Carlos: A Zambrano Family Novel

by Deici, Olivia

  I hoped that I could hang onto this newly found determination, courage, and strength.

  Talking and thinking were one thing, and doing was quite another.

  I'd opened myself up but I still hadn't said the words he deserved to hear. I couldn't explain it. It was like if I did, it would be like sending out a signal to the universe to take him from me.

  In my life, I had one person- Iza.

  Iza and I were two birds of a feather. Similar heartaches, limited people in our lives. Same fears of loss, rejection, and reluctance to open ourselves up to further hurt. We'd found a kinship in one another.

  Now, I'd like to think I had Carlos, too.

  No, wait.

  I did have Carlos.

  If I wanted him.

  And I did.

  Finally, we left our cave to lounge on the deck for fresh air. I caught him looking at me.

  “What?” A smile curved around my lips.

  His face was serious, his eyes intense.

  “I love you, Caridad.”

  I looked away, swallowing thickly. The guilt of not being able to return those words because of a goddamned fear crushed me.

  “It's ok, baby. I know it's hard for you.”

  I looked back at him.

  “I’ll wait. However long. Baby steps. We made love, caramelo. That filled my heart with warmth, all from you. I can wait for the words. It just feels good for me to say them and set them free from my heart, so I will repeat them. Often.”

  I set my drink down, got up, and walked towards him. Leaning down, I kissed him.

  Leaning my forehead against his, I murmured, “Thank you. For being patient.”

  He moved to kiss me but before he did, he uttered, “As long as you reward me.”

  His hand went to my ass and squeezed it. Then he kissed me as I yelped. He laughed and I playfully slapped his shoulder.

  I went in search of Dennis, the yacht’s steward.

  I'd been mulling over something now for a few days, and I needed help if I was going to do it.

  Carlos had surprised me.

  It was time that I surprised him back.

  29

  Carlos

  “What are we going to do?”

  We were on Sal. She smiled at me, and in the moonlight, surrounded by darkness and glimmering stars, she was beyond beautiful.

  “Can't you just enjoy a surprise? Do you have to try and spoil it?”

  Laughing, I admitted, “I’m not good with surprises.”

  I looked over at Armand, our head of security. He was the only one with us. He was an everything-man. He could pilot and handle a boat as well as he did his knives and the goddamn arsenal of guns he currently had strapped to his body. He'd been employed by me for a while now and I trusted him implicitly.

  Which was why he was with us.

  Finally the boat stopped after a good ten to fifteen minutes.

  I looked around into the vast emptiness of the surrounding dark ocean. I looked at Cari questioningly and she opened her arms, smiling.

  “Ta-da!”

  I began smirking. “Interesting.”

  She laughed.

  “Dinner under the stars away from lights. Even your ginormous yacht has too many lights to truly enjoy the starry night. I asked Dennis how to go about this and he recommended this boat with Armand.” She gave me a look. “I also wanted privacy.”

  “I see.”

  “You're disappointed.” She looked down. “It's not easy to surprise or do something special for someone who has anything he desires within reach.”

  “Fuck no, caramelo. How could I be disappointed spending time with you? I would be happy watching an HGTV star hanging wallpaper as long as you were on the couch next to me.”

  Her laugh was musical. She told me to wait, and when she came back, she had food.

  “Food, too?”

  “Of course. And I cooked.”

  My eyes widened.

  “How come I never knew this about you?”

  Her smile was vibrant.

  “I cook. I used to cook with my mother. And when Iza and I lived together, we had to cook. We were broke. You'd be surprised how many dishes you can make with a can of chick peas.”

  She opened the covered dish.

  “Just simple fair.”

  “Picadillo, white rice, and black beans. Some of my favorites.”

  “In full disclosure, I made the picadillo. I can make that in my sleep. The back beans were not made by me. I didn't have the time.”

  One of my all-time favorite dishes, every Cuban family had their own way of making picadillo. My mom always cooked it the best.

  I dove in and it was amazing.

  “You like it?”

  Nodding, I wiped my mouth. “My mom makes it the best, and you're giving her a run for her spatula. This is amazing, caramelo. When did you have the time?”

  “You fell asleep and I slipped away.”

  “Sneaky.”

  Laughing, she began eating her plate. I served myself two more times, loving her cooking. After I’d literally inhaled the food, I sat back and watched her.

  “What?”

  “Beautiful. Intelligent. Heart of gold. Strength of steel. And you can cook.”

  She swept an arm down her body where she sat.

  “Look at me. I'm full of talent.”

  “You got that right. In and out of the bedroom.”

  Her cheeks heated and I loved it.

  I fucking loved her.

  “I love you, baby.”

  I saw the guilt in her eyes but I also saw her eyes return my feelings, even if her mouth couldn't yet form the words. Even though you didn't get to hear the words from someone you loved sometimes, you could see it in their hearts via their eyes, and feel it in their actions and touch.

  When she finished eating, I took out my cell and began playing songs. When Say You Won’t Let Go by James Arthur began, I held my hand out, palm up. She looked at me surprised and placed her hand in mine. We continued to dance through Sade’s By You Side.

