How to Keep a Boy from Kissing You

by Tara Eglington

  ‘We’re not entering the art room,’ I replied. ‘The moment we do that, our cover’s blown.’ I pointed at the bushes in front of the open windows. ‘We’ll be observing from there. Who’s with me?’

  I took a look around to check that no-one was observing us, then darted towards the bushes. Cassie, Lindsay and Jelena were right behind me.

  I examined the flowering shrubs. Closest to the street was a thick, golden-green hedge that ran along the entire left side of the art room. Directly beneath the art-room windows was a row of bushy shrubs covered in full white flowers with red splotches.

  ‘Okay, we’re going to crawl between the hedge and those white flowering bushes,’ I said. ‘That way, we’ll be able to observe the art room unnoticed and be hidden from the street. We’ll leave our belongings just inside the hedge here.’

  I gently placed my flowers and pink handbag amongst the hedge’s greenery, then got down on my hands and knees and crawled between the bushes. Thank god there was no chance of Hayden finding out about this. He’d never let me hear the end of it.

  ‘I can’t believe we’re doing this,’ Jelena whispered from behind me as we made our way along the side of the building, pushing sticky, sap-coated branches out of our way. ‘We’re getting covered in dirt.’ She lifted a dirt-encrusted palm and wrinkled her nose.

  ‘Think of what CIA agents do,’ I whispered. ‘I’m sure it gets far dirtier than this.’

  ‘I doubt it,’ Jelena said. ‘Arrgghh! Ants!’ She furiously brushed her shoulders.

  ‘I wonder where Scott’s sitting?’ Cassie, a smudge of dirt on her cheek, glanced up at the building.

  ‘We’ll find out soon enough.’ I peeped over the white flowers to calculate our position. ‘We’re at the middle window right now.’

  ‘It’s like an infestation or something.’ Jelena shook her shirt. ‘Please tell me you’re ready, Cass?’

  ‘Ready as I’ll ever be.’ Cass’s little chin was set determinedly. She peeped over the white flowers and shot back down. ‘I saw him!’

  ‘Thank god for that,’ Jelena muttered, eyeing the ground obsessively.

  ‘So, Cass, you, Lindsay and I should all observe Scott in order to gain an accurate picture of the model-girl situation, okay?’ I looked at her for agreement.

  ‘What am I going to do?’ Jelena complained.

  ‘Keep an eye on the ants,’ I instructed. ‘Okay, Agents Lindsay and Cass, are you ready to go?’

  ‘Ready.’ They both gave me a little salute.

  We slowly peeped over the shrubbery and through the wide window. Scott, his sun-kissed locks unmissable, was seated by the window two up from ours. He was bent over what looked like a lump of clay, and glanced repeatedly to his right.

  ‘Okay, subject is in sight,’ I said.

  ‘Model girl’s got to be on his right,’ Cassie said, peering over the bush. ‘Can anyone see her?’

  Lindsay and I craned our necks to see to Scott’s right, but the window sill was at an impossible angle.

  I ducked back down into the bushes. ‘We’re going to have to get closer. There’s no other way.’

  That wasn’t good. Closer meant a higher likelihood of being spotted.

  ‘Or we could just forget it,’ Jelena said, her cheeks flushed. ‘And come back another day with binoculars and an oversized bottle of ant-kill.’ The last words were a growl.

  Cassie folded her arms over her chest. ‘I’m not turning back now. Let’s go.’

  Cassie had taken control of this mission. We followed her as she crawled two windows down.

  ‘Everyone has to keep absolutely silent,’ I whispered. ‘Just two of us should look this time.’

  Cassie nodded at me. ‘Ready, Aurora?’

  We each lifted our head inch by inch until our eyes were just above the top of the flowering bush. A tiny girl with pigtails sat on a stool at Scott’s right, swinging her feet.

  ‘That must be model girl’s younger sister or something,’ Cassie whispered. ‘Scott’s probably so serious about her that he’s friends with the whole family.’

  I looked at the thirty earnest faces bent over their work. ‘And he’s dragged them all to an art class? I don’t think so. It’s probably the teacher’s daughter or something.’

  Scott turned to get a tool from the drawer beside him. As he moved, his sculpture came into view for the first time.

  ‘Oh my god,’ I breathed. ‘Cass, look!’

  We both stared at the sculpture of the little girl.

  ‘That’s model girl!’ I cried softly. ‘A four-year-old! That’s why he said he was having trouble capturing how cute she was.’

