Crude: A Stepbrother Romance

by Irons, Aubrey

  And he’s so infuriatingly difficult, especially when I brought up college and the future like that. And really, so what? What’s bugging me more than him being a little shit about it is that I care that he was a little shit about it. What is it we’re doing anyways that would lead to me feeling like that? We’re certainly not dating - God no.

  This whole last last week while we’ve been fooling around and sneaking around into each other’s rooms late at night, I’ve been calling it “experimentation”. I’m rationalizing it in my own head that I can hardly show up for college with nothing under my belt experience-wise, right? So that’s all this is; practice. Knox is my training wheels for going out and finding someone or someones more appropriate and less...I don’t know, less forbidden, that’s for sure.

  So if that’s all this, why do I give a shit what he does with his life? In the fall, I’ll go to New York, and on to whatever I do with life after that. I’ll push the singing and songwriting to the back-burner, and that’ll suck, but I’ll get on with my life. Knox will...who the heck knows what he’ll do. Probably go sulk somewhere and drink and laze around. He’ll probably find some other girl to fool around with and that’ll be that.

  I narrow my eyes at my own reflection in the mirror, letting the hand holding the brush drop to my lap as I scowl.

  So, if this is just an experiment, why does the thought of Knox with some other girl get me furious? Why does thinking about him doing what we’ve been doing with someone else get my blood boiling like this?

  I shake my head; you get that out of your head right now. Whatever Knox and I are doing, it’s nothing. It can’t be anything, that’s for sure. This is fun, and exciting, and new, but in the fall, I’ll just be one more girl for him and he’ll just be a fond memory of learning how to swim in the adult end of the pool.

  And that’s that.

  *****

  “Paige, lovely to see you again!” Richard Riley beams at me through his round, red face as he makes a big show of shaking my hand; “She’s all grown up, Joe; you’re gonna have your hands full with this one!”

  My dad smiles and sips his scotch, his eyes sparkling with pride as he looks at me.

  “Well, good thing she’s got her big bro here to watch her and keep the boys away, huh?” Richard chuckles as he turns towards a scowling Knox and claps him on the arm

  Keeping an eye on me? Check. Keeping the boys away? Yeah, that might be more a matter of perspective.

  “And Paige, you remember my son Josh now don’t you?” Richard turns towards someone in a suit and talking to Amanda with their back to me.

  Yeah, the spoiled, obnoxious little brat that tried to grab my boob? The foul-mouthed little boy who-

  “You know, I thought I remembered Paige McCauley, but this stunning woman can’t possibly be her now can it.”

  Uh, woah.

  The spoiled, whiny-voiced little brat is now about six feet feet tall, with dark, smokey eyes, perfect hair, perfect dimples, and a very perfect cleft in his chiseled jaw. And the voice is now that of a man; strong, confident, deep, and warm, and I find myself blushing like some sort of stupid schoolgirl as he takes my hand in his much larger one and beams a perfect white smile at me.

  Oh hello.

  *****

  So, as it turns out, if I can avoid looking at the scowling, brooding, shadow-faced Knox slouched in the chair across from me, this dinner might not be so bad after all. The Josh Riley that I remember is gone; replaced by this charming, cultured, and interesting young man sitting next to me now. And I’m actually really enjoying conversation with someone my own age that isn’t laced with filthy language or crude comments.

  Of course, the fact that Knox has been acting like a dick means that maybe I’m giggling a little louder than I might normally at something Josh says; letting my hand linger a bit longer than necessary on his arm while I’m smiling at him. I can practically feel Knox’s eyes burning a hole through me, and I know I’m being petty by acting like this in front of him just to get to him, but I push that aside as I concentrate on the handsome man showing me actual - and not just crude and raunchy - attention.

  My phone dings with a text message from its place stuck under my thigh, eliciting a look from my dad, who I know hates cell phones at the table; “Sorry,” I mumble, ignoring the phone. I turn back to Josh, but it dings again with another message, drawing my father’s ire once more as he glances up sharply from his conversation with Mr. Riley down the table.

  Red faced and cringing, I snatch the phone from under my leg in order to turn the sound off. Instantly, the heat in my face roars up ten more degrees as I quickly shove the phone back under.

  Because the offending message was right there, plastered across the screen. A picture message, in fact.

  Of a cock.

  I only saw it for a quarter of a second before I shoved it away so Josh wouldn’t see and think I was some sort of pervy creep, but I know what it was. And furthermore, I know whose it was. I glare up at Knox, who’s calmly looking everywhere but me across the table as he takes a bite of his roasted chicken.

