I swallow the lump in my throat and give him a light shake. “Tony,” I whisper.
He doesn’t respond so I repeat my actions. The third time, I really shake him and his eyes flutter open. Once he realizes it’s me, he bolts upright throwing me off-guard. “Willow, what’s wrong? Is everything okay?”
I nod my head. “Yeah, everything’s fine. I just…” Sheeze. How do I ask him this? “I just wanted to see if you’ll do me a favor.”
He rubs his eyes, looking slightly confused. My eyes wander in his silence. I try not looking at his perfectly sculpted chest but I find myself losing the battle. He’s just so… utterly beautiful. He raises his eyebrows at me and I purse my lips.
“Like what you see?” he asks me playfully.
I turn a hundred shades of red and look away. “Yes,” I say bashfully. “I’ll just wait outside the door.”
A minute or so goes by before he quietly opens the door and meets me in the hall. Thankfully, this time, he’s wearing a shirt. Now at least I’ll be able to look him in the eyes without being distracted.
“You know how you said back at the cabin that you’d do anything for me?”
He gives me a look that says ‘Oh boy, what have I gotten myself into.’ “MmHm,” he mutters.
“Well, I want you to take me somewhere; away from here.”
I guess he realizes it isn't as bad as he thought. He gives me a slight head nod. “And, how long is this little excursion going to be?”
I shrug my shoulders. “I don’t know, a few days? We'd have to leave now though,” I say, hoping he’ll say yes.
He stares at me for quite a long time, but I don’t dare look away. Finally, he agrees. “Let me just get a few things together. I’ll meet you at your room in ten.”
I'm surprised he's not asking more questions. Grateful, I nod my head and walk back to my room to wait.
When I get back to my room, I find the note my mother wrote me in the back pocket of my old jeans. I can’t believe I almost forgot it! I’ve decided that I’m going to open it with Tony. Maybe tomorrow. It seems like every time I think about opening it, I chicken out. It just seems so final to me. Like her death is a done deal. It’s with this letter that I hold onto the last bit of her that’s still alive in my heart. I squeeze the note in my hand. “I love you, Mom,” I say , hoping that she can still hear me. I stick the letter into the back pocket of my jean shorts.
A knock raps on the door and I get up and answer it. Tony stands at the door leaning against the frame. “So, where to?” he asks. He’s dressed in jeans that fall low on the hips and a white shirt. Yum.
“I want to go back to your place,” I answer nervously. As soon as I say it out loud, I realize how that sounded. Tony stifles a laugh as I rush to explain myself. “No! That’s totally not what I meant!”
He can’t suppress the laugh anymore. So he doesn’t wake up the entire hall he lets himself in my room and shuts the door. “So, you want to go back to my place, yet we haven’t actually defined our relationship.”
I punch him playfully in the chest. “You know that's not what I meant!” He grins and I bite my lip. “Well… that’s the one place where we can forget all of this,” I say, gesturing to our surroundings with my hand. “I just need to get away for a while is all.”
He seems to ponder what I said for a second, and then he agrees. “Did you let your dad know?”
I show him the note. “Alright then. Your wish is my command,” he says. I smile brightly, and then pick up my backpack off the floor. “But, no funny business,” Tony adds playfully.
I stifle a laugh and off we go.
We decide to run for it. Tony holds my hand as we run and he helps me dodge the trees. It’s crazy how good his reflexes are. When I duck under a fallen branch, I realize mine aren't too shabby either.
We get to Tony’s cabin right before dawn. He makes us some hot tea and we sit out on the porch swing with a thick quilt and watch the sun rise. Tony wraps his arm around me and I can’t help but feel unbelievably safe in his embrace. I nestle into him and sip the hot tea.
Tony kisses me on the top of my head. “We have some unfinished business to take care of.”
I get goose bumps along my arms. “We do?” I ask, lost. A thousand things roll through my mind.
“MmHm,” he murmurs. “Our earlier conversation brought something to light. We haven’t defined our relationship. And… I don’t know about you, but I’m eager to do so.”
