Clutch

by S. M. West

  “You will? Do you think you can?” Her tone is hopeful.

  “South America is on the tour. I don’t give a fuck what the label says, I will see you.” I squeeze the back of her neck.

  She gives me a watery smile; her hands cling to my forearms. “The timing sucks, but I do want to go.”

  “I know, but this is your dream.”

  “Silas, I have more than one dream. You’re my dream too. A dream I never even knew I wanted or dared to have.”

  “You’ve got me, babe. And I’ll make sure Lucia and Jorge take care of Daisy.”

  “I kinda already asked them,” she says sheepishly.

  “You did? You spoke to them before telling me?” I’m trying not to get upset, but I don’t understand why she held off telling me, but she’s spoken to Vinny, Betty, and even Lucia and Jorge.

  A small smile graces her lips as she lightly runs her finger across my jaw. Her fingertips snag once or twice on my stubble, and the tickle of her touch sparks a fire low in my belly.

  “I didn’t know how to tell you without breaking my heart…and yours.” Her strangled voice matches the tears swimming in her eyes. “Silas, I love you.”

  She is killing me in the best way possible. I can’t recall a woman ever saying those words to me and meaning it. Sure, I’ve heard it countless times from screaming fans or groupies in the throes of climax. All worthless.

  But this. Her love for me is everything.

  “Pansy, I love you, too.”

  My lips cover hers, and I kiss her, hard, stealing all her air. Her eyes flutter close as my mouth hungrily assaults her. She greedily pulls me by the waist, bringing her body against mine and my hands wander wildly of their volition. First, gripping her ass, then skating along the soft curves of her sides up to thread my fingers through her silky hair.

  I love Pansy more than I love music, and that says it all. She crashed into my life, and while trying to free myself from the wreckage, the disaster that I thought she was; she became the one pure thing in my life. It’s going to fucking hurt to say goodbye.

  Opening my eyes, I stretch. The cool, soft sheet against my naked body is like a lover’s caress, and my thoughts go to Silas and last night. I’m spent and invigorated like only a night with him can do.

  We had come back to his place and spent the night alone together. Loving each other with kisses, touches and our bodies entwined. Savoring every moment like it was our last.

  A cloud of steam billows from the bathroom door as Silas steps into the room with only a white towel wrapped low around his waist. His chiseled, bare chest is partially damp, and his hair is loose and wet.

  He’s hot as fuck. I will miss this. My fingertips burn with the memory of his hard, heated flesh beneath them, last night, each scorching moment flashes before my eyes in a kaleidoscope of pleasure.

  He stands in his room, in all his glory. Saliva pools in my mouth and I bite my lips to stifle a greedy moan. He doesn’t look my way as he walks to the closet and I suck in a breath at his tantalizing back dimples peeking out from the towel. I want to lick them.

  What is with me? I’m a horn dog; like I didn’t just spend hours getting fucked senseless by this man. I’m insatiable. Silas seems to have that effect on me.

  Pulling the sheet over my head, I stuff my face into the pillow and giggle, squeezing my eyes shut as heat rises throughout my body.

  “What are you laughing at?” His voice cuts through my laughter, and I peer from under the sheet.

  “Um, nothing.”

  Without warning, the bed dips as he places one knee beside me and lifts his legs over to straddle me. The ends of the towel open for a second and I get an eyeful, enough to tempt me more than I already am.

  He yanks the sheet down below my waist, my bare body on display and before I know what’s happening, he’s tickling me. Oh my God, how does he know I’m insanely ticklish? I buck, kick, and writhe while gasping for air in between my fits of hyena-like laughter.

  “Stop!” I pull a large intake of air. “Please stop.”

  It’s not immediate, but with a few more pleas, he relents. His eyes are hazy, glittering with mischief and lust. His palm splays on my stomach, the tips of his fingers graze the underside of my breast, and the heat of his touch and stare makes me squirm. Unable to look at him without conveying my need, my eyes close and I inhale a deep, calming breath.

