“I know you are. And I can understand why you’d ask.” I reached out, grabbed her hand, and tugged her to my chest. “You’re gonna be a great mom.”
“How can you say that? Not only did I not have a mom, I didn’t even have an aunt or a grandmother to show me. Like you, I never considered kids. I mean, what if I can’t connect with them?”
“Sweetheart, I get it. I really do, but straight up, you have nothing to worry about. When the time comes, you’re gonna be a great mom.”
“How do you know?”
“I just do.”
“That’s not good enough,” she huffed.
I didn’t want to bring her past up, I really didn’t want to talk about it while we were talking about our future. I wanted Anaya to move on and not dwell on everything that had happened to her. In the two weeks since she’d agreed to move to Maryland with me, she’d opened herself up to the team and had reached out to all of the women—not just Tatiana and Emerson.
Olivia, Violet, Ivy, Erin, and Jasmin had pulled Anaya into their tight group as well. All eight of the women got together to do whatever women did when they were together on more than one occasion. I didn’t give the first fuck what they did when they went out, what I cared about was every time Anaya came home or stopped by the office, she was smiling and happy. She laughed a lot, she hugged them goodbye, she played with Jasmin and Linc’s twins, she rocked and cooed Eric and Mason. My woman was happy, she had connected, and she was free.
What I didn’t want to do, was bring up the fucked-up shit that had been done to her in an effort to convince her she’d be a good mom.
“Anaya, sweetheart, the life you had tells me you’re gonna be a good one.”
“But—”
“Didn’t want to bring this up, didn’t wanna remind you or talk about it, and after this we’re going back to moving forward and leaving the past where it belongs—in the fucking past. If anyone understands the importance of the role a mother plays in a child’s life, it’s you. If anyone knows what it feels like to be uncared for, it’s you. If anyone knows what it is like not to have a mama to love them, cuddle them, kiss them goodnight, it is you. You knowing all of that, living the life you did, going through what you did, and you being the type of woman I know you are—and I know it down to my bones—you’ll bust your ass to make sure your child never feels a moment of what you did. That’s how I know.”
Tears had formed in Anaya’s eyes and I felt each one as they rolled down her cheek and ricocheted through my chest—another direct hit. This one straight to my heart.
“Anaya, you are strong and brave and can do anything you put your mind to. Any damn thing. Believe that. You may’ve missed it, but you’re tight with your girls. You’ve connected with them and with my team. They all love and care about you and that has nothing to do with you being my woman and everything to do with you just being you. You have a heart of gold and one day, you’re gonna pass all of that, all of who you are, on to our kids.”
“Thank you.”
“For what? Telling you the truth.”
“Well, yes, but also for always reassuring me and reminding me when I forget I’m supposed to be fearless.”
“It is no hardship standing by your side. It is an honor and there’s no place I’d rather be. I’ll remind you every day until you remember on your own. And, sweetheart, you aren’t ‘supposed’ to be fearless—you just are. When I say you can do anything, Anaya, I mean anything. It’s taken you only a month, a fuckin’ month, to shed your armor and shine. One goddamn month. I’m beyond awestruck. Beyond words to tell you how proud I am of you.”
“Do you think everything is moving too fast?”
“Fuck no. Honest to God, swear I’m telling you the truth, I knew when you walked into the lobby of The Del, you were going to change my life. I knew the second my eyes landed on you and my skin tingled with awareness that something big was gonna happen. I knew it. And when we were in Australia and you stood tall and fierce in front of me telling me to stop treating you like you were broken, I knew I was falling in love with you. Right then, with that steely look of determination, I knew with every fiber of my being that you were the woman I was going to spend my life with. So, no, this isn’t moving too fast. As far as I’m concerned, we’re moving at a snail’s pace. If I had my way, you’d have my ring on your finger and planning a wedding. But I know you need time to adjust and—”
“I don’t need time.”
And there was that fierceness I loved so much.
