by Alex Grayson
“I’ll call a cab.” Although I’ve only had half a drink and am still well under the alcohol limit, I know there’s no way I can drive in the condition I’m in.
“No,” Nathan grunts before grabbing my hand and forcing me from my chair. I try to pull it back, but he’s relentless.
“Hey, jackass!” I yell. “Let go!”
The murmurings and moans coming from our friends suddenly stop, but I pay them no mind. My attention is solely focused on my dipshit of a friend. His glare is glacial, but it doesn’t scare me.
After shooting daggers at each other for several seconds, his gaze softens. His hand lets up on the pressure he has on mine, but he doesn’t totally release me. Instead, he steps closer until he’s towering over me.
“Abby, I know you’re hurting,” he says low enough for only me to hear. “Please, let me take you home. You don’t need to be here. We can wait for Colt at your house.”
My eyes sting at the softness of his tone and the concern in his eyes. I know when I hurt, he hurts as well. That’s just the type of friendship we have. He hates seeing this side of me, the side I can’t control. The side that makes me one fucked-up person. The side that won’t allow me to be a normal person that has normal relationships.
Deciding to give in, because I really don’t want to be here anymore, I give him a silent nod. Pulling my hand from Nathan’s, I walk over to Ava and give her a hug.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper in her ear. “I’m sorry for bailing on you on your birthday.”
“Don’t you worry about a thing. I won’t be left alone.” Her gaze goes to Gary, before coming back to me, a pinch now between her brows. “You just take care of yourself. And call me tomorrow.”
I try to smile, I really do, but it falls flat. “Will do.”
I look over to Tegan, who now has the girl standing between his legs instead of sprawled across his lap. He’s not looking at me, but at Nathan.
“Don’t do anything stupid,” he tells him from across the table.
Nathan doesn’t give him a response, just a grunt.
The look Tegan gives me both grates on my nerves and has tears pushing forward again. These three people are my best friends in the entire world. They love me unconditionally, and know the struggle I’ve had for years now. They know my secrets of wanting a normal relationship with a normal guy, and they know I never thought I could have one. They also now know why I can’t have one. Tonight just proves I’ve been right all along.
Tegan gives me a knowing look and a chin lift, before pulling the girl back into his arms. I grab my purse from Nathan and lead him out the door. I have to walk slowly because the cramps are really starting to get to me. I have sweat rolling down my temples, and I’m becoming dizzy from the pain. Right before I make it to the door, I stumble over my high shoes. Had it not been for Nathan behind me, I would have done a face-plant.
Although he is my friend, and has seen me in this condition before, I still feel mortification when Nathan picks me up and carries me out the door. I settle in his arms, burying my face in his neck, and grit my teeth with each step he takes. My skin feels hypersensitive. The sensations rolling through my body want me to like being in Nathan’s arms. It wants me to purr like a cat and seduce the man into giving it what it needs, but my mind and heart says his arms just don’t feel right. My mind and heart are screaming that he’s the wrong man, and demanding I get away from him.
“We’re almost to the truck,” he murmurs.
A moment later, after he manages to get the door open with me still in his arms, he gently puts me down and buckles my belt. I stare ahead as he does so, my heart breaking into a thousand pieces at knowing what all this means. I was so naïve to think I could have something as normal as a steady boyfriend. To actually let myself fall in love with a guy.
I lay my head against the window as he maneuvers the truck out of the parking lot, the cool glass doing nothing for my heated skin.
“I’m not going to ask you to sleep with me,” I tell Nathan.
It takes him a minute before he replies. “I know.”
I know that things between me and Blue are over. There’s no way we can continue with what we have. Obviously, something is keeping him from calling me. I know he himself has to be worrying, wondering if I’m at this very moment sleeping with someone else. It’s not fair to me either, going through this pain to keep from doing something that would give me the relief I so desperately need. We can trust each other all we want, but that doesn’t mean we won’t be secretly wondering. It’s not healthy for either of us.
