Carlos: A Zambrano Family Novel

by Deici, Olivia

  “I’m sorry for being too afraid. For almost losing you without ever letting you know how I felt.”

  I took her hands and placed them over my heart. My wounds were still healing, and her fingers smoothed out the wounds.

  “I felt it, Caridad. I felt it here. But hearing the words, baby,” I kissed her. “That is just heaven.”

  Her palms rested on my cheeks.

  “I'm not sure I can forgive myself.” Her nose sniffed as she sucked in shaky breaths. “The terror I felt that night- almost losing you. I'm so stupid!”

  “There's nothing to forgive. We’re human, caramelo. We have complicated emotions. Life isn't black and white- it's rarely so. We live in the gray. You're living the best way you know how. We can do this, baby.” I threaded our fingers. “Together.”

  “I love you, Carlos. With my heart, my soul, and my life.”

  Our lips kissed sensuously.

  “I love you, baby.”

  I saw more fireworks and stars that night than I'd ever seen before she came into my life.

  35

  Cari

  Days later, and I found myself on my back for the 1,237th time.

  And I loved it.

  His lips were traveling down my body. His tongue swirled around my right nipple and he pulled my nipple into his mouth, sucking. It was like lightning went straight down to my core.

  What a delicious way to wake up. If I wasn't pulsating with need before, I was now. The heavy pulse matched my heartbeat, creating a frenzy within my body.

  “I love you. I will always love you.”

  His words disarmed me.

  I gasped as he took in the other nipple. My hands went to his head, weaving through his hair.

  This is what I need.

  Him.

  My breath stopped as I realized in that moment that he's all I need. Before I thought about my words, before my brain got in the way of my heart, I spoke.

  It was my soul and heart talking.

  I gasped, not only because of the physical reaction my body had to what he was doing to me, but because the love I felt for this man eclipsed everything in my life.

  It scared me, but even as it did, hope flittered through my veins.

  “I love you, Carlos. I love you, amor, more than I ever could show you or describe with words.”

  Fervidly, I continued. My emotions rose up within me, out of nowhere. I couldn't stop them.

  “It’s so new to me. To love anyone like this. But I do, Carlos. I love you. Forever. My heart, it belonged to you for a long time now, but I only just became brave enough to tell you.”

  He'd long stopped sucking on my breasts. He now hovered over me, eyes intent on mine. Minutes ticked by as our stare never wavered.

  “You're my everything,” he whispered.

  I placed my palm over his heart.

  “You're my everything,” I repeated.

  He moved closer to me and began kissing me, languidly but passionately. Our mouths made love to each other.

  Slowly.

  Sensually.

  He hovered over me.

  “You're my heart, Caridad. And I'll never get tired of telling you or showing you.”

  He began descending again and reached my belly button. Swirling his tongue around, he continued to move down until he reached the place that mimicked my heartbeat with need.

  I cried out when his mouth latched on to my clit. He spread my lips and his tongue licked my core.

  My mouth was not connected to my brain. I mumbled incoherent phrases, words, and grunts. I promised him my love, my soul, everything, if he didn't stop.

  He laughed.

  I fisted the sheets as I yelled his name.

  It was the 1,238th time I climaxed in the last four days.

  36

  Carlos

  “I thought you weren’t supposed to drive.”

  I looked at Roman as Diego waltzed in.

  “Cari dropped me off.”

  “Didn’t she take more time off?”

  I nodded. “She wanted to take today, though, and see how her patients were and look over their charts.”

  Walking over to the wet bar, I poured myself two fingers of rum.

  “Hey, bro. Take it easy. No drinking and pills,” Marco said as he walked in.

  I downed the liquor for the courage I was going to need during our meeting.

  “Didn’t take narcotics. Straight up over-the-counter ibuprofen now.”

  Marco walked over and slapped my back and hugged me.

  “Glad to hear it, bro. Where’s Pop?”

  “With Mamá. He’ll return in a few minutes.”

  I poured myself two more fingers. Roman came up to me.

  “That serious, huh?”

  “You don’t know the half of it,” I mumbled before knocking it back.

  “Carlos. Que bueno verte, hijo. ¿Como te sientes?”

  “Mejor, Papá.”

  “Que bueno.”

  He hugged me and moved to sit behind the desk.

  I went to the window as I had a few months back at our last meeting. It seemed like a lifespan had passed since then.

  “What did you learn?”

  It was Marco who asked.

  No easing into it, it seems. I looked around the room and found my father’s and brothers’ eyes on me.

  “First, have you told the police anything?”

  “Bare minimum, Pops. Many things I don’t remember.”

  Pops nodded. “Good.”

  “You know what happened before I was shot, but not after. I fell into the water and was picked up by their speed boat. When I came to, I was in some kind of shipping container. For days, they beat me, tortured me. Don’t really need to go into specifics- you saw me at the beach. They were Russians, that's all I could tell. I lost track of time, and eventually, I was unconscious more than I was awake. One time when I awoke, I wasn’t alone.”

  I paused and I saw their brains working behind their stares.

  “Tony was there.”

  Marco stood.

  “I knew we couldn’t trust that asshole,” Roman snorted.

