by Tobi Grim
Lupa glared at him. He better fucking hide it. She couldn’t…. she couldn’t fucking tell Slasher. Or Dameon. What would they think of her? What would The Organization do if they found out? Would they… fuck.
“Damn right you will. Do you know what could happen to me if The Organization found out? They haven’t trusted me because of my fucking blood for years, they only let me move away from Slasher a few years ago, if I start….”
Closing her stinging eyes she took a deep breath. She was not going to fucking cry. But she couldn’t go through the monitoring by The Organization again. She couldn’t go through the mistrust in people’s eyes. It was hard enough the way things were.
“Very well, Little Red, we shall do it and you may go home. We do not need to keep discussing the matter this evening.” Hammer looked over to Sledge who nodded and left the room. Lupa glared at Hammer suspiciously. He just smiled that fucking smile and indicated for her to lay down.
“Now, you have seen Sledge’s transformation, the only difference between you two in your physical transformation is that he has the wolfblood fangs protrude. When the magick was created for hiding my ancestors, it was for hiding witches. Over the generations different methods were adapted for more… specific requirements.” Hammer stood peering over her face, he looked to be enjoying this. Fucking asshole. “The magick upon Sledge is three different spell castings. One for his witch-blood, one for his wolf-blood, and one for his physical appearance. Now, because you are already known as the wolf witch, I shall only hide your physical traits. Would that be sufficient?”
“Yeah… I didn’t know you could do that.”
“You do not know many things about my abilities, Little Red, for we are only really just beginning to know each other. And it seems I discover new things about you as well.”
Lupa shifted uncomfortably on the hard table. He made it sound like they were going to be friends… once she was done with what she owed him, did he expect her to still… fuck. Of course the cocky bastard did.
“Quiet that tormented mind of yours, little wolf witch, and close your eyes for me. Thank you. Let us begin.”
✽ ✽ ✽
Sledge sat on her couch while she started tidying the kitchen as she looked for cups. The drive had been silent. He had only grunted when she asked if he wanted to come in. And when she’d asked if he wanted a drink. He was making her fucking nervous.
Lupa finished putting things back in the cupboards and grabbed a vodka bottle and two glasses, crossing to the lounge room and putting them on the table. “Help yourself, I’m just going to put these books back.”
Sledge grunted. Fucking great. Picking up the books up, she shoved them back in the bookcase. She couldn’t be fucked putting them in order right now, but they were irritating her being all over the floor. She turned and sat down, noticing that Sledge had poured her a drink too.
“What did you see?” Lupa didn’t look at him. She was afraid to.
“Seein’ you bleedin’ and shakin’, then I grabbin’ you.”
She glared at him now. “You fucking know that’s not what I’m fucking asking.”
“Aint wantin’ to say it. Thinkin’ you aint wantin’ to hear it neither.”
Lupa tipped her drink back, and refilled her glass. She needed to know if he saw… or felt… everything she had been experiencing. “I need to know…” she whispered.
“Thinkin’ you don’t.”
“Well how about you just let me decide that for myself? I’ve asked you… just fucking tell me.”
Sledge rested his elbows on his knees and stared down at the glass in his hands. “Seein’ what I thinkin’ you seein’. Seein’ that place under HQ… seein’ you trapped in there… seein’… seein’ that boy touchin’ you… seein’ you with your hands in some girl’s stomach like you wantin’ to… I feelin’ you wantin’ to die.” She looked down at her cup. So he had seen it all. “Weren’t like last time. I was scared you was going to die. And not like… cos of the spell. That pain I feelin’ from you…” He rubbed the back of his neck and tipped his drink back. “I aint knowin’… aint thinkin’ your life bein’ like that.”
Lupa closed her eyes and drew a shaky breath in. No one really knew. Not everything. Sure, her life had mostly been pretty alright. But things… had happened. And they had been pushed away. Lupa had kept them locked up. Shit could have been a lot worse, she knew that. She had met people whose lives were a lot more fucked up than hers. But knowing that didn’t stop it from hurting her.
