Diving In

by Kristina Mathews

  “Not yet.” He took her hands in his and held them out to her side. “Talk to me first.”

  “What’s to talk about?” She dropped his hands and turned away.

  “I don’t know, but I get the feeling it’s important.” Frustration welled inside him. He knew she was hurting. And he realized that it wasn’t about Cody this time. Maybe it hadn’t ever really been about him.

  “I’m fine. Just, I don’t know…” She turned and offered a weak smile. “I guess I sometimes feel weird in certain situations. You know, like when I’m wearing a dress.”

  She held her skirt out and shrugged her shoulders, but he knew there was more to it than that.

  “You were fine until Lily asked you to hold the baby.”

  “So, I’m not a big baby person.” Her shoulders stiffened. “I know women are supposed to have this instinct.…”

  No. There was something deeper than that.

  “Look. I tried to tell you. I’m not like other girls. Women. I guess there’s something wrong with me.”

  “There’s nothing wrong with you.” He reached up and brushed her hair off her face. She wasn’t crying, but he thought maybe she wanted to.

  “I’ve always been, you know, different. Odd.”

  “What? Because you’re tall? Strong? Amazing? You think that makes you less of a woman?”

  “I’m not feminine.” She crossed her arms over her chest. Protecting herself.

  “What the hell is that supposed to mean? Because you don’t wear makeup or paint your nails, you don’t think you’re a real woman?”

  She turned away from him.

  A part of him wanted to pick her up, throw her over his shoulder, and carry her back to his RV and show her just how feminine and sexy and desirable he found her.

  But another part, a part he never knew existed before her, wanted to get to the bottom of whatever pain she was suffering.

  “Fisher. Why do you feel like you’re not woman enough? I know I’ve never said anything or done anything to suggest that I see you as anything but the sexiest, loveliest, most desirable woman I’ve ever known. So it must come from somewhere else.”

  “My parents always wanted a boy. I knew that. My whole life, I knew that they missed out on having a son.”

  His heart ached for her.

  “And they had a son. But something happened to him.”

  His heart froze. There was something in her voice. Something haunting. Tragic.

  “I remember, but I don’t.” She took a step closer to the water’s edge. He stood back, not knowing what would help. “I remember the excitement of a new baby coming. And I had to be careful when they brought him home. But…”

  “But what happened?”

  “I don’t know.” She stepped farther away from him. “They never talked about it. Sometimes I feel like I only dreamed I had a brother. And other times…”

  Another step. He felt like he was losing her.

  “I think maybe I did something.” She turned, and for a minute he feared she would throw herself into the water. “Like, maybe I hurt the baby somehow. I remember wanting desperately to hold him.”

  She stepped into the water, and her shoulders relaxed a little. Right. The river was her happy place. The current was low, just barely swirling around her ankles.

  “What if I dropped him? Or put a pillow over his face to stop him from crying?”

  “What if it was just one of those things? You know, how sometimes babies just die and no one knows why?” Kyle stepped into the water. He didn’t care if his dress shoes were ruined. He reached for her hand and she accepted.

  “But why would they keep it from me?” She turned toward him now, with so much pain in her eyes.

  “Maybe it’s too painful. Maybe they didn’t want to burden you with something they think you were too young to remember.” He took her other hand in his. “Have you ever asked them about it?”

  “Once. A long time ago.” She withdrew, dropping his hands and looking away. “They denied it. I asked my mom what happened to my brother and she said I didn’t have a brother. Then she said she had a headache and went to her room.”

  “Look, Fisher, sometimes people go through stuff, stuff that makes it hard for them to be good parents.…” He was thinking of his mother and father. More so his father.

  “That’s why I’m never having kids.” She crossed her arms, closing herself off even more. “I can’t be trusted around babies.”

  “How old were you?”

  “Four. I think. I know it was before I started school.”

  “Look, even if you did somehow hurt your baby brother, you were too little to know better.”

  She gave him a look of horror.

  “Fisher. You would never hurt someone on purpose. Especially not a child. You’re great with kids. Great with teenagers. Retirees. And everyone in between.”

  Why was he so determined to change her mind about ever having kids? He never really gave it much thought himself. But he figured if he ever did, he’d do it a lot differently than his dad.

  “Not babies.”

  “You don’t know that.” He couldn’t let this go. Couldn’t let her think that she wasn’t good enough. “Maybe if you tried, you know, with Brandon or the twins?”

  “Like how you’ve tried with your brothers?”

  He stepped back as if she’d slapped him, and he almost tripped over his own feet.

  “Okay. You’re right. I haven’t tried to get too close to them. I guess I’m afraid. Worried I’m not good enough.” He reached for her hands again. “My dad made sure I’ve never felt good enough.”

  “Oh, Kyle.” Suddenly, her problem seemed to float away. She was the one comforting him, now. “You’re the best man I know.”

  “What about Cody?” He didn’t want the jealousy to surface, but there it was. Bubbling up.

  “Maybe if he had a chance to know you better, he’d agree.” She fisted her hands on her hips.

  “You’re right. I should give him a chance.” Something loosened in his chest. “But it’s damn hard when…you know?”