  “We didn’t have any confirmation that he was a traitor,” Marco responded.

  “It’s called fucking instinct, Marco.”

  I held up my hand, halting Roman’s words.

  “He wasn’t one of the ones holding me. He was tied up, too.”

  Marco gave Roman a leer.

  “But,” I stressed, “Roman was right. He had double crossed us. I came-to and it was just us. He was in bad shape. The guy had hours left, if that. They’d fucking tortured him. He was gray, having bled out most of his blood if the puddle underneath him was any indication. He confessed that he had been trying to get in with other families at our expense.”

  Roman nodded smugly and spoke. “Like Marcelo found out, Tony was shopping around with a Zambrano credit card, information was the form of payment.”

  I nodded.

  “He said he was tired of never moving up and that with a family like ours, he would never get that chance.”

  “A family like ours?”

  I looked at Diego. “Too many sons.”

  Roman nodded. “He’d never gain Pop’s ear with four sons to move through first.”

  “Exactly.”

  “Asshole,” Roman muttered.

  “So that was the tatted skin they found at the beach,” D said.

  “Seems like it,” Roman replied.

  “¿Qué mas?”

  I looked at Pop.

  “What more? The Russians are definitely up to something.”

  Marco rolled his eyes. “What’s new? Seriously, Carlos. Out with it.”

  “Tony was working with one of the families.”

  “Which?”

  “Marco, chill man. Let Los talk,” Roman snapped.

  “Zaitsevs.” Marco’s voice was emphatic.

  I looked at Marco. “Wrong.”

  “I'm telling you, that's wrong.” Marco w
as hellbent on his theory.

  Diego laughed, sipping his seltzer water. He looked at me. “You mean, you found out the Zaitsevs weren't behind everything after our brother slaughtered the pakhan and his top level men.”

  “Bro, shut the fuck up,” Marco snapped.

  “Marco, calma.” Pop intervened.

  “We didn’t have a lot of time to talk. From the time I awoke to when the bastards reentered, there were only minutes. Tony said the Russians were working with a Columbian cartel. He was working us to get information to take back to them. One night, he overhead a few men talking,” I swallowed and looked at Marco. He moved to his feet at my tell.

  “Spit. It. Out.”

  “They spoke about Jenny’s murder. Were gloating about it. When he’d heard that, he’d sobered, he said to me. He said he realized the mistake he’d made in his greed to rise up, and realized he didn't want to rise in their ranks. At that point, he said he’d changed his tactic. He was gathering information to bring back to us.”

  “Why hadn’t they killed him already?” Pop asked.

  “They were torturing him for more information about our family. He refused after what he’d learned about Jenny.”

  “A little too fucking late for remorse,” Diego growled.

  “Jenny was always nice to him.”

  I looked at my brothers and Pop as Marco spoke.

  “She looked out for him since he didn’t have a family.”

  His voice was hollow. I nodded, the vibe in the room somber.

  “Yea. He couldn’t stomach it after he’d overheard them speaking. As he confessed this to me, I asked which Russian family it was. He began saying it wasn’t who we thought, when the captors returned. They caught the tail-end of what he said and began laughing. They had thick accents. They took out-” I paused, berating myself for almost revealing something I could not when Marco was there. Roman looked at me and I knew that my fucking smart ass brother knew something was up. He knew I'd stopped short of saying something.

  “Their guns,” I finished.

  Roman’s pursed lips told me that I hadn’t been as slick as I thought, trying to hide my almost slip-up.

  “They shot Tony before he could say more.” They all stared at me, waiting for more.

  “He didn't name which Russians?”

  “No, Pop. But I got the sense that it wasn't just one.”

  “What do you mean, hijo?”

  I paused for a moment. “This is more complicated than we think it is.”

  “Any mention of Daniela?”

  I looked over at Diego and shook my head. “No.”

  “So that’s it?”

  My eyes met Marco’s.

  “What more do you want, Marco?”

  Fuck man.

  “A NAME!”

  He yelled it and punched his right fist into his left hand.

  “You don’t have to fucking scream,” Diego snapped.

  “Eh, que pasa aqui?”

  My mother showed at the doorway, which was a rarity. She never disturbed us, more as a courtesy than any particular request from my father.

  “Nada, Mamá. Nothing is wrong.”

  She crossed her arms at my response and her eyes rested on Marco.

  “Your daughter is napping,” she told Marco. As much as it could’ve sounded like a scolding, her softened gaze and sad downturn of her lips made it less severe.

  “I’ve a need to see her.”

  “Oye,” Pop said and Marco turned to him.

  “Don't forget the meeting the day after tomorrow with the other families.”

  Marco nodded, and like that, my oldest brother left the room.

  Mamá closed her eyes. “None of us knows what it is like to lose the love of our lives. It’s hard at times, but show him patience.”

  We all nodded as she took her leave.

  “I didn’t have enough time to gather more information. It’s not much, but-”

  “It gives us the confirmation we needed, hijo,” my father replied. “Any identifiable markings on the men?”

  I shook my head.

  “What were you going to say before you changed your mind?”

