“No one is going to pity you Bobby,” he yells right back, getting only inches away from my face, poking his finger into my chest. “You need to realize that you’re a hero. You saved the lives of your SEAL brother and over ten Grunts. They would have died if you hadn’t stepped up. Don’t you realize that?” He stepped back and scraped his hand back through his graying hair, scratching over his beard as I can tell he’s trying to rein in his anger.
The door to my room cracks open and the pudgy nurse from this morning pokes her head in, barely getting out a “Is everything okay in here” before both Chad and I yell at her to get out and she disappears in a hurry. I know he’ll apologize for that when he leaves and as he turns back to face me, I take a deep breath trying to let his words sink in. I don’t feel like a hero.
Sitting back down on the corner of my bed, he rests his hand on my shoulder. “Just please see the doctor Bobby, they are only here to help.” He squeezes my shoulder, giving me a small smile and he sighs when I nod my head, silently agreeing. I know I need to talk to them; I just don’t want to admit that I need help.
“I’ve already talked to the therapist that helped Rhea with her shoulder and leg and he’s willing to help you.” He stands, fixing his shirt and shoving his hands in his pocket. “Plus I thought it would be a good idea if you came to live with me and Rhea when you’re released.”
“What?” I ask, trying not to choke on the words as my surprise at his statement spills out. Is he serious? “Why would you want me to move in with you and Rhea when I have a perfectly good apartment to live in?”
“Your apartment is on the second floor and if you have been listening to what your doctors have been tellin’ ya, you woulda realized that goin’ up and down stairs too much isn’t recommended.” He gives me a raised eyebrow and I nod my head, mentally cursing whomever he got his info from. That’s Chad. Always able to get what he wants to know.
“And we can make the downstairs bedroom yours. Plus Ellie has been blowin’ Rhea’s phone up wondering about you. She knows you want to tell her what happened, but Rhea says she’s worried sick over you. Seems like Ellie has become attached to you,” he gives me that raised eyebrow, matched with a smirk and I can’t help but smile back, letting a slight chuckle run through my chest for the first time in days.
“I’ll think about it,” I say, resting back against the pillows. It would be nice to have people around me instead of being alone in my apartment, but I don’t want to be a burden.
“Yeah, well,” Chad smiles, clapping his hands together and I immediately know he’s going to say something I might not like. “I’ve already hired a moving crew to get your stuff from your apartment, so, you’re ‘thinking’,” he throws up air quotes as I shake my head at him. “You’re ‘thinking’ is going to have to end in a ‘Well yeah Chief, I’d love to live with you and Rhea. Thanks!’.”
“You’re a son of a bitch, you know that?” I laugh at him as he smiles, clapping me on the back again.
“My momma tells me that every day,” he jokes.
As we sit and talk, I let the ideas sink in. I’m going to live with my friend Chad. In a quiet, rural area away from all the noise. I’m going to be close to Ellie.
This could work out.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ellie
“Where’s Chad?” I ask my cousin Rhea as she’s buckling her squirming son into the back seat of her husband’s Silverado. We are on the way to the usual Saturday dinner between Rhea and her friends, this time being held at Kendall and Harlan’s place. I love being around everyone at the same time. They always have so much fun and after the work week I’ve had this past week, I need some fun.
“He’s workin’ late I guess,” she shrugs but I can see her spare me a quick look out of the corner of her eye and I know she’s lying. I can read Ray-Ray like a book and I wait till she’s in the driver’s seat to give her the laser-beam of skepticism.
She ignores me with a little effort, evident in the red creeping up her neck, turning her attention to backing out of her garage and heading down the road. “Don’t look at me like that Ellie Mae,” she chides.
“Well don’t lie,” I tort back, tapping my fingers on the center console as she turns towards town. She’s not a good secret holder, especially when the person grilling her knows that she knows, and she squirms slightly under my stare.
I turn into the back seat and smile at little Charlie, taking his foot in my hand and hearing him giggle. “Tell mommy not to lie to aunty Ellie,” I coo at him and he laughs, causing a grin to reach my ears as I turn back to Rhea.