“I aint turnin’ away. Don’t think that I am. I aint. I just…” he poured himself another drink, still not looking at her, “I just aint wantin’ you to feel like I dun doin’ it on purpose. I aint meanin’ to see… but I knew I would if’n I touched you. But I couldn’t leave you there. I could hear what Miss Gloria tellin’ us. Sayin’ I would see more’n I wantin’. But I aint turnin’ away.” Sledge lit a smoke and handed it to her, lighting another one for himself. He stared at her now, his eyes searching hers. “I aint knowin’ what to do. Why they even makin’ a spell like that anyway?”
Glancing down at her wrist she frowned to herself. Good fucking question. What was the point in making people suicidal? What purpose did it serve? Had they meant to make it that strong? And how the fuck was she supposed to break a spell like that?
“I don’t know. The first one… the first spell seemed to be more of a flushing out witches’ type thing. It still had that dark place… but I think that was just to knock people out. Or… to make them too clouded to resist if someone was going to grab them or something along those lines… but this… I don’t understand. Why would he be wanting to kill people? Is it just to piss Hammer off cos he can? Trying to prove he is more powerful maybe.”
“You goin’ to talk to Protector Hawk about it?”
Fuck. She hadn’t thought about that. There was so much she’d have to leave out… but could she really keep it from him? Fuck. Then he would know she was back and hadn’t called him. He’d know she had… fuck.
“I don’t know… he wants to be there when I break the wards… spells… whatever… but… fuck. I don’t think I can really… but…” she looked back down at her wrist. How the fuck was she going to hide it all from him? Dammit to hell.
“Aint he gonna find out if you dun connectin’?” Sledge’s voice had a hint of bitterness in it.
Ah shit. If Dameon was there when they tried to break the spells, there was a pretty fucking high chance that he would feel… something. “Shit, Sledge, I don’t know what to do either… this shit is… screwed the hell up.”
He reached out to touch her then quickly pulled his hand away. Right. Sure he wasn’t fucking turning away from her. “Aint wantin’ to make you uncomfortable,” Sledge said as though he knew what she was thinking.
Lupa shrugged and put her smoke out. What was she supposed to do? Sledge had seen things… Hammer had felt them too… and her Protector knew nothing. While he was worrying about his Gran, she was here and hadn’t even fucking called. Fuck.
“I need to call Hawk, his Gran is sick… I completely forgot in all the… shit.”
Sledge nodded and stood up. Lupa wanted to tell him to stay. She didn’t want him to go, but she couldn’t bring herself to say it. Watching him leave, she felt her chest ache. What a messed up… Whatever. Best not to think about it.
Chapter twelve
“And consider your life precious…”
Lupa walked down the bright hospital hallway. The sterile smell making her want to puke, she placed the sleeve of her jumper over her nose and mouth to try keep it out. She reached the door that Dameon had said they would be and poked her head inside.
“Dameon?”
He stood up and crossed over to her, “Hey, come in. Dad went home.” He shut the door behind her and gestured for her to sit in one of the chairs as he sat down next to her.
Lupa looked at Marietta; she was so pale, her long hair was plaited and hanging off the side of the bed.
“Any news?” She stared at all the machines around the old woman. Fuck. Didn’t look good.
“Nah… they don’t think she’s going to wake up though… if she doesn’t by tomorrow… they are going to take her off life support.”
Lupa glanced over to him, his bloodshot eyes on his Gran. Shit. She should have called him the second she got back… she should have got Sledge to take her straight to him. Fuck. Why hadn’t she come? Cos she was a fucking selfish bitch… He was pushing the long fringe out of his eyes as he glanced over at her.
“I’m sorry I didn’t come sooner…” she didn’t know what else to say, she was being one hell of a shitty friend.
“Nah, I told you not to… when did you get back?”
Lupa hadn’t said much on the phone, just asked if she could come see him. She looked at her hands. What the fuck was she supposed to say? ‘Just went and chilled with Hammer before coming, oh and had my chest cut open after there was another thing fucking thing inside me… oh yeah, and now I’m starting to look like a fucking wolfblood!’ no. He didn’t need that now. Maybe not ever.
