Paisley got to her feet and gathered her belongings. Moving towards the door, she turned around to face Georgina. “I feel like I don’t even know you anymore…”
“I don’t know what the hell was going on.” Paisley threw down a bag full of tinsel. “I mean, she walked into the office with a knife, Will. That’s not normal behaviour.”
“No, it’s not.” Will shook his head, dumping the tinsel out of the bag onto the coffee table. “I can’t believe she did that.”
“Well, she did. Scared me half to death.” Paisley sat on the edge of the coffee table, staring up at the tree she’d purchased a couple of hours ago. “I don’t think I have enough decorations to fill this.”
“Why exactly have you bought a tree, Pais?” Will sat facing her, taking Paisley’s hands. “You’re supposed to be going home to see your mum.”
“I’m thinking of changing my plans…”
Will narrowed his eyes. “Because?”
“Because Georgina is alone, and I don’t want her to be alone at Christmas.” Paisley didn’t know what she was thinking. Had she gone insane?
“Wait!” he held up a hand. “That woman left you without a word and shows back up three years later. She deserves to be alone.”
“You didn’t see the terror in her eyes this morning.” Paisley’s voice broke. “She said it wasn’t safe. What does that mean?”
“I really don’t know. Did you ask her? Offer to be her friend?”
“Oh, we could never be friends, Will.”
Paisley had considered it over the years—the idea of losing Georgina completely too much to think about—but it came to nothing. She couldn’t be friends with a woman who didn’t show up for her. A woman who didn’t bother to call her or contact her in any way.
“I love her too much to be her friend.”
“You still love her?” Will asked, studying Paisley’s face. “After everything?”
“I always will,” Paisley said nonchalantly, lightening the mood as she wrapped a mass of pink tinsel around her neck. “Come on, darling. We have to make this tree look beautiful.”
Will laughed, increasing the volume on Paisley’s docking station. “You’re crazy. But I wouldn’t have you any other way.”
Paisley did the only thing she could: made light of things. Moping around thinking about Georgina wouldn’t help her, not in a million years, but she could get into the festive spirit. Will appeared beside her with their home-made mulled wine, a box of chocolates now resting on the coffee table.
“Are you trying to make me fat again?”
“Me? Never…” Will feigned offence, hip-checking Paisley. “I’ve seen the pictures of old you; you look fucking amazing.”
“Mm.” Paisley sipped her mulled wine. “I thought maybe it would bring her back to me, you know?”
“No, I don’t know.”
“I thought maybe that was the reason she left. Not completely the reason why, obviously…but I had an idea in my head that I wasn’t good looking enough to be on Georgina’s arm. I knew I wasn’t, so I thought maybe if I took care of myself, she would be happier when she returned.”
“Pais, you’re so gorgeous,” Will said, his eyes smiling. “And if she can’t still see that, she doesn’t deserve you.”
“It doesn’t matter if she does or doesn’t see it.”
“You really couldn’t forgive her?” Will cocked his head. “If she got down on her knees and begged for your forgiveness, you’d still say no?”
Paisley sighed. “Yes, I would.”
“Wow.”
“You don’t understand the hurt she put me through, Will. I know you like her, and she’s a really great person, but the damage is done for us. Georgina knows that. She accepts it.”
“Then I don’t know why you’re inviting her over here for Christmas.”
“Because she’s not safe,” Paisley replied. “I may not have the option of a relationship with her anymore, but if someone hurt her…I’d never forgive myself.”
“You’re too good, you know.”
Paisley’s stomach flipped at the prospect of going to Georgina’s. She would likely turn down her invitation, but if she didn’t try…she would never know the outcome of such a conversation. “Just trying to help out my boss.”
6
The rain pelted Paisley as she rushed from her car, crossing the street as quickly as she could. Georgina’s home was lit up—very little sign of Christmas approaching—but Paisley didn’t get the impression that Georgina wanted to celebrate this year. She couldn’t blame her; who wanted to spend Christmas alone? As she crept through the huge gates, Georgina’s five-bed detached home towering over her, a security light flickered on. She saw a shadow in the living room window—the curtains suddenly being drawn—but it didn’t deter Paisley from moving closer to the front door.