  I leaned my head down to the side of her neck and inhaled her sweet scent. I nuzzled her neck and enjoyed the goosebumps breaking out on her silky skin.

  “These songs. They're for you, baby. How I feel about you, corazón de mi alma.”

  Heart of my soul.

  She was that and so much more.

  Her breath caught and she looked up at me. Our lips met in a deep, sensual kiss that reflected our love for one another. Although I wanted to hear the words from her lips, as long as I felt them, I was ok.

  We languidly danced to Speechless by Dan + Shay.

  “This song is 100% me.”

  She pulled back. “What?”

  My smile was slow and easy. “You'd be seeking a restraining order if you knew how many times I watched you sleeping.”

  Laughing, she reached up and wrapped her arms around my neck.

  I held her close during Love Me Like You Do by Ellie Goulding. Again, she reached up and palmed one cheek, kissing me deeply. Her thumb rubbed circles on my cheek gently as our mouths loved each other.

  “Where are you going?”

  I laughed at the whine in her tone and reluctance to let go of my hand.

  “Putting on a special song for you, baby. All of these songs were for you, and this one, I especially dedicate to you.”

  “Are you going to record a mixtape for me?”

  I couldn't hold back my laughter as she batted her eyelashes playfully.

  “I am not the Roman to your Izzy.”

  She grinned, knowing that her best friend would indeed, love a mixtape of 80s songs.

  “So what's the song?”

  She had a beautiful smile on her face. Her eyes lit up as I walked towards her. Then the piano began playing and she recognized the song immediately. I brought her in close to me, my hand wrapped around hers resting against my heart. My head was dipped down towards her. Her soft fragrance was sweet and flowery.

&nbs
p; Intoxicating.

  Hypnotizing.

  Bryan Adams’ gravelly voice began one of my favorite love ballads, (Everything I Do) I Do It For You. I’d never had a girlfriend that deserved these words.

  But Cari had the best of me.

  I'd do anything for her.

  My breath caught as she nuzzled my neck. I felt my shirt damp and realized that she was crying. I planted a kiss on her hair and rubbed my cheek on her head.

  After a moment, I nudged her chin, so that I could see her eyes as we danced.

  “I love you, Caridad. With my whole heart. My soul. And there's nothing I wouldn't do for you, caramelo.”

  We continued to dance to the song slowly, lovingly, our eyes caught in a spell neither one of us wanted to break.

  This was intimacy.

  Not only the sharing of bodies, but the complete nakedness of our souls and love shining through our eyes.

  I was a romantic.

  I kissed our joined hands as the chorus began. She kissed my chin and I dipped down to kiss her mouth. She moved to put her head on my chest as the song came to an end. I felt the vibrations against me as she spoke.

  “Thank you.”

  I rubbed my cheek again on her head.

  “Did you like my surprise? Our vacation is ending soon. At first, I didn't know how to relax. Now, I never want to leave this little world we created with just you and I in it.”

  I kissed her deeply and barely pulled back. “I loved it. Any time with you, caramelo, is amazing. And this won't be the last vacation. We’ll be scheduling more.”

  I kissed her nose and moved to her lips. She pulled back after a minute.

  “I have one more thing for you.”

  “What?”

  Her smile was coy. “I made a flan.”

  “También?”

  “Yep. That, too. That's easy to make. I'll be right back.”

  “Hurry, baby. I want you next to me, under the stars.”

  Her nose nuzzled mine and I slowly let her hand go as she went down into the cabin.

  All I needed was a Cohiba, rum, and my caramelo next to me.

  I was looking out into the darkness when I saw a moving light from afar.

  Coming rapidly.

  “Armand!”

  “On it. Fast moving boat.”

  “Call it in-”

  Before I could finish that sentence, I heard a few pops and several hard somethings landed on the deck. Smoke began wafting up.

  What the fuck? They must have shot it, they were too far to throw it.

  My eyes were burning and tearing. I grabbed a cloth napkin and covered my mouth.

  “Motherfucker! Fuck!!”

  I couldn't call out to Caridad. It would make her come up on deck if she hadn't already heard the commotion out here. I looked over, and now there were three lights coming closer.

  Three vessels.

  “Armand!”

  “I can still see, Los. I'm behind the glass.”

  I immediately wiped my goddamned eyes, and went to the emergency life raft stored on the port side coughing my goddamned lungs out. I had to move quickly.

  “Call Alma. Get back up.”

  “Already done! I'm going to radio-”

  High-powered gunfire and more tear gas deafened me.

  Glass shattered like ice.

  “Armand!”

  Silence.

  I didn't take a second of precious time to look to see what happened to him. I assumed the worst and I hated that something had happened to him.

  Like a maniac, I put the napkin down and began releasing the life raft. There's no way back-up from Alma would be here before the hostiles reached us.

  The life raft hit the water and it took a few fucking moments before it began inflating.

  I wiped my eyes.

  “Carlos! What's with all the smoke!”

  “Caridad! Come here. Now!”

  “Carlos?”

  My fucking heart was about to pop out of my goddamned chest. My fear for her was so great, I couldn't even fucking breathe. Satisfied that the raft was inflating, I walked over to the bridge with a life vest and Cari stood there, her hand covering her mouth as she stared at Armand.