  “Look at me.” My eyes snap open at the deep rumble in his voice, and he scoots down, pulling the sheet with him.

  With all of me bared to him, his hands roam up my thigh, pulling my legs apart. Laser focused on my exposed sex; he licks his lips like the big bad wolf readying for a meal. He leans down, inhaling my arousal before biting at the juncture of hip and pelvis. My sex clenches at what’s to come.

  ***

  Days. The time we have left together is only days, and while we spend every minute we can with each other, we can’t stop it. Or slow it down.

  It’s bittersweet. I’m excited about the trip, so giddy some nights that I lay awake anxious to hop on that plane. But I dread saying goodbye to the man I love. It’s not forever, that’s what I keep telling myself. It’s the only way I can make peace with leaving Silas. If only I could have both.

  I cry like a baby when it is time to say goodbye to Jorge, Lucia, and Betty. Each offers words of love and encouragement. Betty gushes and preens over me, telling me how proud she is, and I haven’t even done anything yet.

  Then there’s Boy. With welling eyes and a runny nose, I bury my face in her soft, warm fur. The dog may not understand, but it’s like she can sense I’m sad and she’s concerned. Her whimpers mimic mine, as she buries her body into me. Her tail wags, and I cling to her.

  Of course, the hardest is saying goodbye to Silas.

  Our drive to the airport is silent, much more subdued than when we took Daisy not too long ago. The line to check in moves quickly and I’m ready to go through to the gateway sooner than I’d hoped.

  If we were flying directly to Montevideo, it would take over a day with a couple stops. But we aren’t going straight through. We have a stop for two days in El Salvador before flying on. Vinny has a friend joining us who lives there. A fellow marine biologist. Then we will fly to our destination. I promise Silas to call him on the way down.

  “I better go in,” I say. Not wanting to leave, but no longer able to drag this out. I just want to rip off the band-aid.

  “Okay.” He brushes back my hair and cups my cheek. “Safe travels and enjoy yourself. You’re going to be amazing and love every minute of it.”

  “I better,” I smirk.

  “I’ll let you know when the tour starts. If we can work something out, if you can join us or if I can come to you, we will.”

  He doesn’t sound as sure as he first did when I told him I was going. What if he’s backing away from us? From me? What if, while on tour, he forgets about me? Falls into his old ways? The thought never, not once, crossed my mind. Now, the very idea’s a throbbing ache radiating from my chest.

  “I love you, Pansy.” His lips take mine in a deep, long kiss.

  Don’t forget me. My grip tightens on his sides, and I cling to him, hoping this isn’t the last time we will kiss. The last time we will see each other.

  “Silas, we’ve got to talk.” Otto marches into my music studio in dark jeans and a gray button-down. I didn’t think my lawyer did casual. “Bianca.” He nods in her direction.

  “Hi, Otto,” she says.

  His clothes may say relaxed and chill, but he’s anything but with his jaw clenched and worry lines etching his face. The guy has a shaved head and a solid body. If he didn’t wear suits, I’d think he was a bodyguard or wrestler.

  “What’s up?” Shutting the piano lid, I slide to the end of the bench and turn to face him.

  “I’ll leave you two alone,” Bianca says.

  We’d just finished a rough run through of the details for the damn tour, and I ended up telling her about Pansy like som
e heartbroken school girl, that I fucking miss her like crazy. And it’s only been a day. And the worst part of it all? Pansy hasn’t called. How the fuck am I going to do this for months?

  “No, I think you should stay,” Otto says, his tone grave and eyes sharp.

  This is serious. Sitting up straight, I glance at Bianca, who is just as concerned as I am. She wrinkles her puzzled brow, but nods and sits.

  “There’s no easy way to say this.” He sits across from me on the couch, his face tight and forehead knitted.

  “Just say it.” I stiffen my spine and prepare for the blow.

  “I was going through your accounts with Jackie.” She’s my financial advisor. “Pulling together some forecasts for when you leave Trojan, and we came across some discrepancies.”

  “What kind?”

