Clutch

by S. M. West

  “Shit. Stay here even when the valet opens the door. Don’t get out until I come around.”

  I heed his caution and anxiously await the unknown. This is the first taste of his fame. It unnerves me. Somehow, the media caught wind of the band’s impending breakup, and the first of many articles ran days ago.

  Silas has been on high alert around his home and may have to stay at his LA home for a while to throw them off his trail. Now that the media know he’s back in LA, they’ll be watching more closely.

  Opening the door, he ushers me forward, partially covering my face. Intrusive questions bombard us.

  “Silas, who is she?” Hands shove phones and other devices in front of us, and flashbulbs blind us.

  “Silas, can we get a shot of you and the lovely lady?”

  “Silas, why’s Trojan breaking up?”

  “Is Jared causing more trouble?”

  “Who is she?”

  “Silas, Silas, can we get a picture?”

  Once inside, I’m trembling and sick to my stomach. It was a mob. There is a muffled buzzing inside my head, and I feel faint.

  Tucking me into his side, he guides us through the restaurant, where I vaguely make out singers, actors, and other famous people, none of them fazed by our entry or the media scrum just outside.

  “Water, please,” Silas orders, ushering me into the banquette and sliding in beside me. “Are you okay?”

  The waiter quickly fills the glass in front of me, and I guzzle the cool liquid, washing away some of the unease. “Yeah, I will be. I don’t know how you do it.”

  “Yeah, it can be insane. I’ll get Bianca to figure something out for when we leave.”

  My stomach sinks at the thought. Do we have to leave? Unless… I scan the beautiful restaurant, rationalizing that I could easily live here. There’s food, comfy seating, and bathrooms, what else do I really need?

  “Don’t worry,” Silas reassures me, softly rubbing my hand while tucking away his phone. “It’s taken care of.”

  After a few minutes of his soothing voice, the chaos of the paparazzi is forgotten. Dinner is lovely, and Silas is attentive, holding my hand throughout our meal and leaning in every so often to kiss the side of my neck or the back of my earlobe. At one point, he even nuzzles into my hair, inhaling deeply.

  My heart’s in a constant state of flutter, at times threatening to explode from my chest, especially when he slides his hand under my dress to caress my knee and thigh.

  My breath catches, anticipating his travel north, but he never does. He’s content to deliciously rub small circles on the inside of my knee with an occasional squeeze.

  He’s driving me crazy, and he knows it. I can’t help but think that he likes what he’s doing to me. His sexy grin and the mischievous glint in his baby blues say it all. I’m wet and horny, and if we weren’t in a room filled with strangers, I’d rip my dress off and beg him to fuck me.

  “You were gone before I got up this morning. I thought your shift didn’t start until lunch?” he asks.

  “Do you remember Vinny, the guy I met at Betty’s?”

  “The professor?” His fingers tap along my bare thigh like he’s playing the piano.

  “Yes.” Wiping my mouth with the napkin, I twist to face him. “He’s helping me with my diving certification.”

  With a blank face, his ministrations on my leg cease. “What does that mean?”

  “I’m taking diving courses, and he helped me figure out where to look and things like that.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me before now?”

  “I didn’t say anything because I wasn’t sure about it.”

  “And now you are?” His question makes me feel wishy-washy, although I’m sure that’s not what he intends.

  I look away, and he squeezes my knee, letting up once I face him. “I think so. I’m enjoying it. I didn’t mean to keep you in the dark, it’s just that I wanted to be certain before I said anything. And Vinny’s safe…”

  Before I can continue, he screws up his face and throws his napkin on the table. “What? And I’m not?” His tone rises as he edges to leave.

  “Wait, Silas, listen.” My fingers dig into his arm, and he stills, giving me his full attention. “Vinny’s just an acquaintance. If I pursue this and find out it’s not for me, I don’t care if I disappoint him. But that’s the last thing I want to do with you. Disappoint you.”

  “What?” His eyes fly wide, stunned, and he inches closer to me. His hands on me, again.