The resolve and honesty.
“Then when we get home, I’ll set about making it so you have a wedding to plan. And just so you know, I don’t want to wait. I don’t want some long engagement. I also don’t care when and where. Rally your girls, set it up, and tell me where I’m supposed to show up.”
“You don’t care when and where?”
There was that cute scrunch of her nose again. The one that never failed to make me want to kiss the ever-loving hell out of her.
“Okay, I’ll amend. I don’t care when, as long as it’s soon. I don’t care where as long as it is exactly what you want. You’ve given me something I never dreamed I’d have because I didn’t know to dream for it. I didn’t know you were out there wandering around. And I sure as fuck didn’t know that all this time, I was waiting for you. But I was, and now that I know, I don’t want to wait any longer because I’ve already waited thirty-two years for you.” Anaya nodded, streams of tears now flowing. “Baby, you’re killing me.”
My hands moved from her waist to her cheeks and I swiped the wetness away.
“They’re happy tears, Kyle,” she whispered, her eyes still brimming with tears. “And just so you know, I was thinking the same thing. Only I was thinking how lucky I was. How I never thought about the future or what it would look like because there was nothing worth looking forward to. Then I met you. Then I fell in love with you. And now, I want things I never dared to think about, and one of those things is kids. Because for me to have a family it would mean I’d have to find a man, and I never thought that would happen. I wasn’t looking for you, Kyle. I wasn’t looking for a future or love or even friends. I was content living behind the walls I’d reinforced and I stopped noticing the loneliness. Then you made me see myself differently and suddenly and it happened quickly. I didn’t want to live like I was. I wanted to invite you in, I wanted you to want to stay awhile, I wanted everything I never thought I’d have and I only want it with you.
“You said it took me a month to shed my armor but you’re wrong, I didn’t shed it, honey, you demolished it. You tore it to shreds and you did it on an airplane by just holding my hand.”
My chest expanded, not with air, even though I was breathing heavy, but from something so big building up, I thought I’d shatter.
“Fuck, baby, you cannot say shit like that to me when the movers are gonna be here in five minutes, your bed’s already disassembled, and your couch is covered in suitcases.”
“What does that have to do with anything?” She smiled and tilted her head in a way that left me no option but to lean down and take her mouth.
And like always, my girl didn’t mess around, her tongue came out to meet mine and she swept me away into another world. One where only she and I existed. One that was so fucking bright and beautiful it didn’t just fill me with hope—it filled me with pure joy.
The knock at the door ended our kiss far too soon.
“Tonight when we get back to our hotel room, I’m gonna show you just how much your words mean to me. I’m gonna take my time, I’m gonna do it thoroughly, and I’m gonna do it in a way that you’ll never forget. I love you, Anaya. So damn much I can’t begin to tell you. But I promise you, even though I can’t find the words, you’ll always know. And you’ll feel it from top to toe, you’ll feel it in your heart, you’ll feel it in your soul. I swear it, sweetheart, your days of living behind walls are over. You tore those down and built yourself a home. And knowing I’m the one th
at gets to fill it with family and happiness is the best feeling in the world.”
Anaya did a face plant into my chest, my arms went around her as her body shook. I knew she was crying, her tears were soaking my tee, but these I’d let seep into my skin knowing she liked what I said and she was feeling my promise deep.
The pounding on the door sounded again and I didn’t move. Fuck it. The movers could wait.
“Piper!”
Anaya immediately stood from her seat to greet Ace and Piper as they approached our table. Shock registered on Piper’s face and Ace broke out into a wide smile. Yeah, he saw it. There was no way to miss the change in Anaya. It wasn’t that she hadn’t been friendly with them when we’d met at The Del the day we’d left for Timor-Leste, she had been. But now Anaya was a different kind of friendly and Ace understood. I was sure he saw the same smile on his wife’s face every day.
“Hey,” Piper returned. “You look…great.”