Even though I know all this, in my mind, we’re already over, but I refuse to sleep with another man until I’ve talked with Blue. I won’t sleep with someone else until he knows himself that we can’t be together. In such a short period of time, I’ve fallen in love, and I won’t hurt the man I love like that. It’s going to kill me to watch him walk away, but there’s no other alternative. He’ll fight me, but he’ll see in the end it has to be this way.
The rest of the ride to my apartment is made in silence. With the pain gripping me, both physically and emotionally, I have no desire to talk. I thank God that Nathan heeds my silent wishes and keeps quiet. I need this time to myself right now, to come to grips with my decision. I can’t imagine going back to my life before Blue, but it’s something I’ll have to do.
Nathan pulls into my normal parking spot, one that’s close to my building, and cuts the engine. I have my door open and am just about to step out of the truck when Nathan appears at my side, once again picking me up.
“I can walk,” I protest.
“And I can carry you.”
Too tired and sick, I don’t fight him on it. Once again, my body relishes the feel of his arms around me, preparing itself for the feeling of being fulfilled, and at the same time, my mind and heart rebel.
We’re standing in front of my door when Nathan grunts. “Keys.”
It takes me a few tries before I can concentrate enough to locate them. Instead of handing them over, I reach over and try to slip the key in the door. My hand shakes so badly that I miss several times, but I finally manage.
Nathan doesn’t stop until we’re in my bathroom. He sets me on the counter and turns to the shower. I lace my fingers together and put them between my knees, trying to get them to stop shaking. Nausea rolls in my stomach, and I try to force it back down, but I know it’s coming up any minute. I watch with chattering teeth as Nathan turns on the shower and checks the water before turning back to me.
“Come on. Let’s get you cooled off.” His voice is rough and deep with emotion.
“I-I can do it,” I chatter, gripping the insides of my legs. I close my eyes and groan when another cramp hits. I’m freezing cold, but I can also tell my skin feels hot.
He ignores my words and steps up to me, grabbing the hem of my shirt and pulling upward.
“Stop.” My voice comes out weak, just like I’m feeling.
“Abby,” Nathan calls, and I open my eyes. His are imploring me to let him help. He feels just as helpless as me. “We won’t do anything you don’t want to do. I’ll stand outside the shower, but we need to cool you down. You’re burning up.”
“I d-don’t want y-you to see me n-naked,” I stutter out. I hate feeling so fucking weak. This is why I’ve built a steel wall around myself, only letting certain people in. Nathan is one of them, but right now, it bothers me that he’s seeing me like this.
“I’ve seen you naked before. This time won’t be any different,” he replies, watching me closely.
I shake my head, then regret it when bile threatens to come up. My throat does that uncontrollable swallow thing it does right before throwing up, but I push it away. I need Nathan to understand.
“It’s d-different. It doesn’t f-feel right n-ow. Blue—”
“He’ll understand, Abby.” His eyes hold understanding. “Let’s get you in the shower and into bed. We’ll come up with something to do after then, okay?�
��
“Yeah,” I whisper hoarsely.
I can’t look in his eyes as he pulls my shirt over my head. His fingers graze over my sensitive skin, and I can’t help the moan that slips out. My body is demanding I arch forward into his touch. And then I feel guilty. I’m not entirely sure what Nathan said was true. I can’t picture Blue being okay with Nathan being alone with me right now while I’m half naked. And I can’t fault him for that. It doesn’t feel right for me, either. No one should see me naked, except Blue. Either Nathan doesn’t hear my moan or he chooses to ignore it. Either way, I’m grateful he doesn’t say anything about it. He unsnaps my bra and brings the straps down my arms. My hands automatically go to cover my breasts. He acts very clinical and doesn’t look at me unless it’s necessary, but I still feel the need to cover myself.
“Can you stand?” he asks.
“Y-yes.”
I speak too soon, because as soon as my feet hit the floor, my knees buckle. The downward motion of my body and the abrupt stop from Nathan catching me is too much for my stomach to handle. I lean over and spew my lunch from earlier all over Nathan’s shirt.