Last night she had spent her time preparing her own apartment and praying Georgina would agree to spend Christmas with her. Honestly, the thought of being kicked while she was already down weighed firmly on Paisley’s mind, but she’d always been a fighter. She would have fought for Georgina if she’d had any idea where she could have found her over the years…but she couldn’t chase a ghost.
This place. Paisley smiled. This home felt more comfortable than Paisley’s own apartment.
Paisley leaned against the kitchen counter, smiling when Georgina came downstairs with damp hair. Something about Georgina makeup and stress free made Paisley’s heart burst. Nothing could compare to the nights they shared together—supposedly away on a business trip. Paisley hated lying to her parents, but this was the easiest way to ensure she could be with Georgina when she wanted to be. Her dad wouldn’t understand, and her mum would only side with him. Again, anything for an easy life.
Paisley moaned lightly when Georgina’s lips found her neck, her body pressing her against the counter. This night has been a long time coming, Paisley’s inability to get away from her family home last weekend preventing them from being together. This life had never been in her plans—in love with a woman who wasn’t yet aware of that fact—but it felt real. Paisley had, at one time, wondered if this was just a casual sex kind of arrangement, but those thoughts lessened whenever Georgina looked at her around the office.
“I’ve missed you.” Georgina smiled against the skin of Paisley’s neck. “And I’m so happy we have the weekend together.”
“I actually made the mistake of telling Mum we wouldn’t be back in Liverpool until Tuesday morning.”
“Oh?” Georgina pulled back, her eyebrow arched.
“But I’ll go home Monday straight from the office. I’ll tell her I got it wrong.”
“You’ll do no such thing.” Georgina pulled Paisley away from the kitchen, guiding her towards the couch in the living room. “I’m taking Monday off. So are you. Deal with it.”
“You mean…” Paisley narrowed her eyes. “We’re hiding away all weekend?”
“You only have yourself to blame.” Georgina tugged the silk tie from around Paisley’s waist, her robe falling open. “Mm, but God…I’m so happy you chose to take an extra day.”
“Babe,” Paisley whispered, her breath catching when Georgina’s soft fingertips grazed her lower stomach. “I’m going to need you naked, too.”
Georgina pushed Paisley down onto the couch, stepping back as she teased the buttons on her oversized shirt. Sliding it from her shoulders, Georgina straddled Paisley’s legs, an abundance of wetness evident. “This weekend is all ours…
Paisley shook herself from her thoughts and curled her hand into a fist, knocking loudly on the heavy wooden door. It didn’t have a wreath, and there wasn’t a single twinkly light around, but Paisley still felt the warmth pulsing through the wood. She still felt Georgina here. God, I miss this place. The greatest memories of her life had been in this home. A home she had hoped would one day belong to both of them.
As Paisley considered knocking again, Georgina’s door suddenly flung open. Pulled i
nside by the front of her coat, Paisley’s woolly hat flew off behind her.
“What the hell are you doing here!”
“I-I, uh…” Paisley was taken aback by Georgina’s behaviour, the door slamming shut behind her. “I wanted to see you.”
“What part of it’s not safe do you not understand?” Georgina roared. “How the fuck am I supposed to keep you safe when you just show up here unannounced?”
“Keep me safe?” Paisley stared at Georgina with confusion. Had this woman actually lost her mind? “I don’t need you to keep me safe. I’m fine.”
“No, none of this is fine.” Georgina held her head in her hands, dropping down onto the stairs. “I feel like I’m going insane, Paisley. I can’t have you here while I don’t know what I’m doing from day to day. You shouldn’t be here. Not alone with me.”
“I’m not here to drag you into bed.” Paisley snorted. “Don’t consider yourself that lucky.”
Georgina’s head shot up. “What?”
“I don’t know why on earth you’re behaving like this. Are you scared that I’m trying to get you back because I can assure you, I’m really not.”
“If only life was that simple,” Georgina said, smiling weakly. “If only you were here trying to get me back.”