“Okay,” she huffs in frustration, slamming her hand down on the steering wheel as we come to a stop sign. Giving me an annoyed look, she sighs again before starting in. “He’s with Bobby in Norfolk.”
Bobby. My heart jumps for a second and I have to grip the door handle to try and ease the tension zipping through my body just at the mention of his name. Since Easter, I’ve felt like my chest might explode at every mention of his name and it’s no different now. My mind goes back to the night at Rhea’s house and the feel of his skin on mine. The way the warmth seemed to seep into my bones when he kissed my hair.
Being free from any drama with Jake has left me countless hours to day dream about Bobby and my heart has filled every second with fantasies. The way his lips will feel against mine when he finally kisses me for real, hopefully. It will probably make me weak. The ways his strong arms will hold me to him and make me feel safe. I crave it more than I should.
“Is,” I choke out and have to stop. Clearing my throat I look out my window trying to blink back the tears that are trying to leak out.
“Is he okay?” No one will tell me how he was hurt, just that he was and he’s healing now. They all shake their heads and tell me that Bobby wants to tell me himself, but I’m dying here trying to prepare myself for what I might face when I see him in person.
Was he shot? Did his hummer hit a roadside bomb? Was he burnt or beaten? I have no idea.
“He’s fine,” Rhea says softly, patting my knee with her soft, warm hand, making me feel a little better. Her blue-grey eyes try and convey that everything will be okay as she peeks between me and the road, but I need to know for myself.
“When is he going to be well enough to see me?” I feel as if I whine the last word, putting my thumb nail in my mouth and nervously biting away on it. Maybe he doesn’t want to see me. That realization hurts and I squeeze my eyes shut as a few tears slide down.
“Actually,” Rhea’s voice lifts in excitement and I wipe at my cheeks, turning to face her as she pulls down her old street headed towards Kendall’s trailer. She sees my tears and rubs her thumb over my skin, smiling sweetly. “Don’t cry Ell, cuz Bobby is comin’ to live with Chad and me when he’s released.” She smiles wide and I’m dumbstruck.
What did she just say? Bobby? Living with Chad and Rhea? No, she has to playing some sick joke. “Ray, this isn’t funny,” I start to say, my tone angry and sharp but she throws her hand up and stops me mid-sentence.
“I know how you feel about him Ell,” she whispers, pulling onto the grass beside Harlan’s old Jeep. Turning the engine off, she sighs, flopping back against the seat and turning towards me.
“It’s the same way I felt about Chad. You want him so bad it hurts, but you don’t know whether or not he wants you back. Every spare second of your time is filled with fleeting fantasies, even when you try not to think of him or haven’t thought of him in a while.”
She hit the nail on the head and as she gets out, I rest my head back and try to compose myself looking up at the grey interior. I do want him so bad it hurts. My chest feels like it’s a wet rag being twisted over and over, wringing the life right out of me as if it were water.
It scares me to feel like this about someone while still trying to get the divorce papers signed by Jake. I don’t want to hurt Bobby in any way. I also don’t want Jake to find out I’m seeing anyone when it does come down to it. I�
��m afraid at what he’ll do and get away with since he’s a Trooper and everything seems to ‘disappear’ when it comes to him.
Opening my eyes and looking out to the doublewide I remember running around when Rhea and I were little, I see one way that I might have hurt Bobby already. Garth and Brad are leaning up against the railing on the porch, their eyes on the truck where I’m sitting and my stomach starts to do backflips. The slam of the back door brings me from my shocked state and I undo my seatbelt with a shaky hand.
I could kick my own ass for twenty four hours straight about what I got myself into with Garth and Brad. I was stupid and careless. Making my way across the grass I can feel them watching me and I look up to meet Garth’s green eyes, that same old killer smile on his lips. At times I’ll be sitting alone at home or in the dressing room at Subzero and I’ll just beat myself up mentally about that night in Virginia Beach. I can’t take it back.
