Becoming God

by Pankaj Ogra

  She said, “I like this place as it has a view of nature.” There were also a few peacocks outside

  I got a mild whiff of perfume from her. Her eyeballs were a deep black and her chin was very beautiful.

  I asked her, “Do you like being around nature?”

  She said, “Yes, especially when it’s raining.”

  So now, I knew where to go with her if it ever rained. The place was on the second floor and just 300 metres from my house. We sat there for a while. She did not talk much. I could understand, as that is what happens when you are broken on the inside. So I didn’t want to interrupt her silence.

  We sat there for some time and then planned to meet the next day in the garden. I was excited to meet her, as being with her made me forget my problems. It takes some time for people to trust each other before they open up.

  We started meeting every day and she began opening up to me with time. We initially met in the garden for over three weeks and then we started meeting at my place. During this time, I also met her roommate to gain her confidence as well. As she opened up about herself, I learnt she didn’t just have problems concerning her ex but also with her life in general, as she didn’t have anyone in this world but for her grandma.

  I could understand her pain as not having your parents since childhood creates a feeling of insecurity in terms of both love and dependency that can’t be fulfilled easily. She was an independent and courageous girl. As we met everyday, we also got close to each other. I shared my pain, and she shared hers.

  Over time, I realised she was getting emotionally attached to me, but I was caught in a dilemma as I was not ready for a commitment. It was hard for me to break out of my fear and move along with life. I told her my fears. She didn’t lose hope and continued supporting me. I was impressed with the way she cared for me and thought about me.

  I always thought what if I had a person who loves me, who takes care of me. What if I had someone to give me warmth? I had not experienced true love in my life yet. A feeling that takes you out of this world. Where you would do anything for that person.

  I wouldn’t approach women, as I considered myself too emotional and introverted. My insecurities were getting stronger, and my fears took over me.

  Nevertheless, I had hope, and I still wanted to see how it would feel like to be truly in love. I had seen people deeply in love, and I used to think I needed to experience it once. Time flew by, with time, and unaware of it myself, I became attached to her.

  I never expressed it verbally, but my body language said something different. As I saw her emotions for me, she must have seen mine too. I had just been through a very rough phase of my life, and she had too. As we got closer, we started fighting more. She had expectations of me, and so did I.

  Earlier, we used to have fights about small things. Gradually, our fights got even bigger. Every day there was a new issue to fight about, and we got to a phase where we did not speak to each other for days. This kept going on for a while. I kept thinking about how we could resolve our differences and arrive at a resolution.

  Life has many aspects, and love is one of them. We have to pay attention to other aspects too, whether we like it or not. One of them is working and earning. I tried to bridge a balance between love and work, but the task got harder and harder. I was going through several problems and none of them was getting resolved.

  Money Matters

  I understood very early in my childhood it was either God or money that could solve most of your problems. However, with time, I realised it was easy to live without God but not without money. Money was not God but equally powerful. I realised that I had been learning every day with time, and maybe that was the reason they created me as an ordinary human being.

  I met many people in my life that acted as mentors and changed me with time. I learnt quite late that nothing was bad and nothing was good as such. The passage of time taught me how to live and made me pull up my socks for the next challenge.

  I was the one who categorized the events in my life as good or bad, depending upon my own criteria. Some things that seemed bad to me seemed good to others.

  I was never a genius in studies, and for the longest time, I repented not being one until I met this beautiful teacher who told me that being an academic genius was not the only choice you had in this world. It was just a criterion but it didn’t define what you could be, and for that matter, not every person good at academics becomes a successful businessperson. She told me I could become the one creating jobs and not waiting for my monthly salary. She told me I could earn better than the best academician in the world could. She said that was how things went and that’s how they worked. In the end, success matters and not the journey.

  Then I started to learn about people who had market presence and were business leaders or owners of reputed companies. I figured out most were never great at academics. They were all good at something, and they honed their skills in those particular domains to achieve success.

  These people ended up motivating people in this world by growing from nothing to something. They never spoke about it to people. These individuals knew their worth in this world much before people knew their worth. These believed in what they imagined and what they felt. They only took positivity from this world and left the negativity behind. For them, impossible was just a word and they broke the word into “I Am Possible.”

  After completing my studies, I joined a newly formed organization. The challenge of a start-up is greater than of an established company. In start-ups, you have to do several things and have to be self-sufficient. I got into the sales domain as I figured the only thing I was good at was speaking and listening to people and convincing them. The journey of a start-up was not just challenging in terms of the overall operations but also in selling the product in the market, despite there being less awareness about it and the market presence being low. I was unable to convince people over the phone to meet me. I faced challenges, convincing them to take what I was offering.

  Over time, I could sell my products without even meeting my clients with the reputation I created in the market. However, it took a long time to get there and to believe that I was good at sales. While I grew, I tried to figure out what made me different from other people so I could be proficient in my domain.

