Just Can't Get Enough

by Hodges, Cheris

  The next morning, Darius woke up praying the night before was a dream. Yet the cold sheets on the left side of the bed let him know that he was alone. Even if he could smell the faint scent of Celina in his bed, she wasn’t there. He refused to let her fade away like her jasmine scent. Leaping out of the bed, he took a quick shower, dressed, and dashed out of the house hoping to catch Celina before she headed to Columbia. When he stepped onto the front porch, he spotted her getting into her rental car.

  “Celina!”

  She turned her head and looked at him with disgust clouding her eyes. “Leave me alone, Darius,” she said.

  He didn’t heed her warning, as he leapt over the fence dividing their yards and stood in between her and the driver’s door. “Baby, I don’t like the way things ended between us last night. You made everything seem so final.”

  “That’s because it is,” she said, making an attempt to close the door. He wouldn’t let the door go.

  “Look me in the eye and say that,” he said. “Celina, tell me that you want me to leave you alone and that you don’t care about me, then I will walk away.”

  Celina turned her head away from him. “Say it,” he whispered, bringing his face closer to hers. “Tell me to leave and I’ll do it, but as long as there is a chance for us, I’m going to be right here in your face.”

  “Leave me alone, Darius,” Celina said. Her voice was shaky and thin and she wasn’t fooling Darius or herself.

  “You don’t mean it,” he replied. “You don’t mean it at all.”

  “How are you going to tell me what I mean?” she snapped. “Darius, I’m not going sit here and listen to you lie about what’s going on with you and Tiffany and how much you love and care about me. Darius, we had great sex. That’s it. Don’t try to make it more than what it is.”

  “You know it’s more than that,” Darius exclaimed. “You know we have more than a physical connection. You couldn’t give yourself to me the way that you do if you didn’t love me.”

  Celina threw her head back, as if she knew Darius wasn’t going to leave until they worked something out. “Look,” Celina said. “I have to go see my father. I don’t have time for this. I have to get to my father.”

  “When will you have time for this? For us? Celina, I’m not giving up on you and I won’t let you give up, either,” he said, pounding his hand on the side of the door. “Don’t shut me out when I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone.”

  “Love me? How can you love me when you still have another woman calling you and showing up at your house and I’m just supposed to believe that you’re so in love with me? That you can’t live without me and you would never do anything to hurt me?”

  Darius squared his shoulders. “That’s exactly what I’m saying. Celina, open your heart to me and let me show you what I’m saying is true. Am I a perfect man? No, I’ll make mistakes, but I will never hurt you or cheat on you. You mean too much to me.”

  Celina started the ignition. “I have to go,” she said. Darius closed her door and started to walk away. Celina rolled the window down, “Maybe we can talk when I return from the hospital.”

  Darius, who was walking away feeling dejected, perked up when he heard what Celina said. He turned around and looked at her. “I would like that,” he said. She backed the car out of the driveway and headed down the street.

  As Celina drove to Columbia, she tried not to think about him and the scene in the driveway, but she couldn’t help herself. She wanted to believe that he loved her and that he was going to be true to her. What was going to happen when she left? Because she would be going back to New York and eventually she wanted to return to Paris to finish what she’d started there.

  Yet, she was conflicted over her feelings for him. When they were together, he made her feel so special, like nothing mattered but them being together. However, that woman kept showing up and Celina wasn’t naive enough to believe that Tiffany was coming around without provocation. No woman could be that desperate, could she? Celina shook her head as she drove onto the interstate, trying to quiet the contradictory voices in her head. On the one hand, she wanted to see where this thing would go with Darius, but there was no way she’d let him hurt her. Could he stay true to her and resist Tiffany’s temptation? If I don’t trust him, then I obviously don’t love him. The lie burned in her brain because she knew that she loved him more than she wanted to admit.

