Looking at his hand, I gasped a little, but it seemed like Simon was the only one who noticed.
Before Thomas could say anything, Simon asked, “So, what is the procedure?” He looked at me out of the corner of his eye. I released the breath I had been holding.
“Oh, um… You will have to wait outside, but Miss Johnson can take a seat in the counselling room. We thought it best to set it up in there. He seems to be a troubled man and we know he is hiding something. We just haven’t gotten to the bottom of it yet. I hope you might be able to shed some light on it.”
I smiled at Thomas, not knowing what to say because I wasn’t sure what Simon had told him. “Well, that’s what I’m here for.”
With a pat on Simon’s back, Thomas motioned for us to follow him. We were led to a lift, which took us to the third floor. Once we got off, we walked the quiet hallway towards a room at the end of the corridor.
“You can wait in here, Miss Johnson. We’ll bring Mr. Merryfield to you.”
“Thank you,” I said.
I felt a tug on my arm and when I turned around, Simon was looking at me, as if making sure I wanted to do this. I nodded. With a smile, he walked away, leaving me with Thomas. He led me into a quiet, comfortable room with white walls, sofa chairs, and an array of magazines placed neatly on the table. In the corner was a couple of boxes filled with toys for any children unfortunate enough to visit this place. The room was obviously made to make people feel comfortable enough to talk.
I thanked Thomas before he left, then I sat quietly, a guard in the corner warily watching me. His stare made me fidget under his intense scrutiny. “I’m not a villain, you know.” I thought I would break the silence. All he did was smirk at me. Good grief, another man who liked to intimidate. I bet if I were to read him, he would be just another Paul—but worse.
The door clicked open and it couldn’t have come soon enough. The attention that was once on me was now fully on Justin Merryfield.
He was as I remembered—dark, wavy brown hair, brown eyes, a five o’clock shadow, and rough features. He would have been a semi-attractive man if it wasn’t for the fact he looked tired and gaunt. His jeans and scruffy-looking checked shirt hung loose on him. I remembered him as a well-built man, but this person before me was nothing like that. The stress had obviously taken a toll on him.
He regarded me with a nervous smile and sat down on the chair opposite me. I waited for him to settle before I spoke. “Mr. Merryfield, I’m Cassie Johnson. I’ve come here today to speak with you about Molly and Caroline.”
The mere mention of his daughter’s name had his head snapping up to look at me. “You know, you’re the first person who has acknowledged Caroline as my daughter.”
That surprised me. “Well, she is, isn’t she?”
Looking off into the corner of the room, he smiled. “Yes, she is. But if you’ve come to dig and ask questions, I’m afraid I can’t help you.”
I shifted in my seat, pausing for a moment to gauge his body language. I knew all I would have to do was reach out and touch him, but that was easier said than done.
“You know, your daughter is a beautiful young lady. She will be quite the stunner when she’s older.” Watching him, I could tell this was the avenue I needed to proceed down.
In obvious pain, he closed his eyes. “I miss her.”
I could immediately tell what he said was true. I just couldn’t understand why he did what he did. He was a monster but, sitting here, he looked like a lost child.
“She misses you, too.” I smiled sympathetically towards him, despite not feeling that way. I needed to gain his trust.
“Does she?” Justin’s face was suddenly bright with joy. This just got stranger and stranger.
“Well you are her father, Justin. Do you mind me calling you Justin? Or would you prefer Mr. Merryfield?”
Justin smiled and I knew he was starting to relax. His whole posture, which was rigid when he came in, was slightly loosening. “Please, call me Justin.”
Sighing, I sat back in my chair so he didn’t think I was nervous, despite the fact my heart was drumming. I knew I had the guard in here if anything went wrong, but it still didn’t help alleviate the anxiety. At the end of the day, this man in front of me abducted a little girl and held her hostage for nineteen years.
