Daisy laughed and flashed a pleased look at Gretchen who just shook her head slowly.
Mrs. Brodie came into the parlor and announced that lunch was ready and on the table in the dining room. There were some yells of delight from Daisy and Kate. They all made their way into the dining room.
Zack could tell that Mrs. Brodie had made an extra special effort to make something nice. The children tucked in and had to be reminded that eating too fast would give them all a painful stomach to nurse for the afternoon.
Zack and Lydia sat right next to each other. It felt good to have her by his side. He glanced from time to time at her. Zack asked the girls what they'd been up to. It turned out they hadn't spent an hour being schooled by their mother. Lydia explained she'd spent the rest of the morning helping Mrs. Brodie, and then she'd done some reading in the parlor. The girls had had a fine old time, playing games around the house. Zack could only imagine the noises that must have filled the house in his absence.
Once the lunch was over and the cake eaten, the children left Lydia and Zack alone together.
For a short while after the children had left the room there was a silence that Zack sensed didn't have the same uneasiness of their time together in the kitchen earlier that morning. Eventually Lydia spoke, her eyes peering into his own, a look of focused sincerity in them.
"I'm sorry about this morning, Zack. I didn't mean for the day to get off to such a bad start," she said.
Zack shook his head. "Forget about it, Lydia. I already have."
"You were right. We should spend some time alone together. It'll give us a chance to talk." Lydia rolled her eyes. "And leave those children to their own devices for a while," she said with a smile.
Zack nodded. "They'll be fine. Mrs. Brodie told me she's got some plans for them this afternoon. Ones that'll keep then a bit quieter than I understand they were this morning," he said.
"They were a bit rowdy," she admitted.
"Don't worry about Mrs. Brodie. One thing she knows is how to keep rowdy hands quiet," Zack explained.
Lydia nodded. "I can believe that."
Zack rubbed his jaw thoughtfully. "I was thinking it might be good for us to go out for a while," he suggested.
"Isn't it too cold?"
"This is mild compared to January or February," he said. "You just wrap yourself up. We'll be fine."
"Where did you have in mind?" she asked.
"I was figuring we could head on over to Joshua and Laura's place," he said.
He saw a glimmer of concern appear on Lydia's features. "Visiting? But what should I wear if we're visiting?"
"This isn't polite society, Lydia. People drop in on each other all the time. We don't have to get all dressed up. In any case, I have to sort a few things out with Joshua. Ranching is a round the clock business."
Lydia frowned and then nodded. "Okay. How far is it to their place?"
"It's a short ride on the buckboard."
Lydia glanced at the remaining slab of cake on the wide plate in the center of the table. "I think we should take something if we're going to pay a visit to your friend and his wife," she said.
Zack glanced at the cake. "Joshua does like his cake," he said with a grin.
"Well. That's settled then. When do we leave?"
"Right now, if you like," Zack responded.
And with that Lydia stood up and tugged on her dress. "Just give me a few minutes and I'll be ready."
As he watched her leave the dining room Zack thought he'd never before seen her look so enthusiastic about doing something.
And that was fine because he was looking forward to talking with Lydia and seeing just how real was her apparent change of heart.
***
Lydia drew in a deep breath and felt the chill of the air fill her lungs. She looked across the beautiful landscape and sighed. The buckboard trundled slowly and noisily along the trail. Zack held the reins tight and his gaze was fixed steadfastly ahead of them on the trail that would eventually take them to Joshua's ranch.
"It is just so lovely here, Zack. I'd forgotten how gorgeous this place is," she said.
Zack nodded wordlessly.
Lydia gazed at the rolling hills and distant mountains, feeling a sense of wonder and awe that she hadn't felt for many a long year. It just wasn't the same, living in the city. Although there were undoubted advantages to city life, none of those compared to the indescribable beauty of this place. Montana had the capacity to fill a person's soul in a way that no city on earth could do. Just gazing off into the distance made Lydia feel truly alive.