  God, he’s so gross; so crude and so freaking arrogant. I mean, who actually texts someone a picture of their dick? Who even has a picture of their dick?

  The phone buzzes again next to my leg, and I cringe; at least the ringer’s off this time. I ignore it, and then the next message, followed by the one after that.

  Jesus, how many damn pictures of his dick does he have?

  *****

  Ten; the answer is ten.

  It’s forty-five excruciating minutes later of ignoring Knox’s pornographic text messages, when we’re clearing the table, that I finally secret away and glance down at the phone.

  I about die right then. There are seriously ten freaking pictures of Knox’s dick, standing upright and looking...ugh, do NOT say ‘good’.

  I cringe as I quickly shut off the phone and bring the dishes to the kitchen.

  “Hey, Paige,” I turn and smile as Josh follows me into the kitchen; “Listen, I’ve had a great time catching up with you tonight.”

  OK, he might be the exact opposite of Knox - clean-cut, devoid of tattoos, groomed, a baby-kissing politician’s smile instead of a devilishly tempting one, but he is one very good looking man. And hey, maybe that’s a good thing considering the way things are with Knox and whatever that whole thing is.

  “You know, me too, Josh!” I say with a smile.

  Just then, as if summoned like the demon-spawn he is, Knox comes strolling into the kitchen; wonderful.

  “Listen, I’m going to a party later at a friend’s house,” Josh looks at me and smiles - a smile that makes me a little weak in the knees; “Do you want to come?”

  With you? I look up past him to see Knox glaring at me. OK, there’s teasing and playing up the flirting with Josh in front of him just to get under his skin and give him a taste of his own medicine, and then there’s just being cruel. I have no intention of letting anything happen with Josh Riley besides giggling and flirting a little more than usual in front of Knox.

  But before I can answer, Josh turns to him; “You’re of course welcomed to come too, Knox.”

  “Oh, gee golly,” He says with a bored look on his face.

  Josh opens his mouth to say something and then closes it. He’s peering at Knox, frowning as if remembering something; “Knox, you know, I think I might- wait, where’d you go to school?”

  Knox rolls his eyes; “No offense, Joshy, but I sincerely doubt we were ever in the same circles.”

  I shoot him a look; “Josh went to Exeter, Knox.”

  Josh laughs; “No, it’s not that…” He trails off again before suddenly his eyes go wide; “Oh shit! That’s how I know you!”

  I’m not sure who looks more confused, me or Knox, but it’s when the next words come out of Josh’s mouth that Knox’s face goes absolutely pale.

  “Luke Roberts, man!”

  Huh? The name certainly means something to Knox, though. All
the color drains from his face, and his eyes quickly dart to mine.

  He almost looks scared.

  Josh is chuckling, shaking his head; “Yeah, man! Luke Roberts! He had a cousin at Exeter that told me the whole story. Dude, you must of really had it out for that guy!”

  I frown; “What whole story?”

  “Nothing,” Knox says quickly, a shadow drifting across his face as he glares at Josh; “Just some bullshit rumor.”

  Josh is still laughing; “Rumor?!” He snorts and pats Knox on the shoulder; “I don’t think so, man. Luke’s cousin said the whole family still talks about it. His parents totally got divorced after that, you know.”

  “What story?” I feel like I’m talking to vacuum, getting zero answers besides the dark, scared look in Knox’s eyes

  “It was a long time ago, and it was a mistake, OK?” He says quietly; “Look, let’s change the-”

  “What’s he talking about?”

  Josh turns to me, still laughing like whatever this is about is the funniest damn thing in the world; “Cynthia Roberts; Luke Roberts’s mom,” I’m still drawing a blank and watching Knox’s face fall in slow motion before the other shoe drops like a hammer.

  “This guy banged the kid’s mom.”

  It feels like I’m falling; like the whole world has stopped spinning and the floor’s opened up to let me drop down into the abyss.

  This can’t be true; it HAS to be a horrible rumor.

  But the truth is right there on Knox’s face, etched into the tightness in his clenched jaw and the fear in his eyes; “Paige, it’s-”

  “You know, Josh?” I say quickly, blinking and forcing myself to breath and fake a smile; “Let’s go to that party.”

  Ok, I am totally out of my element here.

  But as the thumping bass of the music and the sweaty masses of drunk, laughing people swallows me up, suddenly, I’m wondering if that’s really such a bad thing.

  The party isn’t even that far from our house, but I feel like I’m a million miles away, or at college already or something. Josh and I are decidedly overdressed for the raucous house party, though he seems to be pulling off the unbuttoned dress shirt, open dinner jacket look like some sort of male model. Me? I’m just the awkward girl wearing the black cocktail dress to a keg-party.