  Diego and Pop looked confused. I looked at Roman.

  “Marco is a live wire. We don’t know what’s going to be the last thing that’s finally going to set him off. You’re right, Roman. I almost slipped. When the men returned, they’d heard us speaking Jenny’s name. The assholes began laughing and,” I looked up, “saying crude things- things I do not wish to repeat about Jenny. Worse, though, was that one reached into his pocket and pulled this out.”

  I reached into my jacket pocket and took out a smart phone.

  “The video he played was one I wished I’d never seen. They fucking recorded her murder.”

  The collective inhale from my family was followed by silence.

  “Marco can’t see this. It will kill whatever is left of him.” I paused and looked at all of their angry and somber faces.

  “It will destroy him.”

  My heart was heavy.

  “You saw it?” Pop asked.

  “Forced to, yes.”

  “How did you get away?”

  I looked at Roman. “I’d been slowly moving my wrists to give my hands more mobility. The knots were tight, so I knew that it was going to be hard. They showed me the entire long video of them raping, torturing, and dismembering Jenny.”

  I stopped, my breath coming out shallow. My voice ended on a whisper.

  Jenny was as much part of this family as my brothers and I were. We'd known her since she was a child. She and Marco met as children.

  Childhood sweethearts.

  Pop, strong man that he was, had glassy eyes. Roman’s jaw was working, and Diego eyes had sharpened. He’d made fists at his side.

  “They left me after. I took that time to loosen my wrists as much as I could. When I heard someone at the door, I pretended to have passed out. As he walked towards me, I stood and rushed him. The chair broke as we went down. I slammed the chair a few more times to release my feet and arms, grabbed a stick of wood and bludgeoned the motherfucker to death. Two more came in, and I gave it all I had. I was weak, but my rage was greater. I couldn’t stop thinking how they’d tortured her. When I’d killed those two, I saw that one had the phone where the video was played. I took it, snuck out, and realized I was in a container on the east northern side of the bay. The sun was beginning to rise. At that point, I wasn’t thinking. I was trying to get away, but I saw police lights off at a distance, and walked towards the beach, and towards them. That’s when Cari saw me from afar.”

  I placed the phone on Pop’s desk.

  “Viewing that is up to you, but know that you cannot unsee the horrors on there. As strong as we all are, when you see what they did to Jenny, you won’t be the same. I’m not. Won't ever be.”

  I began walking out of the office. “Just keep it away from him.”

  “Where are you going?”

  I looked at Diego, and then to all of them. “Honestly, I’ve had enough for one day, D. I’m going home. I want to see my girlfriend and hug her, and thank God again that those bastards hadn’t gotten ahold of her, or she would’ve ended up just like Jenny.”

  When I reached the threshold, Pop said, “I’ll call Umberto to bring the car around. He’ll drive you home.”

  I looked back at them but they weren’t looking at me.

  They were looking at the phone as if it was a bomb about to explode.

  And if Marco saw what was on there, it very well would.

  37

  Cari

  Shattered,

  O.A.R.

  “There's no other treatment. We've tried it all. You've given everything to help me, Cari. Just let me go. Let me just live out my final weeks without medication, appointments, and needles. Let me go.”

  A sob tore from my throat.

  “I can't. I can't let you go. It's not fair.”

  My fist pounded the side of th
e bed where he lay.

  “I'm lost. Lost without you.”

  My tears wouldn’t stop. My heart was beyond broken.

  It had been torn out of my chest.

  “You saved me. Over and over again. Protected me. Raised me. Encouraged me. Loved me. Unconditionally.”

  “And I'd do it all again. I love you, Cari.”

  My body shook while I cried. I tried to be silent, but I sounded more like a wounded animal in its pathetic last throes of life.

  “But I don't deserve your love! I never have. I've helped save so many and I can't save the one person who means the most to me.” My words ended on a whimper.

  He grabbed my hand and squeezed it. His strength was half of what it used to be.

  “You are the most wonderful person, Cari. The best doctor any patient could ever have. The best sister a brother could ask for. I'm ready. I'm tired. I don't want to fight anymore.”

  “But there's another study.” My voice was hopeful, pleading. “I know the researcher. I can get you in.”

  He squeezed my hand again.

  “You risked your career getting me that medication that helped me. I would've never taken it had I know how you got it. I will not allow you to jeopardize a career you worked your ass off for.”

  I wiped my nose and cheeks and returned my hands to his. “I’d do it. Without you asking. Without you allowing. I'd give everything up. Everything.”

  “And in the end the result will be the same. When it is your time, it's your time. There is no prolonging. Let's spend the last few weeks as we used to. Watching movies, and sneaking popcorn and soda. You can pick the movie and I won't even give you hell for picking a sucky one.”

  I shook my head.

  “I can't. I can't do this without you, Chris. Don't ask me to. Please.”

  I wasn't above begging.

  “Bunny.”

  I gasped and sobbed at his use of my childhood name. He'd given it to me when I’d shown up at our foster family home with a toy bunny my mother had given to me.

  “You're strong. So strong.”

  He showed his beautiful smile. His gleaming blue eyes held intelligence, compassion, love, and pain.