  “Missing money. A lot of money, from several accounts. I called the bank, and it took some time, but fuck...”

  “Otto.” My heart is battering against my ribs, and I’m losing my patience.

  “Your parents have a POA on all your accounts. And it looks like they’ve been siphoning monies from them over the past three years, to the tune of fifteen million, give or take. And this is on top of what you’ve been giving them monthly.”

  Bianca gasps, her hand covering her mouth, as her healthy olive skin pales.

  “Are you sure?” I’m surprised how calm my voice is when my insides are rioting.

  “Yeah. I’ve been on this for a while; I wanted to be one hundred percent sure before I came to you. I even had a forensic accountant look it over.”

  “How the fuck did they get a power of attorney? I’ve never, ever signed one.”

  “That took some time.” He pauses and glances at Bianca. “The bank finally went through their records and showed us a copy...”

  “It was me,” she says in a shaky voice, looking ill. Her hand is trembling, still hovering by her mouth. “Oh, my God, it was me.”

  My stomach twists as I study the woman I trust with all my financial affairs. She and Otto are the only ones who I blindly allow to call the shots, to make decisions for me. I can’t fathom what I’m hearing. Why would she do this?

  Otto nods. “What happened?” He directs his question at her.

  “Silas, I’d have never done it if I knew...are you sure, Otto?”

  “Bianca, how did it happen?” Otto says, now shifting into full-on interrogation mode like the lawyer he is.

  “God, Silas, they said you needed to sign it. Your mother told me you knew about it. You were expecting it. I just put it in with the other things I had for you to sign at the time.”

  “Fuck!” I bellow. Angry at myself, at my parents, not her. I should have seen this coming, they’ve been around enough over the years to know how I leave all that shit to Bianca. I gave them the perfect opportunity, and I was too naive to think they’d go this far.

  It’s not Bianca’s fault. It may seem that way but she adores my parents, and I’ve deliberately kept her out of my shit with them. Both she and Otto have no clue about how strained our relationship is, and why.

  Bianca lost her family, one by one, over a short and painful period. It was just before we met and while I don’t know everything, her family was tight. Her parents were her rock.

  My parents quickly filled that void. From the get-go, they treated her like a daughter. Of course, she wouldn’t question them or think they were up to anything underhanded. Fuck, she was an easy mark, and I let it happen.

  “It’s not your fault,” I say, consoling her as she cries and apologizes over and over again.

  She curls into me and sobs as I rub her back. Rage fills me, but the funny thing is, it’s not about the money. I couldn’t care less. It’s seeing my friend guilt-ridden. My parents used her and had been stealing from me for years. And what for? It’s not like I wasn’t giving anything to them.

  “I’m so sorry. I’m an idiot. I should have said something to you,” she says in between hiccups.

  “Nope. I’m the idiot. I should read the shit you give me. Both of you.” My eyes flick from Otto back to Bianca. “I never do. I trust you’ve read it and you have my best interest at heart. I trust you, explicitly. My parents took advantage of that trust. Not you.”

  “Silas, what are you going to do?” Bianca asks at the same time that Otto says, “What do you want me to do? You’ve got options.”

  “This ends here.” It’s time to have the conversation I’ve been dreading. Deep down, I knew it was inevitable.

  “Are you going to get the money back?” Otto asks.

  “I don’t care about the money. They can have it.”

  “Silas.” Otto uses his stern solicitor tone. “That’s nearly ten percent of your net worth. I know they are your parents, but there are consequences for what they did. People have gone to jail for less.”

  “Otto, I don’t care. Besides, it’s likely already gone. Now it’s my turn to get rid of them.”

  Bianca arranges a private jet, and we leave for San Jose the next day, first thing in the morning. While at the airport, nervous as hell about my impending confrontation with my parents, a small part of me wonders where Pansy may be. Is she in some South American airport headed for Uruguay?

  Bianca and I are silent for the most part as we maneuver through the airport toward the plane. While the Pilsen blackmail crap is behind us, with this colossal shitstorm about to hit, and the part she played in it, Bianca is quiet and subdued.