  Scott’s voice drifted out the window. ‘How are you doing, Emily? You holding that pose okay?’

  Cassie and I threw ourselves down on the ground again.

  Cass shook her head. ‘Emily. Oh my god.’

  ‘What did you guys find out?’ Lindsay whispered.

  ‘It’d better be a breakthrough worthy of my endurance of these ants,’ Jelena muttered.

  Cass’s face broke into a smile. ‘Emily is his younger sister. I’ve been ignoring him because of model girl supposedly being his bombshell girlfriend —’

  ‘She is a cutie pie,’ I interrupted, grinning.

  ‘I can’t believe it.’ Cassie let out a giggle, but I barely heard her over the eardrum-shattering roar that had suddenly filled the street.

  ‘Scott,’ someone from the art room called. ‘Could you shut your window?’

  Realisation hit me. ‘We’ve got to move it now! If Scott leans out to pull the window shut, we’re stuffed. The bush isn’t tall enough to conceal us from above.’

  As Scott’s chair scraped back, we plunged our way through the thick, golden-green hedge and onto the street.

  ‘Eww!’ shrilled Jelena, looking at the sap oozing down her right arm.

  Luckily her voice was drowned out by what I could now see was a motorcycle gang circling the art centre’s car park.

  ‘Just keep going!’ I said, racing to grab my bouquet and handbag. ‘We’ve got to make it to the next street before Scott sees us.’

  ‘Cassie!’ The shout was just audible above the guttural roar of motorcycle engines.

  ‘Don’t look back!’ I cried to Cass. ‘If he doesn’t see your face, you can deny the whole thing on Monday.’

  ‘Cass!’

  A motorcycle pulled up next to us and I realised that the shouts weren’t from Scott but from the bike’s rider. It was Cassie’s brother.

  ‘Andrew!’ Cassie beamed at him. ‘What are you doing here?’

  ‘Cruising,’ Andrew said.

  Cass sighed. ‘Mum told you not to take the bike into the city —’

  ‘Cass!’ I interrupted her scolding. Things were dire! ‘We’ve got to get moving!’

  ‘I’ll give you a lift!’ Andrew patted the bike’s leather seat, then turned to the other riders. ‘Guys! Let the girls get on!’

  Three other bikers handed helmets to Jelena, Lindsay and me. I glanced back at the art building. To my relief, Scott’s full attention was focused on wrestling with the window. I looked warily at the bike. Riding pillion through the city with an anonymous biker didn’t seem like such a great idea. I wanted to live a long life and publish many books, not die in a James Dean-ish fiery inferno.

  ‘Ready to ride?’

  The biker lifted his helmet and I recognised Zac O’Connell, the Shieldses’ eighteen-year-old neighbour who owned three cats. Surely he wouldn’t be too reckless when the lives of several felines depended on him getting home safely.

  I leapt onto the bike. ‘Cass, let’s get out of here!’

  Cass climbed onto Andrew’s bike and wrapped her arms around him.

  Scott lifted his head from the window and caught sight of us. His eyes widened as he took in Cassie, who hadn’t put her helmet on yet. Before I could call to her, Andrew had revved his bike and torn off. The rest of us followed.

  When the bikers roared through my nei
ghbourhood, I saw several curtains twitching as people tried to see what the noise was. We pulled into my driveway and I prayed that Snookums and Bebe weren’t wide-eyed on my window seat. Turning up on a Harley, my arms around a leather-clad eighteen-year-old, wasn’t a respectable look. If I wasn’t careful, Snookums would be demanding a studded leather collar.

  I jumped off the bike. ‘Thanks, Zac. Say hi to Buffy, Zeke and Tom-Tom for me.’

  Zac took the helmet from me. ‘If you ever want to visit, just say the word.’

  Cassie followed me up the drive. ‘Zac’s always been a bit keen on you, you know.’

  ‘What?’ I looked at her, then back at Zac. He had a safety pin through his earlobe. ‘Let’s not get into that. Cass, Scott saw us!’

  Cass’s face fell. ‘You’re kidding.’

  ‘I’m deadly serious. Harley-riding serious.’

  Andrew beeped for Cassie to hurry up.

  ‘Don’t worry,’ I told her. ‘By Monday we’ll have come up with a story. You know, something like you have a twin sister who’s a bikie chick.’

  Cassie gave me a doubtful look.

