How to Keep a Boy from Kissing You

by Tara Eglington

  A twinge ran through me at making such a mean-spirited statement but I ignored it.

  ‘Mr Peterman?’ Benjamin’s voice said before Hayden could reply. ‘As one of the leading men of this production, I really need a space of my own to mentally rehearse as well as physically prepare myself. I think a dressing room is necessary.’

  A snicker ran through the auditorium.

  ‘A dressing room?’ Mr Peterman looked incredulous.

  ‘Or a trailer,’ Benjamin suggested. ‘My agent says that on the set of a blockbuster —’

  ‘Could I have a trailer as well, Mr Peterman?’ Sara cut in. ‘Playing an evil character is really putting a strain on my nerves. If I had a soothing space —’

  ‘I think Dogberry and Verges need a trailer,’ Jeffrey called out. ‘For a post-production party space. Lovely ladies drinking champagne —’

  ‘No-one is having a trailer!’ Mr Peterman’s face was purple. ‘Sorry to disillusion you, but this is not a blockbuster with A-list stars, million-dollar sets and personal assistants. It’s a high-school play. High school.’

  My guess was that Mr Peterman was feeling the contrast between his former soap-star life and his present situation.

  Hayden turned back to me. ‘It’s rather hurtful to hear you constantly repeating how impossible it is for me to be romantic.’

  ‘Well, why don’t you prove your credentials and help me reconcile two couples?’ I said in my most persuasive tone.

  Hayden let out a sigh. ‘I know I keep saying this, but I don’t believe in interfering in other people’s love lives.’

  ‘Fine then,’ I shot back. ‘Forget I ever asked for your help. I’m more than capable of looking after this myself. Not only will I get Cassie and Scott together, but Tyler and Lindsay will be back in love within two weeks.’

  ‘Alright, Friar Francis, Hero and Leonato, offstage. Beatrice and Benedick, are you ready for your big love scene?’ Mr Peterman’s voice was hopeful.

  I stomped to my spot before Hayden could say anything more. Love scene. I shook my head. This play was sick.

  ‘This is the moment when Beatrice and Benedick finally admit their true feelings to each other,’ Mr Peterman said. He had a big smile on his face. Obviously he was counting on some riveting chemistry from his best actor and his novice actress.

  ‘Oh yeah!’ Jeffrey yelled from the audience. ‘Sexual tension coming up!’

  ‘It’s obviously a huge turning point for the couple,’ Mr Peterman continued. ‘Culminating in the kiss. But don’t worry, we won’t be practising that until next week — probably Tuesday.’

  My heart stopped. I opened my mouth to say something, but nothing came out. The kiss? Was Mr Peterman hallucinating? Maybe he meant a kiss between Hero and Claudio. Yes, it had to be that.

  ‘The k-kiss?’ I stammered, my whole body willing him to say it was Hero and Claudio who kissed.

  ‘Between Benedick and Beatrice, of course!’ Mr Peterman said. ‘When we do rehearse it, Hayden, you’ll need to take Aurora into your arms and kiss her passionately —’

  ‘There’s no kiss written in this script!’ I said, ripping through the pages of our scene.

  ‘Well, no, but this is where the kiss always comes in the production,’ Mr Peterman said. ‘Don’t worry, you’ve got a while to practise it.’

  I stared at Mr Peterman and an embarrassed-looking Hayden. My life was over.

  CHAPTER 20

  The Depths of Despair

  ‘This can’t be happening! I can’t kiss Hayden Paris. I can’t!’

  I sat hunched over in a playground swing with my head in my hands. After Mr Peterman had effectively told me my life was over, I’d pushed blindly outside with Jelena, Cassie, Sara and Lindsay at my heels.

  ‘Aurora, it might not be that bad,’ Lindsay said, rubbing my back reassuringly. ‘I mean, okay, it’s going to be slightly embarrassing having to get intimate in front of everyone, but it’s just a play.’

  ‘Plus, it’s Hayden,’ Sara said. ‘Think of the positives. Every girl in the school is going to be jealous. And Hayden is sure to be a divine kisser.’

  ‘I can’t kiss him!’ I wailed. ‘This whole Much Ado About Nothing thing has been cursed from the beginning. First I have to play Hayden Paris’s lover. And just when I finally — and, can I say, reluctantly — get to grips with that, I’m told I have to push my limits to a whole new level and kiss the bane of my life!’

  I took a deep breath. I was feeling dangerously dizzy. Kiss Hayden Paris? Kiss him? Oh god.

