by Shandi Boyes
I can’t give her up. She is my addiction. She is my rule breaker. She is my everything.
Chapter 31
Jenni
“There wasn’t supposed to be anyone else, it was supposed to be just you and me” Nick whispers angrily. The hurt and anger etched all over his handsome face.
“I know that” I reply as the tears continue to stream down my face.
“I’m sorry” I choke out. Sorry for ever making him fall in love with me. Sorry that I wasn’t enough for him to stay faithful and sorry that I kissed Christian as I wanted him to take away my pain. I wanted him to make me feel worthwhile, where it only made me feel worthless.
Nick eyebrows are pulled together so tight he has a large V in the middle of his forehead. His eyes slowly roaming over my face, before he gently lifts his hand and runs it down the side of my cheek. I try not to move towards his embrace, but I can’t hold back. My body is drawn to his, it craves his touch. He pulls me in closer to his chest while I continue to sob loudly. His hands running down my hair and back while he tells me everything will be okay. That he will take care of me, that he will take care of the baby. When he mentions the baby my body stiffens.
My mom has already organised everything to take care of my ‘indiscretion’. I have tried every delay tactic you could possibly think about to stop the inevitable, but I no longer have any choice……
The entire two weeks after Nick had caught me kissing Christian was spent with my head in the toilet. I was not able to hold down any form of nutrients at all. I was not just broken hearted, I was incredibly unwell and lethargic. I had just finished showering after my latest toilet hugging session, when I walked out of my bathroom to notice Christian standing in my lounge room.
“How did you get into my house?” I question sternly. Christian had been knocking on my door every day for the past two weeks and I always refused to let him in. I have been living the life of a hermit and bar the occasional text messages to Emily, Slater and Nicole, I kept completely to myself.
“Get out” I inform angrily when he doesn’t answer my question.
“Jennifer Jade Murphy” gets angrily screamed from my side. I am surprised and a little scared when I notice my mom sitting at my small dining table.
“I asked him to come” she advises as she walks over towards me.
She is wearing her normal attire she wears into the office, black suit pants and a silk blouse. Her hair is pulled back in a chignon bun. When my gaze turns to Christian, his eyes dart down, unable to maintain my eye contact. Now I know why he turned up to my apartment only mere minutes before Nick.
“How was I to know that you were not dead or passed out on the floor, considering you haven’t been answering anyone calls” she states venomously as she moves over and adjusts the collar on the dress I am wearing. My mom has always been particular about perceiving a certain image. She also strongly believes in the importance of a social status.
“Thank you Christian” my mom says, giving him his marching orders.
Christian hesitantly moves over towards me and places a quick kiss on my cheek “Call me if you need me” he advises in my ear. I nod my head as he reluctantly walks out of my apartment.
“Your appointment is on Wednesday” she informs the instant Christian closes my front door. She moves over to her handbag that is leaning on one of my dining room chairs.
“He is discreet and will ensure that our family name never gets mentioned” she continues as she grabs a card out of her purse and walks back towards me, harshly shoving a business card into my hand.
“No, I am not getting an abortion” I reply when I read that the card she has given me is for a planned parenting doctor. I try to hand the card back to her, but she refuses to accept it.
“We have already discussed this Jenni, you need to have ‘this’ taken care of” she states firmly. When she states ‘this’ her eyes look down at my stomach.
“No, I am keeping the baby” I inform sternly. Even with how much I am hurting right now, I could never destroy the baby I created with Nick. I loved him and I still do.
“You are willing to give everything away just to have his baby?” mom questions angrily. I immediately start nodding my head.
“Your studies, your apartment, your family” she continues, yelling louder with each word she speaks. The rapid nodding of my head starts to slowly lessen.
“If you keep this baby, everything will be gone” she advises “Everything” she informs harshly.
****
When I failed to turn up to my appointment on Wednesday, my mom followed through on her threat. When I attempted to pay for some groceries, my credit card was declined. When I arrived home from school on Thursday, I had a notice on my door that my rent was overdue. I nearly fell over backwards when I read how much my rent was per month for a small one-bedroom apartment in New York City. I spent all night Thursday adding up my expenses and searching the classifieds for any jobs for students. Even if I got two full time jobs and left school, I still wouldn’t be able to afford the rent on my apartment, let alone living expenses and university fees.
I had no choice but to accept my mother’s terms.
I quickly move away from Nick’s embrace, rubbing angrily at my face, trying to remove the tears that have stained my cheeks. Nick watches me cautiously as I try to get my composure back under control.
“It’s all taken care of” I inform softly, my heart cracking as the words escape my lips. Nick’s eyebrows pull together tight and his jaw muscle quivers.