“Earlier. I’ll talk to you about it… but not now. I’m here for you now.” Lupa put her hand out and took his. “Is there anything I can do?”
Dameon stroked her hand, staring down at it, but she was sure he wasn’t really seeing it. He was somewhere else. Somewhere dark. Shit. She needed to fucking tell him everything… well, almost… how had she ever thought she could keep it from him?
Resting her head on his shoulder she gave his hand a squeeze. There was nothing she could do. His Gran was dying… all she could do was be there for him. If he wanted to talk, he would talk, but until then… she would just be there.
They sat together in silence for twenty minutes, watching Marietta’s chest go up and down with the machine. Breathing, but not. And then the noise of the flat line came, screaming in her ears as they jumped up and stared at Marietta. A doctor came in and yelled at them to get out, nurses pushing them through the door, Lupa watched as Dameon’s eyes never left his Gran until the door shut. She reached out and put her arms around his waist, he looked down at her with bulging eyes.
“She’s going to die…”
Fuck. What could she say? “Maybe… but the doctors…” could she really tell that half-truth? Maybe the doctors would save her? What, so that they could just kill her tomorrow?
Dameon wrapped his arms around her, she could hear his breath short and shallow, his heart pounding against her. Tears were falling against her neck as he buried his face into her. She held him tight, the way he’d held her not that long ago… and let him pour his grief into her. This shit was so unfair.
✽ ✽ ✽
Lupa and Dameon sat on the couch in his lounge room. Morning had broken the sky with rain and thunder. People had been coming and giving him and his father their condolences. Lupa smiled at them like she presumed she was supposed to, but Dameon never lifted his head, just held her hand and stared at it.
“You kids need anything?” Dameon’s dad looked like shit. He was pale with dark circles under his eyes, his skin looked as though it was hanging from his face.
“We’re ok, thanks… are you? Is there anything else I can do?”
The man looked at his son and back at Lupa, sadly shaking his head and resting his hand on her shoulder. “Thank you, Little Red, just… stay with him. I’ll be ok, he needs you.”
He wandered out of the room to greet another two entering his home, old women with fancy hats and pale skin. Lupa watched as they hugged Dameon’s dad. She guessed they hadn’t really known Marietta, they looked like they just wanted to snoop. Fucking bitches.
“I need to get the fuck out of here.” Dameon’s voice was low, and sounded full of violence and darkness.
“Ok. I’ll take you back to mine?”
Dameon shook his head and stood up, letting her hand go. “Need a fucking drink.”
Lupa stood and followed him out the door, giving his father a small smile as they left. Dameon crossed to her car and waited for her to unlock it, his body hunched over, there was something a little frightening about it. But then, Lupa knew what the anger was like, knew what the pain was like....
“Where we going?” she asked, pulling out and heading towards her place, hoping that he might change his mind about going there.
“Don’t give a fuck. Need noise. Need a drink.”
Lupa nodded. She could drop her car off and they could look for somewhere near her place. She was sure Bar 28 would be a good start, they were never closed, and there was always at least a few people there. She hadn’t been there since Karl… but if Dameon needed noise and booze, it was probably the best bet. She parked the car in front of her place and got out as her phone started ringing.
“Yeah?”
“Where the fuck have you been, Lupa? I have been trying to get a hold of you!”
“Not now, Slasher, Dameon’s Gran died last night. I’m with him now...”
“Oh… shit. I’m sorry, is he ok?”
“No.” She glanced over to Dameon who was staring at her front door like it was alien. “Can I call you… later?”
Slasher sighed at the other end, “Yeah call me later. Tell him… fuck. Give him a hug for me. We need to talk, but it can wait.”
Lupa hung up and shoved the phone back into her bag. “You ok?”
