Carlos: A Zambrano Family Novel

by Deici, Olivia

  “You weren't ready to settle down?”

  I shook my head. “Not with her. There was something about her, caramelo. One night, we’d waited for her for family dinner. We’d waited for an hour when she called and said she wouldn't be able to make it. I’d had it out with her for being so damn rude and having us wait for so long. When I told my family, I’d heard my mother mumble “thank God”.”

  I took a sip of my Cuba libre.

  “It hadn't occurred to me before that moment that maybe my family didn't like Yessie. So I asked them. Silence was my answer; no one spoke a word. I was taken aback. I spoke to Mamá later. She'd always been the best judge of character.”

  “What did she say?”

  “She'd always thought that Yessie was a gold digger. It forced me to take a close look at our relationship. I was always generous. I'd enjoyed giving her things. I'd never thought of her that way but after the conversation with my mother, I looked at out relationship with new eyes. I’d noticed things I hadn't before then.”

  “Like what?”

  “She would subtly suggest something she wanted. She would suggest expensive restaurants with popular crowds. She’d always pose.”

  “The climbing socialite wannabe.”

  “Yea. Exactly.”

  “But you didn't want to settle down.”

  “Not with her. But all I'd ever wanted was to settle down. Out of all of my brothers, except for Marco, I'd been the one wanting to settle down. He'd known the love of his life since they were children.”

  “Izzy briefly told me about what happened.”

  I nodded, not wanting to relive that now. The pain on my brother’s face the night he’d found Jenny- I never wanted to see anyone I loved go through that.

  Kissing her head, I continued.

  “When I saw what Marco and Jenny had, I wanted that. When Ari came, I wanted a baby, too.”

  “Did you date a lot?”

  I shrugged. “Yea, but I really just wanted to find The One. I wanted to settle down, get married, and have a family. Roman and Diego were the wild ones. Girlfriend after girlfriend. Booty call after booty call. I just wanted to find her.”

  I squeezed her hand but didn't say anything. Sometimes my Cari could be spooked like a wild mare.

  I didn't want her to get scared with talk of my wanting marriage and children.

  “I'd been thinking about ending things with her. It's like the night of the dinner had caused me to open my eyes. Then she came home one day and announced she was pregnant.”

  Cari sucked in a breath.

  “I was confused. She had been on the pill. We weren't reckless. But then, you know, the whole spiel that it's not 100% effective. So there I was, finally getting what I'd always wanted- a partner, home, and finally a baby- only it was all with the wrong person. I hadn't loved her.”

  I drank what was left of my drink and raised a finger to Jeremy, a steward, for a refill.

  “I kept it from her- the fact that I'd wanted to end things. For a while there, things were good. When she showed me the ultrasound of my baby, I was automatically in love. We went shopping for the baby. She wanted to go immediately even though I'd always heard it was bad luck to go before the three-month period. We’d told my family. They seemed happy but I knew they still didn't like her. My family is important to me, but they weren't the only factor when evaluating my relationships. I was my own man. I was happy. I may not have loved her but I loved that baby. I wanted to go to prenatal visits. I’d move my appointments and meetings, but Yessie never wanted me to go.”

  “That's weird.”

  “Yea. It was. And maybe if I wasn't so fucking happy about becoming a father, I would've paid more attention. Yessie kept pushing marriage, saying she didn't want to have a bastard. I took exception to that word, but I relented. Whatever man. I just wanted my baby to have my name. I wanted to be a father. Marco and Jenny had just had Ari, and the thought of our children growing up so closely together got me here.”

  I pointed to my heart.

  “You're a romantic. A family man.”

  I kissed her head again.

  “A fucking sucker,” I corrected.

  She looked up at me, eyes wide.

  “She came home one day, crying. She was hysterical. Apparently the doctor told her that her HGH-”

  “hCG.”

  “Yea, hCG levels were decreasing.”

  “She was miscarrying.”

  Cari’s voice was low and sad.

  If she only knew.

  “Did she explain what was happening?”

  “No. I couldn't get a straight answer. I wanted to go to the OBGYN, but she was adamant that I not. She said that her doctor recommended a D&C, and it was scheduled for the next day. I was confused, heartbroken. But I couldn't focus on me, I needed to be there for her.”

  She tightened her hold on me. I took a long drink from my glass. I nodded for a shot of rum. When he brought it, I knocked it back. Cari misunderstood.

  “I'm sorry, Carlos.”

  “I'm not done, baby.”

  I steeled myself and continued.

  “The next day, I went to the OBGYN’s office. I told them I was there for Yessie. I was blown away when the receptionist asked me who Yessie was. I thought maybe I had the wrong office, but I double checked my phone. It was the same name as the ultrasound picture.”

  “What happened?”

  “I made a big fucking scene thinking they were keeping my baby and girlfriend away from me. My emotions were everywhere. For months, I’d been in love with a baby that I was losing. I was angry, frustrated, and beyond reason. I was a second away from destroying the waiting room when the OBGYN came out. He explained that that day he didn't see patients. It was a day for the office to catch up on work. He also explained that he had no upcoming D&Cs scheduled, and hadn't performed one in several months.”

