Still groggy with sleep, it took me a moment to get my bearings.
My head was resting on a warm hard wall of muscle, not the lumpy pillow I’d used the last few nights.
Kyle.
I was home. We both were. Safe and sound.
I relaxed into him and my hand moved over his heart. Feeling his strong, steady heartbeat grounded me, kept the demons at bay.
“Mornin’, sweetheart.”
He sounded wide awake.
“Did I have a nightmare?” I asked.
“Nope. You didn’t move a muscle.”
“Then why are you so awake?”
Kyle stiffened before he eased the tension out of his body and covered my hand with his.
“No reason. Just lying here.”
That was bullshit.
“Tell me, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing—”
“Kyle, please don’t lie to me. We haven’t talked about your mission. Did everything go okay?”
“As well as it could go.”
Okay, that was a little cryptic, but he didn’t sound like he was upset about that. And I knew the rest of the team had all made it back to Maryland and there were no injuries. So I figured he was telling me the truth even if he wasn’t giving it to me straight.
“Then what’s keeping you awake, honey?”
Kyle remained silent as his thumb rubbed over the back of my hand still over his heart.
“Please talk to me.”
Still nothing.
“I was scared,” I admitted. “After what happened with Monica, I was scared you’d be mad. Or maybe not mad but I didn’t know if you’d be able to get over what I’d done.”
“What you did was save Emerson’s life.”
“I know. But at the time, I wasn’t thinking straight. I was scared and I didn’t want you to look at me like I’d done something wrong.”
Sometime during the drive some of the guilt and shame had lessened. I’d been protecting my friend and if it hadn’t been me who’d pulled her off, it would’ve been Jeremy. And he’d flat out said, he’d had no intention of showing her mercy. Either way, Monica had signed her own death warrant the second she’d touched Emerson.
Of course I wished it hadn’t been me who’d done it, but I’d choose Emmy any day of the week. Therefore, I had to let it go. The alternative would’ve meant I’d stood by and watched my friend get strangled and that was not an option.
“It pisses me right the fuck off you had to do it, but I’m happy you did. We all are, Thad more than the rest.”
“In a way I guess it’s good everything happened so fast, there wasn’t enough time to freak out or panic. There was no time to think, not from the time Jeremy told us to get into the bedroom to the moment we crashed. If there had been, I don’t think things would’ve ended as well as they did.”
“Wouldn’t have mattered. You and Emerson are smart. You both kept control—”
“There’s a lesson in all of this,” I cut him off. “More than, life’s short and I have to stop living with regrets. More than me understanding with great clarity where I want my life to go. But I also learned I’m stronger than I thought I was. Even if everything that happened didn’t end with me right now in your arms, I wouldn’t have stopped fighting to get back to you. I know that now, I know I have more fight in me, I know I’m strong even if I was scared. And I knew, you would’ve never stopped looking. So in a way, that was freeing. No matter what happened—if Harry’s men had caught up to us—you would’ve found us.”
“Damn right I would’ve.”
The vehemence in his declaration made me smile.
“Please don’t be mad at Zane.”
“Anaya—”
“No, listen. He had no way of knowing. You had no way of knowing. None of us did.”
“We damn well knew we didn’t have enough information on the woman. The suggestion never should’ve been made to send you and Emerson in.”
“Don’t do that.”
“Do what?”
“Baby me.”
“That is not me babying you. That’s me loving you and protecting you. Something I promised to do. Something I told myself after you were taken in Timor-Leste I’d never stop doing. And what did I do? I fucking ignored my gut again. Swear to Christ that will never, I mean never, happen again. It might make me sound like a bossy prick but if I feel like a situation is too dangerous, the answer is no. Just no. No discussion. No agreement.”
“You can’t do that, Kyle,” I whispered.
“Straight up I can and I will.” My eyes drifted closed, not liking where this conversation was headed. “Wanna know what I was thinking about while I was in Canada?” I nodded my head against his chest. “I was thinking something wasn’t right. I could feel it. Not in my gut, not in an abstract way. Down to my soul I knew something was wrong. It wasn’t the same nag I get while on an operation before shit goes sideways. It was a bone-deep ache. My chest physically hurt. Then when Zane called to inform us that you and Emerson were on the run with fucking Landry tied up in the back seat, I had never been so scared in my life.
