After that horrific scene with JM, Logan took me home and basically moved me into his room. Snow fell more regularly now as I watched the world change from the window of his bedroom. How Logan slept on the couch for so long, I’ll never know.
Each day was the same as the next. He would bring me breakfast in bed and I would sip some coffee and nibble at whatever he had made, while we chatted. Then, he’d head off to work and I’d spend the day watching Netflix or cleaning his apartment. Sometimes I’d walk around the village and people watch. Occasionally I’d try running. Whistler was a great place to just, be in.
I was somewhat comforted by the silence and endless alone time. I found myself sitting in coffee shops, watching skiers fly down the mountain. Wandering aimlessly through the stores of the village, and even meeting up with Logan for dinner or a beer after his shifts. After a while, he tried to introduce me to his friends and even wanted to set me up on a few dates but I always refused. Those things were reserved for another lifetime. A lifetime I’d never be able to forget. Especially not as I was reminded of its existence; every time I looked at my arm, or someone commented on my tattoo.
My phone rang a few times after JM had left, but I never answered. What was left for either of us to say? Things between us were already ruined beyond repair.
A part of me wanted to remove my ink, but another part of me equally strong— wouldn’t have it. It was a constant reminder of him and all the past possibilities, bad choices and most of all the reasons why it was over. The magic of Whistler was working though. Or perhaps I was simply just existing. Limbo is a funny place. It can trick you into believing you are whole again, when really you are just as broken as before; just with a veil over your perception of reality.
In some ways, I’d pretty much become a stoned slug, when I wasn’t out wandering the village. A hermit within the crowd. Logan supported me and cared for me but Angela was the one who ended up kicking my ass when I needed it most. One day, while Face Timing her from bed, my best friend risked it all to give me clarity.
“Listen Lex… we’ve been best friends since high school and I think—I hope anyway, that our friendship can handle hard truths like this. So, I’m going to be honest with you, even if it ruins us.”
“Ang… nothing would ever—” I interrupted.
She continued on as if I hadn’t interjected. “You had every reason to run from Jason and everything Toronto represented for you. But you also did it because it was easier to run that to stay and face your demons.”
I was silent. I hadn’t expected that kind of truth. It hurt hearing it from JM and now a repeat of it from Angela was just as brutal.
She took another deep breath. “And now you’ve done it again with JM and Montreal. If you don’t find a better way to deal honey—then you’re going to have a trail of angry people in every city you move to. You’re better than this Lex… you just need to grow a pair and fight. Not run when shit happens.”
They say the truth hurts. Well, I was beyond hurting. I was shattered. My head was throbbing, tears stung my eyes and the ball that had wedged itself inside my throat was now razor sharp burn.
“Ang… maybe… I don’t know.” I croaked. My eyes were downcast and ashamed to even look at her face on the screen. At this point it seemed like there was nothing left to say to anybody. Maybe I was better off being a mute.
“Listen…I’m telling you this because…well…” Ang continued. “I saw him recently— JM.”
Hearing his name made my head snap up to attention. My eyes focused in on the screen. I quickly wiped the mascara that was smudging in the corner of my eyes.
“What did he say?” I asked, trying hard to be nonchalant.
“Well… I know you haven’t been picking up his calls. But you should know that nothing happened between him and Desi. He thinks that it was a picture from before he met you and that she was the one who sent you the text. He confronted her and ended up firing her.” Angela paused and took a deep breathe. “Honestly though, it wasn’t what he said but more what he didn’t say Lex. He’s a stone wall sure, but if you look past it, you can also see that he’s a brutal fucking mess. Even his shop is suffering for it. That’s what makes it so damn obvious. We talked a bit… he’s not very forthcoming but I do know this Lex… he still loves you. He never thought he’d love again but he loves you so much Lex! He tried not to, he really did. But somehow you wormed your way into his heart and he’s lost without you.”