“What?” he questions. I find it hard to gage his feelings. He has always been a little hard for me to read. He is so reserved and doesn’t wear his emotions on his sleeve.
“My…umm…mom… has organised everything” I mumble nervously, not having the ability to say the word abortion out loud.
Nick’s eyes open wide in shock, before they drop down to look at my stomach. I notice a small gloss of moisture in his eyes, and when his gaze eventually returns back to look at my face, he roughly shakes his head.
“I have an appointment on Monday” I inform quietly to his devastated face. I thought the look on his face when he caught me kissing Christian was bad, but this one is ten times worse.
“No” he whispers roughly. “You can’t do this” he continues as he moves closer to me.
“Don’t do this, please” he begs while lifting his hand to caress my face.
“I don’t have a choice” I whisper painfully as the tears once again start flowing down my face.
“Yes, you do” he instantly replies, while nodding his head eagerly. “I’ll take care of you, I’ll take care of the baby” he continues while his glossed over eyes stare directly into mine.
I want to believe what Nick is telling me, but I can’t. It only took him looking after me one night when I was sick and the very next morning he was running off into the arms of another woman. I can’t live my life wondering what or who he was doing every day, no matter how much I love him. My jealously and insecurities would eventually eat me alive. My mom only agreed to pay my overdue rent and school fees when I called the clinic myself to schedule an appointment. I was only days away from being homeless and living on the streets. I couldn’t bring a baby into that kind of environment.
“I’m sorry Nick, my decision has already been made” I reply softly. Nick’s face morphs from sadness to anger in break neck speed. His jaw ticks and the veins in his neck bulge.
“Your decision or hers?” he questions angrily. When he notices my delay in reply, he angrily clenches his fists.
“You can’t let them do this to you, you can’t let them do this to us” he yells furiously, startling me.
He then storms out of the room and I hear the sound of a door slamming not long later. I flop onto the bed as the tears steadily stream down my face. The sound of glass shattering filters through the silence of the night. When I hear the sound of someone’s shoes scuffling on the ground, I lift my gaze to the bedroom door
to see the concerned face of Emily.
“Does he know?” she questions softly, triggering me to gently nod my head.
“He will never forgive me” I slowly whisper in between my sobs.
Emily looks at me concerned before she walks over and wraps her arms around my shoulders, where I cry uncontrollably in the crook of her neck.
Chapter 32
Nick
The instant I stormed out of the cabin, I spot the baseball bat Slater always carries in the saddle bags of his bike. I knew that Jenni was only doing this under the request of her mother. Since her attempt to buy me off didn’t work, she was now using her money against Jenni. I never took Jenni as being a shallow type of girl. Even though her parents are obviously loaded, she never flashed her money or wealth in anyone’s face. I can’t believe she would kill a baby, our baby, to ensure she lived a life of luxury.
I rush towards Jenni’s car to unleash my anger out on her expensive pride and joy. The first swing of the bat gives me an intense moment of satisfaction as the windscreen shatters into millions of tiny fragments. Satisfied that the windscreen is beyond repair, I make my way around to the driver’s side window.
“Nick stop, what the fuck are you doing?” Noah yells while darting towards me. I slam the bat hard into the driver side window. The adrenaline pumping through my veins so fast, makes me feel invincible.
“They can’t fucking do this” I yell, while moving myself around her car. The rear window looks like it would be a good next target. Noah’s dark eyes watch my every movement and he seems legitimately confused.
“They can’t force her to do it” I yell while swinging the bat with enough force it shatters the rear window with just one swing. Shattered and broken, just like my fucking heart, broken beyond repair.
I lift the bat to take another swing as Noah hits me hard at the side, causing me to fall flat on my ass. I land that harshly the bat is dislodged from my hands.
“What the fuck Nick” Noah wheezes next to me.
When the cool night air blows past my face, I notice a distinct wetness. I raise my hands and run them down my cheeks, shocked to discover tears.
“Jenni?” Noah questions. Just hearing her name causes my heart to break more.
“I fucking love her” I choke out as the moisture continues to form in my eyes.
I love her that much, it fucking hurts to breathe. I wanted her to be my wife. I wanted her to be the mother of my children. I don’t want her kill our baby.
“She is going to kill the baby” I inform, my stomach swirling at the thought. Noah’s dark eyes stare at me, confused and shocked.
“She’s pregnant?” he questions unbelievably. His dark eyes filling with concern when he notices me nodding my head.
“Noah, please make Emily talk to her, please don’t let her kill the baby” I plead and beg. I know if anyone would be able to get through to Jenni it would be Emily.
Noah’s gaze turns to look at the cabin, where Emily is standing near a window on the second floor. He takes in several deeps breaths, before he turns back to look at me.
“I’ll try” he replies, giving me the slightest glimmer of hope.