  “What?” She sounded genuinely puzzled.

  “Are you or are you not in love with him?”

  “No.” A small smile twisted her lips and he wanted to believe her. Wanted it more than almost anything.

  “No?”

  “I told you, he’s like my brother.”

  “First you told me you were going to quit because of how you felt about him.”

  “I was, well, not exactly drunk, but just…frustrated.” She looked down as if she was just now noticing that they were standing in the river. “I never should have said anything.”

  “I won’t hold it against you.” He led her toward the sandy bank. His shoes were ruined, but at least his girl seemed to be feeling better.

  “I hope you’ll hold something against me.” She looked at him with heat. With hunger. The look she had on her face while they were dancing.

  “What’s that?” He tried to play innocent.

  “You.” She pressed against him, running her hands up his chest. He knew what she wanted. He just wondered if she’d ever want anything more.

  Or was she like him? Convinced that she didn’t deserve more. Were her childhood wounds so deep that she didn’t think she could love and be loved? That shit about her brother—well, it made his problems seem so minor.

  “Tell you what.” He placed a kiss on her forehead. “I’ll make love to you. You know I can’t resist the sexiest woman on the planet.”

  “Oh, please!” She shoved him, obviously still not believing her worth.

  “Keep begging, but I want you to do something for me.”

  “Okay.” She eyed his zipper. “I know it was a disaster last time, but I’m willing to give it another shot.”

&nb
sp; “Good. I’d like you to be able to hold my nephew and nieces.”

  She jerked back. “What? I thought we were talking about…” She made a circle with her thumb and fingers and brought it toward her mouth, curving her lips into a wide O.

  “You’ve convinced me that I need to put my issues behind me. I need to come clean with my brothers.” He put his arm around her. “I guess I never realized how lucky I am to have brothers. And they’re pretty decent guys. I mean, they were smart enough to hire you.”

  She leaned against him and sighed.

  “So, what do you say we arrange a dinner? Maybe we could bring takeout to Cody’s house or something. And I can come clean with them about how we’re related. But I can’t do it without you.”

  “Okay.” She seemed to pick up on the fact that he wanted more than just her presence when he told them. “What else?”

  “Maybe you could try to hold one of the babies?” He hoped he wasn’t asking too much, too soon.

  “Maybe.” She sounded scared, yet willing to try. “But you’ll have to work really hard tonight to convince me.”

  “How hard?”

  “Well, if there are three babies…” She got a wicked look in her eyes. “I’m gonna need at least three, well, you know?”

  Oh, he knew. He knew what she wanted from him. And he knew he’d give it to her. But he didn’t know how to get her to want more.

  Chapter 18

  Since they both had the day off after the wedding, Kyle was hoping to sleep in. He’d done his best to satisfy his woman last night. And he’d more than risen to the challenge. Yet here it was, the sun barely up, and Fisher was snuggling up against him. Rubbing her hands up his back, over his chest. Down.

  “Damn, woman, you’re insatiable.” He wasn’t complaining, though. Far from it, as she now ran her tongue across his skin.

  “Mmmm. I guess I’m just making up for lost time.” Her lips were soft and warm on his skin. Her hands glided over his muscles, and her heated breath sent shivers up and down his spine.

  “Do you think anyone noticed we didn’t stay for the bouquet toss?” He groaned as she wrapped her hand around his throbbing erection.

  “I don’t care. This is more fun than some stupid tradition.”

  “Can’t argue with you there.” He stretched out on his back as she kicked off the sheets and climbed on top of him. His body was fully awake as she straddled his thighs. She was absolutely in charge and he loved every minute of it.

  “I think this is even better than coffee.” She moved ever so slowly, inching closer and closer. And he was powerless to stop her. Not that he wanted to. He never wanted to stop her from loving him with her body.

  “You’re so beautiful.” He couldn’t take his eyes off her. Every inch of her glorious body. “So strong and sexy and—”

  She slid down on top of him, drawing him in and cutting off his words. His eyes rolled into the back of his head as she started to move. Slowly. Deliberately. Powerfully.

  Primal sounds escaped his throat as she rode him. Higher and higher. Deeper and deeper. He could drown in this. This bliss. This ecstasy. This powerful emotion that he dare not name.

  Fisher threw her head back with wild abandon. With her eyes closed, she let out a cry that shook him, almost into oblivion.

  Kyle grabbed her hips, holding her as he thrust deeper, higher, closer. God, he couldn’t get close enough. Not until she shattered around him. And shattered. And finally collapsed against him, breathless.

  He could feel the aftershocks coursing through her. Still he held back. Was it possible to give her more?

  Slowly, he began to move. Together, they rolled onto their sides. He reached down and stroked the place where they were joined. She shuddered. Oh, yeah. She wasn’t finished. He withdrew and she whimpered.

  “Remember, good things come in threes. That was one.” He stroked her sensitive spot, slowly, wanting to build her back up. “That was just the first one.”

  “Are you trying to kill me?” She moaned, lifting her hips.

  “No.” He brought her closer yet again. “Just trying to love you.”

  She made a sound, a cross between a moan and a purr and something he’d never heard before. But she didn’t move away from him, so he kept going.

