The Wedding Lullaby

by Melissa McClone

  Listening to the music now kept her from falling apart completely, but she couldn’t shut off the emotions surging through her—the desolation. Brett was being as supportive as possible, but she felt isolated. Alone.

  Yes, this affected him, too, but the baby was growing inside of her. Whatever might be wrong was wrong inside of her. No matter how hard Brett tried, no matter what he said, he couldn’t change that.

  Her stomach grumbled. Food should be the least of her concerns, but she couldn’t forget she was eating for two. She headed downstairs.

  Laurel rubbed her tummy. “Mommy should have eaten more tonight like your daddy said.” She sniffled. “Are you as hungry as I am, little one?”

  Thinking of the tiny baby in her belly brought more tears to her eyes. She rubbed them away.

  Junior had changed her life, changed her—made her grow up and accept responsibility. She needed to be strong for both her and the baby’s sake. Brett’s, too.

  No more falling apart.

  Whether or not something was wrong with the baby didn’t change the facts. She was having this child. There wasn’t any other choice for her. She wondered what Brett thought. If they’d loved each other, this situation might be easier to get through. But they didn’t….

  As she entered the kitchen, something clicked, or maybe that was a tap. She glanced toward the family room.

  Sitting in his recliner, Brett worked on his laptop. “Hungry?”

  She nodded. “And thirsty.”

  He set his laptop on the table, rose, and headed to the kitchen. “I’ll warm up a plate of leftovers for you.”

  “I can do it.”

  “I will.” He opened the refrigerator, pulled out a plate covered with plastic wrap, and placed it in the microwave. “I knew you’d want to eat eventually, so it’s ready to go.”

  She sat at the table, watching him as if they’d done this hundreds of times. “Thanks.”

  “Did you sleep?” he asked, his tone concerned.

  “A little.”

  He raised an eyebrow.

  No matter how much she might want to hide the turmoil inside her, Brett saw through her.

  “Not much.” She glanced at her stomach. “I can’t stop thinking about Junior.”

  “Me, neither.” He poured a glass of milk and then handed it to her. “I’m also worried about you.”

  “I’m…fine.” She spoke before thinking. No doubt her eyes were red and swollen. “I’ll be fine once we know…I mean…”

  “I understand.”

  She saw the mixture of weariness, worry, and fear in his eyes. He was suffering as much as she was, and her heart cried out to him.

  “I’ve been doing some research,” he said in a matter-of-fact tone. “The AFP is only a screening test to tell you the percentage of risk of something being wrong, but that doesn’t mean there’s a problem. The odds of that are low. And false positives are known to happen. If you want me to show you what I found…”

  “Thanks, but—”

  The timer dinged. Brett removed the plate. “What?”

  After she sipped the milk, she set her glass on the table. “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking.”

  He placed a fork, napkin, and plate on the table. “Sounds serious.”

  She nodded. When she arrived in Portland, she’d said he was nothing more than a sperm donor. Then she’d come to think of him as the baby’s father. But would he stick by her and Junior through thick and thin? Or would he desert them the way her parents had her?

  “No matter what the test results or the genetic counselor says, I’m having this baby.” She patted her belly. “I love Junior. He or she is the only family I have left, and the number of chromosomes won’t change the way I feel. I…I thought you should know.”

  He exhaled deeply. “Thanks, and so you know, I’ll stand by you.”

  Even though his support made her happy, Laurel’s muscles tensed. Did he still want the baby if it was less than perfect?

  Afraid to ask, afraid to discover the truth, she took a bite of spaghetti.

  Brett sat at the table. “I’m so relieved.”

  She held her fork in midair. “Relieved?”

  He nodded. The tightness around his mouth eased. “Forget what the tests say, I want this baby so much it hurts.”

  His sincerity brought tears to her eyes. A welcome peace settled in her heart. “I’m happy we agree on this.”