“Not even when you were texting me that you thought there was something wrong with your driver. Not when I knew your kidnapping was imminent. Not when Dec and I were searching and then had to fucking wait until that boat crossed into Australian water. At the time, I’d thought that was the most scared I’d ever been. And maybe until yesterday it had been. But knowing the woman I loved was breathing the same air as Landry had me terrified. Thinking about how that came to be, I was even more so. Knowing that if one thing went wrong, you’d be lost to me forever. And I’m not saying I wouldn’t have found you, but what I would’ve found would not have been you. Not this you. Not the woman who I’ve watched heal, who’s opened up, who’s funny and smiles, the woman I love more than anything else in this world. The things…fuck…I can’t. I can’t even think about it.”
“Then don’t think about them.”
“I don’t think you get it. When you were kidnapped, I knew we had a connection. I could feel it. It was burrowing in. I knew I’d give my life to get you back. But now I’m drowning in it. I’m in so deep with you, I can’t breathe without you. If something—”
“But it didn’t. I’m here. I’m safe. And in the end, you made that so.”
“If we’d been—”
“But you weren’t. You were there. But now you can’t baby me.”
“Did you pay attention, Anaya? There is no me and you. There’s only an us. I will not stand for you ever being in danger.”
This was going to be an issue and somewhere in the back of my mind I was wondering if I should let it go for now. Emotions were high, the situation still raw. But I couldn’t. I knew he’d crush me if he treated me like I was incapable of being his equal.
“Yes, Kyle, I paid attention. And you have to know I feel the same. And I love that you want to protect me, but you can’t suffocate me and keep me locked away because you think there’s danger everywhere.”
“You think I’d do that to you?”
He started to sit up and I gave him all my weight to keep him where he was.
“Honestly? Right now, I don’t know. We’re both scared. Yesterday was super shitty and I’m just afraid—”
“Super shitty?” he barked. “Yesterday I thought my life was over.”
I froze.
“I failed you. Again. Don’t you get that? But never fucking again.”
“Okay,” I whispered. “I get it.”
His body sagged and he turned his face away from me.
“I am so damn sorry, sweetheart.”
“I get how you’re feeling. But there’s nothing for you to be sorry for. You didn’t do—”
“I did.”
“We’re not doing this!” I screeched. “If I was one of your teammates you wouldn’t be saying sorry. You wouldn’t be taking this on.”
“But—”
“No buts. You can’t treat me like I
’m helpless.”
I barely got out the word helpless before I was flipped to my back and Kyle was looming over me looking pissed.
“The last damn thing you are is helpless. You are so fucking strong you amaze me. The last thing you are is weak, and I would never treat you like you are.”
“I’m fearless,” I told him.
“Yeah, baby, you are.”
“And it’s because of you. You taught me to be that. You gave me that. Please don’t take it away now.”
His eyes went soft and his features gentled.
No other words were spoken, he lowered his lips to mine and in a single kiss he conveyed everything he needed to say.
Finally.
Last night he hadn’t kissed me. Not like this. Not with passion and fervor. Not like I was the air he breathed.
But he was now.
And it was great. It was everything I needed it to be.
His lips left mine but they traveled to my neck and his hands roamed.
Yes.
About time.
I needed this.
Chapter 35
The tee Anaya had slept in last night was long gone. I’d nearly ripped it off her in my quest to get her naked. Her panties had been tossed aside along with my shorts.
The taste of her was fresh on my tongue, the sound of her moans still ringing in my ears.
Damn, she was beautiful.
From her soft brown hair down to her pretty toes, she was stunning.
My lips were lingering on her hip and I was enjoying taking my time. But Anaya had other thoughts, her hand in my hair was tugging and pulling me higher.
