Love, Blood, and Sanctuary

by Brenda Murphy

“I—it’s hard to explain.”

  The uncharacteristic hesitation brought Izzy up short. Then she realized what it meant. Whatever this explanation was, Marun must think it was too complex for her little mind to understand.

  She pressed her lips together. It had taken her years to get over her inferiority complex where her ex was concerned. Marun had never lorded it over her that she was obviously brilliant, richer than Izzy’s parents could ever dream, and usually savagely smarter than everyone else in the room. But that didn’t mean knowing these things didn’t make Izzy feel some type of way.

  “Explain it to me like I’m an idiot, because what you did—leaving me without a word—feels like you just left because you wanted to.”

  Marun’s breath came out in a hiss and she looked away from the road to stare at Izzy again. “It definitely wasn’t that. And don’t say such nonsense about yourself, even as a hypothetical.” The corners of Marun’s mouth turned down and the sound of her fingernail tapping against the gearshift was loud between them. “My family is complicated. I told you that from the beginning.”

  She had. Back when they first talked seriously about being together, they discussed meeting each other’s families. Marun mentioned that her mother knew about them but traveled a lot. Also, something about her siblings being crazy and she wanted Izzy far away from them.

  “But you never said that complication would end with this.” Izzy gestured to the space between them. Then she clamped her mouth shut, mad at herself for looking for an explanation when there obviously wasn’t one.

  Marun left because she could. That’s it.

  Izzy’s stomach clenched hard like it just took a punch from a particularly vicious fist. No matter how many times she’d thought it over the years, the thought of Marun, the reality of her leaving, never hurt any less.

  Hands clenched in her lap, she turned to stare out of the window at the passing scenery. Nope, the bushes and trees hadn’t changed in the couple of hours or so since she last looked at them on the bus ride to town.

  But she took the few moments to desperately get herself back together.

  Being so close to Marun again brought all the old feelings back. Not just the inadequacy that had set in months into their relationship, but the want for her that always sat just under Izzy’s skin. The desire to see one of Marun’s rare smiles that was like the sun breaking through dark clouds after a storm. The need to touch her, to shut out everything except what it meant to be loved and desired and even worshiped by Marun.

  No.

  Only one thing was important now. And it wasn’t climbing back between her ex’s thighs.

  From the looks Marun gave her, though, that was exactly what she had in mind. Izzy flicked a quick glance to the other side of the car, considering all her options.

  Maybe, just maybe, she could get what she needed from Marun after all.

  When they pulled up into the driveway, Izzy gathered her purse in her lap and prepared to get out of the car. She hesitated with her hand on the door handle.

  “Do you want to come in for some coffee or something?”

  With a hand still on the steering wheel, and presumably ready to put the monster of a car in gear and head back to wherever she came from, Marun gave her the “don’t bullshit me and I won’t bullshit you” look.

  “Do you actually want me to come in or are you just being polite?” Her tone was light but threaded with something else.

  Uncertainty?

  The old Marun would never have questioned the offer, she would have just barged right in and expected everything delivered to her on a silver platter, including Izzy herself.

  Strange.

  Getting out of the car, Izzy just shrugged. “Make whatever you want out of it. I’m sure I have some of that Kenyan coffee you like though.”

  Her stomach dipped at the ghost of a smile that touched Marun’s lips. So what if that small thing made her ex happy? It was just a way to get her to sign the papers, that was all.

  Marun turned off the car. “In that case, I’d love to come in.”

  As she made her way up the driveway, Izzy was acutely aware of Marun. She walked at Izzy’s side, full hips rocking tantalizingly under the brilliant-yellow slacks, her purse tucked under an arm while she made small talk about the crisp white of the cottage’s paint job and the purple and red hydrangeas blooming on both sides of the porch steps.

  “Come in and make yourself comfortable while I change.” Hands slick with nervous sweat, Izzy hung the keys on their hook by the door and slipped into the bedroom, the repercussions of the sudden decision she’d made in the car nipping at her heels.

  Was she really going to do this?

