"I can see that," Lydia admitted.
"Maybe it's not gratitude he's looking for from you."
"What do you mean?"
"Joshua told me that Zack feels one thing in particular. Real strong."
Lydia frowned. "What's that?"
Laura looked away. "Maybe it's not my place to say this."
"No. Please. Go on. I want to know."
Laura sighed. "I suppose now that I've brought it up, I should just come out with it."
Lydia frowned trying to guess what this elegant and refined young woman was about to say to her. The conversation had taken a personal turn. Lydia was surprised at just how comfortable she was talking like this with a woman she'd only known a short time. But again, maybe that was the way out here. You got close people quicker than in the city.
"Joshua told me that Zack feels this is his second chance at happiness with you," Laura said bluntly.
Lydia felt her pulse start to quicken slightly. "Second chance? What do you mean?"
Laura frowned. "This is all so very personal. Perhaps I shouldn't intrude upon your private life."
Lydia reached a hand across and touched Laura's arm. "No. You're not intruding. If there's something I should know about Zack, please tell me."
Laura smiled wanly. "I suppose you should know, my dear." Laura breathed in deeply and continued. "One thing about Zack you might not know, is that when you left, he was just about inconsolable."
Lydia felt her face become ashen when she heard the last word that Laura uttered. Inconsolable? What on earth could Laura mean?
"In what way?" Lydia asked tentatively.
Laura frowned and paused once again as if trying to find the right words. "Joshua told me that he feared for Zack at the time. Although Zack was young, only eighteen at the time, you going away affected him real bad."
Lydia felt her hands go numb. What was Laura about to tell her? Lydia wasn't even sure she wanted to hear any of this.
"What happened to him?"
"It wasn't what happened to him. It was what he did to try and get over losing you."
A cold hand settled over Lydia's heart. She gazed at Laura, once again amazed that someone who she barely knew was willing to share this with her. But maybe that was what people were like out here. The sense of belonging, the closeness of community forced people to take an interest in other people's lives. The need to help and support overcame any sense of propriety or natural reserve.
Eventually Lydia asked Laura the question that hovered in the front of her mind. "What exactly did he do after I left him?" she asked, her voice cracking slightly.
Saying it like that made it sound cruel and harsh. But that was what she had done. Wasn't it? She'd left a young man who it turned out had been utterly and completely in love with her.
"He kinda went crazy, I guess. That's about the only way you can describe it," Laura said quietly.
Lydia's mouth opened in shock. "Crazy?"
Laura nodded wordlessly.
"In what way?" Lydia asked.
"Oh, not violent or anything. Zack's not that kind of person. Never has been. But he sure lost his bearings in life." Laura glanced into Lydia's eyes. "He got a reputation," she said quietly.
Lydia's brows furrowed and she gazed down at her hands which were clasped so tight in her lap she could see her knuckles white.
"Perhaps I shouldn't go on. Maybe it's better that Zack tell you himself."
"But he won't. Isn't that the point? He'll never tell me any of this. How long did this all last?"
"According to Joshua about six months."
"Six months!" Lydia exclaimed.
"Eventually got a hold of himself. Mainly it was down to his father and the ranch. Zack threw himself into work. Night and day. All seasons. I guess it was better that than the kinds of things he'd been doing."
Lydia saw Laura peer at her as if checking that Lydia was able to handle what she was being told.
Laura continued. "Then his father passed away and the ranch became Zack's. He just carried on working round the clock. The result is what you see now. The place that's your home now. One of the most prosperous spreads in these parts."
Laura smiled. "That's something that annoys the heck out of Joshua from time to time," she said jokingly, trying to introduce an element of levity into the discussion. Lydia was so troubled and affected by what Laura had told her that she could barely raise a smile.
Lydia looked intently at Laura. "But if Zack felt so bad when I left him why didn't he do something about it? Why didn't he write to me? Why didn't he come after me? Stop me from marrying someone else."