  ‘Okay, he might be the bane of your life,’ Jelena said. ‘But he’s also really popular. And hot. I just don’t get the big deal.’

  ‘I’ll tell you the big deal.’ I buried my head in my hands again. ‘All these years …’

  ‘All these years what?’ Lindsay prompted.

  ‘All these years you’ve been secretly crazy about him?’ Sara leapt up from the swing next to me. ‘That’s what you’re trying to say, aren’t you, Aurora? And now you have to kiss him, you can’t hold back your feelings any more.’

  Was she insane?

  She was right about one thing. I couldn’t hold anything back from my friends now, not when I’d been plunged into the depths of despair.

  ‘All these years I’ve been saving my first kiss for a Prince, getting into no end of embarrassing situations to ensure that it would be a beautiful, life-changing moment.’

  Jelena’s elegant jaw dropped, just as I’d expected. ‘You’ve never kissed a guy? Are you serious?’ She looked at my expression. ‘Oh my god. You are serious.’

  ‘All that effort and Hayden Paris is going to be the one to get it.’ I took a shuddering breath. ‘Hayden Paris. My next-door neighbour who’s effectively made the past ten years of my life a complete misery. I can’t kiss him. I can’t. This is like some sort of nightmare.’

  ‘First kisses aren’t always all they’re cracked up to be, you know,’ Sara said wryly. ‘You need a good kisser. Which Hayden is sure to be. You never know, smooching him could be beautiful.’

  ‘How can it be beautiful if I’m kissing the wrong person?’ I said. ‘Letting go of the idea of saving my first kiss for my Potential Prince is like letting go of a dream. That’s why I’m so upset.’

  I couldn’t believe that a school play was about to destroy such an important romantic goal.

  Cassie knelt in front of me and squeezed my hands. ‘Hope isn’t lost yet. There’s got to be a way to fix this. Think of how many kisses you and I have stopped so far! I’m going to do everything I can to make sure your first kiss is with a Prince.’

  ‘Me too,’ Lindsay said, placing her hand on ours. ‘I was lucky enough to kiss the right person, so I want you to as well.’

  I watched her face soften as she remembered her first kiss with Tyler.

  ‘I so would have jumped at Hayden Paris being my first kiss, but hey, I’ll promise too.’ Sara slapped her hand down on Lindsay’s.

  We all looked at Jelena.

  ‘I still can’t get over the fact that you’ve never been kissed,’ she said. ‘But if that’s what you’re set on, Aurora, then I promise too.’ She placed her hand on the top of the pile. ‘One for all and all for one!’

  ‘Okay.’ Cassie sat back on the swing and got out her notepad. ‘Anyone got any ideas on how to prevent this kiss?’

  ‘Talk to Mr Peterman?’ Lindsay said. ‘You could say that your family’s extremely conservative and morally objects to public displays of affection.’

  ‘Or pretend that you’ve got a really bad cold and tell him you’re worried that snogging Hayden will pass the germs to his lead actor,’ Sara suggested.

  ‘Guys, has Mr Peterman ever listened to any of our objections? About script changes, costume suggestions or character motivation?’

  Sara frowned. ‘You’ve got a point.’

  ‘There’s no way he’ll let me get out of the kiss,’ I said.

  ‘Okay, what about something more dramatic?’ Jelena s
aid. ‘You get “sick” on opening night and miss all the performances.’

  ‘I can’t do that,’ I said. ‘We’ve all worked so hard on this play. If I pretend to be sick, Mr Peterman will either drive round to my place and demand that I get out of bed, or use my understudy, who’s completely uncommitted.’ I pictured gum-chewing Felicity playing my role. ‘Then the whole mood of the play will be wrecked, the Board of Studies official will cancel the school’s future arts funding and Mr Peterman will have a mental breakdown.’ I let out a sigh. ‘I can’t do it.’

  ‘Even to protect your first kiss?’ Lindsay asked.

  I shook my head. ‘There’s got to be another way.’

  ‘I’ve got it!’ Sara cried. ‘You want your first kiss to be with your Potential Prince, right?’ She didn’t wait for my answer before plunging on. ‘Well, that’s got to be your secret admirer. So, if we find out his identity, you can confront him. He admits it; bang, you fall in love; and boom, he kisses you. Or you might have to kiss him if he’s not moving fast enough.’

  I pictured myself lunging at my secret admirer. It was so not how I’d imagined things. ‘Sara, I don’t know.’

  ‘It’s your best chance,’ Cassie said thoughtfully. ‘Once you’ve had your first kiss with a Prince, Hayden kissing you won’t mean anything.’