“Okay, I can’t do this.” Paisley held up her hand. “You’re constantly blowing hot and cold with me and you’ve only been here a couple of days. You ask me to leave your office, you speak to me like I don’t mean a thing, but then I come here, and you say this.”
“Paisley.” Georgina climbed to her feet, taking Paisley’s hands. Georgina’s hand felt soft, warm. Just how they once had. “I want you to know that I never left because I didn’t love you, okay?” Georgina’s tears fell down her cheeks, Paisley’s heart breaking momentarily for the woman she once loved. No matter how much she wanted to sympathise with Georgina, Paisley couldn’t bring herself to do so. She still held too much anger. “You…you didn’t do anything wrong.”
Paisley studied Georgina’s body, her shoulders slumped as though she was admitting some kind of defeat. This meeting was becoming more confusing. Georgina wasn’t making any sense. The tears…could she believe they were real? Paisley was finding it hard to believe anything Georgina was saying. Instead of falling for Georgina playing the victim card, Paisley would ask her one simple question…
“Then why did you leave?”
“Because I had to,” Georgina sighed. Paisley knew she would never get an honest answer from her, but she would still ask whenever the opportunity to do so arose. “Just…we can’t be together. No matter how much I want to spend the rest of my life with you, we can’t.”
“That’s complete bullshit.” Paisley stepped away, her back connecting with the door. “I came here tonight hoping you would agree to spend Christmas with me, but this was a mistake. You coming back was a mistake.”
“I’m sorry you feel that way.” Georgina nodded, squaring her shoulders. “And thank you for offering to spend Christmas with me, but I can’t.”
“No, I know.” Paisley closed her eyes. “I bought a tree and everything.” Her shoulders slumping, Paisley turned on her heel and slowly opened the front door, collecting her hat from the floor as she did. “I should go. I’ll call Mum and tell her I’ve changed my holiday plans. That she is to expect me next week. F-for Christmas.”
“You should.” Georgina smiled. “I’m sure they’d love to have you.”
“It’s just Mum these days,” Paisley said, glancing back over her shoulder. “Maybe Oisín, I don’t know. He has two kids and a wife now.”
“And your dad?” Georgina asked. “He’s not around?”
“Dad was murdered last year,” Paisley explained, little emotion for the man who raised her. “His usual dodgy dealings back in Ireland. I always knew it would come back to bite him.”
“Oh.”
“Don’t worry, I didn’t need anyone.” Paisley shrugged as she stepped out onto the porch. “We didn’t exactly see eye to eye.”
Paisley disappeared down the steps, the stones on the driveway crunching beneath her feet. Going to Georgina’s home should have felt different. It should have been different. Paisley had envisaged that warmth she loved enveloping her; instead she was met with the ice-cold stare of Georgina admonishing her arrival. That hurt.
Shoving her hands in her pockets, the walk to her car seemed to take forever. The rain still belted down on Paisley, but she didn’t care. Georgina had left her those three years ago, clearly with no intention of ever wanting Paisley again. Georgina may have told her differently, but Paisley felt it. She felt the connection dropping out with every meeting they had. She’d never lost that connection before, always feeling as though she was with Georgina in some way, but lately…every encounter only brought more pain. More unanswered questions. More heartbreak.
The stones continued to crunch, but Paisley was no longer on the driveway. She turned around to find Georgina following her, tears falling steadily down her face.
“Go back inside, Gee. This is pointless.”
“P-Paisley,” Georgina sobbed, walking barefoot across the gravel. “Wait.”
“We have nothing else to say to one another.” Paisley lowered her eyes. “I just thought you could have used some company over Christmas. I’m sorry for coming here and bothering you. Goodnight.”
Paisley turned to leave only to be stopped by a warm hand gripping her wrist. “No.”
“Please, let me go.”
Georgina pulled Paisley against her, her green eyes apologetic. “I’ve missed you so much.”
“D-don’t,” Paisley pleaded. “Don’t tell me things to appease me. I deserve more than that.”