  “Please.” She shuddered once again. “I need you.”

  He kept going.

  “Inside me.” The tension in her voice rose.

  Still, he teased.

  “NOW.” Her demand shook the RV. He hoped it didn’t wake the whole campground, but he couldn’t worry about that at the moment. He had to fulfill her request. He was pretty sure his life depended on it.

  Swiftly, he positioned himself over her. In one smooth motion, he entered her. He pumped. Once. Twice.

  Oh sweet, sweet heaven.

  The sounds that came out of her were unlike any he’d ever heard. And he’d done a damn fine job of pleasuring her over the last few weeks.

  She shook beneath him. He trembled on top of her. Both of them lay there, utterly spent. Breathless. Shivering.

  “I owe you one.” He flailed his left arm out, reaching for the blanket. Grasping the edge, he pulled it over them. “And I’m good for it. Or I will be, if I can ever walk again.”

  She mumbled something unintelligible.

  “Exactly.” He pulled her limp, boneless body against his.

  He liked to think it was her way of acknowledging the feelings growing between them. It wasn’t just about sex. Sex had never been like this.

  And he knew it would never be like this with anyone else.

  He wanted to tell her he loved her. But she’d only begun to trust him. Last night’s confession had been a huge step in their relationship. He knew he couldn’t push her.

  Besides, he had all summer.

  He started to close his eyes. Maybe they’d fall back asleep. Then they could enjoy their day off any way they wanted. They wouldn’t even have to get out of bed. He still had some energy bars and bottled water in the RV.

  Life was indeed good. It was very good.

  A loud banging on his door startled him.

  “Kyle, I know you’re in there.” Shit. He knew that voice. “Since you won’t answer your damn phone I had to come up here and drag your ass out of bed.”

  “Who in the world?” Fisher asked, the sleepy satisfaction gone from her voice.

  “My boss.” Kyle bolted upright. He reached over to the bedside drawer. He grabbed a pair of shorts.

  “I thought I was your boss now.” Fisher sat up, the sheet sliding off her.

  “He’s my former boss.” He tossed her a T-shirt. “And he doesn’t sound happy I’m not going back to work for him.”

  “Oh.” Fisher slipped the shirt over her head.

  “I’ll get rid of him. And come back to bed.” He yanked on the shorts and went to answer the door, closing the partition to the bedroom and bath behind him.

  “Mr. Wilson, what a surprise.” Kyle opened the door. “Would you like some coffee? It’ll just take a few minutes to brew.”

  “I had my coffee hours ago.” He did not sound pleased. “And how many times have I told you to call me JP? I’m not your high school principal.”

  “Yes, sir. Sorry, we were all up kind of late. There was a wedding here last night and this was my first day off in weeks.” Kyle motioned for him to come inside.

  “So you did forget you were sent here to do a job?” JP stepped into the RV, making the space seem too small. “I still expect you to make the deal.”

  “About that.” Kyle wished he had a big strong mug of coffee. Hopefully he could get this over with soon and he could grab a cup for Fisher, too. “I don’t think this is the deal you’re looking for.”

  “I’m sorry, did you presume to tell me what it is that I want?” JP sat, leaning his e
lbows on the kitchen table. “Because I’m pretty sure I know what I want. I want this company.”

  “It won’t work.” Kyle continued to stand. “The owners won’t sell. Trust me on that.”

  “They’ll sell. You’ll make sure of it.” JP glared at him, his steely gray eyes boring into him. Waiting for Kyle to flinch.

  “Look, I know I’ve never let you down before.” Kyle had always closed the deal. “But this time, I’m absolutely certain they won’t sell.”

  “You’ll just have to find a way.” JP’s voice rose with impatience. “Sleep with someone. Do whatever it takes.”

  The door to the bedroom opened. Fisher appeared with a shocked and hurt look on her face. She didn’t say a word as she slipped past him and out the door.

  “I didn’t realize you had company.” JP watched her leave. Watched her a little too closely. “I can see now why you’re so distracted from your job.”

  “She’s not a distraction.” Kyle felt like he’d been kicked in the chest. “And I think you should leave. We’re done. With this job. With all of it.”

  “Oh no. We’re not done here.” JP blocked the door so Kyle couldn’t run after Fisher. “Not by a long shot.”

  * * * *

  Fisher knew she shouldn’t have listened to Kyle’s conversation with his boss. Not former, but current boss. And his job? Apparently it was to somehow buy Swift River Adventures. To make a deal by any means possible.

  Including sleeping with her.

  Damn. The man deserved an Oscar for his performance. She’d really believed that he cared about her. Maybe even loved her.

  But no. It was all a lie.

  He was here to screw over his brothers.

  And her.

  She ran toward her Jeep, needing to get as far away as possible from Kyle and the horrible man who sent him into her life. Into her heart.

  “Whoa, where’s the fire?” Cody tried to get out of her way, but he wasn’t quick enough. She plowed right into him.

  “Sorry. I just…” She looked down at her bare feet. She’d put on her dress from the night before, but she didn’t have her shoes. Just her purse. And, thankfully, her keys.