Clutch

by S. M. West

  “Silas,” Lucia calls from down the hall, nearing the room.

  My head snaps up, and I quickly adjust my semi. Pansy scrambles to get off the piano; dissonant notes fill the room, and she lets out an expletive as her toes hit a few keys. With a chuckle, I help her to her feet as Lucia rounds the corner.

  Lucia glances between us as Pansy averts her gaze, her fingers absently running through her hair. “Sorry to interrupt,” Lucia says.

  “You weren’t interrupting,” Pansy is quick to say, and Lucia’s smile is knowing.

  “I have made brunch. Come.” Lucia beckons for us to follow.

  “Thanks, Lucia.” With my hands on her petite shoulders, I bend to kiss her cheek before turning to Pansy. “Let me just make one quick phone call, I was supposed to meet up with Gray, but I’m going to push it until I take you home.”

  Pansy looks to be getting ready to protest, not wanting me to change plans for her, but Lucia cuts through, “All right, but hurry or everything will be cold.” She takes Pansy with her.

  My call is quick, and Gray is cool with the change in plans. That guy is so easy-going. I don’t know how he puts up with us. With the exception of him, each of us has had our share of drama and through it all, he has been solid. I hope when all is said and done, I still have these guys in my life.

  I come into the kitchen and find Jorge sitting at the table sipping coffee; he nods to me but remains silent. Pansy and Lucia are seated with their backs to me, talking.

  “Mija, you should move back in,” Lucia says, and I decide to remain quiet and see how this plays out.

  I’m not above letting Lucia try to persuade her to come back, even though we haven’t talked about Pansy’s living arrangements, or how much I want her here. But Lucia knows me, and it wouldn’t take much for her to figure out it’s what I want.

  “Like I told Jorge, I can’t right now. I need to do this on my own. I don’t want to be a burden to Silas or to take from him. I want our relationship to be equal.”

  I want to interject, tell her how wrong she is, and that we are equal, but Lucia beats me to it. “Child, you’re no burden. You’re a blessing.”

  “Lucia,” Jorge warns. “Leave it be. Let them figure it out.” He peers over their heads imploring me to make my presence known.

  “Jorge, I’m only trying to make her see they are good together and it could be better if she came back. For all of us.”

  “You’re only saying that because you want her here.”

  “And you don’t?” Lucia challenges and I bite my lip to stifle my laugh.

  Shaking his head, his eyes narrow, but in a loving way. “Sí, I would like her here too. She helps me with Boy.”

  Pansy laughs, and I hope she knows that Jorge is only deflecting to hide how he feels. He’s not one to show his emotions.

  “You two, stop. I’m not ruling out coming back, someday, but not for now. Besides, Silas and I are only just starting out. Who knows where this could go.”

  “Mija, I can tell you where this will go. I have two eyes and can see clearly. I see the way he looks at you. You have his heart.”

  “What?” She nervously laughs, squirming in her seat. “I don’t know about that. I think you’re reading way too much into this.”

  Lucia laughs, “All right, mija, you tell yourself that.”

  Deciding to end my eavesdropping, I cough and enter the room. Pansy’s cheeks are pink, and Lucia’s eyes gleam like a victor from battle. We both know her message is received and now it’s up to Pansy and me.

  We pull into the driveway of his beachfront property in Laguna Beach, and it’s stunning with the rocky bluffs, canyons, and secluded coastline.

  This weekend is our getaway before the band starts working on the album. While it’s hard to give up the lost income, I want this. Some time with Silas before things change, again.

  He’s divided about his obligation. At times, he seems happy, almost energized by it, but then it’s like he’s going for major dental surgery without the anesthesia.

  His 5,000-square-foot home is out of this world, nestled along the coastline with a spectacular view of the Pacific. The inside is wood beam ceilings, hardwood, granite, and floor to ceiling windows everywhere. But the outside steals the show with the stunning view of nature’s wonder. A deck spans the entire house with oversized couches, a fire pit, and an infinity pool bleeding into the horizon.

  “Are you hungry?” His arms fold around me from behind.