My stomach erupts in butterflies. I really like Tony. Like, really like him. But, I know what’s about to happen to him. And I don’t know if I can handle losing somebody else right now. On the flip side, I’ve vowed to make these last, however many, days some of his best. If that includes letting him call me his girlfriend, then so be it. I lift my head upwards to face him.
He gazes down at me and gives me a smile that warms my blood and melts my heart. “Willow Mosby, will you do the honor of being my girlfriend?”
It’s either the way he phrases it so simply or the fact that he’s so cute, that causes me to giggle.
“What?” He pokes me in the ribs, causing me to squirm.
“Watch it!” I giggle, trying not to spill my tea. I reach down, setting it on the ground.
Tony sits up, letting his yellow eyes rest on mine. He takes my hands in his and I savor the warmth that flows from him into me. “I’m being serious, Willow. There was… is something about you that makes me want to be a better man. I was honored when your mother asked me to be your protector and I took my job seriously. Still do! It’s just—I've always wanted something more. I wanted the right to hold your hand in public, for everyone to know that you were mine and I was yours. Maybe it sounds cheesy, but I’d love to be your boyfriend. I promise I’d treat you right and always keep you safe. I’ll never mistreat you or give you any less than you deserve. You just don’t know how long I’ve waited for someone like you.”
My breath catches, realizing his profession of love for me. He may not have said those three words, but I can feel it on his mind. My heart aches knowing what is to come. I push the thoughts of his imminent future aside and figure to live in the now. I remember the quote my mother liked to tell me. ‘It’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.’ I smile up at Tony and squeeze his hand. “I’d be honored,” I answer with a sincere smile.
I can see the visible relief in his expression at my answer. He smiles and pushes the hair out of my eyes. He closes his eyes and leans in to kiss me. I close my eyes and then... I'm running! I'm taken to the night where I'm running down the dark street. Buildings blur as I run so fast that my heart is beating uncontrollably fast. He's not far behind me now and I know it's only a matter of time before I reach the point where I turn down the dead end alley. I can hear his shoes pounding against the pavement only a few feet from me. Something hot hits my legs and I feel the burn seeping across my skin.
He calls to me hauntingly just like before, “Willow!” I don't look back; I keep running. I've had this vision before. I know what happens; he will catch me. I don't know what happens after that, but it's inevitable. The ground starts shaking and I feel my body moving uncontrollably back and forth. “Willow!” My legs are burnt and the shaking makes it worse, but I feel my healing working. “Willow!”
Like a flash, I'm out of the night, out of the vision. I open my eyes to the light.
Tony stops shaking me. He stares at me with a look of concern and fear in his eyes. “What happened? What did you see?”
I look at him, taken aback. I'm still a little disoriented.
“Your eyes are copper, what did you see?” he asks me. I can't bring myself to answer him. He looks down at my legs, “Crap!” He jumps up from the swing and runs inside. In less than five seconds, he's back at my side with a damp cloth.
I look down before he places it on my leg. I must have dropped my cup of hot tea. The teacup is shattered on the ground at my feet and my leg is red and swelling from where th
e scolding hot water hit it.
Tony places the cloth on my skin and I grimace at the pain. I can feel myself healing, but it’s slow. The thing I hate most about burns are that it's not a singular pain, it's like your skin keeps burning after the fact. I imagine in all actuality it kind of does. I close my eyes and focus on healing to help speed up the process and usher the pain away. A minute or two later, I open my eyes and look at Tony with relief. “Thanks.”
Tony still looks concerned. “What did you see? By the way your entire pallor went ghost white, I can only assume it wasn't good.”
I can't tell him what I saw without revealing the truth. How do I? Can I take this little bit of time away from him?
“You need to be honest with me, Willow,” he tells me in the way only the two of us can communicate.
“I can't.” How would I tell him something like this? I look away from his demanding eyes.