  My breathing evens and the pounding of my heart settles. I’m nervous with my confession, but also relieved because he’s no longer upset, only concerned. I can still fix this.

  “I didn’t want you to think I was rushing into anything or being flighty if I decided marine biology wasn’t for me.” My voice cracks.

  If I bail on this, it won’t be the end of the world, but it’ll be another hit to my already downtrodden hopes for an exciting and fulfilling career. Another point for my sisters’ believing I’m stupid and flighty on the imaginary scoreboard against Pansy succeeding in life.

  “You’re not flighty. Never.” Everything about him is tense, yet his eyes flicker with warmth.

  “Remember some of the things you said to me when we first met?” I challenge.

  His cheeks reddened, and he smirks. “I’m an idiot. I think we’ve already established that.” Pulling me into the crook of his arm, he hooks his forearm over my shoulder.

  “That’s true.” I giggle, settling into him.

  “I’ll never judge you and I sure as shit won’t be disappointed. I admire you.”

  “You do?” I tilt my head to gaze up at him.

  “Yes. You’re following your heart. Just because you don’t get it right on the first try doesn’t make you a failure. You have courage and that alone tells me that you’re going to succeed, and when you do, you’ll be a rock star in your field. I just know it.”

  My heart swells, and words fail me. I’ve never had someone believe in me unequivocally and unconditionally.

  “We’ll both be rock stars,” I whisper, leaning to kiss the underside of his jaw, then his mouth.

  “You’re my rock star,” he mumbles against my lips before deepening our kiss.

  Breaking apart, he smiles, holding my chin in his grasp. “I want to hear everything you’ve been holding back on. Please, tell me.”

  We sit for hours, well past finishing our meals, and talk. I share every little detail, boring and otherwise, about marine biology, my diving classes, and how I’ve got no clue about where this will all lead.

  We stop to share a dark chocolate mousse garnished with blackberries. The chocolate is decadent and the perfect ending to a wonderful date. But the sweetest and most memorable part of the night is Silas. He has a way of making me feel like the only person in the room, and no matter how small or insignificant what I’m saying is, he makes me feel like it’s the most important thing in the world.

  Dinner was amazing, even with the call from my mother and the media. We had a breakthrough, or at least I hope we did when she opened up about her hopes and fears for marine biology.

  At first, she gutted me when she said Vinny was safe. But once she explained, it made sense, and I feel worlds better today. Even with that, I need to know more about this Vinny guy. I’m getting Otto to do a background check.

  In my brief ten years in the limelight, we’ve had to learn some harsh lessons about human nature, and we can never be too careful. Chances are Vinny has no clue that she’s with me or that I’m famous, but that doesn’t mean he’s not some scumbag looking for something more from her.

  Pushing away the negative thoughts and the possibility of this being bad, I focus on the way Pansy’s face shone when she talked about her classes. She was happy, even when talking about how frustrating it is to not be in the water.

  We’re now on the deck outside her room, having a nightcap after our fantastic evening. Pansy walks out in sleep shorts and matching tank
, ready for bed. Fuck me.

  A tease of a smile plays on her bow-shaped lips, and matching her playfulness with my own, I wink and twitch my lips up. I curl my finger for her to come to me. I want to do this right and take my time, but even so, I can’t help myself.

  When I decided to quit the band, I hadn’t considered what would be next, just that I needed out. I wanted an end to the lifestyle; something vital was missing. Now, having met Pansy, fuck, as crazy as it sounds, I think she could help me find the answer. She could be the answer.

  Still, I’ve got no clue what that means, and if I told her, it would scare the shit out of her. It does me. I drink her in as she stands there. I love the cute-as-fuck shorts, showcasing her long, bronzed legs. I open my thighs, inviting her closer, and once she’s there, I rest my hand on her slender hips, tugging her to me. I situate her between my legs and heat radiates off her, as does a fresh, clean scent.

  Taking both her hands, I hold them between us and she nibbles on her lower lip, her cheeks flushed, and her warm hazel eyes are questioning. Unable to take much more, I haul her onto my lap. With a shallow, breathy gasp, her hold tightens as she struggles to right herself.