  The setting sun paints the sky in warm tones while the waves lap lazily at the shore. Boy sits on my feet, whimpering and shifting with Silas’s light jostle.

  “I’m starving, but I don’t want to tear myself away from the view.”

  “I’m glad you like it. I don’t come here nearly as often as I should.”

  “When was the last time?”

  “Ah, I think two years ago.”

  “What?” Incredulous, I twirl to face him, forgetting about Boy, who now snorts, shakes his body, and saunters off. “That’s a crime. If I lived here, I’d never leave this place.”

  “Well, if you lived here, I’d never leave either.”

  “Cheesy,” I say with a laugh.

  “I don’t care how corny it sounds, it’s true.”

  My heart flips. The Silas I’m getting to know is sweet, caring, and easy going, nothing like the angry man I met on the road. I want to know what causes those outbursts, but I won’t push. Hopefully, he’ll tell me when he’s ready.

  “Let’s eat. I’ve warmed up what Lucia made us.”

  Dinner is delicious, and I’m stuffed. Silas suggests s’mores on the deck, but I protest just wanting the sea air. Outside is chilly, and he lights the fire pit before we curl on the sofa with Boy wedged between our legs. Scents of cedar and sunshine, all Silas, surround me. Perfect.

  “Have you decided to major in marine biology?”

  “Yes. I’ve decided on UCLA. I’ll have to take out a loan, but it’s an investment in my future.”

  “Let me help you.”

  “No. I can do this.”

  “Fine.” His body hardens, to match his tone. “I’ve no doubt you can do this on your own. Truly, you can achieve anything you set your mind to. I only want to make it easier for you.”

  I wish I could bottle his unwavering belief in me and take it out if or when self-doubt settles in.

  “I know it seems like I’m being difficult, but I don’t mean to be. It’s just that my family, well, most of my sisters don’t have any faith in me. In my abilities to achieve anything, and I suppose this is my way of proving them wrong.”

  “Okay, I can sort of understand that. But know this, you don’t need to prove anything. This is your life.”

  He holds my face, really looking at me like I matter. There’s a tightness in my chest, but not a bad kind, more the anticipation of something great.

  “Silas,” is all I manage to say, a reverent whisper.

  “Remember this.” His hold is firm and gentle. “You can do whatever you put your mind to.”

  His confidence in me is heady. His eyes are lit with lust, the contrasting light of the flames magnifying the hard and soft, firm and fluid of his facial features.

  He licks his plump lips, and inching forward I graze the underside of his jaw with mine. The soft hairs of his beard tickle my lips, and we both shudder. His hands drop from my face to my hips as his fingers press into my flesh.

  I kiss him once at the tip of his chin while my fingers trail his jawline, and I turn to face him fully. There’s a flutter between my legs as he grips my ass with one hand and the other slides along my ribcage to rest just below my breast.

  Silas Palmer is an amazing kisser. The best I’ve had. I’ve never been one to lose myself in a kiss. Sad, but true. My mind can wander like a wayward child, flitting from one inane thought to another at the most inopportune times, but not with Silas. With him, I forget my name.

  “Let’s head in,” he mouths against my lips.
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  “Yes,” I murmur before going back to kissing him.

  Hoisting me against his solid frame, he expertly navigates his way from the deck to the bedroom. Once there, he places me on the bed and doesn’t waste any time peeling down my jeans and underwear to mid-thigh, where they rest as his hand delves between my legs.

  His deft fingers part my lips and effortlessly glide over my clit. With a few tantalizing strokes, a tease, he stops to pull my jeans and underwear all the way down and off me.

  “Take off your top,” he commands as he pulls his t-shirt over his head.

  His masculine beauty hits me square in the chest, my heart tripping over itself at the magnificent landscape of his lean, cut torso and his light blond happy trail dipping below the band of his jeans.

  “Pansy.” His voice lowers to a sexy whisper as he leans in over me. “Do I need to help you?”

  Arching a brow, he presses his mouth to mine while his hands cup my breasts through my blouse, his fingers pinching my nipples, and I cry out in pleasure.

  A cocky grin breaches his lips. “Pansy?”