“Thank you, Justin. Please, call me Cassie.” I matched his smile, but all I could think about was how I wanted to empty my stomach contents right about now. “Would you mind me asking you a few questions?” I saw him stiffen and I thought I may have lost him.
“It depends on what they are. I’ve had numerous people ask me questions.”
“I just wanted to ask about Molly and Caroline. I want an insight into the kind of life you all led as a family.”
Justin chuckled, but kept his eyes on the floor. “That’s a first. I was expecting, ‘Why did you do it?’.”
“Do you want to tell me why?” If he wanted to be open about it, I wasn’t going to stop him. It was better to get to the point rather than beat around the bush.
“I like your original question better.”
Oh, goodie. Beating around the bush it is then.
“Okay, so would you mind discussing it? I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable, Justin. That’s not why I’m here.”
“Then why are you here?” His face said it all. He was bored with all the questions, bored with being here and, now that his family had been taken away, bored with life.
“Think of me as a Family Liaison Officer. I have every single one of your best interests at heart, Justin. I just want to make life easier for you all. Being apart from each other can’t be easy.”
His eyes filled with tears, and I saw the despair oozing out of them. I just couldn’t understand it. I wanted to, though. I really wanted to get to the heart of what’s been going on.
“We’ve never been apart. Not one single day. I’ve been going out of my mind with worry.” Justin slid his hands through his hair and gripped it with all his might. The rocking soon started.
“As I expect you would. See, I’m not the enemy here, Justin. I want to help.”
His rocking instantly stopped. He pulled his hands away to glare at me. “Why would you want to help a monster like me?”
I reared back in shock. I wasn’t expecting that. “Is that what you consider yourself to be—a monster?”
“Of course I am! I took Molly away from her family, from her twin.”
Seeing the anguish in his eyes made me want to ask him why? Why would he have done this knowing it was wrong? But I didn’t want to lose him when we had gotten this far. He was opening up and I didn’t want him to shut down again.
“Was this how you felt at the time, Justin? Was this how you felt nineteen years ago?”
“Of course it was! How could I not? You don’t understand. Nobody understands.”
I couldn’t believe the absolute horror in his eyes at my query. It still didn’t answer the one burning question here. The question on everybody’s lips.
“Then make me understand, Justin.”
Watching his every move, I saw a hint of doubt in his eyes. For a moment, I thought he was going to tell me, but then he laughed sarcastically and shook his head. “You know, you almost had me for a moment there. You’re good. I’ll give you that. Much better than these other wannabes who have flown through here.”
This man was frustrating as hell. What on earth was his problem? Did he have some kind of Jekyll and Hyde syndrome I didn’t know about? He was sweet one minute, talking about his daughter, then he would fly off the handle the next.
“How would you feel if it was your daughter who had been taken away, Justin?”
I saw his nostrils flare and I knew I had hit a nerve. He edged forward in his seat, fire in his eyes. The guard reacted instantly. I held my hand up. “It’s okay. I’m not going to lunge at him.” The guard chuckled at my joke.
Justin frowned, anger momentarily forgotten. “You’
re very strange.”
Despite my nerves, I was beginning to relax. Hearing him call me strange had the laughter out before I could stop it. We were sitting here because he took a little girl, and I’m the one that’s weird?!
“Believe me, Justin. You ain’t seen nothing yet.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
I shook my head. “It’s just a joke.”
“I don’t find you talking about my daughter being taken away as a joke. I don’t find being kept away from her now a joke.”
“I don’t, either. Justin, because you have a daughter yourself now, you must sense the immense pain and anguish Molly’s family was under when she disappeared all those years ago.”
“It was a necessity.”
I frowned and shook my head. How could taking a child away from her family be a necessity?
I looked up at the guard and saw that he was just as eager to find out why as I was. It would seem that, no matter how stern he wanted to look as a guard, he was still a human being underneath. He wanted to know answers to unsolved questions.
“You took Molly away from her loving family because it was a necessity?”
