eyes flashing, ‘none of us want to talk to you.’
Sara stopped, startled by the venom in their voices, desperate to hold her daughters, hug them to her and explain what had happened. But she couldn’t, and it broke her heart.
‘Cheater,’ Sophia said, pointing at her. ‘You’ve ruined everything.’
‘Dad!’ Amelia shouted. ‘Mum’s here.’
Suddenly Matt appeared from the hallway, and before she could react, he was bundling her out of the back door, which he shut behind him, standing in front of it like a bouncer, arms folded across his chest.
‘You’re not welcome here.’ There was a stony look on his face, and as her hopes went into free fall, her mouth went into overdrive, gabbling her excuses before he could go back inside.
‘Matt, please let me explain. I was drugged. Unconscious. I can show you, but the video has disappeared off my phone. You must have a copy, though.’
She clung to his arm, eyes pleading with him, hoping that she’d put some doubt in his mind, made his case against her crack just a little bit.
He peeled her fingers off. ‘I can’t believe a word you say. You’re as bad as your mother, aren’t you?’ He sneered at her. ‘I deleted that filth.’
She ignored his jibe, concentrated on practicalities, not wanting to believe he’d destroyed the evidence. ‘You can’t have deleted it from my phone.’
‘I did.’
‘But how?’
He gave a derisive snort. ‘You wouldn’t understand if I told you.’
She closed her eyes, tried to calm herself down. She knew she had to stay rational, not fight back; that was the best way with Matt. Taking a deep breath she looked him in the eye, her voice low and urgent. ‘I’m so sorry I haven’t been completely honest with you, but I got myself in a situation I couldn’t get out of. Please let me explain.’