Shaking off the familiar horrible feeling that comes with the thought of telling Bobby about that night, I smile and wave to Garth, Brad and everyone gathered around the porch. I’ll bite the bullet, keeping my word not to let it get to me too much. I’ll focus on Bobby and the thought of maybe seeing him soon.
CHAPTER SIX:
Bobby
April 30, 2013
Standing in what is now my empty bedroom, I’m both nervous and anxious to go down the stairs and get into Chad’s truck, leaving this apartment to live with him and Rhea while I continue my therapy. The white walls are boring and uninviting and as I pull the shades down over the window, I let the late afternoon darkness sink in. It’s a familiar feeling, this loneliness and despair. I’ve become friends with it over the last couple of weeks.
Moving my eyes down to my left leg, I let out a string of mumbled curses at the metal material and attached sneaker, crumpling the meek curtain that lined my window between my fingers. I’ve spent countless nights in that hospital bed, lying awake and hating myself with every second. The psychologist that I’m seeing helps, just being there to talk through things, but I’ve refused the anti-depressants so far. I don’t want to take them. I want this hurt in my chest to disappear on its own because I’m a man.
I was a sailor. I was a SEAL. Now, well now I’m just a statistic with a metal leg and few scars on my back. Yeah, sure, they say that I’m a hero, but as of right now I don’t feel like one.
I feel like I’ve let everyone in my life down, especially my SEAL brothers. I feel as if I’m a failure to Chad and Reno who had mentored me and watched my back, honing me into the SEAL that I was. Even Ellie who doesn’t really know what has happened to me yet. She is waiting for a man, a whole man, to come back and pick up where we left off. All she’ll be getting is what scraps are left over.
I can hear Chad and Reno laughing and joking around outside and I take another look around. Pulling the last duffel bag with my clothes from of the bed, gripping my cane tight, I turn to head out. My apartment wasn’t anything special but I have to smirk remembering some of the antics that have gone on here. Like the crazy parties with Uclid and some of our other sailor friends, sometimes being so rowdy that the cops were called by my neighbors. They were good times, but they are gone now. All blown away by the grenade, in that God forsaken hell hole that reeked of urine and decay.
‘No,’ I have to tell myself sternly, stopping in the middle of the living room and shutting my eyes tight fighting off the urge to scream at my situation. ‘No, my life is NOT over. I am still who I was, just changed. I am a good man and an even better sailor. I saved my friends. I’m okay.’ I can hear footsteps coming up the metal stairs outside and I take a deep breath in, trying to calm the rage welling inside me.
“Are ya ready to go Timmons?” Reno smiles as he looks around the apartment with Chad on his heels. They had done a good job at making sure I have everything essential, wrapping up the furniture and appliances to keep the dust off. Reno’s tan skin and dark hair is accented by the khaki cargo shorts and white polo he is sporting and I secretly hate him, wanting his complexion as opposed to my freckles.
“I’m ready,” I say, nodding my head and trying not to hobble too much as I follow them to the door. One last look and I pull the door shut, turning the key in the deadbolt while hopefully opening another door in my life with living in Wakefield. I’m praying at least that it will make a good outcome.
My leg is still sore but manageable and as my cane clicks on the stairs Chad turns to me and asks, “Need any help?”
It’s a simple question, but it stings. Shaking my head I have to bite back a nasty reply, averting my eyes to my feet while fighting this anger brewing in my chest. I shouldn’t need anyone to ask me if I need fucking help getting down the stairs, but I guess it comes with the new territory.
Throwing my duffel into the back of Chad’s truck, I climb into the passenger seat as my two friends talk about the route they are going to take back to the house but I’m not listening. I throw my head back against the headrest, letting some of the anger roll through my arms as I ball my fists repeatedly. Looking down at my forearms, I watch as my tattooed flesh contracts and releases.
Then I look again at my left knee; I hate that apparatus below it so much. I adjust my shorts to try and hide the tan suspension sleeve, knowing that it’s impossible and the anger within makes my breathing speed up. I want my leg back.