I gulped back the air. A familiar pain began to encircle my entire body.
“Ang, you weren’t here! He accused me of all kinds of shit! Of being like my mother of all things! That’s not exactly fighting for me.” I gulped back the tears as I tried to defend myself.
“He’s tried to fight for you Lex, tried to love you. But you just won’t let him.” Angela said simply.
She sounded exasperated… Was she right?
Chapter 31
It took me time but after several more conversations with Angela, I finally realized what my best friend was saying. I thought I was protecting him by running, but truthfully, I was only protecting myself. Every time I found myself backed into a corner, I attacked back even harder.
I started running more regularly to help me forget. Cold weather running felt good. Crisp air and crunchy snow beneath my feet helped to drown out the sounds of those last words from JM— which were on constant repeat in my head. With every day that passed, the pain numbed. I knew it would never leave me but at least I could welcome the numbing.
Then one day, I got an anonymous call from a law office in the city. I asked Logan about it that evening and he let me know that he had slipped my name to the father of one of his ski students. This guy just happened to be a super successful lawyer down in Vancouver and was looking for a new addition to his administrative team. So, thanks to my brother, I now had a job interview.
Logan seemed super happy for me. “Listen, I have ski clinic with some of the instructors on Friday but why don’t you go a bit early ahead of me and stay over? My buddy has a place down there. I’ll call him and set it up for you.”
I smiled. “Thanks, big brother.” I said, getting up to hug him. “Seriously you’re awesome. I don’t know what I did without you all those years!”
Winking at me, he reached over and playfully pushed me. “I was always there—you just had to ask you know.”
“Now, I know.” I admitted, smiling back at him. “By the way, you should take this opportunity to have a romantic night with Larissa while I’m gone.” Logan had recently started seeing this new girl in town and was constantly having to explain his little sister issue to her. It would be good for him to have alone time without having to worry about me. I got the sense that Larissa didn’t approve of our arrangements and wanted me out.
“I plan on doing exactly that little sis’.” He winked.
Twenty-four hours before interview day meant it was time for me to drive back down the “sea-to -sky” highway to Vancouver. I hadn’t left Whistler since I had arrived on the west coast. This was going to be an adventure for sure.
It was only a two-hour bus ride back down to Northern Vancouver and the Sea bus terminal. I enjoyed the scenery, it was calming and refreshing to watch the snow melt away and feel the warmth of the sun on my face. It definitely wasn’t summer anymore but at least Vancouver was a nice break from the arctic-like weather in Whistler.
When the Sea bus pushed away from the shore line, I found my way to the top deck and looked out at the shore we were leaving behind. I found myself contemplating everything that has happened in the past nine months. There was so much that I had left behind. Some things with good reason and good riddance, and others that brought me deep sadness and had changed me forever. The ink on my arm, a permanent reminder of the past.
In the midst of contemplating, I felt a strange pull. Like someone was staring at me. Turning my head, I looked around but saw nothing out of the ordinary amongst the crowded ferry. I looked back
out at the water. My mind silent and still.
That’s when I heard it.
“Je m’excuse, mille fois je m’excuse, mon amour.’’
His voice penetrated me, body and soul, like an arrow aimed right at my heart. I turned slowly half expecting it to be a dream. His hands came up in surrender immediately. The sunlight bounced off his glossy black hair. His eyes once filled with passion, now muted with a familiar sadness. He looked hollow. Still beautifully sculpted but void of the spark, that had once mesmerized me.
I wanted to speak, but I had no words. That painful ball of emotion that I thought had finally passed was back and sticking painfully into the soft flesh of my throat. I wanted to run to him, throw my arms around his neck and melt into his arms. Yet I held back.
“You left a hole in my heart that could not be filled.” He continued.