“Shit,” Nathan mutters.
Once my stomach is empty, I wipe my mouth against my arm and lean my forehead against Nathan’s chest to catch my breath, not caring it’s right above the mess I made. My hands go to his sides, my nails digging into the muscles. I want so badly to just stop all the pain and ask him to fuck me, but my heart won’t allow it. As much as my body needs it right now, I won’t give in. I just… can’t. I can’t do that to Blue.
“Sorry,” I slur.
“Don’t apologize.”
I open my eyes, and the first thing I see is the hard ridge in Nathan’s pants. My eyes focus on it, my body aching even more with need at being so close to what it wants. I’m so tired of being overruled by my body. So damn tired of this need that never fully goes away. Even now, my hands are itching to reach out and unbuckle his belt, ready to beg for relief. I squeeze my eyes shut to block out the image. When I do, Blue pops in my head, and the ache goes to my chest.
Nathan’s hands rub up and down my bare back. It’s meant to be in comfort, but all it’s doing is making my body needier. I step back from him on wobbly legs, the nausea at bay for the moment, but the cramps still painfully gripping my stomach. My heart pounds and my whole body quivers.
I look up at Nathan and see desire mixed with guilt in his own eyes. He’s a man, and my breasts are bared to him. Of course he’s going to be turned on, even if I did just puke all over him.
“Abby,” he whispers. “I’m so fucking sorry. I fucking hate this for you. I hate seeing you like this.”
The temptation is so great to take him up on his silent offer to help me, I take a step forward. I know he doesn’t want to do this, just as much as I don’t want to. He knows it’ll only hurt me in the long run. But I also know he’d be willing to do it, just to take the pain away. I know I’m not thinking straight. My body has taken over, damning my heart to hell. Nathan whips his shirt off and tosses it carelessly to the floor. My eyes zero in on the tight muscles of his chest and stomach, then travel down to the one part of his body I want the most. The ache between my thighs increases, making my resolve to not touch Nathan weaken. I don’t know why I’m fighting this. It’s not like after tonight Blue will be in the picture anymore anyway. Why am I putting myself through this pain when I don’t need to? Does it truly matter if I stay away, when it’s already over between us? I feel like I’m going insane. My body is wired to have sex, and it feels like I’m depraving it of its life-giving essence, as if it’ll die if I don’t give it what it needs to survive.
My nails bite into my palm and my teeth dig into my bottom lip, hoping the pain in either will stop me from moving forward. But it doesn’t. My feet move before I can stop them. Nathan doesn’t reach out to me as I lay my hands on his chest. He’s letting me lead. At the first touch of his warm skin, the cramps in my stomach lessen. I don’t look up at him as I let my fingers roam down his rippling abs toward his belt. Tears trickle down my cheeks as my fingertips linger on the buckle. I hate myself more in this moment than I ever have before. I curse my body to hell for what I’m about to do. A soft sob escapes my lips, and my heart splits open wide and turns to dust as I yank open Nathan’s pants, reaching inside to palm his ready and willing cock.
Chapter Thirteen
Colt
I tap restlessly on the steering wheel as I wait for the damn light to change. I’d just run it, but there happens to be a fucking police car behind me at the moment. I glare in my rearview mirror and silently curse him. My patience to get to Abby is a hairsbreadth away from snapping. Glancing at the time on my truck stereo has my jaw clenching. It’s ten minutes to eleven.
I reach up and yank open the top three buttons of my shirt, trying to get more air in my lungs. I can’t even imagine what Abby is going through at the moment. One thing I refuse to believe is that she’s having sex with another man. There’s no way I’ll let that thought filter through my mind. I have faith in her ability to hold off until I get there. I just hate myself for the pain I know she’s going through. She’s tried hiding it, but I’ve seen the subtle hints that the pain is getting worse again. I saw the sadness in her eyes. The hope I know she felt at thinking it was going away is slowly fizzling out. I myself can’t help but be disappointed by it as well. But it still won’t make a difference. I don’t care if she has to have sex ten times a day to find relief. I’ll be there every damn time and enjoy every damn second.