  “Me, too.” As one side of his mouth curved up, he leaned back in his chair. “Since the test results won’t change what we do, did you know we can skip the amniocentesis?”

  “Yes, but…” Laurel moved food around on her plate. She shouldn’t feel so uncertain about how he would react. “I want to have it. There could be complications, but after everything that’s happened these past months, I need to know. Knowing won’t make a difference, and I’ll love this baby no matter what, but I don’t think I’ll relax during the rest of the pregnancy with that uncertainty hanging over me. If something is wrong, I’ll have time to prepare and be ready when the baby is born.” She sighed. “I’m not making any sense, am I?”

  “You’re making perfect sense to me.”

  “You’re being nice.” And supportive and understanding and caring and… She needed Brett. More than she’d needed anyone or anything in her life. “Do you mind if I go ahead with the amnio?”

  “Not at all. You should.” His reassuring tone made her feel so much better. “Who knows what my father passed on to me?”

  “That never entered my mind, Brett.”

  “It entered mine. Enough that it’s time I find out what my mother knows about him.” With a faraway look in his eyes, he rubbed the stubble on his chin. “I’ll fly your mother in from France.”

  “No,” Laurel said a little too quickly. “Thank you for offering, but I’d rather you didn’t.”

  He said nothing, but questions lingered in his eyes.

  She needed to tell him the truth, so he wouldn’t do it anyway as a surprise. “There’s something I haven’t told you about my mother.”

  “You don’t have—”

  “I do.” Laurel wet her lips. “When my mother found out I was pregnant, she told me to get rid of it. Those were her exact words. If she thought for a minute the baby wasn’t one-hundred-percent healthy… I don’t want her here. I don’t want her to know the test results.”

  Reaching across the table, Brett held Laurel’s hand and stroked her thumb with his own. His warmth seeped into her, filling up all the empty places inside her. “I’m sorry.”

  His voice was so tender, practically a caress.

  “Thanks.” She stared at her hand engulfed in his larger one. He was strong, yet his gentle touch offered comfort and provided a safe haven.

  Being part of a family suddenly sounded better than all the independence in the world, but she couldn’t pretend the security she felt with Brett was real. They could never be a family.

  Not without love.

  If only he saw how much they could have together, if they loved one another.

  “Is there anyone else you would want to go with you to the amnio?” As his gaze met hers, a flash of the magic they’d shared in Reno shot through her. She wished they could hold on to that forever. “Tell me who, and I’ll—”

  “The only person I want with me”—she squeezed his hand—“is you.”

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  The waiting room at the prenatal diagnostic center was empty except for the two of them. Shifting in his chair, Brett wondered if Laurel was as nervous as he was. He felt like he was waiting for the opening bell to ring on the stock exchange floor after a record drop in the market the day before. He didn’t want to ask how she felt because they seemed to have reached an unspoken agreement over the past few days—no talking about the upcoming appointment.

  Their spare time had been filled with decorating the house: looking at furniture, samples of fabrics, paint chips. They’d hired an interior designer, Renee Bernard, who
promised to limit her creative input unless asked. Renee would only help Laurel order furniture and coordinate painters, craftsmen, and deliveries.

  Brett wasn’t sure if not speaking about the test was working for Laurel, but she’d made great strides in ordering items for the house. She was also managing the decorating budget without any major problems.

  “Can I get you anything?” He wanted to hold her, cradle her in his arms, comfort her, but something held him back. Okay, he was holding himself back, but he wasn’t sure how much to push when they were both so emotional.

  Laurel handed him her empty water bottle. “A bucket.”

  “You just drank the water.” Her unsmiling face told him she wasn’t kidding. “Don’t tell me you have to go to the bathroom already?”

  “Try drinking thirty-two ounces of water and see if you don’t have to go.” She crossed her legs. “I don’t know how I’ll last until the ultrasound.”

  “You can do it.” The meeting with the genetic counselor would take about an hour, and then she’d have an ultrasound followed by the amniocentesis. “If you want, I’ll drink the same amount of water and suffer with you.”