  ‘I guess …’ I still felt uneasy about kissing Hayden.

  ‘So, for the sake of speed, can I fingerprint everyone?’ Sara looked pleadingly at me.

  Jelena frowned. ‘How are we going to do it?’

  ‘I’ve got it!’ I leapt up from the swing.

  ‘Free soft drink!’ Jeffrey exclaimed and grabbed a cup of lemonade.

  Virtually the whole cast and crew of Much Ado About Nothing were crowded around Jelena and Sara’s hurriedly assembled refreshments table. Cassie, Lindsay and I had raced down to the corner store to buy litres of Coke, lemonade and other soft drinks.

  ‘Everyone drink up!’ Sara announced. ‘Benjamin, Travis, everyone! Drink! Drink!’

  She sounded like some sort of peer-pressure drinker at a keg party. However, I wasn’t going to protest. I quickly filled paper cups with creaming soda.

  ‘Has everyone got a cup? Let’s have a toast!’

  ‘To the success of Much Ado About Nothing!’ Jelena cried. ‘And to your fabulous stage manager!’

  ‘Hear, hear!’ Alex, who’d just arrived and reassured Mr Peterman of his ‘miraculous recovery’, picked up a lemonade and toasted Jelena.

  ‘To Much Ado About Nothing!’ everyone chorused.

  And to finding my secret admirer, I silently added as I watched Hayden take a sip of his lemonade.

  ‘Remember to write your name on your cup to get a refill later!’ Sara shouted.

  ‘A refill?’ Jelena looked at our dwindling supply. ‘We don’t have enough for refills.’

  ‘Believe me, I’ll have this baby packed up and smuggled out the moment Mr Peterman restarts rehearsal,’ Sara whispered. ‘But if we don’t have names on the cups, then we’ve got nowhere.’

  She was right. We needed to be able to match the prints on the cup with those on the poem. I passed round a marker pen. ‘Make sure you put your names on your cups!’

  ‘That’s not your cup, it’s mine!’ someone said.

  ‘It’s not like it matters!’ his friend shot back.

  ‘Don’t mix them up!’ I cried, unable to believe people could be so blasé about my romantic future.

  ‘Back onstage!’ Mr Peterman cried.

  People threw down their cups and raced off, leaving the five of us with around fifty fingerprint samples.

  ‘Okay.’ Sara slipped on a pair of plastic gloves from the box we’d bought. We all followed suit. ‘We can chuck out all the girls’ cups, except our own. I’ll need them to identify the other prints on the poem.’

  ‘What do we do with the guys’ cups?’ I asked.

  ‘Handle them only on the rim and put them very carefully into my evidence box,’ Sara said, brandishing a large cardboard box.

  I placed the cups in one by one, wondering which would reveal my Potential Prince.

  ‘Isn’t your dad going to wonder why you’re using his equipment on all these paper cups?’ Lindsay asked.

  ‘He won’t mind,’ Sara replied, halfway out the door. ‘I think he hopes I’ll follow in his footsteps.’

  ‘Are you sure you don’t want any help with the analysis?’ I asked, picturing Sara surrounded by dozens of used paper cups.

  ‘Nope. You can leave it to me. But it’s going to take a good couple of hours tonight. Do everyone a favour and go home early, Aurora. You’re looking completely frazzled.’

  ‘So not a good look,’ Jelena added.

  As I had no more scenes that day, I took Sara’s advice.

  Unfortunately, going home early did nothing to calm my nerves. When the phone rang at 8 pm, I nearly knocked over my bedside table in my haste to answer it.

  ‘Hey, Aurora.’ Cassie’s voice was excited. ‘Have you heard anything from Sara yet?’

  ‘No. Have you?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘God, I hope she finds a fingerprint. I’m going crazy.’ I drew my knees up to my chest. ‘Distract me! How did the rest of rehearsal go?’

  ‘Well, there was a slight hitch when Tyler turned up onstage, quoting lines from a poem he’d written in memory of TylerandLindsay.’

  I groaned. ‘Was it bad?’

  I heard a giggle in Cassie’s voice. ‘It was morbid. Let’s see, from what I can remember, it ran something like, “Black, black, my soul is black. My twin flame has snuffed the light …”’

  Everyone was turning to poetry. Look at what Mrs Kent had started.

  ‘“Striped, striped,”’ Cassie continued, ‘“my soul is striped. Black despair and white hope. I am a zebra —”’

  ‘Tyler is a zebra?’ I shrieked. ‘Oh my god. How many people heard it?’