She glanced at Zack. He looked like this was the most commonplace, ordinary thing imaginable. Then again, this was the place he'd called home for so long; this was the land that he inhabited every day. It was entirely normal for him to almost take for granted what was thrilling Lydia to her core.
He turned to her. "It makes me happy that you still like it here."
"Like it? I absolutely adore it," Lydia enthused.
"Are you sure you're warm enough?" Zack asked. Lydia felt the cool air on her face and drew the collar of the thick woollen coat around her neck. "I'm sure. Thank you for asking," she said.
Zack's brows furrowed. "Now, what kind of husband would I be if I didn't want to make sure my beautiful wife is warm and comfortable?" he asked.
Lydia smiled and lowered her head, a brief flash of embarrassment making it's way to her features. She didn't want him to see how his words had affected her. It wasn't the first kind thing he'd said since they'd started out on the trail to Joshua's ranch. The children had scowled when she'd told them that she and Zack were going to go out for a little while, but that they'd return, and that they were not to make things difficult for Mrs. Brodie. When the housekeeper had heard those words she had merely snorted and shrugged her shoulders defiantly. Lydia had left the house, sure that the children would be no match for Mrs. Brodie.
"You always did like this country," Zack said.
Lydia smiled and gazed off into the distance. "I did. I'd forgotten just how much."
"Easy to do when you've been through as much as you have," Zack said softly.
Lydia frowned slightly. "What do you mean?"
"You know. Having the kids. Living in the city. Being married."
"I'm married now," Lydia stated firmly.
Zack faced her and nodded. "You sure are. But, you've been through so much. I guess it would be easy to forget things that happened so long ago."
"I never forgot you," Lydia said quietly.
There was a silence. "Really? You're not just saying that?" Zack said eventually, surprise written on his face.
"No. How could I forget what we used to have." Lydia's gaze softened as memories came back to her. Times long forgotten. Or had she pushed them deliberately into forgetfulness?
"You think we still don't have that?"
"It's different now, Zack."
He frowned. "How? We're together. Just like we used to be."
Lydia's features crinkled with intense thought. "Things were so much more innocent when we were younger. We were different people then. I have so many things I need to consider now."
"Really? You believe you're different?"
"We've both changed, Zack."
Zack sighed. "If we have, I hope I've changed for the better."
"You have. I can tell you that," she said nodding emphatically.
"Better or worse?" he asked with a quirk of his brow.
Lydia smiled. "Better."
Zack nodded, seemingly satisfied with her answer. For the moment. "Do you remember how we used to ride down to the river? How we'd laze away those long summer days?"
Lydia glanced over toward where she knew the river lay, far down in the valley, beyond the forest. "I sure do. How could I forget my father's reaction after he found out we'd gone fishing together?"
"I seem to recall you were the only one who caught anything that day."
"Really? I don't remember. I re
member other things about that day," she admitted with a soft sigh.
"Like what?" he asked.
Lydia smiled. "Like how nice you were to me. How much of a gentleman you were. That's what made me so mad at my father. The things he accused you of. You were the perfect gentleman. I guess you still are."
"Now you're just trying to embarrass me. And you're succeeding. You're being far too nice to me."
"It's the least I can do. After what you've done for me and the children."
Zack fixed her with a firm, direct look. "I gave you my word, Lydia. Without my word, I'm nothing."
"I know that, Zack." She paused. "I know it now."
"The real reason I gave you that promise in the first place? You know why I did that?"
Lydia's brows narrowed. She saw a familiar look in his eyes. One that she'd seen on more than one occasion. It was even a look that she recalled seeing a very long time ago. She suddenly knew what he was about to tell her. "I know why," she said simply.
Zack took a deep breath and paused. When he spoke it was with a quite, determined tone of voice. "It's because of the way I felt about you then. I kept that promise because I still feel that way about you, Lydia."
"I could hardly have missed the way you've been looking at me these past few days, could I?" she said.