  “Help me,” I beg, giving him what he wants, his sexy grin widening.

  In no time at all, I’m bared to him, and his hot mouth’s on mine as demanding hands skate from my rib cage to stomach to between my legs. On a throaty sigh, my eyes flutter closed while his rough fingertips stroke me.

  Rocking two fingers in and out, his thumb swirls and presses on my bundle of nerves, and everything spins. His mouth captures my release as his magical fingers stoke the fire burning within, and my body continues to burst with spasms around his digits.

  “Pansy.” He pulls out of me.

  With heavy eyes, I’m transfixed on him sucking my arousal off his fingers. Needing to reciprocate, I sit up and palm his heavy erection through his jeans, before pushing to standing, and together, we make quick work of discarding his clothes.

  I greedily go for his hard cock, wrapping my fingers around him and smoothing my thumb over his engorged crown. Settling on my knees, I wrap my lips around him, and my name breaks the barrier of his lips on a growl.

  “Fuck, Pansy.”

  He wraps his fingers in my hair, his body tightening, thighs taut, stomach flexed, as he guides my speed, fucking my mouth. I take him as deep as I can, his head sliding down my throat as I breathe through my nose, trying not to gag. Never one for giving head, this is an experience all unto its own. The power I have, knowing he’s at my mercy, is exhilarating, and only serves to fuel my arousal.

  One hand fondles his balls, and when I flick my tongue over his head, dipping the tip into his slit, his body jolts. “Pansy, you… gotta… stop. If you don’t…I’m gonna…” That’s what I want. I pick up speed, pumping faster, sucking stronger, twirling my tongue around his sensitive head as I tug on his balls. “No, I want inside you.”

  He reluctantly pulls away with a pop from my mouth as his cock releases. Before I can react, or say a thing, he plants me on the bed, spreading my legs wide, hovering above me. He holds his cock in one hand, sliding it over my core, and I’m ridiculously awed by his wet, swollen head running through my folds, sending hot shivers through my body.

  “Let me grab a condom,” he painfully grinds out, halting his pleasurable moves and pulling back.

  I wrap my hand around his wrist, making him pause and glance at me. “I’m on the pill. It’s okay.”

  He blinks before his eyes narrow a fraction, and he leans in, now fully understanding what I mean.

  “Are you sure?” His eyes latch onto mine, searching for my truth. “I’m clean, I’ve never gone without wrapping up before,” he adds like it needs to be said.

  Neither have I and I can’t explain why, but the thought of anything between us feels wrong, despite the small voice in the back of my head telling me not to do this. He’s a rock star cliché, likely unable to say how many women he’s slept with. I don’t even know when the last time he had sex was and if he always uses condoms. But I want to believe him, and I can’t bring myself to listen to any logic right now.

  “Yes.”

  I pull at his arm as he readily takes his position over me, his fingers swiping through my slick arousal while the tip of his cock dips inside me. He pushes further in, his heavy-lidded gaze swimming with a naked desire.

  “Silas, oh my God.”

  He fills and stretches me with his intense thrusts, sinking into me, and my eyes snap shut, my mouth falling open on a jagged breath. My hands fasten onto his hard, flexing arms, nails digging into his flesh.

  The wet heat of his mouth finds mine, and he consumes me while keeping a smooth, addictive rhythm with his body. One hand holds himself above me while the other cups the back of my neck, our mouths fused.

  Our frenetic union steals my air and leaves me on a knife’s edge, craving something that is just beyond my reach, that can only come with my release. I’m so close and don’t know how much more of this I can take. Silas removes his hand from my neck, his fingers now circling my clit.

  “Fuck, oh my, don’t stop,” I cry.

  “I’ve got you, baby.”

  He rolls my bundle of nerves between his fingers, round and round, and I swear I’m going to lose my mind. I’m full of him, he’s everywhere, and I’m begging for release.

  “I’m so close, so close,” I moan.

  His lips suck on mine while his fingers pinch my clit, pushing me over the edge. My core clenches around his cock, and my whimpers of pleasure break our kiss.