“You okay?” Chad’s voice shocks me and I turn on him, knowing my anger is still displayed all over my face. His eyes lock onto mine and he slowly shuts his door, silently waiting for me to explode. I take the opportunity and let out a loud, seemingly earth shattering yell, pounding my fists on the dashboard and feeling the truck shake in the aftermath. I can feel my skin flushing, the heat making sweat break out under my t-shirt as I pound my left hand on the center console while gritting my teeth.
I can’t look at Chad for a minute after that and as we sit in silence, my heavy breathing is the only noise between us. It felt good to let it out, but the hurt starts to set in again, tightening my chest and feeling as if it might squeeze my heart right out of my body. Casting my eyes to the side I see Chad leaned back, waiting like the silent and strong man that he is.
“Sorry ‘bout that,” I say, my breathing still heavy as I slide the seatbelt across my torso, snapping it into place as my hands throb from the abuse I just put them through. My therapist says that I should start doing the kickboxing and running like I use to, to let off steam and focus my energy on healing. I should probably start listening to them to try and keep this from happening again, but it’s easier said than done when you have to lie in bed each morning and tell yourself repeatedly to get out of bed, life isn’t over.
“It’s okay Bobby,” Chad smiles lightly, pulling out behind Reno’s Jeep headed towards the highway. “Anytime you wanna talk,” he mumbles, clearing his throat trying not to sound too sentimental but still meaning it he gives me a sidelong glance while merging into traffic.
I nod, giving him a silent acknowledgment to taking him up on his offer and he focuses back on the road. I know he means it, but I don’t think I’m really ready to talk over everything that I’m feeling right now. Maybe in a little while.
The ride is pretty much silent after that, except when Chad boasts about Rhea’s cooking which I already know is good, so I agree right along with him adding my two cents when he asks about my favorite foods. I laugh with him as he gushes about Charlie and am happy to see him loving his life. I almost forget about my situation until we turn onto his road and I shift in my seat, the tight muscles in my left leg screaming at me and bringing me back to reality.
I sigh heavily as Chad puts the truck in park, giving me a sympathetic look as he runs his hand back through his greying hair. The front door to his home opens and Rhea steps out with Charlie on her hip, waving and smiling at us, lifting my spirits.
“Don’t worry man,” he says, punching me in the shoulder like he always does and whispers “things will get better.”
“
Yeah,” I mumble, gripping my cane and slowly opening my door, fearing that first look on Rhea’s face. I try and smile at her approaching figure as my sneakers hit the grass, seeing her eyes flit from my face to my leg, I hold my breath.
Her look only lasts a second before her eyes meet mine displaying happiness without the usual trace of sympathy and it makes me happy. As she throws her arm around my shoulder, hugging me and telling me she’s happy I’m here I genuinely smile for the first time in a couple of days. It’s not laced with sadness, just a smile.
With my cane in my left hand I take Charlie, cooing and drooling, from Rhea as she insists on helping her husband and Reno carry some of my things into their house. Up the front steps and through their front hallway, I am feeling better by the second just being surrounded by their presence. Charlie is pulling at the neck of my t-shirt and trying to squirm down as Rosa joins us, her daughter Marisol on her hip and she wraps me in a tight hug as well, taking the baby from me and telling me to sit down.
I like this, it feels good. Their smiling faces and happy voices make me grin. This is better than sitting alone in my apartment that’s for sure. As they joke and harass each other, throwing my bags into the spare bedroom I can’t help but laugh at them, joining in when I can and harassing Chief most of all. He takes it in stride like he always does, laughing it off with throwing a few ribs my way as I sit at the kitchen table facing the front door, my hand rubbing at my left thigh and knee subconsciously.
Chad had been right about going up and down those stairs at my apartment building; my leg is killing me now. Doing the loading of the truck, I was confident that I’d be fine, but now, I could go for an ice pack. An ice pack that weighs five pounds and will encompass my entire leg would be ideal, but I won’t let it bother me.
I Never Asked You To Save Me: Book 3 The Wakefield Romance Series Page 8