  Releasing one of her hands, I swing my arm around her waist and drag her against my chest. She straddles me and our gazes darken. If I were a betting man, I’d wager we’re both thinking about that night in the car on the road. She was on my lap, chest-to-chest, making out.

  That invisible and mighty pull that bloomed not long after we met has been simmering under the surface for weeks, drawing us together.

  Our lips find each other; oddly, she’s reticent, tentative, the opposite of the look she just gave me. Her kiss is soft and gentle, chaste, but it isn’t enough. I want more. My tongue breaks through her closed lips with ease, her willingness evident.

  Our tongues explore each other’s mouths, and I’m finally able to put a name to this weird, insistent hunger I’ve had since we first met. Longing. I’ve been craving her taste, wanting another chance to kiss her, to have her in my arms.

  Pansy’s hands clutch my shoulders, fingers burrowing into my flesh as her mouth and tongue take on an urgency, probing and tasting me.

  She feels it too. Her craving is present, taking hold in the way she rocks back and forth on my lap, her fingers clawing at my body like she wants to climb inside.

  And her mouth, shit, that sweet as fuck mouth. Kissing’s not enough for her, she again intends to consume me from the outside in, and she’s driving me fucking crazy. But most of all, her sex rubbing my hardening cock is both amazing and agonizing.

  Gripping her hips to stop her momentum, she gradually settles on me; the brightness in her doe eyes diminishes, and a frown clouds her pretty features.

  Mistaking my clenched jaw for distaste instead of my attempt to keep my arousal in check, she tries to escape my lap. Not a chance. Clamping her waist, I pull her to me, our lips not even an inch apart.

  “Don’t go anywhere.”

  “Silas, I… ah, I got carried away.”

  “We both did. As much as I want nothing more than to have you, we’re doing this right.”

  I won’t treat her like the nameless and forgettable groupies that I’ve fucked. I have no clue what the future holds but dammit, there is something here. Our chemistry is fucking amazing. Our meeting was an immediate spark, and since then, it’s only grown and intensified.

  It doesn’t matter if we’re laughing, kissing or fighting, we’re on fire, and I want a chance at this, whatever this is. She’s easy to talk to, doesn’t take my bullshit or care that I’m famous. She likes me for me.

  “I want you. So much. We could fuck right now. But...”

  “Whoa, who said anything about sex?” The shrill pitch of her voice is a knife in my ear.

  Clumsily, she attempts another escape and my heart races at the prospect of this going downhill. I tighten my hold.

  “Exactly, no fucking. We’re going to do this right.” My sharp tone causes a tiny pause in her struggle, but she soon resumes her efforts to flee.

  It’s half-hearted, though. If she really wanted out of my arms, she would be, and we both know it.

  “Pansy, wait. I want to wait. We’re going to take this slow. I promise you, we will only do what you’re comfortable with and when you’re ready.”

  She must like what I’ve said because she smiles, nods and then snuggles into my arms. “Thank you,” she says into my neck.

  “You don’t have to thank me. We’ve got all the time in the world. We’ll take our time.”

  Lifting her head, she peers up at me. “I don’t want to wait too long.” Now she’s teasing. “I’m just scared.”

  “Scared?” I straighten, pulling her with me.

  “Not of you,” she says in a rush to reassure me. “Of us. Do you feel the intensity? The sheer power when we’re together?”

  I swallow hard and nod. I thought it was just me. Closing my arms around her, I bring her to me, and she rests her head on my chest. I’m too overwhelmed to speak. I just want to hold her, and she sinks into me, wanting the same.

  Silas waits on the edge of the deck while I finish my yoga. I fell asleep in his arms last night, and at some point, he must have carried me to my bed. I awoke this morning under the covers, alone.

  My mind was a mess when I took Boy for her walk, feeling both elated about our dinner and conversation, and also somewhat confused and disappointed. I wanted him last night. Like really wanted him, yet I put the brakes on things. I can’t make sense of that.