  For the first time this morning, she smiled. “That goes above and beyond the call of fatherhood, but thanks. I appreciate the offer.”

  Brett wanted to snap a picture of her smiling face, but he’d have to rely on his memory. Something easy to do when it came to Laurel. “If you change your mind…”

  “Don’t worry, I won’t.” She fidgeted in her chair. “I hope they aren’t running late.”

  A few minutes later, the genetic counselor called for them. “I’m Kathryn Lake. We’ll have our appointment before you go for your ultrasound.”

  As they followed her to an office, Laurel slipped her hand in Brett’s. He was surprised but grateful for the contact. This was the first time in days she’d touched him, and the way her hand fit perfectly in his felt so good.

  Inside the office, Kathryn gave each of them her business card. With her flowing red hair and clunky-heeled shoes, she looked too young to have so many initials behind her name. She explained how the AFP screening test worked and what would be done today. Brett realized Kathryn knew her stuff. He only wished she would get on with it. Laurel was uncomfortable, and he couldn’t wait until all this was over and they could go home. He’d arranged for them to take the afternoon off, with strict orders to his staff not to phone or page him unless the market crashed.

  “I reviewed the questionnaire you filled out. Nothing appeared out of the ordinary, but taking a family history is routine.” As Kathryn asked Laurel about her family, she drew the info on a piece of paper. One shape, a circle, for Laurel, and then above that two more representing her parents, a circle for her mother and a square for her father.

  “This is you, Brett.” Kathryn added a square next to Laurel’s circle. “How is your health?”

  “Excellent.”

  “What about your mother?”

  “She’s never sick.”

  “Excellent health, then.” Kathryn drew another shape to the right and above his. “And your father?”

  Brett hesitated. He’d meant to call his mother. He should have…

  A wave of insecurity washed over him. He was no longer a successful investment advisor who’d made his clients and himself wealthy, but a scared little boy trying to take on the bigger kids who were calling him names, making fun of him and his mom.

  One glance at Laurel and Brett regained control. Her unwavering support gave him the strength to ignore the bad memories churning in his brain. “I don’t know anything about my father.”

  Kathryn didn’t question him. She jotted a note next to a shape and continued. “Any brothers or sisters?”

  “No, but I don’t know about any half siblings.”

  “That’s fine,” Kathryn said. “Any cousins, aunts, or uncles who may have had any birth defects?”

  “Not that I know of.”

  “Okay.” Kathryn showed them the graph she’d compiled and then explained how she searched for possible inherited disorders. Once finished, she led them into the ultrasound room and introduced them to the technician, Dex, a tall man with a short ponytail.

  The room was dark except for a light mounted underneath a cabinet and the glowing buttons on the high-tech machine and the monitors. An electrical hum was the only noise.

  Laurel situated herself on the table, pulled up her shirt, and tucked the waistband of her leggings under her belly. Brett stared at her pregnant stomach. Even though she was lying down, he noticed a difference. The smooth skin and cute belly button were the same, but her tummy was no longer flat. His fingers itched to touch her baby bump.

  Dex squirted clear gel onto Laurel’s stomach. He pushed buttons on a keyboard, and the monitor to the left of her came to life. Using a wand, he touched her stomach. An image appeared on the screen.

  The baby.

  Their baby.

  Brett sucked in a breath, almost forgetting to release it. He made out the head. Junior’s head. His baby’s head. Knees weak, he grabbed on to the table for support.

  “This is the skull,” Dex said. “No water on the brain, hydrocephalus. That’s good.” He pointed to thick lines on the monitor. “See the ventricles?”

  Brett glanced at Laurel, who stared wide-eyed at the monitor. “I can’t believe that’s our baby.” Her voice was full of awe. “Do you see Junior, Brett?”

  “I do.” He grinned, happy to be sharing this moment with her. Forget what could be wrong. Junior was on the screen, heart beating and moving. That was all that mattered. “It’s incredible.”