Somehow, the words that were meant to comfort and connect with me triggered the nasty, defensive bitch who often controlled me under times of stress. She resurfaced without hesitation at his words. “Do you mean in your bed JM? I haven’t forgotten what you said to me. I’m sorry, I know I fucked everything up by making assumptions about you and Desi and running away. But not for a second did I make those decisions because I thought I was too good for you!”
“LEXI!” he growled. Veins throbbed out of his neck in anger. “You’re damn right you fucked up!”
Silence filled the space between us. The voice in my head retreated in shame.
“But we both did.” He said more softly. “When you wouldn’t answer my calls, I thought it was truly over between us. I thought my coming out here had ruined it all, forever.”
I felt myself choking as I tried to hold it together. JM gazed into my soul, his words pained with regret. “I’m sorry for what I said. That was my own shit surfacing.”
“Me too.” I croaked.
“Thank God for Angela.” He continued, stepping closer. “If not for her intervening, her reaching out to me again and again, I wouldn’t be here. I really thought you wanted to move on without me.” His dark obsidian eyes enveloped me whole.
“I thought I had no choice.” Was all I could manage.
“We do have a choice Lex. We have the choice to leave our pasts behind—and stop letting it affect our future. I think we both deserve that chance.”
I could feel his words melting the walls that I had painstakingly built around my heart.
“I’m sorry JM. I’m so sorry for accusing you of being with Desi, I’m so sorry for everything!” I choked out.
Like a magnet drawing us together, our bodies quickly reached for each other. My mouth salivated with anticipation of his taste. We stood there, inches from each other, our eyes beckoning to one another. The sound of the boat pushing through the water and gently rocking us. The sun shining on our backs, for one last moment, it was like time stood still; the people around us faded into the background and all that was left in the ocean breeze was Jean-Marc and I.
He grabbed my waist and pulled me into his body. His hands caressed the small of my back then went back up behind my neck. Wrapping his fingers around my throat ever so gently and cocking my head to the side to reveal my neck to him. I wanted to taste him in my mouth and he seemed to know it. Smirking and purposely avoiding my lips as I opened and closed them desperate for a taste of him.
Gentle butterfly kisses caressed my neck but it only drove me wild with desire. Having not felt his touch for so long, my body was crying out for his touch. Massaging his way back around to the small of my back his hands lingered just above my backside. I could feel little goose bumps pepper my skin through my clothing. My nipples began peeping out against their constraints and heat was now pooling itself between my legs. Thoughts of being naked beneath his touch flooded my mind.
Finally, his kisses grew rougher as his hands threaded through my hair and his lips reached mine. JM pulled back for a second, just to watch me reach for him and cry out in need as quietly as I could aware of spectators. He always loved to tease me…
My lips felt dry without him. I gently wetted them with my tongue, beckoning him back to me. He thought he could play me but my game was just as strong as his.
“Damn you Lexi…” He growled as I moistened my lips ever so slowly with my tongue once more, lingering it in the corners and keeping my mouth open. This always had him wanting me more.
“Hmm…so you get to tease me and I don’t get to do it to you?” I giggled, totally aware of my blatant stereotypical flirting as I flipped my hair and batted my lashes.
“You can…” he whispered. “But I guarantee the result will ruin you.” Those were the last words he said before his lips came crashing down onto mine and he practically sucked the air out of my existence. It felt so good I wanted to cry. Like giving lifeblood to a dying animal, his kiss began to bring me back to life. My body and my heart had been dormant so long that I had forgotten. Forgotten, the feeling of being alive. JM began to suck on my lower lip then released it till it popped out of his mouth beautifully sore and stinging with pleasure.
“Just so you know ma princesse, when this ferry docks I’m taking you back to my hotel and making love to you all night long.”
“JM I actually have an interview…” I protested trying to wriggle out of his tight grip for a moment.
JM’s left eye began to twitch and a crooked smile came over his lips. His head cocked to the side he just stared. “Actually, you just did and looks like you got the job.”