Zack turned and looked further down the trail. "I can see I've upset you."
"No. Not at all. On the contrary. I wanted us to talk. That's why I agreed to come out here with you. Leave the children to Mrs. Brodie."
Zack cleared his throat. "I just feel that you're pulling away from me, Lydia. Every time I try and talk to you about how I feel. Every time I try to get close to you. I just feel you pulling away. And I can understand why." He frowned and paused. "At least I think I do," he concluded.
"I tried to explain," she said. "Maybe I didn't do a very good job."
"No. I understand." He paused. "It's about Daniel, isn't it?"
"He was my children's father."
"Our children now, Lydia."
"That's right, Zack. They're our children now. Even if it's going to take a while for them all to come round to the idea. But they're children. They'll find a way."
"I know they will," he agreed.
"But, I can't just forget Daniel. It wouldn't be right."
"I'm not asking you to forget the father of those beautiful children. He was your husband. You must have loved him very much."
"I did. For a long time I did," She hesitated, wondering whether she should tell him more. Wondering whether he would want to know more. She pressed on. "But, in recent times, things became difficult. He changed. Became a different person. The strains of making a living, supporting the family. They started to change him. Near the end he and I weren't as close as we were before. But we kept it all together. For the children."
"Of course. That was all that mattered."
"But you have to understand Zack. All this has been so sudden for me. Seeing you again. Being close to you. Feeling..."
"What, Lydia?" he interrupted quickly. Too quickly for her liking. "Feeling what?"
Lydia glanced at Zack. "I don't know. That's the thing, Zack. I just don't know what to do."
"I just need you to know one thing, Lydia. I know you're feeling confused. I understand that. But I kept my promise to you for one reason and one reason only." Zack paused. Lydia saw him swallow deeply and hard. Then he spoke. "I love you, Lydia. I always have and I always will."
The words hung on the cold air. Lydia's breath stopped in her throat and she gazed into the most sincere eyes she had ever seen.
"Don't say that, Zack," she said quickly "Not yet. Not here."
Zack pulled the buckboard to a sudden halt. "I have to, Lydia. It's busting me up inside and I have to let it out. I have to tell you the truth. So you know. And if it's going to take you time to come around to me then that's fine. I can deal with that."
Lydia wrung her hands in her lap. "Oh, Zack. Please. Don't say such things. Don't doubt me so much."
"I have complete faith in you, Lydia. That's why I married you. Faith and love. I just need you to know that I will always be waiting, always be ready to hear the words that I need to hear from your sweet lips."
Lydia looked deep into Zack's eyes. She could see the burning need in those eyes, the penetrating stare of someone who was being made to wait, someone who looked like he could barely contain his impatience.
He'd said the words she'd dreaded to hear. The simple declaration which she'd known had been hovering on his lips since their wedding. He'd been able to hold those words inside. For a while at least. But, out here, in the cold, beautiful wilderness, the urge to tell her he loved her had been impossible to contain. And, she'd known since they'd left the house that he would say those words. She'd seen it in his glance, in every look he'd given her since they'd left the ranch house behind.
But, as they continued along the trail toward Joshua's ranch, Lydia hunted inside herself, searching for the real reason why, when the moment had come, and everything had seemed so perfect, she hadn't been able to tell Zack that she also loved him.
CHAPTER TWELVE
They arrived at Joshua's ranch just as some heavy clouds started to come in from the north. Zack glanced up at the sky as he steered the buckboard into the yard. "Those clouds look mean," he observed.
"Snow?" Lydia asked.
Zack nodded. "Maybe. I'll keep my eye on them. In case we have to leave early."
Joshua and Laura appeared from inside the house and welcomed them, even if they exchanged looks of surprise at seeing Zack and Lydia visiting on a day such as this. Soon they were all in the parlor, by the fire and lifting cups of warm coffee to their lips.
"So, what made you come out on a day like today?" Joshua asked glancing at Laura.
Zack's smile seemed forced. "We figured it would do us good to get some time out of the house. There are three very noisy, but happy children there."