Laura's features became serious. "I guess he felt powerless. He was so sure he'd lost you forever. He'd lost all hope," Laura said.
Lydia sighed. "When I left him, it wasn't my doing. You know that, don't you?"
"Joshua told me it was your father who insisted on leaving."
"It was. I had no choice. And you know what the real truth is? My heart was broken as much as Zack's when I left on that train."
Laura swallowed and Lydia could see the emotion in the other woman's eyes.
"I cried all the way to San Francisco. Zack and I had become so close before I left. I just assumed that we'd marry, settle down, live on the ranch. But my father had other ideas. He never really liked Zack much. He was always saying that living on a ranch wasn't good enough for any daughter of his."
Lydia paused and cleared her throat. She glanced at Laura and saw the intense focus in the other woman's gaze.
"And you know what. To my shame, I allowed him to persuade me that life in a city was what was right for someone like me. So, when I met Daniel, he seemed the perfect man. He was sophisticated, educated and seemed like a decent man."
Lydia paused. "But he wasn't Zack. Didn't have the qualities that I'd grown to admire and respect."
Lydia shook her head. "My father was so happy when I married Daniel. Everything seemed to have turned out right, as far as he was concerned. His city medical practice was doing well, his daughter was married to a man he deemed acceptable, and then to cap it all, the children came along. One big happy family."
Laura reached a hand over and placed it over Lydia's. "I understand, Lydia."
"But I don't think you do, Laura. Not really. That one big happy family went away. In an instant. First my father and then my husband. I was left with three children to care for. Three beautiful young girls with all their future ahead of them. And I had no means to keep them safe. To guarantee their happiness."
Lydia's head bowed and she stifled a sob.
"It must have been so difficult for you, Lydia. I cannot imagine how hard it must have been," she said.
Lydia raised her head and looked at Laura. "It was so very difficult. I racked my brains trying to understand what I should do. But I couldn't even contemplate some of the choices available to a woman in my circumstances."
Laura nodded patiently. Lydia could see the comprehension in Laura's eyes. She knew what Lydia was referring to.
"And then one day I was sitting, my girls huddled close to me in the cold apartment, when the memory of Zack's promise came back to me. When I recalled his promise, the sincerity of his voice, the pleading in his eyes, I knew in an instant that he was the only true chance I had. I questioned myself for days before writing to him. Would I seem merely mercenary in approaching him? Would he have married someone else in the meantime? Was he even still alive, let alone living in the same ranch?"
"Montana isn't a place anyone turns their back on once they find out what it means to them," Laura said simply.
Lydia nodded. "You're right. I've felt that since I came back."
"Is that what you've really done, Lydia. Come back?"
And in that instant Lydia was hit by a jolt of understanding that was so clear, so forceful that she reached a hand down onto the sofa to steady herself. It was true! She had come back. This wasn't just about making her children safe. This was about herself. She
had come back to the one place she had ever known true happiness. Lydia had returned to the place where she had first known love. Because that was what she felt for Zack. Wasn't it? Love?
"Why are you smiling?" Laura asked her eyes widening.
"I just realized something," Lydia said softly.
"What?"
"That I'm back. I have actually returned. And, until now I hadn't really been willing to admit that to myself. All I could think of until now was my children. Their safety. Their happiness."
"That's only natural, Lydia. They're your main concern. And I'm sure they're Zack's too." Laura said.
Lydia nodded. "I know that already. He has been amazing with them. He has been so kind to them. And to me. But I haven't been kind to him. Not at all," Lydia said curtly.
"Don't be hard on yourself, Lydia. You've had so much to get used to. So much to think about."
Lydia reached a hand across and laid it on Laura's arm. "How could I have been so unfair to Zack. Especially now that I understand what I meant to him."
"Didn't you know, already. Deep down?"
Lydia nodded and thought for a moment. "I suppose I always did. I just didn't want to face the truth of losing him."