He reaches up, places his hand under my chin, and guides my gaze back to his. “You need to tell me.” I plead with him using my eyes but he doesn't waver. “I deserve to know what the truth is. You can't hold back on me.”
I know he's right. Would I want to know ahead of time what's about to happen? I can only imagine that I would. I close my eyes for a second to muster up the courage. He drops his hand, knowing that I'm about to relent. I open my eyes and take a deep breath. “I was in the room before you awoke back at the prison.” I don't know exactly where to start, except for the beginning.
He looks at me in confusion so I continue. “I watched Zack inject you with something before you woke up. I would have stopped him but I couldn't. I didn't want to lose the chance of getting you free and I... I should have stopped him. I didn't know at first what it was or that it was you behind the curtain... Either way, I should have saved you!” Tears blur my vision. I know what I'm saying makes no sense, but I don't know how to tell him this.
Tony's hands go up to my shoulders and he looks at me strongly. “What do you mean, Willow? What did he inject me with?”
I shake my head, my words are lost, and the tears fall down my cheeks. A few land on my bare legs.
“Look, no matter what it's not your fault. You couldn't have taken Zack on, not with that army backing him. But you need to tell me, what did he inject me with?”
“The red shot,” I barely manage to tell him with my mind.
At first he looks confused, then his look turns to pure horror. He jumps out of the porch swing so quickly that it sends it and me rocking fast. He runs his hands through his copper hair and pulls at the ends. He takes a few steps and whispers, “No...”
I jump out of the swing and put my hand on his back. I can't imagine what he's feeling. “I shouldn't have told you. I'm so sorry.”
He turns on me so quickly that I nearly fall back. I right myself and accept the stare down that he's aiming my way. “How could you keep this from me?” His voice is filled with so much hurt that I don't know what to say.
I shake my head and stammer, “I... I don't know. I thought it was best. I thought I could heal you. I tried so many times...”
His eyes harden. “What do you mean, you tried so many times?”
I cringe and step back. My stomach feels like lead. I'm filled with so much dread that I can barely stand underneath its weight. “There have been some incidents. But, I was able to heal you and it was okay. You came back to me.”
He looks horrified and disgusted. “There were incidents?” He runs his hand through his hair again and doubles over, looking at the ground. I can't imagine the inner turmoil he's struggling with right now. He stands back up and looks at me. “What kind of incidents? Did I hurt you?”
I can't go over them. No, he would surely send me away or he would leave me himself. He needs these last few days of humanity... I need these last few days with him. I shake my head. “It was okay. You were okay after I healed you. Please don't hate me. I just wanted to see if I could help you. Even though I haven't been able to stop it, I wanted you to have these last days. I didn't want you to be like this, to know what would eventually happen. It's not fair.” I wipe away at the tears.
He looks away from me. I feel then that he will just walk away. He will leave me standing in the dust. I didn't tell him something he had every right to know. I kept it from him, even if I thought I was doing the right thing. He turns back and looks at me with his bright yellow eyes. The only eye color I want to remember him having. “I need to leave. I need to get you back to the safe house and leave.” Realization creeps across his expression with those words. “Is that why you wanted me to come here with you?”
I stare at him, not knowing how to answer that question. I feel like someone has pulled the foundation away from my house of cards and they are toppling inward, slowly onto me. “I wanted to have these last few days with you.” Be honest, Willow, I tell myself. “And I wanted to protect the others in case... or when the time comes for the change to take its full effect.”
Tony's expression is so conflicted and wounded that it breaks me. I feel like I’ve caused this even though in all actuality Zack caused these events to be set in motion. I've only been treading water trying to stay afloat in the aftermath. Tony doesn't say anything more. He turns from me and walks away. He leaves me standing on his porch as I watch him disappear into the woods.
CHAPTER 12 (Falling)
I am not sure if Tony will return. I wait though. I don't leave the porch. Not when the sun meets the highest point in the sky and not when it begins its decent over the horizon. I sit on the porch swing, staring off at the lake and the mountains in the distance. The water looks ablaze with the yellows and oranges reflecting wildly against its surface. The mountains have the smallest peaks of white at their tips. The weather has turned cooler and the fact that snow has hit their tops, tells me that we may see a change in seasons coming soon, despite Project ELE.