“What??” I yelled a little too loud as people on the ferry began to turn and look at us. “That was all you?!! I can’t believe it! Was Logan in on it too?” I beat my hands against his chest only to have him grab them and hold them together between our chests.
“How else was I going to get you to talk to me again much less forgive me? You never pick up my damn calls.” He responded. “You gave me no choice. I told you a long time ago, I play for keeps Alexis.”
I smiled. “I was excited about the interview but it’s okay… I guess I’ll have you make it up to me in bed.” I smirked.
“All night long baby.”
Epilogue
Waves of pleasure began to roll over me; tiny vibrations that started deep inside my body slowly began to emanate out from my insides taking more space with them as they went. Each one focused my mind more intently on that pulsating beat inside my body. With each thrust he filled every hidden corner of my soul, making permanent marks on my psyche. He was the missing piece.
“Ouvre tes yeux, Lexi. Open your eyes.” He breathed his lips inches from mine. I complied falling into the depths of those eyes as deep as an abyss. Pools of inky blackness dragged me down into his commanding stare.
It was like being bound to him eternally; our eyes locked, each of us breathing into each other’s breath. Our bodies blissfully locked together like a perfect puzzle piece. Each one pushing the other to their limits.
“JM it’s soooo good. I can feel it…” I breathed.
“Come baby— come for me. I want to see you—all of you.” He encouraged.
“Mon amour.” He whispered ever so gently. “I want this to last forever. I want to be inside you forever. You feel so good, so hot and warm. Inside you is my favorite place to be.” His last words barely out of his mouth as we both came crashing down together on the other side of bliss.
We lay encapsulated in each other arms for what seemed like forever. Just as I drifted off into slumber, he ever so slowly began detaching himself from my body. I felt the loss of his physical connection immediately and although I was almost too exhausted to move, I heard my whimper calling out to him.
JM reached over and kissed my forehead. “Give me a minute to clean up and I’ll cuddle you.” He promised. He walked over to the bathroom and my eyes followed his tanned muscular backside. The corners of my mouth went up both in appreciation and still on a high from the orgasm we had just shared.
Drifting off yet again I was woken by a warm washcloth gently caressing
my body. He took his time wiping and massaging the sweat and juices of our lovemaking from every little crease and fold in my skin. Making me feel sensual and cared for all at the same time.
“All right bébé,’’ JM grinned, hitting a perfect “basket” into the laundry bin with the washcloth. Time to enjoy the view.” He said as he scooped me up into his arms still wrapped in the bed sheets.
“Uh…am I the view?” I asked pointedly as we headed for the open deck off our master suite. “Only to the woodland creatures, ma princesse.” He winked at me laughing. We both knew that no one could see us. Not on five acres of land at the top of Mont Tremblant, Quebec. Our little country hide-away. We curled up together on the plush couch as he poured me a glass of champagne.
“Another glass? I questioned. “I thought champagne was for the seduction part only. Being that I already gave myself to you, I figured I’d already had my share?” I teased.
“Well you have given me everything I have ever wanted— true…” He trailed off. “With the exception of one thing...”
“What’s that?” I asked suspiciously. This was not JM’s typical style and he was starting to make me nervous.
He sat there staring at me with those black eyes that were becoming smoky with desire and something else…
“Alexis Reynolds, you have made me the happiest man in the world. I did not know that love could ever feel so whole. You have healed me in ways I have only begun to share with you. Thank you.” He lowered his gaze for a moment as he sank down on one knee onto the floor. Grasping my hand in his, he once more looked up and said the words that altered my existence forever more. “Je veux t’embrasser chaque jour, pour toujours. I want to kiss you every day, forever and ever. Marry me and be mine— always.”
Flipping over my arm, he laid little kisses across the tattoo he had inked into my skin now long ago... Reaching for my ring finger, he gently slid a beautiful diamond ring onto it, and looked into my eyes, searching my soul.
Inked Love: An Enemies to Lovers Romance Page 17