Finally, the light turns green, and I have to force myself not to push the gas pedal to the floor. Luckily, the police car turns a couple miles down the road. As soon as he’s out of sight, I speed up. I’m five miles away, but it seems like a hundred. When I first made it to town, I went straight to Blackie’s, only to discover from Tegan that she had already left. I didn’t let the knowledge that she left with Nathan get to me. I know she would never sleep with him as long as we’re together. I’m not the only one that feels the intense connection between us. I’ve seen the way Abby looks at me. She may try, but she can’t hide what she feels for me. And thank fuck for that, because my feelings far exceed anything I’ve ever felt for another woman before. I want to cocoon her in my arms, take away all her pain, and never let her go.
Just as I was leaving Blackie’s to make a mad dash to Abby’s place, a hand stopped me. I turned, ready the lay the fucker out.
Lukas fucking Black stood there, staring at me.
“You need to tell your sister to call me,” he says, the expression on his face grave.
I don’t like the look, and I like it even less that he’s keeping me from leaving and going to Abby.
“What the fuck did you do?” I growl, knowing the only reason he would be having trouble getting in touch with Tera would be because he did something wrong.
I take a step toward him, ready to lay the fucker out, when I think of all the possibilities of what he could have done.
“Not a fucking thing, and even if I did, it wouldn’t be any of your business.”
“The hell you say,” I snarl. “When it comes to my sister, especially if it involves you, then I make it my business.”
We’re nose to nose, and I want nothing more than to teach this motherfucker a lesson, but I don’t have time. Out the corner of my eye, I see one of Lukas’s goons making his way over to us. Lukas holds up his hand, warding him off.
“Watch it, Maverick. Tera’s brother or not, I’ll take you out.”
“Sister or not, try and see how far you get,” I retort, not backing down. This asshole doesn’t scare me. “You may have people in your pocket, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have some in mine. Now get the fuck out of my way.”
My patience is paper thin, and I’m done with Lukas. After glaring at him another second, I walk around him.
“Tell Tera to call me, Maverick,” he yells, making it sound like a warning.
“Fuck you,” I yell
over my shoulder, not bothering to look back.
No fucking way in hell am I telling Tera to call that fucker. After calling her and getting her voicemail, I called our mom and found out she’s at our parent’s house. Mom said she was fine, just quiet and withdrawn. Tomorrow, I’ll go see Tera and find out what he did to her, and determine if I need to hunt him down and tear him limb from limb. My only focus tonight is getting to Abby. My gut is telling me that I’m running out of time.
I race into her apartment complex and park my truck behind Nathan’s. I hate knowing that he’s here with her during a vulnerable time. I hate knowing he’s probably caring for her, but I’m also glad she isn’t alone. My feelings aside, I would never want her to be alone at a time like this. I just wish it was me that was with her right now. I’m not sure I trust Nathan yet, but I do trust Abby.
I take the stairs two at a time and run over to Abby’s door. It’s locked when I try it, so I pound on the wood. Time seems to stand still as I wait for someone to answer. I’m just about to shoulder my way through, when it’s pulled open and a scowling Nathan appears in the doorway.
Pain hits me square in the chest and knocks me back a step as I take in his disheveled appearance. His hair and chest appear to be wet, like he just had a round of hot and sweaty sex, and he’s in nothing but a pair of jeans, which have the button undone. There is no fucking way I’m seeing what I think I’m seeing. No fucking way would Abby sleep with the bastard that’s standing in front of me. Not when her and I are together.
Unless she was in so much pain she had no choice, my mind whispers.
The pain of that thought has my heart pounding painfully in my chest. Can I really blame her if she did? I saw the condition she was in when I found her that day in the shower. She was barely holding on. Will I be able to get past it, knowing another man has touched her while being with me? Knowing that this is my fault, that I’m the one to blame because I wasn’t here tears me to shreds.