“You deserve so much more than that,” Georgina started, her hand fisting in Paisley’s hoodie, her coat open and hanging off her shoulders. “So much more than me…”
“All I ever wanted was you.” Paisley’s emotions spilled over. She was now clinging to Georgina, her arms wrapping around her. “I know we’re over, we have been for so long, but I never stopped loving you,” Paisley cried. “Even as I watched you walked away from me, that love only grew stronger.”
“Baby…”
Paisley’s breath caught. Had she just heard Georgina right? She couldn’t possibly have.
“Look at me.”
Paisley couldn’t. The moment she looked up, she would wake up. Cold and alone in her bed. Living her miserable existence.
“Please. I need you to look at me.” Georgina pulled back, placing her soft hand under Paisley chin and lifting her head. “I’m so very sorry for what I did to you.”
“M-me, too,” Paisley said, nodding slowly. “But it’s okay. I’m okay.”
“I’m not.” Georgina cocked her head, offering Paisley a sympathetic smile. “There are reasons why I left. I had to. And maybe I’m foolish to be standing out here with you right now…I don’t know how safe either of us are. But I needed to follow you. I needed to touch you.” Georgina feathered her fingertips across Paisley’s cheekbone. “God, there is so much we should be doing together.”
“Gee…”
Georgina lowered her head, her breath washing over the side of Paisley’s face. “I need you back in my life, Paisley.” Tilting Paisley’s chin up, Georgina slowly inched closer, her lips brushing Paisley’s. Every ounce of oxygen evaporated from Paisley’s lungs, replaced by that yearning she’d felt pulling her closer to Georgina. Paisley’s hands weaved through Georgina’s long blonde hair, their bodies flush as their tongues intertwined. Paisley knew she should stop—knew this couldn’t happen—but Georgina was her everything. She always would be.
Georgina gasped, pulling back. “Oh, God.”
“I-I have to go.” Paisley’s forehead creased, the last few moments flashing by like a blur. “Bye.”
Paisley rushed across the street, throwing herself into her car, her clothes soaked through to her underwear. The rain was unrelenting—her heartbeat, too—but Georgina rem
ained on the driveway, sinking to her knees. Paisley wanted to discuss what had just happened, but she needed to process it herself first. Five minutes before Georgina kissed her, she told Paisley they couldn’t be together. Now, now Georgina wanted Paisley back in her life…but why?
Paisley fired up her engine, unable to meet Georgina’s eyes any longer. Of course, she wanted to pull Georgina back inside and hold her for the rest of her life, but Paisley couldn’t bring herself to do so. It simply wasn’t possible given the nature of their relationship over the last few years. A relationship which was non-existent. A love that had crumbled in many ways. They both claimed to still love one another, but it would take more than a kiss on a driveway to convince Paisley that she was doing the right thing in considering a potential future with Georgina. It would take more than a few simple words to show Paisley that Georgina was here, she was back, and she wasn’t leaving again.
Pressing the button on the side of her door, the window automatically wound down. Georgina was watching. “You should go inside. It’s cold and you’re soaked through.”
Without waiting for a response, Paisley sped off away from Georgina’s home, screeching around the sharp corner at the end of Georgina’s road. Georgina had kissed her, but Paisley felt more confused than ever before.
7
Paisley drained her coffee cup of its contents, disposing of it in the reception bin as she passed Monica. The older, greying woman had been with Weaver & Associates since Georgina was handed the firm by her late-father, remaining a permanent fixture at the entrance every morning. Paisley smiled, praying that the dark circles around her eyes would go unnoticed. Monday came around sooner than she hoped it would, the possibility of facing Georgina weighing firmly on her mind. Saturday night had been more than unexpected; Paisley went to bed that night heartbroken, but she wouldn’t let it interfere with her work life.
The kiss has been completely unexpected and confusing. Leaving Paisley with a million questions. Questions she wasn’t willing to ask. Georgina had no right to show up in Paisley’s life wanting her back, no right at all. So, Paisley would avoid her, regardless of how much she wanted more, and work. This morning, Georgina didn’t exist. She couldn’t. It would only ruin everything. Paisley’s job included. Weaver & Associates was where she saw her future, whether Georgina was here or not.
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