  The memory of Marun sitting beside her at the bank came back to her, the dark eyes so certain, so cool and focused on her own agenda—whatever that was—despite Izzy’s plea for help.

  Yes. Yes, she was going to do this.

  After a quick change of her clothes and tampon, then a bracing splash of water on her face, she went back into the living room. Of course, Marun had made herself comfortable. She sat on the sofa, her suit jacket discarded, a leg curled under her as she paged through one of the art cookbooks from the coffee table.

  A traitorous warmth spread through her at how very much at home Marun looked there on the tobacco-brown leather couch that had been in their old apartment. It was a little too big for the cottage’s doll-sized living room but, like the box hidden at the back of the closet, it held reminders of things Izzy should have let go of years ago but couldn’t.

  Even Marun’s sweet scent, one she’d missed for so long, perfumed the room with nostalgia and remembered love. She couldn’t afford to be weak though.

  Marun stopped reading the book. “That’s a nice dress.”

  Izzy passed the couch on the way to the kitchen. “It’s comfortable.”

  “Yes,” Marun murmured. “I can see that.”

  Her voice was like incense smoke, rising up and following Izzy through the archway separating the living room from the kitchen. The beaded curtain between the rooms brushed over her shoulders as she passed through them. With each step, she was aware of the loose drape of the dress over her body, the wide neck drooping off one shoulder and the thin cotton showing very clearly she wasn’t wearing a bra. The fabric lightly rubbed her bare nipples with every breath, making them painfully hard.

  Marun had always preferred her in comfortable clothes, loose and accessible instead of tight and restrictive, all the easier to slip her hands beneath to get at Izzy’s skin. She flushed, suddenly overcome by memories of all the times Marun had cornered her in their apartment, fingers caressing under a maxi dress or inside her sweats, teasing Izzy with pleasure until neither of them could take it anymore and they ended up in a naked and satisfied heap on the floor.

  A soft breath of laughter drew her gaze to the kitchen’s entrance. Of course, Marun stood there. Watching her. Likely knowing exactly what she was thinking.

  Izzy fumbled to open the cabinet door and hide her overly warm face. “Do you want it iced or hot?”

  “However you want to give it to me is fine.”

  There was no hiding her trembling hands or hard nipples as she put the drink together, getting ice, sweet cream, and a tall glass to make the iced coffee Marun liked to drink even in the dead of winter.

  “You don’t have to be nervous with me, Isabella. We’re way past that.”

  Warm breath brushed the back of her neck and she felt the light touch of hands on her waist.

  “I’m not—not nervous.” She bit back a gasp at the searing touch and, before she could remember this was what she wanted, a seductive and unwary Marun, she slipped away from the hands that felt too good, banging her hip into the counter in her startled escape.

  Her pulse thudded fiercely in her throat and she fiddled with a nearby ceramic vase that held her wooden cooking spoons, chest aching, and waited for the coffee to brew.

  She’d made the decision to manipulate Ma
run into signing the papers, but that didn’t mean it was going to be easy. The living and breathing reality of Marun in her cottage, temptingly scented and so beautiful, weakened her knees as well as her resolve. After five minutes of her so-called plan, she was already in so far over her head that she was about to drown.

  The coffee gurgled in the machine and its rich aroma poured into the kitchen.

  To occupy her fluttering hands, Izzy picked up a slotted wooden spoon. “In the car, you said something about not wanting to leave me and that it’s complicated—” Marun opened her mouth to interrupt but she held up a hand. “—no, let me finish. I don’t know when I’ll get the chance to talk to you about this again since god knows when you’ll suddenly disappear again for another three years.”

  “Years?” Marun made a sound of disbelief. “Don’t exaggerate, love. I’ve only been gone for…” Her voice drifted away as she looked up at the rustic calendar on the kitchen wall. “Wait. That can’t be right.”

  The calendar Izzy put up may have been cliché, an “adorable cottages of the northern USA” spread Taylor had given her months before, but it was at least accurate. She wasn’t about to let Marun distract her.

  “Why did you leave, Marun?”