“Slow,” I murmured against her skin and continued to lick and taste my way across her belly, then higher, and I swiped my tongue across her pebbled nipples and teased her opening. She was slick from her orgasm.
“Can’t wait,” Anaya mumbled, and I smiled before I slowly fucked two fingers inside her.
Once her hips were bucking and her breath was coming out in pants, I reached down and guided the tip of my cock until it nudged her opening and I gritted my teeth as I notched the head in.
Christ.
“Tip your hips up for me, sweetheart.” My hand went under her ass, and with our combined movements, I slipped in a little more.
“Kiss me, baby.” She righted her head and offered her mouth.
I didn’t delay, not with the kiss, not with slamming into her. Her legs curled around my thighs and she tore her mouth from mine. I drove in harder, our eyes locked, and I watched the need catch fire and burn into hunger. Her breathing was erratic as she took my cock and begged for me.
We were connected.
And just like all the times before, each and every time I filled her, she didn’t hold back. Not a single thing. Pure Anaya—she gave me everything. She was a part of me. Her arms wrapped tighter around me, her hands moved to my ass, and her nails dug into the muscle.
Fucking hot.
“Harder, Kyle.”
I pulled out and she whimpered as I flipped her on her stomach and slammed home.
“Harder?” I grunted.
“Yes.”
Anaya’s hips bucked and she fucked herself back onto my cock as I thrusted forward. Beautiful. She clawed at the sheets and her pussy started to pulse. I bent forward, one hand going between her legs to toy with her clit, the other to roll and pinch her nipple.
“You gonna come for me, sweetheart?”
“Yeah.”
“You wanna ride me before or after?”
“Both.”
Goddamn perfect.
“Then come now, Anaya.”
I pinched her nipple and her clit, at the same time giving both a small twist. Her pussy spasmed and contracted and damn near took me with her. Before she was done coming, but needing her off my cock before I couldn’t give my girl what she wanted, I pulled out, flipped us over, then slammed her back down on my pulsing cock praying I could hold off.
“Ride me,” I demanded, and started moving her hips for her.
With her head bowed, a sheet of shiny brown hair covering her face, she started to rock and my hands went to her tits. Big, heavy, tipped with pretty rosy nipples that tasted even sweeter than they looked. I’d never taken myself for a boob man, but then I’d never seen a pair that were as spectacular as hers.
Anaya’s hands landed on my chest and her hips moved faster. I removed my hands from her breasts just so I could watch them bounce and sway.
“Goddamn, you’re fucking sexy, baby. You think you can give me one more?”
“No,” she groaned. “Your turn.”
Her gaze met mine, eyes on fire, neck and chest flushed with desire. Oh, yeah, she had one more in her and I wanted it. I wanted everything Anaya could give and then some.
I knifed up, wrapped my arms around her, trapping her tight, and whispered, “I want one more from you. Either you take it like this, Anaya, or I flip you over and I’ll take it. But either way, I’m not coming until I feel your wet, tight pussy suck me dry. Which is it gonna be?”
She didn’t answer. Instead she ground down into me and I had to grit my teeth. So I guess that was her answer—she was taking it.
“Fuck, Anaya.” I slid my hand into her hair, yanked it back putting space between us, and lowered my head and took one nipple into my mouth. I was beyond being gentle, beyond thought, but lucky for me so was Anaya. I pulled my mouth off one nipple and bit and licked my way to the other side. “Out of control,” I mumbled against her chest. “You catch, and you’re not wild, you’re fucking uncontrollable. So fucking hot, so sexy, I’m trying everything I can not to blow. Everything’s perfect about you, Anaya. Everything. Can’t live without you.” Her pussy quivered and I couldn’t stop the groan. “Can’t ever live without you. Promise me you’ll never leave me, Anaya.”
“Promise,” she panted. “I’m…”
She didn’t finish. Her face went to my throat, her tongue tasted my skin, then she bit down.
“Fuck!” I roared. Unable to hold back, I slammed her down on my cock and held her still as my cock pulsed and my eyes rolled.
Connected.
“I can feel it,” she whispered.
“What can you feel, sweetheart?”