  ‘Well, he’d arranged for James in lighting and sound to give him a microphone and a spotlight, so everyone at the rehearsal.’

  ‘I’m going to kill Hayden. This must be his and Tyler’s big plan to win Lindsay back.’

  ‘Maybe you should hold off on killing him,’ Cassie said. ‘Because I think it might have worked.’

  ‘Lindsay said she wants Tyler back?’ My tone was ultra-excited.

  ‘Well, she didn’t say that. But she got this funny look on her face. And now that Tyler’s working on costumes with her —’

  ‘He what?’

  ‘Oh yeah. I forgot to tell you. He pledged his never-ceasing assistance to Lindsay, so she’s got him running up items on the sewing machine and stitching crystal beads onto Hero’s wedding outfit.’

  Tyler, sewing? ‘Wow, Hayden’s actually given Tyler some good advice. I can’t believe it.’

  ‘Well, it’s no surprise to me,’ Cassie said. ‘Hayden’s a really smart guy.’

  For once, I didn’t try to argue with her. I was in shock. Hayden Paris encouraging a romance instead of sabotaging it with advice about taking things at a snail’s pace? Unbelievable.

  ‘He asked me to call you and tell you about TylerandLindsay —’

  ‘He what?’ I said, incensed. ‘I can’t believe him! You know why he asked you to do that, don’t you?’ I didn’t give Cassie a chance to answer. ‘Because of the fight we had today about TylerandLindsay and you and Scott —’

  ‘Me and Scott?’ Cassie’s voice had gone up an octave.

  ‘And how he didn’t want to get involved at all because he’s a romantic,’ I continued. ‘Talk about skewed logic. So I vowed that I’d have everything straightened out within two weeks, and now he’s beaten me to the punch by putting TylerandLindsay on Reconciliation Island.’ I let out a frustrated growl.

  ‘Reconciliation Island?’ Cassie’s voice was sceptical. ‘Aurora, don’t you think you’re getting a bit overdramatic?’

  I gasped. ‘That’s what he said! Has he been talking to you, Cassie?’

  �
��Briefly —’

  ‘Oh my god! He hasn’t been talking to you about Scott, has he?’

  ‘Well, a little.’

  ‘Arggh! He’s trying to propel himself onto the bestseller list before me!’

  ‘He’s what?’ Cassie sounded confused. ‘Aurora, he’s only trying to help. Maybe he wants to show you that he is romantic —’

  ‘Hardly.’ I let out a laugh. ‘Oh my god, he hasn’t got you and Scott together as well, has he?’

  I no longer doubted Hayden’s ability to achieve anything. Thank god I hadn’t said I’d have Cassie and Scott engaged or anything, or Hayden would have had them at the altar by now.

  Cassie sighed. ‘No, unfortunately not. I just don’t understand. Things have been weirder than weird since Valentine’s Day. I don’t want to sound vain, but before that, I could tell he liked me —’

  ‘Cassie, that’s not vain. It was obvious to everyone.’

  ‘Even when the whole model-girl thing was going on, he was still smiling at me all the time and making excuses to touch me.’

  ‘And he gave you a rose!’ I added. ‘Which we know now, due to model girl being his little sister, meant something.’

  ‘But did it?’ Cassie said. ‘Maybe all he wanted to be was friends.’ I heard her sigh. ‘Ironic. Since Valentine’s Day we haven’t even been that.’

  ‘I don’t think he figured out that we were spying on him,’ I said, considering Scott’s vibe around Cassie since then. It definitely wasn’t accusing.

  ‘Then why is he acting so weird? What other explanation is there? He doesn’t like girls who ride motorcycles?’

  ‘All I know is you’ve got to talk to him,’ I said. ‘That’s the only way you’re going to unravel the twisted yarn that’s Scott’s brain.’

  ‘Oh god.’

  ‘At least break the ice. If you get him laughing, he may start spilling his soul to you.’

  ‘You think?’

  ‘I’m sure,’ I said, even though I wasn’t in the least.

  ‘Okay!’ she said firmly. ‘I’m going to do it. I’m going to break the ice.’

  ‘Go for it!’ I said, and we hung up.

  As the evening stretched on, I tried to study my lines, but my thoughts stayed on Sara and whether she’d found any clues. Next Tuesday was the rehearsal of the Beatrice– Benedick liplock. That meant I had less than a week to get my secret admirer to kiss me. I couldn’t believe that after sixteen and a half years of patiently waiting for my first kiss from a Prince, I was having to rush into the whole thing!