Dameon turned to look at her but his eyes didn’t really seem to be registering…. He shrugged and started walking down the street. Lupa caught up with him and pointed at Bar 28’s door. A huddle of androgynous humans sat out the front laughing and drinking. Inside there were a few people scattered around, Lupa counted about fifteen, some looked like they had been there all damn night.
“Hey, Little Red, what you guys needin’?” Big Mike grinned at her, but dropped the smile once he saw the look on Dameon’s face.
“Beer shot.” Dameon responded.
“Make it two, Big Mike, been a rough night.”
The bartender nodded and went to make their drinks, placing the beer glasses and shots on the bar. Lupa handed him a twenty, knowing he’d understand they’d want another. Dameon took his shot and downed his beer, Lupa doing the same. Big Mike refilled their cups and they did the round again. And again. And once more. And then they were only given a beer each, Big Mike giving Lupa the look that said he wanted no trouble.
“Wanna sit?”
Dameon took his glass and followed her to a booth, not the one she’d sat in all those weeks ago, she’d never sit there again. Fuck, she shouldn’t be thinking about that right now, she should be thinking about Dameon.
“So… when did you get back?” Dameon stared at her over the table. Fuck. She didn’t want to tell him now. Not when he looked… not when everything was like this.
“We can talk about it later.”
“Why won't you fucking tell me?” Dameon slammed his hand against the table. Sure, that made her want to fucking tell him.
“Because you aint in the right fucking headspace right now, Dameon, your fucking Gran just died and you look like you want a reason to fight someone. We can talk about it later.”
Dameon shook his head and drank his beer. “You’re always fucking hiding shit from me, Lupa, do you think I haven’t noticed the pain you’re in? I’m not fucking blind.”
She lowered her eyes down to her drink. Fuck. What could she really do? Lupa knew this wasn’t going to end well. But Dameon was right, her chest and her wrist ached, how could she have thought he wouldn’t pick up on it? And the small, almost healed grazes on her hands… And she was hiding shit from him…
“Alright. I’ll tell you now, but if I see even the slightest fucking hint you’re going to fly off the handle; I’m going to smack you.”
Dameon opened his mouth like he was going to argue, but changed his mind, snapping it shut. Lighting a smoke and leaning back, he waited for her to talk. Lupa took a deep breath and filled him in on the visit with Hammer. She could see his eyes fill with
anger, but he didn’t say anything. When she got to the bit about Hammer saying he saw her transform she stopped, unsure what to do. She didn’t want him to look at her differently, she didn’t want him to hate her… and how could she explain Hammer’s ability to hide her? Or could she tell him and… and when he never saw it he’d think she was fine?
“There’s… one more thing…” Lupa lit a smoke and pulled her eyes away from him. Her heart racing out of control, she never thought she’d be in this position. By all logic, she damn well shouldn’t be. “Hammer said… he said when they brought me in… I um… had yellow eyes. And claws. And I scratched the shit out of my wrist.”
It was out now. Almost the whole story. Almost. Too much. She was too scared to look back at him. What would he think of her? Would he want to break their bond? He knew she was part wolfblood sure, but being able to transform was… completely fucking different.
“Shit, seriously?” his voice sounded soft, Lupa let her eyes wander over to see the anger gone from his, replaced by… concern? “Are you ok?” She felt her lip start trembling. She bit it and shook her head, not trusting her voice. “Fuck.” Dameon reached his hand out across the table and took hers, “I won’t say anything, if you don’t want me to. I can’t… even imagine what you must have been going through. You didn’t have to tell me…”
She half smiled at him, blinking a few times to stop her eyes from betraying her. “Aint so sure I was going to. Thought you might… not want to be bonded with me anymore…”
“Really?” He stared at her like it was the stupidest idea in the world, she felt herself relaxing. “You’re stuck with me, Red, and I’m with you. Even if you do send me crazy… that fucking Hammer guy… if he wasn’t who he is, I would go round there right now and smash his fucking face in. Sledge too, I thought he was looking out for you, fucking meathead asshole!”
Dameon punched the table, the anger returning, Lupa saw Big Mike looking over at them. “Dameon, calm down. What did I tell you?”