  When you are on the phone, the other person only hears your voice and makes assumptions based on that. However, when you stand before your client, they make decisions based on multiple factors like behaviour, personality, the way your style of communication and personal interaction.

  AS I grew, I changed jobs and started selling bigger products and services in person. I also tried to figure out the difference I could create in each position I held and what made me different from my peers in business.

  We, as humans, have a tendency to veer towards attractive things—be it a brand or a God. However, looking good is not the only solution. You need to have a good knowledge, a sense of humour, and a soft voice. You should also be good at building a healthy conversation with the client and ending the conversation on a personal note. Above all, you should be a good listener and understand the needs of the clients. I tried to figure out how my client would remember me over all the competitors, as with little known products, it was not about the product that is sold—it’s about the person who sells it.

  Whenever I met a client for the first time, I was successful in creating a lasting impression on their memory. When we meet someone, it’s the first 10 seconds that creates the difference. Of those 10 seconds, the other person analyses your personality and behaviour for 8 seconds and then analyses your voice modulation for the next 2 seconds, resulting in a certain perception about you.

  When I speak of this term ‘first impression,’ I also intend to convey that as humans, we transmit certain energies to each other that cannot be seen but exist in this world. So when we meet someone, we transmit positive energy either by taking his or her negative or vice-versa. It was important th
at I only transmitted positive energy and not negative, as transmitting negative energy would only repel them.

  If you are a very positive person, you will make an impression on others’ minds as well as their souls. The impression on the mind may dissolve over time, but if you make an impression on his subconscious, he will never forget you his whole life. That is the most important yet difficult job to do.

  I made a difference in my current company by getting a lot of clients onboard. It also helped me get a raise in my salary and pay my bills. Within a span of a few years, I had started to earn quite a handsome salary, and my lifestyle had also changed. I was not the person that I used to be in college or in school anymore. Meeting new people and making new friends exposed me to different parts of the society.

  All I learnt over time helped me grow personally as well as professionally. As I was on the learning path, I challenged myself. I told myself that it was time to do something extraordinary. I said to myself that I would get my company a billion-dollar deal within the next 4 months. I went to my boss and spoke of it to him to help me create a target with goal and timelines. He looked at me in surprise but didn’t say anything as it was a win-win situation for him. He motivated me to do it. He had faith in me, but for such a goal, even he was not too sure.

  I was in the IT industry. This was quite a challenging task as we were working for the last 3 years and had just been able to break even. I was trying to take it to the next level, to bring a profit to the company. I started this task with only one thing in mind—I can do it.

  As usual, I was blank as to how to do it. So I tried to research and spoke to a few people around in the industry. A couple of weeks later, I learnt if we get a deal with an MNC (Multi National Corporation) for a multi-country project. Our goal would be achievable but getting a deal with an MNC was next to impossible for a small company, as they prefer to work with established players.

  I started with the first step of finding the right prospect. Fortunately, after 20 days of deep research and keeping my ears and eyes open in all directions, I got someone who had a similar requirement and who was willing to speak with us.

  We had the first level meeting with them and got to the next level. It took us more than 2 months to do so and at the end of 2 months when we were planning for closure, I learnt that the client had been acquired by another big MNC and any changes in the current system would be the decision of the new company and would be initiated post one year of the completion of the merger.

  All my beliefs were shattered, and hopes were shaken up. I was deep in thought and stressed as I was left with just one month, and I had to start from scratch. I was not concerned about what my boss would say, it was just not stress taking over me but also the disappointment and failure. All that seemed to be coming true was just a lie now.

  My boss still appreciated the efforts I put in to reach such a level, but all is good only if the end is good. There was a month left, and I didn’t have anything yet. Technically, this deal was not a billion-dollar deal as I had thought but it was a way to reach my goal. I was overwhelmed with the thought that we were going global.

  But now I had nothing left with my timelines coming to an end. My words to my management were left unproven. I felt demotivated, but I motivated myself saying I reached a certain position when we had nothing. We gained a little and a month is still time, though it seemed less. I thought I would continue trying.

  I acquired a belief that maybe what happened had a reason. Maybe my plan for the billion-dollar deal was not enough. So now, that gave me a little motivation to start from where I was. I realised to match the timelines; I had to find something that was already going on. So I called my SPOC in the company I was planning to get the deal from and asked him for his help and reference, if any. I asked him if he could connect me to any other company that had the same requirement.

  Fortunately, one of his best friends working in a big organization was also evaluating the same services in a little different manner. I spoke to his friend about his need and realised that we could take care a few of the needs, and for rest, we had to collaborate with someone. However, the challenge was they were on the verge to finalizing things, and I was quite late in approaching them.