Anaya’s cheeks tinged pink but she didn’t shy away.
“Thanks. I feel great. How are the girls?”
“Perfect,” Ace answered, and Piper looked over at her husband, her face soft and her mouth curved into a smile.
Ace was a lucky man, having all that directed at him, though I was, too. Anaya was not selfish with her smiles or her laughter. She gave me both daily. And I’d work my ass off making sure that never stopped.
“Hey, what are you doing here?” A very pretty, tall woman stopped at our table and it took me a moment to recognize her.
The one and only Jessyka Sawyer, owner of Ace’s Bar and Grill.
“Long time, Jessyka. How’s Benny?” I asked.
“He’s great. You should’ve called Kason. He would’ve loved to come and catch up.”
“Sorry, we didn’t think of it. Jessyka, this is Anaya Baker. Anaya, this is a friend of ours. Benny’s wife,” I introduced.
“Nice to meet you.” Anaya offered her hand. “But I’m confused, is your husband Benny or Kason?”
“Both,” Jessyka answered and giggled when Anaya’s eyes went round. “No.” Jess shook her head and smiled. “I’m not married to two men, Benny and Kason are the same person. I mean, Benny is Kason’s nickname. Like Ace is Beckett’s.”
“Oh. Sorry, I was thinking you were one busy woman with two men.”
“God, no. Kason and three kids are enough for me.” Jess laughed.
Ace took the opportunity to scoot by the now-chatting women and quietly asked, “Amisha?”
“Taken care of.”
He nodded and continued. “As bad as Anaya thought?”
“Worse, brother. You know we had to rush the op because we needed to get to Cambodia, but after being in that shithole and walking into what I did, I’m still struggling with the knowledge we were there the night before for recon and we left knowing those girls were inside. Can’t say I ever take pleasure ending a life, but there was a sense of satisfaction when my blade passed across the bitch’s throat. And I’m not losing sleep over her, that’s for damn sure.”
Ace winced before his jaw went tight.
“Don’t go there, Ace. You had no idea what was going down next door. When Anaya approached, you helped her, and that’s what matters.”
“My daughters—”
“Don’t, Ace. You got your daughters home with you. You and Piper are giving them a life they never would’ve had. They’ll grow up knowing nothing but love. Stay focused on that, yeah.”
“You’re right. They’re home, they’re thriving, and they’re surrounded by love.”
“Yeah, they are.”
“So.” Ace smiled. “You and Anaya.”
“Told you over the phone.”
“You did,” he confirmed. “And I was happy to hear it, but I’m happier to see it. She’s different.”
“That she is.”
“She’s lucky—"
“No, brother, she is not. Anaya’s never seen luck, not a day in her life. Everything she’s become she’s worked her ass off to accomplish. Which makes me the luckiest son of bitch in the world because she wants to share all that she is with me.”
“I hear that.”
Anaya’s giggle drew my attention to her, Jessyka, and Piper.
I saw her smile, I heard her laughter, and when both of those hit me, I was filled with her happiness.
It was another hit straight to my heart and it felt damn good.
Chapter 38
“Thanks for doing this,” I told Kyle.
“No problem.”
“And thanks for lunch. Piper and Ace seem happy.”
“That’s because they are.”
I glanced at Kyle, and since he was driving, I had him in profile. Strong square jaw, covered with a day’s worth of stubble, and I shivered in my seat remembering his promise and what those whiskers felt like between my legs.
Funny how I’d gone from the thought of someone touching me being nearly revolting to craving Kyle’s and desperate for it. I’d gone from having nothing to having it all and I still wanted more. I wasn’t worried I’d screw this up between us, because Kyle wouldn’t let me. I trusted him to guide me where we needed to be. I knew he’d take care of me, I knew he’d protect me, I knew he’d continue to be patient as I worked out all the poison that churned in my stomach. That there wasn’t much left, he’d made sure of that, too. But whatever remained, we would work it out of me together.