  Other things in life have left me uncertain and questioning, but never sex. Not because I don’t take it seriously because, in fact, it’s the opposite. Sex has never been casual to me, and it isn’t with Silas, yet I stopped us from going too far last night. It would’ve been my unraveling. He does things to me with just a look that no man has ever done before. It’s intimate, astonishing and has the power to derail me.

  In the light of day, I’m ticked at myself and almost regretting how it ended. How messed up is that?

  “Morning,” he says as I roll my mat.

  He’s dressed in his usual jeans and a t-shirt, and his hair is up in a man bun. He strolls to where I stand and pulls me into a hug.

  “Morning.” I sink further into his embrace.

  “You sleep okay?”

  “Sure did, and you?” The strong, welcoming smell of cedar is in the air.

  “Yeah. You still up for coming with me to sign the contract?”

  “Absolutely, my shift doesn’t start until this afternoon. Let me just shower.”

  He watches me while I gather my things for the bathroom. “Breakfast is ready when you are, and then we’ll go.” With a smile, he’s gone.

  ***

  We arrive at the record label’s office an hour later and are greeted by a throng of reporters. Fortunately, security is tight, and they can’t get too close.

  There were articles and pictures from the restaurant last night in today’s paper and online. I have been dubbed the mystery woman and Silas warned me that it’s only a matter of time before they figure out who I am.

  While I am better prepared this morning, I’m still somewhat shaky as we enter the elevator. Bianca’s eyes bore into me, her expression flat and uncaring. She probably thinks I’m a wuss. Like I care.

  We are nothing alike, and except for Silas, we have nothing in common. Besides the obvious, physically she’s everything I’m not with her big breasts, perfectly polished façade and curves upon curves; she’s also quiet and cold. I don’t have an opinion of her either way, and something tells me that she doesn’t think I’ll be around for long, so why bother getting to know me.

  Like before, they go into the conference room, except this time they’re all on their best behavior, laughing and joking, even Jared. The signing goes off without a hitch, and to celebrate, there’s champagne. Silas pulls me in to join them.

  Except for Bianca and Jared being cold and standoffish, the others welcome me
with open arms. Jared’s harsh gaze tracks me from the minute I step into the room. I refuse to let him unnerve me. I may not know anything about him, but I can tell he’s scared and lashing out.

  The funny thing is, I can see how close Jared and Silas are. Jared’s insecurities and tantrums seem to feed Silas’s loss and anger.

  I don’t think they’re necessarily bad for each other, but this isn’t a good time with so much change, and the two of them together could be a bad thing. I only hope making the album is quick and painless.

  I can’t help but think of all the time they’ll be spending together and what that could mean for Silas getting out from this world. Silas’s arm is wrapped around my middle, my back to his chest, and he nuzzles into my neck.

  “I’m so glad you’re here,” he whispers, his warm breath coating the column of my neck.

  “Me too. I want to know everything there is to know about you.” I squeeze his arm around me.

  “I feel the same way. I want every little detail about you,” he says.

  “Pansy, how are you?” Eli asks as he joins us. His smile is bright and warm, swimming in the depth of his green eyes. “Are you settling in okay?”

  “I’m good, thanks. Yes, I’ve got a job, and I’m looking for a place to live.” Silas grunts beside me, and Eli arches his eyebrows as I roll my eyes.

  “Silas has a problem with me moving out, but he’ll get over it.”

  “I see,” Eli says. “I have a guest house out back that I don’t use, you could live there if you want.”

  “No fucking way,” Silas says before I can respond.

  “I think what he means to say is thank you, but Pansy wants to find her own place,” I say, my tone reproachful.

  “Yeah, what she said,” he grumbles, and we laugh.

  Riding the high of the champagne and the jovial spirit in the room, I plant a light kiss on his lips, tasting the toasty, citrus flavors of the bubbly. His fingers dig into my hips, keeping me there as he deepens the kiss. I could get lost in him.

  The connection is broken when Jared yells “Get a room!” and we break apart to find all eyes on us. My cheeks flame and Silas grins with a can you blame me shrug. Eli chuckles and with me still anchored to him, Silas carries on as if nothing happened.