  But her ex didn’t answer. Brow puckered, she drifted across the kitchen toward the calendar. “Three years?” she asked as if she didn’t have a smart watch on her wrist and what looked like the current year’s obnoxious car sitting in the driveway.

  Her anger quickly clawed its way to the surface. She dropped the wooden spoon on the counter with a clatter. “You know damn well how long it’s been, Marun. Don’t treat me like that much of a fool.” Because it hurt.

  Marun grabbed her arm. “Izzy, listen!”

  Izzy shook off the too-warm touch. “No, just let me finish this then you can tell me whatever bullshit you’re eager for me to believe.”

  Pointedly turning her back to Marun, she finished making the coffee and then prepared some mint tea for herself. Coffee actually sounded more appealing, especially since she needed to be her most awake and aware self to deal with Marun, but tea made more sense. The last thing she needed was to be groggy and distracted later tonight at work.

  Once everything was done, she put the cups along with some shortbread cookies on a tray and took them to the living room.

  Marun trailed behind her, a silent wraith, radiating discontent.

  “I didn’t realize it had been so long. But dammit, I should have known.” Obviously agitated, Marun dropped into the couch, her back against the armrest.

  The ceramic tray clicked against the wooden coffee table when Izzy put it down. “Here’s your coffee. Drink up. I made it just the way you like.”

  What else was there to say to Marun’s madness? Three years had passed since she walked out. There was absolutely no way she didn’t know that.

  Marun’s hands rested limply in her lap and Izzy tucked her own in the pockets of her dress, keeping to her side of the sofa.

  “It wasn’t supposed to be this long,” Marun said. “The time…” She tilted her head back. Her thick hair quivered like a dandelion in the breeze. “I’m acting like I was born yesterday. I knew it could be like this.”

  “You’re the one treating me like I was born yesterday.” The giant mug of tea warmed Izzy’s hands as she took a sip; a mint leaf swimming in the hot liquid lightly touched her lips. She wanted to scream at Marun and tell her to stop playing games, but that wouldn’t get her what she wanted.

  “So—” she said, resting the cup in her lap and turning to mirror Marun’s pose. “—tell me, what is it that you forgot?”

  “Apparently, everything about how the world works.” Marun sighed and brought the tall glass of iced coffee, the thick cream and darker coffee still swirling, separately yet together, to her nose. She took a long drink of the coffee without mixing it. “This is perfect. Thank you.”

  “I’m glad you still like some things,” Izzy said quietly. The tea, flavored with honey, was sweet on her tongue, even with the lemon juice she’d squeezed in. “Will you ever tell me why you left?”

  “I will. But first, tell me why you need me to sign this paper so badly.”

  Izzy set the cup down on the saucer with a sharp clack. “Did you listen to anything I said before?”

  “Yes, but it doesn’t make any sense. I left you everything in my accounts. Between that and the money your grandmother left you, money shouldn’t be a problem.”

  At the thought of just how much of her grandmother’s money was gone, Izzy’s cheeks burned. She should have been responsible. But somehow, it had all simply disappeared.

  “The accounts were empty, Marun. I had to rent out the apartment above the bakery because I couldn’t afford the mortgage, then finally had to close the business. I need to sell the building before I have to sell a kidney to live.”

  “If it’s money you want, I have plenty. Take it. As much as you want.”

  Izzy clenched her trembling hand. This was the way of falling right into Marun’s trap. Take the money and end up in a cycle of dependency that would break her when Marun ran off again? No, she couldn’t do that. “It’s not just about the money. Sign over the building to me and we’d never have to deal with each other again. You can go back to wherever you came from and not worry about lying calendars or giving me money or any of it. If you have so much cash, the bakery—the building—shouldn’t mean anything to you.”

  If she could get this done the direct way, she’d happily throw out the seduction plan. After what seemed to be real surprise about finding out what year it was, Marun had softened. Maybe they could both be adults about this, honest adults.

  “I’m not letting you sell our bakery.”

  Or not.