  I didn’t lose my hope yet and asked him if there was any other way I could make a proposal. He said it had taken them quite a while to get to this stage and introducing a new player was impossible as no one would agree to it. I was a little disappointed again, but I thought about my beliefs and ignored what he said.

  I asked him, “Would you tell me how we can introduce ourselves for this purpose at this time, does that need a call from God?”

  “Hehe,” he laughed and said, “Not exactly but nearly. The project owner of this project is the only person who can do this magic, as he is responsible for deciding on this project, even directors believe in him and don’t interfere with his work.”

  I asked him about that guy. He said, “His name is Hendrick, and he is from Germany. He is a very busy man and only listens to useful talk. He doesn’t take references or any kind of referrals. He is obedient and worships his job.”

  I got his address, looked him up on social media and found nothing important—just his pictures and a few updates on certain occasions. I learnt that his wife died a few years ago and since then, he had been single-handedly taking care of his daughter who was now about to get married.

  I went to his house in the morning to figure out a way to introduce myself. I found he went for his morning walk at seven and then left for office at nine after he dropped his daughter at the university as she worked there. He would come back in the evening and cook the food himself. I had a few glimpses of him in the garden during my morning walk, as I tried to get a little familiar with him before I met him in person so I would have something to start a conversation with.

  As I was short of time, I went to his office to meet him. Unfortunately, he didn’t meet me as it was not a planned meeting and he had a busy schedule. I followed him as he returned from office and saw him eating banana waffles in a particular shop. I followed him the next day too and saw that he went to that shop to eat banana waffles again. I went to the shop and enquired about him. I learnt that he visited them regularly after his wife’s death, as she was the one who used to eat the banana waffles here every day when she was alive. It was enough information for me to place myself in his eyes and to get a place in his heart.

  So the next day I waited for him in the shop for a while. Unfortunately, for the first time in some months, he didn’t turn up. His wife used to love the place. I had a few waffles while waiting for him and they were delicious. I went to his office again the next day, but he didn’t meet me, as it was unplanned this time too. I learnt he was not available for the next 15 days. I didn’t have such a time frame that allowed me to wait. I had to do something soon. So I waited for him again in the shop the next evening. Yet again, he didn’t turn up.

  Now, I was getting restless and didn’t know what to do. I went the shop again the next evening and waited quite a while, and to my surprise, he turned up. I was excited to see him like I had got the waffles I ordered. I was planned and confident enough to have a word with him. So once he took his waffle and sat to eat it, I approached him and asked him if I could join him. He allowed me to sit.

  I said, “Hi Hendrick, how are you?”

  Hendrick said, “I am doing great. Do I know you? I feel I have seen you.”

  I said, “Well, not exactly, but yes you have seen me in the park.”

  Hendrick said, “Ok. Good to meet you. Do you also like banana waffles here? They have really amazing ones.”

  I said, “Yes, they are Sir, but frankly speaking, I am here for you.”

  Hendrick said, “What do you mean for me?”

  I said, “I mean to say I have been visiting your office every day to meet you but was not fortunate to meet you. So I thought I would catch you here.”

  Hendrick said, “Are you spyin
g on me? How do you know you could meet me here?”

  I said, “I am in sales, Sir, and it’s my duty. I would like to be frank with you. I had planned something, and that didn’t happen.” I told him the whole story of how I wished to achieve my targets.

  Hendrick said, “Well, I am impressed by your dedication to achieve your goals. How can I help?”

  I said, “I would like to be introduced to the current opportunity you are heading, I also like to participate from my company.”

  Hendrick said, “Ohh. I see, but that is in the final stage. Can I help you in another way?”

  I said, “No Sir. I just want that.”

  Hendrick said, “That’s quite a difficult task. We have worked on it for a while, and there is no more time to get someone new for this evaluation.”

  I said, “I would be thankful to you if you give me this chance. We are hungry and will serve you the best, even better than the established companies you have been speaking to. They are developed, and you are just a customer to them like others, but for us, it would be different. You will have the best service, as we are also hungry to reach the next level. I know only you can help with this.”

  Hendrick said, “Look, I am impressed by your actions and follow-up, but I am little short of time as, on one hand, it’s my duty to complete this project successfully within time and also, on the other hand, I have a task to complete my daughter’s wedding.”

  “I am hardly getting time to pay attention to my daughter as she deserves that and I am always busy with making arrangements for her wedding and making my project successful. I am unable to manage both and trying, so at this moment how can I put my feet’s in new boots.”

  “Don’t do that, Sir. Just give me one chance to present my proposition. If that suits you well, good; if doesn’t, that’s my loss. I would always be in your debt.”

  Hendrick said, “Well, it’s quite hard as I am not getting time, and the only time I have will be utilized making the marriage arrangements. Now how can I devote that time to you?”