"I can vouch for that," Lydia said nodding.
"Haven't already changed your mind about being married," Joshua joked.
Laura dug an elbow into her husband's side. "Don't go saying such things. They only got wed twenty four hours ago. Or don't you remember."
"Of course I do. Just like I recall my wedding day to my own beautiful wife."
"I may just get a tiny bit embarrassed," Laura said suddenly fixing her hair. "Honestly, Lydia. These ranchers are a terrible bunch."
"We sure are," said Joshua smiling at his wife.
Lydia looked at the couple seated on the sofa. Joshua and Laura looked so happy together that Lydia felt herself taken aback. Was this what awaited her? This casual, easy going way that people had with each other. Back in the city the only people she'd known had been nervous types, worried all the time about where the next meal was coming from. This was so different, so calming, that, for a moment, Lydia didn't know quite what to make of it.
Joshua told Lydia how he and Laura had married. How Laura had left home, intending to marry someone in order to leave ranch living behind; how Joshua had brought her home and married her; how that had been a fulfilment of a long held dream of his; how Laura's mother had finally managed to bring Joshua and Laura together, even if she'd had to employ some fairly underhand tactics in the process.
It was an amazing story. Almost as incredible as the manner in which Lydia had come back to Zack.
Lydia saw Laura glance at Joshua with a look of concern. "Didn't you have something you needed to sort out with Zack?
Joshua looked at his wife and frowned slightly. "What?"
Then he seemed to get his wife's drift. "Oh, yes. I need to show you some papers, Zack. You know. The ones about the cattle that need to be taken in for selling?"
Zack's brows raised as he looked at his friend. "Okay. Let's go and have a look," he said hesitantly.
Both men looked like they'd realized it was time for the women to have some time alone together.
Zack followed Josh
ua out of the room. For a few moments the only sound was the crackle of the fireplace. Lydia stretched a hand out, feeling the gentle warmth of the flames. She glanced at Laura who looked like she was waiting for just the right moment to start saying something. Finally, after an interminable silence, Laura spoke up.
"I'm surprised you both came over to see us today. Especially this of all days." Laura said breaking the silence.
"We had to get out of the house. The little ones make it impossible to think, let alone talk," Lydia answered.
Laura smiled wanly. "I suppose that's something Joshua and I have to look forward to. Joshua really wants a big family. And so do I."
"You've both got time on your side," Lydia said.
Laura nodded. "I suppose we do. We'll just have to be patient. You are so blessed. The girls are so beautiful. When I saw them yesterday at the wedding, my heart just melted. They're such precious little angels."
Lydia sighed. "Sometimes little angels can be a real handful."
Laura laughed. "I'm sure they can be. This must be a huge thing for Zack to get used to. I mean, he has a house full of women now. A wife, three daughters and a housekeeper. How is he coping?"
Lydia smiled. "I think he's coping just fine. It's hard to tell though. Zack says he's happy with the arrangement, but I'm not sure."
"What do you mean arrangement?"
"The marriage."
Laura frowned. "But you two have known each other for such a long time. Weren't you both sweet on each other before?"
"We were. But that was a long time ago. Things are different."
"How?"
Lydia paused. "People change," she said finally.
Laura sighed. "Sometimes they change for the better."
"I know that."
"Are you saying that Zack has changed?" Laura asked.
Lydia shook her head. "No. He's still the gentleman he always was. In fact I'm amazed at how well he's coping with this change in his life."
Laura paused. "It's a very fine thing he has done."
"And I'm so very grateful to him."
Laura frowned and seemed to consider her words before speaking. "Forgive me for being forward. You and I have only just become acquainted. But, I've known Zack for a while. Joshua even longer. Joshua tells me Zack has changed these past few years. He's more serious, more responsible than he was when you knew him."
Zack's Montana Bride (Sweet, Clean Western Historical Romance)(Montana Ranchers and Brides Series) Page 9