  By the time she arrived at the hospital, her mind was muddled with thoughts of Darius and the love he had professed to her. How could she be sure that he really meant it? Celina walked into Thomas’s room. She was surprised to see her mother sitting at his bedside.

  “Mom, what are you doing here?” Celina asked as she walked over to Rena and kissed her on the cheek.

  “Well, John and I are leaving today and I wanted to visit with Thomas before we left,” she said.

  Thomas smiled at his former wife and his daughter. “Your mother is a good woman,” he said as Celina leaned over and kissed him. “She’s been here for a while, giving us a chance to catch up.” He reached out and stroked Rena’s shoulder.

  “It was good for me, too,” Rena said.

  Celina watched her parents in awe, not knowing if she’d stepped into the twilight zone or not. There had been a time when the mention of Thomas’s name sent her mother into a bitter tirade. Looking at them smiling at one another now didn’t seem real.

  “So,” Celina said. “Are you getting out of here today?”

  Thomas nodded. “Yes, I am, thank goodness.”

  “That’s great,” Celina said. “I have everything at the house ready for you. Have you all had breakfast?”

  Thomas shook his head. “Not unless you count this cardboard hospital food,” he said, pointing to the tray.

  Rena rose to her feet with a smile still planted on her lips. “Why don’t I go get us something to eat?” she said. “There is a nice restaurant near the hotel that has the best grits, pancakes, and eggs.”

  Celina nodded, happy to have a reprieve from eating tasteless and overpriced food in the hospital cafeteria.

  “Well,” Rena said. “I will be right back.”

  Celina sat down beside her father and took his hand in hers, gently stroking it. “What’s going on with you and Mom?” she asked.

  Thomas shrugged his shoulders. “We had a long talk about our lives together,” he said. “We got through a lot of our past problems.”

  “She forgave you?” Celina asked.

  Thomas nodded, gave her hand a squeeze, and smiled. “Are you going to forgive me?”

  Celina turned her head away from her father. What could she say? She needed to forgive him and she needed to let go of the pain that she felt her father had caused her. She found that was much harder than she thought it would be. Celina feared that her father would disappoint her again and she’d go back to the place where she was at twelve years old. Even though she was a grown woman who didn’t need her father to escort her to the father-daughter picnic, those years without him had scarred her deeply. And she’d been taking it all out on Darius.

  “I have forgiven you,” she said.

  “Have you? I mean, Celina, we’ve never really talked about what the divorce did to you. Your mother told me a little bit today.”

  She held her breath as Thomas talked. “I never realized that you knew about my affairs,” he said. “As hard as I tried to hide them from your mother, I never thought about how you’d feel if you found out.”

  “The whole town knew. You can’t keep secrets in a place like Elmore,” she mumbled.

  Thomas nodded. “I know and I’m sorry that I ever hurt you or Rena. And just because I was a cheat, that doesn’t mean that the man who loves you will do the same thing to you. I cheated on your mother because I was a young fool and didn’t know that I was going to ruin two of the best things that ever happened to me. If I could turn back the hands of time, there are two things I’d change. I would’ve never started smoking an
d I never would’ve hurt your mother.”

  “She seems to be over it,” Celina said, slipping her hand from underneath Thomas’s.

  “But you’re not, are you?” His eyes shone with tears as a few drops of water slid down Celina’s cheek.

  She shook her head, then took a deep breath. “I’m not,” she said. “Watching you hurt Mom has made it hard for me to trust a man when he says he loves me. I remember when you used to tell Mom how much you loved her and how she was your everything. Then you’d go and stay out all night. Did you tell those other women the same thing?”

  “Sweetie, I know what I did was wrong and I hurt your mother, but just because I messed up, it doesn’t mean every man is going to do that. I did and still do love your mother. It’s hard to explain why men do some of the things that we do. I was running from responsibility, from my own failures. Your mother made me focus on being a family man, paying bills, and I didn’t want to do that. We were so young when we got married and I thought there was something in the streets for me and I went looking for it. Darius isn’t like that.”