  He hammers into me as I orgasm, and his body stiffens with his own release, my name a primal call on his lips. We cling to each other, his thrusts slowing, and eventually stopping as my spasming lessens around him. He rolls onto the mattress, taking me with him as his cock slips out of me.

  “Pansy.” He kisses the top of my head. “Fuck, baby, that was phenomenal. You’re phenomenal.”

  A smile crosses my lips. I can’t really argue with him. Hands down, the best sex I’ve ever had.

  “You weren’t bad, either.”

  He swats my ass and rolls on top of me again. “Not bad? Do I have to prove myself to you?”

  “Ah, no. You’ve wiped me out and ruined me for all others.”

  The next two days in Laguna Beach are idyllic and over way too fast. We spend our days taking long walks, swimming, or reading together in the hammock on the beach.

  At night, we cook, sit on the deck with the sounds of the crackling fire and crashing waves, and have plenty of sex. Silas even plays a few songs, and we finally have those s’mores.

  Any doubts I had about having both a career and Silas are erased. I’ll work extra hard to stay focused, but I can’t give up Silas. He’s not perfect, and neither am I, but together we’re magnificent.

  The end comes too quickly, and Silas drops me back at my apartment with promises to talk daily, at the very least. He does drop hint that if we lived together, it would be easier, but I ignore his comment.

  To make up for the missed shifts, Betty gave me an entire day, and while it’s welcomed, it’s long and grueling. It’s just before my dinner break when a UPS guy comes in with a package.

  “Pansy Dobson?” he asks.

  “’That’s me.” I put the dishes on the counter and meet him on the other side.

  “Package for you, sign here please.”

  I do as he asks, and he hands me a nondescript package the size of a shoebox.

  “What is it?” Janis asks, inches from my face.

  “Who’s it from?” Callie asks excitedly.

  I shrug, having no clue. Callie offers scissors, and I cut away the tape. Inside is a small white card, and I immediately recognize the slopes and scrawls of Silas’s writing.

  You’re the most beautiful person I know.

  S xo

  Butterflies stir low in my belly, and there’s a strange tingling in my chest to match the huge smile pulling at my lips. Callie awws and swoons over my shoulder, having read the card. Twizzlers, peanut M&Ms, and Sour Patch
Kids fill the box, and I laugh, ripping open the Twizzlers and shoving a sweet strawberry twirl into my mouth.

  “What?” Callie is puzzled as she peers into the box looking for more. “You better be careful with those. Ralph has a sweet tooth.”

  “I’d like to see him try.”

  Not a chance anyone is getting their clutches on my sugar stash, especially considering it came from Silas. Today is his big day, and it’s not only sweet but also special that he took the time to show me he’s thinking of me.

  “That’s from Silas?” Janis asks, puzzled. “The guy’s a freaking millionaire for crying out loud, you should tell him to try for diamonds or something more worthwhile.”

  I scoff, shaking my head, and turn my back to her.

  “You guys serious?” Callie asks, following me back to where we keep our stuff.

  It’s a good question. I suppose we are, although it’s scary to think of us like that. “Yeah, we are.”

  “You’re one lucky girl.”

  “Yeah, I am.”

  Over the next week, Silas and I text and talk, but aren’t successful at finding time to see each other. I try not to let it get to me -- we knew this would happen and it doesn’t change how we feel about each other.

  He continues to surprise me with thoughtful gifts every few days at Betty’s. From flowers, to a mug, or a book on marine biology, all his packages include cute one-liners:

  I miss your lips.

  Did you save me some M&Ms?

  I’m thinking of you.

  My bed’s lonely without you.

  Think of me today.

  Each note brings a smile to my face and a pang to my heart. I miss him even though we’re not that far apart. I count the hours until we will talk and the days until we will see each other again.

  Jorge usually drives me to and from work if Callie can’t. Today, I surprise Jorge and Lucia by splurging on an Uber to Silas’s place. My shift doesn’t start until lunch, and I hope to have an hour with Silas.

  Both Lucia and Jorge are thrilled to see me but sad to say that Silas isn’t home. He hasn’t been home in days, but they assure me that it gets like that when he’s writing.