  The memory was still so vivid in my head.

  “I asked him if he had a patient by the name of Yessenia Garcia. He said he couldn't violate HIPPA laws, but that he could confirm that he did not have a patient with that name. I showed him the ultrasound, which he confirmed came from his office.”

  Cari sat up. “What the hell happened?”

  I shrugged.

  “I waited for her to get home. When she came in, I observed her from where I was sitting. Her face was neutral but when she saw me, it was like a fucking light switch flipped. The waterworks began. She said how much pain she was in, that it had been a horrible procedure. I asked her why she hadn't called me, and then mentioned the same name of the OBGYN I'd gone to that day. Said that his office hadn't been far away.”

  I threw another shot back.

  “And then I’d told her that I had gone there and that the doctor said he didn't have visits or procedures on Wednesdays. What a sight it was to see her morph. One minute she was crying and sad, and in the next she accused me of spying. I'll save you the rest of the ugly story and tell you that she finally admitted that she’d faked it all. In the heat of the moment, she’d admitted that she’d overhead what my family had said about not liking her. Apparently I’d successfully made her feel like shit so that she'd hurried to our family dinner just in time to hear my family’s thoughts about her that night. Said she knew I didn't want to marry her. And so she faked it all to marry me. When the baby lie became too big, she had to think fast, and came up with the miscarriage.”

  “What a fucking bitch.”

  I snorted. “You have no fucking idea.”

  Cari got on her knees and wrapped her arms around me.

  “I mourned that baby like he or she was real, Cari.”

  She hugged me tight. I felt ridiculous. It still hit me hard. I felt like a goddamned moron for falling for her shit, and for still having feelings for a baby that never existed.

  “The baby was real,” she said. She placed her palm over my heart. “Here. The baby was real and lived here. And it's ok for you to mourn, because he or she was real to you.”<
br />
  I exhaled, unable to meet her eyes. For so long, I'd felt like a fucking idiot ten times over.

  Especially with my family.

  It was one thing for only me to know what she did, but to have witnesses to my ignorance and naïveté?

  That was especially embarrassing.

  “You are not dumb for believing in someone and for letting yourself love. You are amazing, Carlos Zambrano. And one day, you'll make an amazing husband and father. With the right woman.”

  I looked up at her, knowing that for me, she was The One.

  I just had to convince her of that.

  “I gave her the world, or at least I tried.”

  “That was your problem.”

  “What was?”

  “She shouldn't have needed anything else. Your love- it is the world.”

  I didn't breathe.

  She rose above me and straddled my hips. Her lips came crashing down on mine and I was gone.

  They were soft yet demanding, and I wanted to taste her.

  Make love to her.

  But I couldn't.

  Not until she was ready.

  I pulled away and she groaned.

  “Cari, I won't give in. Let me know when you're ready.”

  My palm caressed one cheek and her eyes found mine.

  “I want to make love to you, Caridad. To not only let our bodies join, but our hearts and souls. I don't want casual with you, baby. Let me in. I'll care for your heart, caramelo, and treat it like the most fragile and beautiful gift that it is.”

  She was quiet for a few moments, before kissing me and settling in beside me.

  She was coming around.

  I felt it.

  Slowly and gently, I was hammering away at the walls she’d built.

  Her heart would be mine soon enough.

  21

  Cari

  Good For You,

  Selena Gomez

  Iza had packed it all for me. Some clothes were in garment bags, so I opened the one she'd humorously labeled “ritzy glam.”

  I shrugged. This seemed to be the appropriate one since Carlos told me we’re going somewhere upscale.

  I opened the bag and exhaled. I couldn't wear this! There were more holes than fabric. What the hell was my best friend thinking?

  I didn't show my body.

  Period.

  I saw a note drafted in her handwriting.

  “Don't be such a baby. You have an amazing body. Show. It. Off. Nothing will show through the cut-outs.

  I rolled my eyes. She knew me too damn well.

  I frustratedly grabbed it on its hanger and dangled it before my eyes.

  Fuck.

  It was black and skintight, with slash cutouts around my waist. At least there was black sheer material covering the cut-outs to lend some modesty. The top was cut straight across my collarbones. Thank God Iza had not given me a dress with a plunging neckline.

  I spoke too soon.

  The back was altogether another issue. That nearly PLUNGED to my ass, but thank God the sides covered what I needed it to cover.

  I rolled my eyes. Jesus Iza.

  The dress was long with a slit on the left leg reaching my damn thigh.

  My sigh ended on a groan.

  It's not like I had another choice.

  There were strappy sandals to match.

  I swallowed.

  I could do this. It would be ok. It was just a dress. I doubt that wherever we went, anyone would know me anyway.

  Self-talk.

  That was a winning coping method for me.

  I resigned myself and sat before the vanity. I decided on smokey eyes and a nude lip. It made my eyes sparkle more green than hazel. I blow-dried my hair until it was dry and straight. I secured it tightly at the nape of my neck and let the smooth mass sleekly fall down my back.

  I didn't have any jewelry except the small diamond stud earrings I had on. A necklace wouldn't look good with the straight-cut anyways but dangling earrings would.