  “How can I be sure?” she asked. Closing her eyes, she tried not to cry. Hot, fat tears spilled from her eyes anyway.

  Thomas stroked his daughter’s hair. “How many men do you know who would give up the bright lights and big city for Elmore to take over his parents’ business? Is everything always going to be happy between the two of you? Not always, but I know that you need to give that man a fair chance.”

  “What?”

  “Don’t judge Darius because of what I did. He is a good man and a hard worker. He’s always shown me nothing but respect and I know he will do the same thing with you.”

  Celina raised her eyebrow at her father. “Darius and I aren’t going to work. I mean, I’m going back to New York soon and then there’s the project in Paris. There are going to be too many miles between us for this to work.”

  “It looked like you two were working the last time you were here. Celina, that man loves you. You have his nose open so wide I can see his brain when he talks. Don’t lose him. Don’t be like me and run from what could be the best thing to ever happen to you.”

  Celina silently mulled over what her father said. Maybe he was right, but she wasn’t willing to risk it. She had a plan. As soon as they returned home, she was going to hire a nurse and get as far away from Darius as she could. Once she returned to her art and New York, Darius would become a wonderful memory that she could push out of her mind. So, I’m running, it’s not like I haven’t done it before, she thought as she faced her father.

  “I can’t stay in Elmore forever,” Celina whispered, more to herself. “What happens when I return to New York?”

  “No one can see into the future, but what happens if you never allow yourself to see what Darius’s love feels like? Let your heart guide you,” Thomas said. “And, who said that I’m ready for you to go back to New York?”

  Celina smiled at her father. “Maybe I can stay for a few more weeks,” she said as she leaned over and hugged him.

  Rena walked in with three steaming boxes of food. “Well, this looks promising,” she said. “I wish I had my camera.”

  Celina and Thomas laughed at Rena as she set the Styrofoam boxes on the foot of Thomas’s bed. The three of them dug into the hot grits, fluffy eggs dripping with cheese, and buttery toast. While Thomas and Rena enjoyed crispy strips of bacon, Celina enjoyed her eggs.

  “I still can’t believe our child is a vegetarian,” Thomas said in between bites of bacon. “She grew up on this stuff and hamburgers, too.”

  Rena smiled. “That’s what happens when people move up north,” she said. “And you know Celina has always followed her own beat.”

  “Stop it,” Celina said. “It’s a much healthier lifestyle and I like it.”

  Rena raised her eyebrow. “That’s the problem with you young kids these days. You let TV and books tell you how to live. My mother lived to be one hundred, and she ate pork, beef, and chicken—cooked with lard.”

  Celina rolled her eyes. She’d heard this speech the day she had given up meat and men. “And,” Rena continued. “Prince Charming doesn’t exist, and Oprah can’t solve all of your problems. You keep running away from love and I’m never going to have a grandchild or two to spoil.”

  “All right, mother, I get it,” Celina said exasperatedly. She dropped her plastic fork in the box, suddenly having lost her appetite.

  “Do you? Where is Darius?” Rena asked, folding her arms across her chest and dropping her own fork.

  “At home, the last time I checked,” she said, avoiding eye contact with her mother.

  Rena shook her head. “Here we go again. So, what phantom issue is ending this relationship?”

  “Our relationship is not over because it never started,” Celina said. “And I don’t want to talk about it.”

  Rena picked up her cup of coffee and shook her head. “I know you don’t, you never do. I’m not arguing with you today. I’m way too tired.”

  Celina stood up and walked over to the window, avoiding looking at either her mother or her father. How could she tell her mother that she couldn’t give herself to Darius because she had watched love destroy her and she wasn’t the forgiving type?

  “What do you want me to say?” Celina asked, as Rena walked over to her and placed her hand on her back.

  “Celina, I want you to be happy. I was blessed to fall in love twice. I just want you to open yourself up to love once. I know you love Darius and he loves you. Don’t let your hang-ups keep you from being happy.”