  She couldn't stop coughing but immediately kneeled by him to stop the blood coming out from his chest.

  “Hand me a cloth or towel! Whatever you can find.”

  I grabbed a towel and she pressed it against Armand’s chest.

  “Put this on, Caridad. NOW!”

  I wiped the fucking onslaught of tears from my damn eyes and persisted beyond the burn.

  I looked up and saw the boats so fucking close. I looked at the opposite side, and saw my back-up so much fucking farther. If it took us ten to fifteen minutes to arrive here from Alma at a solid pace, it would take at least seven minutes for back-up to arrive at fast speed.

  My tone made her look up at me.

  “What's happening?”

  “We’re being attacked. Put this on!”

  She looked down at Armand, and stood to put the life vest on.

  “You need one.”

  Her urgent voice didn't deter me from my next step.

  “No time.”

  I wiped my eyes again, clenching my jaw at the pain. My fucking eyes wouldn't stop watering.

  Picking up the radio, I pressed the distress button. This would be my second insurance policy for Cari, the first being the life raft and life vest.

  I recalled the words my father had forced us to memorize for emergency calls. We were in international waters, and the Coast Guard should pick it up.

  “Mayday, mayday, mayday, this is vessel Sal de Mar. Mayday, mayday, mayday, this is vessel Sal de Mar. We are under attack. Our current coordinates are…”

  30

  Cari

  I was on autopilot. I had no idea what the hell was going on other than the fact that we were under attack with horrible tear gas around us, a bleeding, dying Armand, and Carlos issuing orders like a Marine Colonel.

  My hands shook as I put the life jacket on. I kept coughing and tearing, and he handed me a towel.

  “Cover your mouth and nose.”

  He continued to relay the distress call.

  “There are two adults on board a life raft, one male and one female. The male has been near fatally shot. We are under attack. We need law enforcement and medical help. Over.”

  Two adults?

  The radio crackled.

  “This is the United States Coast Guard. Message received…”

  Carlos spoke quickly to them before ending the communication, and then looked at me.

  “Lets go.”

  I wiped my eyes, noting in the bridge’s cast of low light that his eyes were much redder than mine.

  I released my breath and hurried behind him as he bent down and hoisted Armand over his shoulder.

  “Climb down, Caridad. Hurry.”

  He looked over his shoulder to the front of the boat. I heard vessels approaching. Were they hear to rescue us already?

  But from what?

  Who was attacking us?

  “Get in first and I'll lower Armand.”

  “I don't think he's going to make it. What's going on?”

  “Do the best you can, baby.”

  We didn't say anything else until I was in the raft and I tried to brace myself for Armand’s weight. He was lying down and I began applying pressure again through my continuous dripping tears and mucus. Even my chest was tight.

  “You made a mistake. There are three of us.”

  I opened Armand’s airway by hyperextending his neck. His pulse was weak.

  “No, I didn't.”

  He coughed and wiped his eyes, looking at the front of the boat and back at me.

  I looked up not understanding.

  Not wanting to understand.

  I heard men yelling, boats coming close.

  “Carlos…”

  “Help is going to take time. Time you don't have, baby. The hostil
es are closer than my back-up. I can't let them get to you.”

  My heart stuttered.

  My eyes watered and it wasn't only because of the gas this time.

  My hands began to shake and I pushed harder down on Armand’s chest.

  “Start the boat! We can outrun them.”

  He shook his head.

  “We can’t baby. There's not enough time to outrun them. Their boats are made for speed. Sal isn't. ”

  My head was swirling.

  Oh, God.

  I had to keep it together. I didn't have my alprazolam.

  A panic attack would make everything worse.

  I hadn't had a major one since Chris died.

  “I love you, Caridad.”

  I looked up at him, tears racing down my face. My chest was tight from the gas and because of the desperate feeling I felt.

  This can't be happening.

  “Please. Please, no.”

  “Baby, know that I would do, and will do, anything to keep you safe.”

  He touched his chest.

  “You're here, baby. You're it for me. You're my heart. I protect what's mine.”

  Until then, I hadn't noticed the flare gun in the dim light. He held it up and shot it in the sky. It illuminated his face enough for me to see the hard determined glint in his eyes.

  “I love you, caramelo. Always. Until I die and after still.”

  He straightened, walked towards the bridge, and started Sal up. He took a gun from behind the controls and stuck it in the band of his pants in the back. He let his shirt fall over it.

  “Carlos!!! No. Carlos, stop!”

  “I can't let them get to you, baby. I love you.”

  “CARLOS!”

  I saw the boat move away from me.

  “Oh my God, no. Please no. CARLOS!”

  I sat up higher on my knees and saw him navigate full throttle towards the incoming hostile boats. They were a short distance away and it was dark but there were a lot of lights that illuminated the decks. There were several men- maybe seven to eight of them spread out amongst three boats. They appeared to have more guns on them than a small army.

  I saw Carlos put his hands up as he shut the boat off, following whatever instructions these fuckers were telling him. Three boarded Sal and the men seemed to know where I was. It was as if I had a homing device.