"But you didn't lose him, Lydia. You and Zack are back together." Laura smiled. "Isn't it wonderful?"
Lydia looked at the smiling face of her new found friend. What was it about Montana ranchers and their wives that could allow such an intimate moment of sharing and discovery of the truth of a relationship. On her own, Lydia had been completely unable to fathom the reality of her relationship with Zack. But, with this extraordinary woman sitting by her side on the sofa, Lydia had bared her soul and found a meaning and comfort that only hours before she would have thought impossible.
Lydia reached over and wrapped her arms around Laura. "Thank you for listening to me. I know we've only just gotten to know each other, but you've been so kind to me already."
Laura leaned back and stroked the side of Lydia's tear stained face. "And we've got plenty of years ahead of us to get even better acquainted," she said. "Now. Why don't we have some more coffee," Laura said reaching down to lift the coffee pot.
Lydia could only nod in complete agreement.
A short while later Zack and Joshua came back into the parlor.
"I think we better be going," Zack said to Lydia. She was sure his gaze paused for a brief moment. Could he see that she had been crying? She hoped not. There would be time enough for her to explain how she felt on the journey back to the Buchanan ranch.
"Zack here tells me you might be interested in taking something off our hands," Joshua said cryptically.
Laura frowned at Joshua. "What are you talking about?"
Joshua turned, looked emphatically at his wife and said one word. "Puppy."
Lydia's head whirled toward Joshua. "Puppy? You have a puppy?"
"Not just one. A whole litter of them. One of our dogs had some puppies a few weeks ago. And, to tell you the truth they're driving us crazy."
Zack looked at Lydia. "I figured a certain someone back at the ranch might like to take one of those puppies of Joshua's hands?"
Lydia threw her arms around Zack's shoulders. He turned and looked at his wife with genuine surprise. "Looks like you think it's a good idea, then."
"I think it's a great idea. Gretchen is going to be thrilled. Let me see them," Lydia said enthusiastically.
Joshua led them out to one of the nearby barns. There they found one of the ranch hands sitting on a stool watching a four cute little puppies who were jumping all over their mother. The sounds of soft yelping and squeaky little barks filled the barn.
"Oh. Look at them," Lydia said squatting down and looking at the four little dogs. One of them turned and peered at Lydia. "This one. Look at his little face. He's so cute."
Lydia looked up at Zack. He was smiling at Joshua.
Lydia reached down and picked up the small dog and held it in her arms. The little dog barked and started to lick Lydia's face.
"Looks like that one just made your mind up for you," Joshua said with a grin. "Let me get a basket. You folks need to be going. Looks like there might be snow coming," he said with a glance out the door.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Zack drove the buckboard into the yard of their ranch just as the first flakes of snow started to fall. The late afternoon light had dimmed with the increased cloud cover. The lamps had been lit inside the ranch house. To Zack their home looked real inviting as he tied up the reins and stepped down off the seat. He went around and Lydia took his outstretched hand. Zack was pleased to see the smile on her face as her fingers wrapped around his own. She held the basket in the other hand. Zack smiled when he heard the muffled yelp from inside the basket. Once they were in the house they wouldn't be able to keep the puppy a secret for very long.
The journey back from Joshua's had been strange in many ways. Lydia hadn't said very much, but Zack hadn't been worried about that. It seemed to him that she was something that he hadn't seen since her arrival. Something that made him feel a secret joy.
Happy.
Lydia had sat in silence for the ride, looking around the beautiful countryside, occasionally glancing at Zack and smiling at him. There had been a knowing look in her eye, one that he'd found mighty pleasing. A few times during the journey home he'd thought of something to say, but on each occasion he'd kept his mouth well and truly closed. He didn't want to ruin what was a peaceful, contented time that they could enjoy together.
Eventually Lydia had only said one thing. Just before they'd reached the ranch she'd said she couldn't wait to see Gretchen's face when they took the puppy out of the basket.