  Celina nodded as her mother stroked her back. “Am I supposed to give up New York to be here with Darius?”

  “No, you two can work out a compromise or something. That is, if you love him enough. And what’s so special about New York, anyway? You didn’t have a problem jetting off to Paris to paint. Why is it so hard for you to admit that you have feelings for that man?”

  Celina nodded again. She’d been trying to fight it and deny it, but she did love Darius and she didn’t want a life if he wasn’t in it. He still had to prove to her that he had no hidden skeletons that would leap out of his closet and break her heart. Then again, there was Tiffany. What was it about that woman that gave her the creeps?

  CHAPTER 13

  Darius tried to focus on his work at the store, but all he could think about was Celina. Was she really going to bolt out of his life because of a misunderstanding? This didn’t really have anything to do with him; it was more about her fear. If he could only get inside that dark space and shine his love so that she could see that he wasn’t Thomas Hart.

  “Darius,” Richard called out from the doorway of Darius’s office.

  “Yeah?” he said, thinking, what now?

  “Chief Wayman is out here for you.”

  Darius nodded, thinking the mess with Tiffany was going be over soon. Maybe she had been arrested, which would’ve brightened his otherwise dark day.

  “Send him back,” he said as he pulled out a bottle of Jack Daniels and two shot glasses. The burly lawman walked into Darius’s office with a scowl on his pie-shaped face.

  “Chief,” Darius said offering the man a drink.

  Wayman shook his massive head and didn’t take the seat that Darius had offered him, either.

  “What’s going on, Darius?”

  Confused, Darius shrugged his shoulders. “You tell me. This is about the fire and my window, right?”

  “I’m here about two adults trading accusations and using my police department as some sort of go-between. Tiffany said someone threw a brick through the window of her house last night and she said you did it.”

  Darius poured himself a shot of the brown liquor and downed it in one gulp. “That’s a damned lie. Last night I was at home with Cel . . . a guest.”

  Wayman sat down and took the bottle from the middle of the desk. “Darius, I like you, always had nothing but respect for you and your family.” He paused to pour himself a
drink. “But you and Tiffany need to handle this immature beef between the two of y’all without involving me. I don’t have time to answer calls from you two because she’s jealous of your new girlfriend or vice versa.” Wayman gulped his drink, then headed for the door. “If this is a lover’s quarrel, just send some flowers and get it over with.”

  “Wait,” Darius said. “That woman has cost me $10,000 in the last month. She has to pay for that. If she isn’t responsible for the fire and the brick through my window, then who is?”

  “I need proof that she did anything. I’m talking to you just like I talked to her when you said she was the one who did all this stuff here. This is getting really old. I have less trouble out of the so-called gangsters in town.”

  Darius rolled his eyes. “Chief, that woman is crazy and someone is going to get hurt.”

  “That’s not going to happen. You watch too much television. This is Elmore, not Los Angeles or Washington, DC.” Wayman turned and walked out of Darius’s office.

  Darius poured himself another drink. There had to be some way to prove that Tiffany was behind all of this. Darius downed his drink and poured himself another one.

  Richard walked into the office and closed the door. “What’s going on?” he asked.

  “I feel like I’m in high school again,” Darius said as he reached for his bottle of Jack Daniels, but Richard moved the bottle out of his reach.

  “Youngblood, Jack can’t get you out of this.” Darius dropped his head on the desk. Richard looked at his boss and shook his head. “I got a feeling this is about more than Wayman’s visit.”

  Darius nodded slowly. “I messed up, bad,” Darius revealed.

  Richard rocked back on his heels, thinking that his young boss’s temper had gotten him into trouble. “What happened?” he asked.

  Darius relayed the events of the night before and Richard shook his head, fighting back the laugh that danced in the back of his throat.

  “When are you young cats going to learn not to lie about simple things? You know that woman is out to get you and Celina could help you if she knew the truth about what’s going on.”