I could see the veins in his neck pulsating, and his leg was now bouncing up and down as the nerves kicked in. For a fleeting moment, I saw a little boy in so much pain. It was a strange sensation. I normally only see things through touch but, for some reason, his pain was reflecting back at me.
“What happened to you?” I whispered. It was all I wanted to know right now.
His eyes snapped to mine. They say that the eyes are the windows into someone’s soul and, right now, his were staring back at me. All I saw was pain, anger, frustration, and a dying need to protect. But how can he want to protect when he snatched a girl from her family? Who could he possibly want to protect her from?
“I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”
Shit, I was losing him. Just as we were getting somewhere, I was about to lose it all. “I’m sorry, Justin. I really am. I told you I wanted to help, and that is why I’m here. I can see you’re in pain. I just want to understand why.”
“You shouldn’t be in here helping me. It’s my Molly and Caroline you should be helping, not me. I don’t deserve your help.”
“Has anyone ever told you you’re a world of contradictions?”
The room fell silent for a second, then I heard laughter. Justin’s mood changes were instantaneous. “That’s one way of describing me. I’m not sure where you’re going with this.”
I saw his amused smile and took this as an opportunity to ponder my next question. He was becoming rather unpredictable.
“I can see your need to protect Molly and Caroline. I can see you love them dearly and had your reasons for doing what you did but, at the end of the day, you took a child, Mr. Merryfield.”
“Oh, I’m back to being called Mr. Merryfield now?”
I ignored his little dig. “You must understand it, Justin.”
“Understand what?”
“The frustration of not understanding why, when all you did was love and protect someone, they could be taken away from you so suddenly.”
Justin clenched his fists together in anguish. “It aches. I feel physical pain.”
“You’ve been apart for a couple of weeks, Justin. Molly was away from her family for over nineteen years. They didn’t know if she were alive or dead. Please understand why, after all these years, they would want to know why you took her. Why on earth would you want to take their own flesh and blood away from them?”
“Because I was protecting her!”
“Protecting her from what?”
Justin hurled himself out of his seat and started pacing the floor. The guard made an attempt to come between us, but I held my hand. “I’m fine. Thank you, um…?”
“Jack,” the guard said.
“Jack.” I nodded and smiled.
“You’re my responsibility while you’re in here, ma’am. I can’t let anything happen to you.”
Justin stopped his pacing and glared at the guard. “You think I’m going to hurt her? I would never hurt her. I would never hurt anyone. I’ve never hurt anyone in my life.”
Getting up, I walked towards Justin, frowning. I grabbed his shoulder and squeezed it. “Look at me, Justin. Please.”
I heard him sniffle a little as his head slowly raised, his eyes meeting mine. The pain was still there. It made my stomach twist.
“Can’t you see how much you’re hurting Molly’s family? Can’t you see the pain you must have caused them all these years? You must realise you have hurt someone, Justin. You’ve hurt a mother, a father, a brother, and all the rest of Molly’s family and friends.”
I watched as the tears fell down his face. “I’m sorry,” he murmured as his head fell onto my shoulder as he sobbed. A crying shriek left his lips. It was the most gut-wrenching sound I had ever heard in my life. “I’m so sorry,” he kept saying over and over again as he wailed. It was so heartbreaking, even Jack was turning his head away.
“I thought what I did was the right thing to do. I was trying to keep her safe.”
I heard the desperation in Justin’s voice and I knew I was finally getting somewhere. “Justin, you have to tell me. From whom were you protecting her?”
I felt him violently shake his head on my shoulder. “I…I can’t. I just can’t.”
Pulling away from our embrace, I pleaded with him. “Justin, please tell me.” I grabbed his hand quickly and it immediately came.
“What are you doing, father?” Justin regarded his father with scrutiny. He was scared of his dad. Always had been. He was a very unpredictable man who had occasional bouts of unwarranted anger. He was a violent man, but never hit Justin. His presence alone terrified the life out of him.