I hug my legs into my body, trying to make myself smaller. My insides feel broken. I realize Tony isn't coming back. I don't know if I would either, if the roles were reversed. My foot has fallen asleep so I shuffle to a new position on the porch swing. The sound of rustling paper calls my attention. I reach into my back pocket and pull out the envelope with my mother's letter in it. It's crinkled and worn from my travels over the past few days.
I wish you were here, Mom. I don't stop the tear from falling down my cheek. I know it's probably a mind trick but I feel the paper warm in my hands as if my mother is telling me, “I am here, honey.”
I look around. The wind rustles the leaves on the trees and somewhere in the distance I can hear the sound of birds chirping. I look back down at the letter in my hand. I close my eyes and try to feel my mom's spirit, her presence. I need her. I open my eyes and slowly work on the seal of the envelope with my fingers. When I've opened it, I pull out the sheets of paper. Time stops the moment I unfold it. All noise is silenced, and the world around me pauses, as I read my mother's final words to me.
My Dearest Willow,
If you are reading this, then I am gone. I didn't mean to leave you, my love, but I had no choice. Your life is far more valuable than mine. I don't know if you will ever truly understand that conviction until you lay eyes on your first child. Then it will click. You will fully understand why I did all that I've done. Until then, I can only attempt to explain my choice.
When your Father told me his vision, I knew I couldn't allow it to happen. I would lay my life down a million times before I would allow any of my children to die. You know very well from the testing back before the shelter, that I could never stand to outlive any of my children. You see, my dearest Willow, if I hadn't sacrificed my life, your father's vision would have become a reality.
He had seen us standing outside of prison walls, surrounded by a crowd of people we've never seen before. Dr. Hastings and his son were trying to get you to reveal yourself by using us as bait.
I know you love us and there has never been any doubt of that love. If there had ever been an inkl
ing, it would have been wiped away with that vision. I know how completely that love flows from you because of what your father saw. I only tell you this next part because I feel as if you need to fully understand all of the circumstances.
You accepted the bait and came forward. In that instant, Tony dashed out before you and shot Dr. Hastings dead. Another soldier shot Tony from behind. Your father told me how bravely you turned and lifted the pistol in your hands to take out the soldier behind you, but it wasn't quick enough. He shot you point blank in the forehead before you could pull the trigger.
Your father watched you die in that vision. I've never seen your father lose it like that before. I didn't think he would ever be right again. He could barely breathe; barely function with the knowledge of the future. After he told me the truth of what he saw, I felt the same way. That is why we both wrote you a letter. We did not know who would have the opportunity to save your life and give their life in return for so great a cause. I gave your father this letter and if you are reading this today, I am probably buried with the letter he wrote.
I don't know how I died, nor is that the point. I want you to know though, that there was a purpose in my death. That purpose is you. I've always known that you will accomplish great things, my child. I have no doubt that nothing will hold you back, not even the loss of your mother. I urge you to find a way to let me go, to know that I am in a better place. I want you to have the life your father and I have always dreamt of you having. A life after the virus, after these wars. A life that is filled with love and hope.
Willow, I know that you will find these things. You have already grown into a young woman whom I am so proud to call my daughter. You are strong, you are loving, and you are loyal, beautiful, caring and smart. You are going to make a great leader in my absence. Please don't freak out, but I told Mr. Leroy a while ago that you are the one who should take my place if anything were to happen to me. I don't know if he will accept my recommendation, but I know in my heart he would be stupid not to. If you are asked, be courageous, as I know you will be. You may think you are too young, too inexperienced, too weak, but you are none of those things. You are my daughter and age and experience are nothing except something you will grow into. You will be a fine leader; I have no doubt of that.
Exposing ELE (ELE Series #3) Page 17