****
Miserable, hurt and fucking heart broken, that is how I spent the last three weeks. Our band had gone to do a radio tour on the West Coast and it should have been weeks of excitement and ecstasy. The album we had worked so hard to create was finally completed and this was our opportunity of showing off all those years of hard work. But I couldn’t find the joy in it. I couldn’t stop thinking about Jenni, and our baby. I begged and pleaded into her voicemail account every day. I sent her countless texts messages as well. But she never responded to a single message. I hounded Noah relentlessly the past three weeks. He always responded that he was trying, but that he was in the dark as much as I was.
Tonight, I am drowning my sorrows in the hotel bar. A pretty blonde lady comes and sits on the barstool next to me. She has on a super short red leather skirt and a black silk blouse that barely contains her generous breasts, considering the shirt looks two sizes too small.
“Hi” she breathes out seductively, her warm breath tickling my unshaven jawline. I give her a quick smirk and turn my gaze back to the glass of whiskey in my hand, swirling around the contents to match the pattern my stomach has been doing for the past three weeks.
I lift the glass to my lips and the strong aroma of the expensive whiskey fills my nostrils, before downing the entire double shot in one hit. When I lower my glass back down to the black marble bar top, I notice a hotel room key card sitting on top of my coaster. My gaze flicks from the bar top to the blonde sitting next to me. She smiles seductively and is panting that hard it sounds like she is purring. She is pretty, a couple of years old than me, big breasts and has a rocking body. She slowly rises from the barstool and places on her jacket. She smiles and winks before she walks towards the exit of the bar. Just as she is about to exit, her head turns to look back at me, signalling for me to join her. Normally I would have jumped at the chance, but not anymore. No matter how drunk I get, no matter how much I try to forget her, my little firecracker won’t get out of my head.
“No one else” I murmur to myself. And there hasn’t been. I haven’t slept with anyone bar Jenni since the day we officially became a couple. Don’t get me wrong, I fucking tried. I even came pretty close after I saw her kissing Christian, but I just couldn’t do it. She is it for me. I am forever ruined.
I shake my head at the lady and flick her room key card towards her. It lands on the floor halfway between us. Her eyes narrow and she appears genuinely surprised that I am not accepting her offer. I turn back to the bartender and order another double of whiskey.
“I never thought I would see the day” informs Slater as he sits on the barstool next to me and requests a beer from the bartender that just finished serving me. The silence between us highly apparent, even though we are in a busy inner city bar that is buzzing with noise.
Slater breathes harshly and swears under his breath before he turns on his barstool to face me.
“I can’t believe I’m going to fucking do this” he mumbles while rubbing his hand angrily down his face. He unclenches his fists as he takes another deep breath.
“Fight harder for her” he instructs sternly as he cocks his eyebrows into the air. I chuckle painfully while rolling my eyes.
“I have; I’ve done everything I can”
“No you haven’t, you have sat here mopping around for fucking weeks” he interrupts angrily.
“You think it is hard on you, imagine what it is like for her, she has nothing left” he continues, his voice so rough and his eyes full of turmoil.
She has nothing left? She ripped out my heart and soul and left me with an empty shell. I have nothing left. I am empty without her.
“She doesn’t fucking want me, she killed our baby” I retaliate loudly, causing several patrons at the bar to turn to face us. My heart racing as the deep pit inside my chest starts to enlarge.
“No, she didn’t” Slater informs, making my eyes automatically dart to look at his. “She cancelled the appointment” he continues while looking deeply into my eyes.
“What?” I question confused as my heart starts to race with elation instead of turmoil.
“Is she still pregnant?” I ask.
When Slater smirks and nods his head, I grab my jacket from the back of the barstool and throw money on the counter. Slater’s loud chuckle sounds through the bustling overpriced bar as I sprint out, moving as fast as my drunk legs will take me. I only make it halfway through the foyer of the hotel when the hairs on my arms stand to attention. I roam my eyes over the moderate sized hotel lobby. I know she is here; I can feel it. I eventually spot her standing at the reception desk. She appears to be in a heated argument with the hotel desk clerk.
“Jenni” I whisper as I rush towards her.
She bends down and collects a small overnight bag off the floor and starts walking back
towards the exit, clearly not impressed with what the desk clerk had just informed her. When she notices me rushing towards her, she freezes, triggering me to stop running. We stay staring at each other as other hotel guests walk around us. Her heavy breathing easily visible as her chest rises and falls with each breath.
“No one else” she whispers so quietly it was only just audible.
“No one else” I reply loud enough to ensure she could hear me. When her eyes fill with tears and she smiles, I rush towards her. Her mouth is delicious, warm and minty. The heat in her cheeks can be felt through my palms that are caressing her beautiful face.
Chapter 33
Jenni