  Don’t mind me, I’ll just be hiding my face in the corner over here.

  So, yes, I’m way out of my element, but then again, isn’t this what I want, at least secretly? Isn’t that why I sneak off to open mic nights in the city and use a fake name to sing songs about loss and tragedy and being broken? I want the seedier side; the rock n’ roll instead of the Bach, the late nights instead of the early morning tests. I want noise and I want chaos and I want sin and I want-

  “Beer?”

  I jerk my head up to see Josh smiling at me curiously with a red plastic cup in his hand. Beer? Uh, hell yes.

  “Thanks!” I say, gladly taking the cup from Josh’s hand and bringing it to my lips. I take a huge sip of the bitter liquid, deciding right there that I like the bitter.

  Cause the sweet just ain’t as sweet without it.

  I take another big sip, and then I just say screw it and tilt the cup and my head back as I slowly begin to drain the whole thing. Screw being good, screw being me, and screw Knox fucking Shepherd for that matter.

  Josh is staring at me with a surprised look on his face as I drain the whole beer right there in front of him. I smack my lips and shrug like this is just “something I do” on the regular before I quickly cover my mouth with my arm and try and muffle the belch that comes out.

  “You, uh...you want to give it a second or go for round two?” He’s grinning at me and God is he handsome. Like, handsome in the classic sense of the word. Not like Knox, who’s more...what, hot? Raw? Primal?

  I wrinkle my nose, shaking thoughts of him out of my head; “Let’s go for round two!”

  Josh shakes his head and laughs as he turns back to the keg and pumps another cup full of cheap foamy beer for me.

  Another guy comes up and gives Josh a quick hug and slap on the back before disappearing back into the crowd around with a nod of his head. Josh turns back to me; “Hey, listen, a few of us are going to go chill in the basement, do-”

  “Yes.” I say it quickly, before I can even analyze what “going to go chill in the basement” even means. Because screw it, whatever it is, I’m in. Drugs? Fine. Some crazy make-out orgy or whatever goes on at these parties? Let’s do it.

  Crazy make-out orgy? I cringe and roll my eyes at my own weird thoughts. I mean it’s a high school keg-party, not Eyes Wide Shut.

  The thumping bass music from upstairs grows muffled as we descend into the dimly lit underbelly of the basement. It’s smokey down here, and I blush as I see couples around the room, making out on couches and in dark corners.

  See? Who’s talking crazy now, huh?

  I shove my prudish inner voice aside with a big gulp of the beer in my hands as Josh leads us to a group of people on couches and chairs around a low table lit with candles and Christmas lights.

  The boy from upstairs is down here, and he glances up and nods at Josh before looking back at the cigarette he’s playing with in his hands.

  Uh, yeah, that’s not a cigarette, you square.

  I’ve never seen pot in real life, but I’ve seen enough movies to know what the baggie of green oregano-looking stuff on the table next to him is.

  OK, so if I was out of my element upstairs, I have officially gone off the reservation down here in the make-out drug den of the basement. Yes, there are warning bells, but I’m ignoring them as the buzz from my first chugged beer starts to warm through me. And for a second, I start to think of Knox, and I almost catch myself wishing he was here before I make a face into my beer; God no.

  I mean screw Knox. Screw his bullshit and his holier-than-thou world experience. And oh my God, screw him for screwing someone’s mom! I mean, gross! So utterly disgusting!

  Josh takes my hand and leads us to free spot on the couch near the table, next to the boy from upstairs.

  It’s a little scary down here in the utter unknown and unfamiliarity of what I’m doing, but it’s also exciting. Because, this is what I need; someone to take my mind off of Knox. I need someone normal; a nice normal hookup before college. A hookup that doesn’t go around fucking people’s mothers.

  A hookup that isn’t my damn stepbrother.

  Josh coughs next to me, and I look up from my wayward thoughts to see him blowing smoke out through his lips as he passes me the rolled-up joint.

  Well, here’s to a summer of firsts.

  I’m coughing up a storm before I can even pass it to the girl sitting next to me, the potent smoke going right to my head and making me dizzy as my lungs scream for air.

  Oh my GOD, who DOES this?!

  I’m still coughing and sputtering with my eyes watering when suddenly it hits me, just like that. And then, I’m not wincing or coughing anymore, I’m just grinning like a big dope as I look around the circle at these people feeling giggly and free.

  So THIS is what letting go feels like!

  And just like that, I’m just letting all the pent up drama and junk weighing me down drift away. I’m pushing thoughts of school, and my dad pushing me, and most importantly Knox out of my head and just for once enjoying the moment.