“My soul healing.”
I froze, every muscle seized, my blood heated.
Letting Anaya go had never been an option—I’d claimed her, she was mine. But there in our bed, my cock buried deep, me holding her close, and her holding me tighter, she’d irrevocably tied herself to me. There was no going back. Not now, not ever.
“That’s good, baby,” I whispered.
“Thank you, Kyle.”
I forced my body to relax and pulled her face out of my neck.
“Fearless. My girl is absolutely fearless.”
I got her soft lazy eyes, I got her smile, and I got her dimples.
Good God, there was nothing prettier.
My hands went from her hips to her back and I started stroking. Anaya melted into me and I thought there was nothing better than the feel of her on top of me. She snuggled in, giving me her weight. Trusting me. Loving me. Her warm skin pressed against mine, still breathing heavy from riding me.
“We need to talk, sweetheart.”
“Uh huh,” she mumbled and I smiled against her hair.
She was sleepy but this couldn’t wait. Not even until morning. I’d been rolling it around in my head for days—weeks actually—and the time had definitely come to lay all my cards on the table.
“I want you to move here to Maryland.”
“You do?”
Anaya sat up so fast I had to jerk my head to the side to avoid a collision.
“Yeah, baby, I do. If you wanna stay in San Diego, we can go there. Though I have to say that would suck because now that the team’s not on a long-term contract, we’ll be home more and I want to be close to my team and I want you close to Emerson and Tatiana. But if you’re committed to SD that’s where we’ll go.”
Anaya stared down at me with wide shocked eyes and asked, “You’d move to California with me?”
“Sweetheart, I’d move anywhere as long as it meant I get you.”
“I wanna live here.”
Thank fuck.
“Now we gotta talk about one more thing. I don’t want you taking another contract with the Peace Corps that will take you from me for two years. I’m not trying to be a dick but I want you in our bed every night. I know there will be nights I’m deployed and won’t be in it with you, but I wanna know you’re in it. Home safe in our house with our friends close by.”
Anaya didn’t take her eyes off me. She also hadn’t said a word, she was simply gazing down at me, her face unreadable. The Peace Corps wasn’t a deal breaker for me; I’d take her any way I could have her, but it would suck trying to navigate a long-distance relationship.
“Are you asking me to quit because you think it’s dangerous and you don’t think I can handle it?”
“Fuck no. Anaya, I think you’ve proven you can handle any situation you’re put in. You have more inner strength than anyone I know. From what happened to you when you were a teenager to Timor-Leste to this latest drama. You are strong and brave and smart. Do I like knowing you’ll possibly be unsafe? Fuck no, the thought makes my skin crawl. But I also know the team has your back. Do I want to wrap you up in a cocoon so nothing can ever touch you again? Yes. But I know I can’t do that. I know you need to be free to be you and I need to stand next to you while you do it. I will always do what I need to do to protect you. But what I won’t do is suffocate you in the process.”
“Then why are you asking me to quit?”
“I’m asking you to quit because I cannot imagine a day without you. Not only can’t I imagine it, the thought causes a physical ache in my chest. I know it’s a lot to ask, I know it probably makes me a dick, but it is what it is. I’m selfish when it comes to you and your time. I want it all. But I promise you, you give this me you won’t regret it. I’ll make each day worth it. I swear it, Anaya, I’ll bust my ass to make you happy.”
“You don’t have to bust your ass, Kyle, unless that’s what you’re doing now, because you already make me happy. And I don’t want to go back to the Peace Corps. I’ve been thinking about it and I don’t want to go back to a life where I live out of a backpack. It’s lonely. And I don’t want to be away from you or my friends. You’ve given me more than you’ll ever understand. And it’s more than just friends and a home. It’s more than you giving yourself to me. You’ve given me—me. And I can’t even say you’ve given me back, because there was nothing there. I was adrift, just skating by, not really livin’ but breathing and floating. Now I’m living. I’m feeling. I know what it feels like to love and be loved and be open and know I can be scared and strong at the same time. And I have all of that because of you.
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