Lydia had held the basket in her lap the whole journey home. Only once she had lifted the lid and peered inside, snapping it quickly shut with a laugh, when a little brown snout emerged suddenly from inside.
Now they were home. It felt good to be coming home with Lydia.
There was that feeling again. The one that he'd begun to savor so much. The feeling of being together with her, being close to her while doing ordinary things, simple things. They were coming back to their home where the children would be ready to welcome them. It was even better since he and Lydia both knew there was a surprise in store. And he knew just what kind of reaction that little puppy was going to get. He trusted Lydia's judgment about that. If she thought it was a good idea, then that was good enough for Zack.
Zack glanced up at the darkening sky and felt the snowflakes settle on his face. "It's not going to be heavy. But there'll be enough snow that it will probably lie on the ground for a while."
Lydia looked up. Zack saw the snowflakes settle on her nose. He couldn't resist the impulse to reach over and brush the white flakes off the tip of her nose. Lydia scrunched up her face and her bright eyes glanced at him.
"Thank you," she said peering at him with a hint of wanting more.
"Your welcome," he responded and started to lean in toward her. This time Lydia didn't move her head away from him in response. Zack paused and looked into her eyes. There was a welcome there every bit as heart warming as the welcome of the lamp lit home.
Zack leaned forward and took her lips with his own. Lydia's head went back slightly and her lips stayed with his in soft acceptance. Standing there, in front of their ranch house, his lips on her tender mouth, Zack felt all the confusion, apprehension and confusion of the last few weeks melt away to become part of the snow which was surrounding them in a soft, white embrace.
Their lips parted and Zack looked down into Lydia's eyes. What he saw there made the tight fist that had been clutching at his heart for so long loosen it's grip.
Lydia was smiling at Zack, looking deep into his eyes, tenderness and warmth there so intense that Zack felt he could sink into her gaze and allow it to completely consume him.
There was a muffled bark and Lydia glanced down at the basket. "This little puppy is getting impatient," she said with a smile.
Zack nodded. "Let's get him inside then."
He slid his arm around Lydia's waist and they walked together toward the front door of the house. The door suddenly opened and Mrs. Brodie peered out at them. "I wondered when you two were coming home," she said with a sideways leaning of her head.
"We made it just in time," Zack said.
He stood at the door and allowed Lydia to enter ahead of him. Once inside the warm house he took off his jacket. Lydia took his jacket from him and hung it up next to her woollen coat.
"Where are the children?" she asked Mrs. Brodie.
"In the parlor. Next to the fire. As usual," Mrs. Brodie replied.
Zack started to rub his hands together trying to get some circulation back into pale fingers. "Have they been good?"
"Of course they've been good. I've been in charge, haven't I?"
Zack smiled at Lydia. "I wouldn't have doubted it for the world," he said.
There was the sound of a bark and Mrs. Brodie stared down at the basket. "What on earth is that?"
Lydia lifted the basket up in front of Mrs. Brodie. "It's a surprise," she told the housekeeper. Lydia raised a long finger to her lips.
Mrs. Brodie's eyes widened when she heard a little whine come from inside the basket.
Zack smiled. This was the very first time he'd ever seen Mrs. Brodie genuinely at a loss for words.
Lydia started toward the parlor. Zack followed her with Mrs. Brodie behind him.
The girls were seated on the rug in front of the fireplace. They looked up as Lydia, Zack and Mrs. Brodie entered. There was a deafening yell and Daisy came running to Lydia, throwing her arms around her mother.
"We thought you'd get stuck in the snow," Daisy said quickly. "Gretchen said you'd get into trouble."
Lydia wrapped her arms around Daisy. "Of course we wouldn't get stuck in the snow. Zack knew the snow was coming, so we came back quickly. Have you been good?" she said looking down into Daisy's wide eyes.
Zack's Montana Bride (Sweet, Clean Western Historical Romance)(Montana Ranchers and Brides Series) Page 10