  More amazing than when the Dow first broke twenty-six thousand. More amazing than hearing Junior’s heartbeat. Brett had no idea what holding the baby would feel like, but he couldn’t wait to find out.

  “There’s the spine, and you can see the vertebrae.” Dex pushed more buttons. “Are you uncomfortable, Laurel?”

  She focused on Dex. “I’m okay.”

  “Well, I’m not comfortable when I see how full your bladder is.” He wiped the gel off her belly with a towel and then handed her a paper cup. “I want you to go into the bathroom, fill up this cup with urine, dump the contents into the toilet, repeat all that again, then you can come back.”

  “Only twice?” Her voice rose an octave. “You’re kidding, right?”

  “No,” Dex said. “And you don’t need to bring the cup back.”

  “Don’t worry, I won’t.”

  “Remember to flush,” Dex joked.

  With a shake of her head, Laurel left the room.

  Brett stared at the image on the screen. Impending fatherhood seemed that much closer. Doubts assailed him. All the books he had read, and was reading, didn’t seem enough. How would he know what to do? What to say?

  “Is this your first child?” Dex asked.

  “Yes.” Together, he and Laurel had created a life. Now they had to create a family. Surely she would realize how important getting married was now.

  “It’s an exciting time. Even if you have another child, seeing the ultrasound for the first time is a life-altering moment.”

  Another child? Both he and Laurel were only children. He didn’t want that for Junior. Brett hoped Laurel would want more than one, too, but he’d better wait until the ring was on her finger and Junior in her arms before he broached that topic. “Do you have kids?”

  “Two. A boy and a girl.” Dex pointed to a picture on the wall. “That’s them.”

  “Cute kids.”

  He nodded. “There’s nothing like being a parent. No one can tell you what it’s like ahead of time, even though they’ll try. You have to experience it.”

  Brett couldn’t wait. Couldn’t wait until Junior was born. Couldn’t wait to experience all the “firsts.” First bath, first step, first word, first birthday, first bruise…

  His stomach knotted. How could his father have walked away without a second thought? How had his mother ever done it on
her own?

  He needed to tell her about Laurel and the baby, but a part of him was worried how she would react given her past. Brett wanted to be able to tell her that he and Laurel were getting married. Show his mother he was doing all things his father hadn’t done when she’d told him she was pregnant. But he didn’t want to wait much longer because he needed her advice.

  Having a child was overwhelming. The responsibility, the time commitment, the worry. But the rewards and the love…

  Glancing at the image frozen on the monitor, he was overcome by an onslaught of emotion.

  You’ll never be uncertain of my love for you, Junior. Never.

  ♥ ♥ ♥

  After the bathroom break, Laurel climbed onto the table. Stopping at two cups hadn’t been easy, but she’d managed.

  Dex added more gel and then continued the ultrasound, rattling off technical terms about high resolution Doppler something or other, but Laurel wasn’t interested in the medical terminology. She cared only about the image on the monitor.

  Seeing her baby floating, the tiny heart beating, filled her eyes with tears. There was a baby inside of her.

  A real, live baby.

  Her baby.

  As Brett placed his hand on her shoulder, his touch sent shivers shooting through her.

  “You okay?” he asked.

  With her heart lodged in her throat, Laurel nodded. Brett, the baby—having both of them in her life…

  The picture on the screen changed to a different view. Seeing the baby inside her stomach was unbelievable, a miracle to end all miracles.

  “See the little arms.” She squinted to get a better view. “Is Junior sucking a thumb?”

  Brett laughed. “Looks like it.”

  She reached for his hand. Squeezed once. He squeezed back. They might not love one another, but they would do their best to raise the baby together.

  Dex motioned to the monitor. “Those two dark spots are the kidneys.”

  Kidneys. Laurel could barely contain her excitement. She’d never realized how fascinating internal organs could be.