He was proving it to me once again by parking in front of Evie’s apartment complex.
“Everything’s gonna be fine,” he told me as he pulled into a spot.
“I know.”
“You know?” He chuckled. “Then why do you look so nervous?”
I wasn’t nervous, not really. I knew what I needed to say to Evie and I wasn’t worried about that. I’d learned it wasn’t as hard as I thought it was to share my past, not with those who loved and cared about me. I was anxious about her response. Only because I was afraid when Evie found out all that I was holding back over the years, she’d be disappointed in me, or hurt.
“She’s gonna know what a shitty friend I’ve been.”
“Sweetheart, that is not true.”
“It is, honey. And she’ll be right. I knew every time I changed the subject or glossed over a question she asked, I was hurting her feelings, yet I still did it.”
“Anaya—”
“And you know how that feels,” I cut him off. “Every time Declan does it to you, I see the hurt on your face. I hate that for you. I hate that you’re hurting for a friend who refuses to open up and share his burdens. Even if there’s nothing you can do to ease the pain, you still want him to know he can unload his demons and you’ll have his back. So you know the hurt I’ve caused Evie.”
“You’re right about some of that, but not all. I also know the kind of pain that’s inside of Declan is so deep he cannot just unload. He gives us what he can when he can. So with that, we all know we have to give him time. Something I’m sure Evette understands she had to give you. That does not make you a shitty friend. And if she cares about you the way you know she does, then she’ll really understand that and be happy you’ve taken the time you needed, and now you’re ready to open up.”
God, I loved this man. I loved he knew what I needed to hear. I loved he was so patient with me and those around him. He was a good friend, something else I loved. He treated the people he cared about with understanding. He was honest and held nothing back, something that made you want to return the favor ten-fold. All around, he was a good man.
“You make me really happy,” I blurted out.
“Would suck if I didn’t.” He smiled. “Ready to go up?”
“Yeah.”
Before he opened the car door, he reached out, wrapped his hand around the back of my neck, and pulled me to him and laid a scorching hot kiss on me that made me forget all my worries. It also dampened my panties and made my girly parts tingle.
“You’re a really good kisser,” I told him when he
broke the kiss.
“Now that would seriously suck if you didn’t think that,” he murmured.
“Lucky for me you’re really good at other things, too.”
“Yeah?”
“Oh, yeah. But you know you are.”
“I don’t think I do, maybe you should tell me.”
“Maybe tonight I’ll give you the list.”
“There’s a list?”
“A long one.”
“Jesus,” Kyle muttered. “She’s being cute and making me hard.”
I giggled as his hand went to his crotch to adjust the hard-on he was complaining about having.
“Now she thinks it’s funny.”
What could I say? It was amusing he was talking to himself. But mostly it made me feel something else—powerful, sexy, strong that little old me could arouse Kyle with nothing more than my words. That felt great.
Evie’s pale blue eyes were filled with unshed tears and her lids were rimmed with red from the ones that had been falling over the last hour. I’d told her everything. All the horrors of my past summed up in one hour and a few odd minutes.
Wasn’t that a kick in the gut? I could recite all of my trauma in sixty-plus minutes, but it had taken me years to process and move past it.
“I knew,” she whispered.
“What?”
“Not all of it, obviously. I didn’t know how you felt, but I’d known the facts,” she admitted.
Evie looked destroyed and Kyle must’ve seen it, too, because his hand holding mine squeezed.
“At first it was an accident,” she rushed out. “The paper was doing a huge story on the modeling agency that was really a front for a trafficking ring. I was researching similar incidents and I found the article about when you were rescued. Of course, your name wasn’t mentioned because you were a minor, but there was a picture. Even though the FBI agent was trying to shield you, I knew it was you.”
I stared at my friend, not knowing what to say. She’d known for years what had happened to me, but hadn’t pushed, hadn’t told me she knew, and I wasn’t sure how I felt about that.
Kyle Page 27