  ‘Okay, so that’s a bit unbelievable. But I’ll work something out.’

  I waved as the whole group blasted their horns in a chorus and tore off.

  What a day.

  My head in the clouds, I nearly crashed into Hayden Paris, who stood on my front step.

  CHAPTER 17

  There is No Romance Between Us!

  ‘I was beginning to think you’d never get home,’ Hayden greeted me. ‘Though that entrance was worth the wait. I haven’t seen that many bikers all together in a long while.’

  ‘Hayden, what are you doing here?’ All I wanted was to have a bath.

  ‘Valentine’s Day, of course.’

  Hayden drew three heart-shaped red helium balloons from behind his back. My jaw dropped. Hayden Paris, on my doorstep, bearing heart-shaped balloons? This day was getting even crazier.

  Hayden stood there, a smile spreading over his face. ‘Well?’

  ‘Is this a joke, Paris?’

  The words tumbled out before I could stop them. All my rational thoughts had been knocked flat by this turn of events.

  Hayden straightened the ribbon on one of the balloons. ‘Well, as you said in English class this morning, everyone deserves a day of love, so I thought the balloons might cheer up Snookums’s and Bebe’s day. I checked with the pet store to ensure they’re made out of cat-friendly material.’

  Any moment now, Ashton Kutcher was going to leap out of the bushes and tell me that I’d been ‘punk’d’.

  ‘The third balloon is for you,’ Hayden continued in a rush. ‘Happy Valentine’s Day.’

  ‘Happy Valentine’s Day,’ I repeated dumbly, looking into his hazel eyes. Their expression was both amused and oddly nervous. ‘I’m … I’m sure Snookums and Bebe will be ecstatic.’

  All of a sudden I didn’t know what to say. I just kept staring from the balloons to Hayden’s sincere face to the balloons again.

  ‘So, should I hand these over to you?’ Hayden asked.

  ‘No,’ I said, finally finding my voice. ‘Do you want to come in? That way you can give them to Snookums and Bebe yourself.’

  Hayden stepped away from the door. I struggled with the key, my fingers shaking. What was wrong with me? I finally got the door open and stumbled slightly as I stepped inside. Hayden took my arm to steady me.

  ‘That’s an impressive bouquet, Princess.’

  ‘Oh, I know.’

  It was nice to see a boy appreciate flowers. Just like Wordsworth would have. What was I saying? Instead of writing about nature, Hayden wrote odes to himself.

  ‘It takes my breath away every time I look at it,’ I added.

  ‘So who’s it from?’ Hayden examined the rainbow rose.

  ‘Someone absolutely amazing,’ I replied. ‘That’s all I know. It was anonymous.’

  Hayden lifted his gaze from the rose to me. His eyes were twinkling. Was he laughing at me? Or at my admirer? I’d kick his butt if he was laughing at my admirer.

  ‘I have a feeling Snookums and Bebe will be in here,’ I announced, leading Hayden through to the lounge. ‘The pet store brought them another Valentine’s gift this morning.’

  Sure enough, Snookums and Bebe were clambering over the cat climbing frame I’d bought them. It was in the shape of a tree, with scratchy imitation-bark branches and sleeping platforms shaped like elephant-ear palms.

  ‘Hey, babies!’ I dropped to my knees to give them a scratch. ‘Someone’s brought you a new treat!’

  ‘Hi, guys.’ Hayden dropped down beside me and gave Snookums a rub under the chin.

  ‘Why don’t we hang the balloons from the branches?’ I suggested.

  Hayden wound the string of the first balloon around the lowest branch of the climber. His jeans brushed my right leg and I could feel the warmth of his calf even through the thick material.

  ‘The red looks great against the deep brown of the branches,’ I commented distractedly, standing up again.

  Hayden smiled. ‘I’d better tie them carefully. Imagine if Snookums grabbed hold of a balloon and floated away.’

  I laughed. ‘Like the movie The Red Balloon. He’ll drift over Paris, finally landing on top of the Eiffel Tower.’

  ‘Ah, Paris. My namesake and ancestral home.’

  ‘Ancestral home? Your mum told me you come from good old-fashioned English stock!’

  ‘Don’t tell anyone else that,’ Hayden said. ‘My connection to the city of love is a fundamental part of my appeal. Along with my stellar intelligence, winning wit —’

  ‘Reciting your poem again?’ I broke in.