“You see that girl over there, son?” He pointed to a little girl out playing with her friends. She looked to be about nine-years-old and was pretty with long, extremely curly brown hair.
“Yes.” He watched as she skipped and hopped around the gravel.
“She’s been calling you all sorts of names. I can’t abide by that, Justin. No way in hell. She needs to be taught a lesson. Do you understand, son?”
The memory of Justin as a little boy came and went quickly, but then another caught me off-guard. Suddenly, I wasn’t Justin anymore. I was the little girl. Justin’s dad had his hands around my neck as he squeezed the life out of me. I could see the terror in Justin’s eyes as I pleaded with him to stop what his father was doing. I was choking. All the air in my lungs was seeping out and I knew my life would soon be over.
I was scared. I wanted to know why. I wanted to know what I could have possibly done to deserve what he was doing to me. I felt lonely, petrified, and desperately wanted my mother.
Justin suddenly pulled his hand away as I was clinging to my neck, choking. I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t get the air back into my lungs. My throat and my chest burned, and I thought I might explode.
In shock, Justin pulled back from me, hands in the air. “I didn’t touch her! I swear I didn’t touch her!”
Jack threw his arms around me to steady me, and I could see his panic, too. “I’ll call an ambulance.”
Grabbing him, I shook my head. “No,” I managed to croak. “I’m okay.”
Pulling my gaze from Jack, I found Justin’s frightened eyes. “Why did you let him do it, Justin? Why did you let him get away with it for so long?”
Justin’s eyes grew wide. I could see he couldn’t quite understand how I knew, but he knew I did.
“I had to,” he said, panicked. “I had to protect Molly. I had to make her safe.”
Calming my breathing, I sat back down in the chair. “She was going to be next, wasn’t she? Your dad was going after Molly next.”
I felt Jack stiffen beside me. When I looked up, his face it said it all…shock, horror, distress, you name it.
Justin sagged back in the chair with another sob. With his eyes fi
xed on the floor, he sighed. “He was watching her. I followed him. Even after all this time, I knew he was still doing it. It was almost like a compulsion. He would kill, which would calm him for a while, but then the need to do it would come back again. I knew I had to stop him. I just wanted to keep them all safe. I wanted to keep Molly safe, so I struck before he could. He didn’t know I did it. One day, I found him out looking for her. I could see the confusion in his face as he looked at the police cars around her house. I think that frightened him because he seemed to stop then.”
I edged closer to him as I watched the tears fall. Holding his arm, I tugged at him to look at me. He didn’t move. He eyes were still intent on looking at the floor.
“Why didn’t you tell someone, Justin? Why didn’t you say anything?”
Justin gripped his eyes shut and shook his head. “I was scared. My father scared the shit out of me.” He looked up at me. “I was only a little boy, Cassie. A little boy.”
I nodded. “I know, Justin. I realise that. What you witnessed as a child was beyond terrifying—beyond reasoning. But you’re not a little boy anymore, Justin. You weren’t a little boy when you took Molly.”
Justin took a huge breath and exhaled with a loud sigh. “My father was always nice to me. As long as I was good and did as I was told, he would be a brilliant father. He scared me, yes, but he also had a nice side to him that I loved. He would say over and over again that I couldn’t breathe a word of this to anyone. That if I did, it would break the family apart and everyone would know and drive us away. He said people would hurt our family if they knew—that our lives would be in danger. He asked if I really wanted to do that to our family, to my mother. I couldn’t put my mother in danger, Cassie. I couldn’t do that to her.”
Sighing, I realised this man before me was still very much like a child. He was an expert groomer for Molly, as he had been expertly groomed himself. It all seemed to make sense now. Everything just clicked into place.
“Do you care about Molly and all those other girls? Do you care about Caroline?”
Justin snapped his head up in horror. “How can you say otherwise? Of course I do.”
Her Guardians Lost (Her Guardians Trilogy #2) Page 6