  No matter how many times I say that I don’t blame her and that it wasn’t her fault, she’s lost and remorseful.

  “B, we good?”

  “Yeah.” Her voice is raspy. “I should be asking you that. I feel horrible for all of this.”

  Her usually stylish hair is back in a messy ponytail, and she isn’t wearing any makeup. She’s still a gorgeous girl, but she looks nothing like herself. The woman in charge. The powerhouse that everyone knows to take seriously and steer clear of.

  “We’ve been over this. Don’t blame yourself. The sad truth is, if it weren’t you, they’d have found another way.”

  She puffs out her cheeks and rolls her eyes. “That doesn’t help. Silas, what happened? Why did they do this when you were sending them thousands a month?” She would know, she saw the paperwork.

  “I don’t know. That’s the million-dollar question.” We both half-heartedly chuckle. At least, I can still laugh at this fucking mess.

  “What do you need me to do?”

  “Nothing. Just you being here helps. You didn’t have to come.”

  “No, I did. I want to be here. Are you sure, you don’t want me to try and get a hold of Pansy? I could arrange for another flight for her.”

  “No,” I say firmly. “With any luck, she should be on the last leg of her trip or already there.”

  My conviction is only for show. I feel anything but brave and sure I can do this without Pansy.

  Bianca enters the jet first but doesn’t go any further into the aircraft. Once on the plane, I glance back at her, puzzled. Why isn’t she coming? It’s then that I sense her. The air shifts, thickening and intensifying.

  I vaguely make out Bianca’s “Have a safe flight,” as I spin around and come face to face with my heart. Pansy.

  “Pansy.” My stomach tumbles and my heart races. “What are you doing here?”

  “You needed me. I called you, and Bianca answered your phone. She told me everything, and I got on the next plane back to L.A.”

  He mutters a fuck me under his breath before closing his eyes and furrowing his brow. For a few beats, he forces his breathing steady while his hands curl and uncurl. With a blink, his darkening gaze drinks me in. His jaw ticks as he undergoes an inner battle and I wait. Wait for him to make a move.

  “Fuck it.”

  His hands wrap around my biceps and haul me from the chair and into his warm chest. One hand behind my neck and the other gripping my jaw. My tummy flutters and the hammering of my heart drowns out the white noi
se of the aircraft.

  “I should be pissed you’re here and not on some plane to Uruguay, but fuck, you’re all I want. If I were a religious man, I’d think my prayers were answered. I need you.”

  The raw honesty in his tone cracks me wide open. Coming was the right choice, and I’m so glad that I didn’t hesitate. His lips crash onto mine in a desperate frenzy, and with each second we kiss, my insides heat and my heart swells.

  The stewardess clears her throat, “Excuse me, would you please take your seats. We’re preparing for take-off.”

  Silas chuckles and helps me buckle in before sitting and doing the same.

  “Silas, I love you.” I should’ve said it before, sooner. “Please believe me when I say I’m meant to be here, right now. I know this in my heart.”

  “Okay.”

  “Okay? That’s it? You’re not going to argue with me?”

  “Is that what you want?” His dimples pop with his sexy grin. “You want to argue?”

  Laughing, I shake my head. “No, definitely not.” I tug his hand into my lap, interlacing our fingers.

  As the plane taxis down the runway, he pulls me in for another kiss. “I love you, too,” he murmurs, his warm breath against my face.

  Resting his forehead on mine, we stay like that for a while, just breathing in each other.

  “I’m so sorry about your parents.”

  “Me too.”

  “I’m glad I’m here. I don’t want you to do this on your own.”

  “Me too.”

  “Is that all you have to say?”

  He pulls away and winks. “I need you with me. I can do this alone, but now I don’t have to.”

  “You’re not alone.”

  During the short plane ride, we talk with me in his lap, his head in the crook of my neck.

  “Pansy, you need to go back to Uruguay after,” he says out of nowhere, a blunt edge to his tone.

  “Yes, that’s the plan.”