  Hayden tried to keep a straight face, but failed. ‘I can’t help myself when I’m around you, Mistress Muse.’

  He held out the last red helium heart. I reached out to take it from him. Our fingers grazed. I lost my grip on the balloon and it sailed towards the ceiling.

  ‘Oh no!’

  ‘Aurora!’ Hayden made a jump for the balloon, catching it in his left hand. ‘I spent twenty minutes choosing that balloon this morning, and you just let it go?’

  ‘You didn’t really spend twenty minutes selecting that balloon.’

  Hayden and I were now standing close to each other.

  ‘I did.’ His eyes met mine. ‘You might have seen me at your front door holding an aesthetically unappealing balloon and tossed me in the mud.’

  I wanted to protest, but something about his gaze, so intent on my face, stopped me from making a sound.

  ‘Though you look like you’ve been in the mud yourself.’

  Hayden’s voice was just above a whisper as he reached forward and gently brushed my right cheek with his balloon-free hand. I suddenly remembered my dishevelled state and raised my hand to the same spot, where it met Hayden’s. He took a step forward.

  ‘Happy Valentine’s, sweetheart!’ the NAD’s voice boomed from the front door.

  Both Hayden and I jumped in fright, and I stepped away from him.

  The NAD strode into the lounge. He visibly staggered as he took in the cat climbing frame. ‘Aurora, what is this monstrosity?’

  I didn’t answer. I was looking at Hayden, whose cheeks were as red as the balloon he still held in his left hand. My own face felt flushed and my cheek tingled. Would Hayden have kissed me if the NAD hadn’t interrupted? Well, tried to kiss me, as I would have had to stop him. I was still saving that first kiss for my Potential Prince. Despite this, I was suddenly besieged by thoughts of what the kiss would’ve been like. Were his lips soft —

  ‘It’s nearly as tall as I am!’ The NAD reached out to feel the imitation bark. ‘It’s verging on a redwood.’

  ‘Dad, it’s Snookums’s and Bebe’s Valentine’s present!’ I finally turned my attention to the cat climber. Dad couldn’t take it back! ‘It’s a savannah tree — the kind their ancestors would have lounged on.’

  ‘A savannah tree?’ the NAD re
peated. ‘Couldn’t they be content with a potted palm or something?’

  ‘I’m trying to make them feel better about their domestic slavery.’

  ‘Those cats have their every need attended to!’ The NAD pointed at Bebe’s engraved silver water bowl. ‘If anything, we’re slaves to their every meow. They need a form of entertainment that doesn’t depend on material possessions.’

  Did his new-found Buddhist philosophy have to dominate even the cats’ lives?

  ‘Aurora’s just got a big heart,’ Hayden said.

  ‘Hayden! Nice to see you!’ The NAD sounded thrilled. ‘You won’t mind excusing us for a moment, will you? Help yourself to anything from the fridge in the meantime.’

  Dad gestured for me to follow him out the room. Oh no. He was going to make me call the pet store and get them to collect the climber.

  ‘Dad, I’m really sorry. But don’t make me return it, please.’

  ‘Return it?’

  ‘Isn’t that what you want to talk about?’

  Dad was heading up the stairs towards his room. ‘No. That’s not necessary. Maybe it’ll stop Snookums being so destructive.’

  It was unlikely, but I threw my arms around him anyway. ‘Thanks, Dad!’

  ‘You can show your thanks by helping me select a tie for my Valentine’s dinner with Dana.’ Dad threw open his closet and gestured at his tie rack.

  I couldn’t believe I was being asked to help him win over a woman who could only make my life more miserable. Talk about salt in a wound. Unless …

  I stared at Dad’s novelty Mickey Mouse bow tie.

  ‘Well?’ Dad looked at me. ‘Come on, fashionista.’

  I pointed wordlessly at the bow tie.

  ‘Mickey?’ Dad looked surprised. ‘I guess Dana might like it.’

  She would hate it. A Valentine’s date with a man who had a cartoon mouse at his neck? I could just see her scowl. Mickey would probably convince her that Dad was really a conglomerate-loving capitalist. I envisaged her making an excuse to go to the bathroom, then sneaking out to her Mazda and driving right out of his life.

  I opened my mouth to say, ‘She’ll love it!’, then saw Dad’s trusting expression as he held the bow tie up to his neck. I couldn’t sabotage the NAD’s date. He was already scarred from my mother’s sudden escape to Spain. A second escape might send him over the edge.