  Oh well.

  I could do this.

  I spritzed my favorite Ralph Lauren scent, and grabbed my black clutch purse.

  I looked at myself in the mirror and wow.

  I wasn’t vain in any manner but I looked good. I smiled.

  Breathing deeply, I walked out of the room.

  22

  Carlos

  Hands to Myself,

  Selena Gomez

  Since Cari had opened up to me, I sensed a newfound intimacy. There was a new connection that hadn't been there before her revelations.

  I had been stunned silent by her words. I didn't know what I’d expected to hear, but I hadn't expected that. No wonder my woman was scared to attach herself to anyone. There had been an endless revolving door of adults who’d sworn to give her a safe home, and had given her anything but.

  Chris.

  So that was the man I’d seen in the picture frames. The man who'd kept my caramelo safe. If that man were alive today, I’d set him up for life. Without him, I wouldn't have Cari.

  We still hadn't made love. That was entirely up to her. I wasn't pushing her. She needed to make that decision, and leap, for herself.

  I had a good night planned. It would blow her mind.

  I heard her before I saw her. When my eyes looked up, the air was sucked out of the room and my lungs.

  Cari descended the stairs slowly in the most amazing dress I'd ever seen.

  Fuck me.

  I wanted to carry her caveman-style right back up to our room.

  I wanted to be the Tarzan to her Jane.

  And fuck her until she couldn't walk.

  My eyes glided down along with her. Her cheeks blushed prettily.

  I couldn't fucking take my eyes off her.

  “What?”

  Her one-worded question came out breathless. The fuck-me heels she had on to accompany the fuck-me dress, gave her additional height. Pride that was purely raw and masculine flooded me.

  She was so female.

  And I was her male.

  I had to remind myself that I couldn't take her upstairs to fuck until she agreed to make love with me.

  Fuck my goddamned oath.

  When she stood before me, I reached to grab her and she stopped back, laughing.

  “No. I'm not redoing my makeup.”

  I groaned. “Just a kiss, Caridad.”

  She laughed harder at my use of her full name.

  “No. Now stop watching me like that.”

  “How?”

  “Like a predator.”

  The smile I gave her barred my teeth. “I fucking want to eat you. Fuck you until you scream my name and forget yours. Until you can't walk straight for days. Until your thighs and pussy are so soar, you can't leave the bed.”

  She sucked in a breath and I saw her eyes get hazy with passion. The color on her cheeks deepened.

  “Forget about tonight.” I wanted to forget everything except her underneath me.

  “You're the one who said no more sex until we made love.”

  She shrugged one shoulder. That simple action cut through my hunger for her body.

  What was between us, what was building between us, was more than just sex. I couldn't have her close on me again. I couldn't go back to just sex. I wanted our bodies to love one another’s.

  I would show her.

  Until then, the literal dick in my pants had to calm the fuck down.

  “You're right.”

  Disappointment entered into her eyes and that made me feel good to know she wanted me as much as I wanted her.

  “Where are we going? Flying somewhere?”

  I smiled and kissed her cheek. She stepped back- it was her turn to appraise me.

  I had on a black suit, and white collared shirt with a few buttons undone. My hair was slicked back.

  “Like what you see?”

  She smiled. “Very much.”

  I turned and grabbed a black box. It was bigger than a ring box, but still
small.

  “Open.”

  She bit her lip but caught herself.

  “Is my lipstick still on?”

  I laughed. “Yes.”

  She opened it and sucked her breath in.

  “Yes, they're real and yes, they're yours.”

  “They're amazing.”

  They should be. They were as much as a car.

  “Why?”

  “Izzy said that she needed to get a pair of earrings for this dress. I told her to tell me what would look good, and that I'd buy them. She sent me screenshots of what she wanted. I refused to sign up for Pinterest like she asked me to.”

  Cari laughed and took the studs in her ears off. Then, she carefully put the dangling diamond earrings on her adorable ears.

  I wanted to nip at them.

  “We’re not flying anywhere and we're not landing anywhere,” I said, finally answering her question from moments before.

  Her eyebrows furled.

  “What kind of clues are those?”

  I laughed. “Perfect ones if you know where we're going.”

  She slapped her hand on my forearm as I laughed. I held out my hand.

  “Come.”

  She slipped her hand in mine and we went to the elevator.

  “Down?”

  I smiled at her and waited to arrive. Her grumble next to me made me chuckle.

  “We’re going via boat?”

  “Yep.”

  When she saw we were going to use another boat other than Sal, she laughed.

  “Really? Another boat?”

  I shrugged. “A luxury speedboat. It's a must for where we’re going.”

  “Gettin’ Nauti?”

  I smirked. “I have fun naming my toys.”

  She stared at me for a solid minute before smiling at me. I loved the amusement dancing in her eyes.

  I helped her into Nauti and we got settled. One of Alma’s officers was piloting, and we had a guard crew of two with us.

  “We need them even on here?”

  “Yes. With you, no chances.”

  The breeze felt good on my face as we moved through the waters with the setting sun casting its pastel hues on the water.