  “All right then.” Izzy released a sigh and sank deeper into the couch, feeling heavier now than when she first walked into the house. She should just tell Marun to get the hell out of the apartment and fuck right off back to where she came from. But though she was many things, Izzy had never been rude. “Fine. So, since you’re already in my house and drinking my coffee, can you at least tell me where you’ve been all this time?”

  “I went to find my mother.”

  Of all the things Izzy expected Marun to say, this was at the absolute bottom of her list. She cleared her throat. “Why?”

  Under the late morning light, Marun’s face was a shifting tapestry of emotion, open as it usually was only after sex. Or when she’d done something she knew was wrong.

  “I needed some advice about my siblings.”

  “And you couldn’t do that while we were together?”

  “No. I couldn’t. She’s not easy to find, and the way can be dangerous for a huma—for someone like you.”

  “Someone like me?” Izzy shook her head although every part of her was getting heavy, the need to sleep weighing her down into the soft leather. “I’m not that fragile, Marun.”

  “My mother is a hard creature. Even steel isn’t safe from her.”

  This was all so much shit. But it was more than she’d ever gotten out of Marun before. Even if her reasons were lies, Izzy was pathetic enough to at least want to hear them.

  “Did you find her?”

  “No, I didn’t. But I’m still looking.” Marun took the teacup from Izzy’s hands and put it on the coffee table.

  Wait. When did she move? Izzy blinked her heavy eyelids. The thick armrest of the couch felt good against her back, solid. With Marun’s voice washing over her, she could almost pretend they were back in the apartment above the bakery, sunlight pouring in, the scent of lovemaking clinging to her skin. Marun smiling at her as if Izzy was all she ever needed in the world.

  “I didn’t expect to be gone so long,” Marun said. “The time in your world moves so differently. No wonder you’re all so fragile.”

  “What are you talking about?” Everything felt soft, blurred softly at the edges by sleep.

  “My mistakes.”

  T
he sofa’s leather under her cheek was so warm and Marun’s voice was like a lullaby. This time, when Izzy’s eyelids drifted shut, she didn’t have the strength to open them again.

  Chapter Six

  When she opened her eyes again, everything felt different. For one thing, she wasn’t in the living room anymore. The familiar contours of her bedroom, half-hidden in shadows, slowly came into focus. Lying on her stomach, Izzy blinked drowsily at her bedside table, the glass of water she didn’t remember putting there, her cell phone sitting on its charging pad. The sheet draped over her naked back smelled like the lavender detergent she used but the comforter, a candy-pink cotton she didn’t use very often because it was a pain in the ass to dry, wasn’t what she’d had on her bed that morning.

  Wait. Then why—?

  She quickly sat up. Then grabbed the comforter before it fell away completely and left her basically naked in bed next to her ex. Thankfully, she still had her panties on.

  “Don’t worry, I didn’t peek.” Marun teased her with a weak smile.

  Maybe Izzy should’ve been surprised to see Marun sitting in the bed beside her, her back resting against the headboard while she scrolled through her phone, but she wasn’t. At least not too much.

  As her heartbeat slowly calmed, Izzy dragged the comforter all the way up to her neck. She was definitely awake now. Even as she sat there, still disoriented, she realized this wasn’t the first time Marun had been here, in this bed next to her. Yesterday, just before her mother called, she’d felt the remnants of a familiar warmth. Hints of a scent she knew.

  A wave of anger flooded through her veins, making her pulse race. Then, as suddenly as the anger came, it receded, leaving her just…tired. Why was Marun doing this?

  “For three years, I searched the world to find you. Now, all of a sudden, you’re everywhere, like a bad penny I can’t spend.” She rubbed eyes that felt gritty and hot. Was this some sort of fever dream? Was she going to wake any second now and find herself alone like always? “You should’ve left me on the couch and gone home.”

  “If I’d done that, we wouldn’t be talking right now.” Marun put her phone down and faced Izzy. She’d taken off her intimidating high heels, leaving her feet and painted toes bare, dark elegance against the pale-pink comforter. Defying the low light, the diamonds on her ring finger flashed as she moved.