I love you so very much, my darling. When you miss me, look to the sky and know that I am watching you and that I love you and that I am so very proud of you. Please take care of your father and take care of Sebastian. He looks up to you so much and he is blessed to have such a great sister in you.
I love you with all of my heart and soul forever and ever. Death cannot take that away. Don't ever give up and always love, no matter what.
Love,
Mom
I stare at the last two words for what seems like hours. The sun has gone and the stars have taken its place.
Love,
Mom
My tears fall onto the paper, marking it with dark, wet circles. I can't bring myself to look away from the paper even though I can barely see it now in the moonlight. My mom gave her life for me. She knew it was going to happen in advance. She knew that either she or my dad would be taking my place.
My heart feels exposed and my chest feels heavy. I had not known how to completely process the fact that my mom had injected herself with that poison. I always wondered, what if... What if she had just waited? Maybe I could have saved her. What if I stepped forward and just gave them what they wanted, would she have survived?
Those questions are laid to rest with the words in this letter. My mom gave her life for me because if she had not, I would be gone. I look at the words, my mother's handwriting. I pull the letter against my chest and that's when it happens. I break down so completely that I crumple into the porch swing. I cry so hard that my sobs make it sway. The tears flow so freely that with every breath I feel as if a thousand weights are laid against my chest.
“Willow!” I hear my name called from afar.
Then a moment later, I'm pulled from the swing and I'm curled in his arms. He holds me tightly against him while he moves to sit with me in his lap. My mother's letter is crumpled between us. I duck my head into his chest and allow myself to lose it, to let it all out. He rubs my back and holds me securely against him. We stay like that for I don't know how long.
When the tears stop, I sit up and look at Tony. In his eyes, I see how he feels. I know that I have his heart; he's given it to me for safekeeping. I think perhaps, he may have mine too.
He pulls me into a hug and then he helps me to my feet. Without a word, he grabs my hand and takes me into the cabin.
He has me sit on the couch. Then, he lights a few lamps and begins working on making me something to eat. When he returns a little while later, he has two bowls of hot Ramen in his hands. He hands me one and then takes a seat next to me.
We eat in silence. After we finish, he puts the dishes away and lights a fire. We don't say anything to each other that night. He knows I read my mom's letter. He doesn't ask me what it said. I know he must still be hurt that I kept the facts about the shot away from him, but I don't ask him how he feels. I lie on the couch in his arms and watch the flames of the fire devour the wood until eventually my eyelids become heavy and I fall asleep.
CHAPTER 13 (Transformation)
I awake sometime after the sun has risen. The embers are still glowing in the fireplace. Tony is already awake and making something that smells wonderful. I sit up and brush at my wild curls. My mother's letter is sitting on the floor beside the sofa. I gently pick it up and fold it neatly, then stick it back in my pocket.
“Good morning,” Tony calls to me from the kitchen.
I stand up and walk over to him. He's changed into a tank top and sport shorts. He hands me a cup of tea. “Morning,” I say groggily. My eyes feel heavy from all of the crying yesterday.
We sit down and eat a quiet breakfast made up of corn beef hash and canned potatoes. I've never had it before and while it looks unappetizingly disgusting, it tastes wonderful.
“Would you like to go for a walk?” Tony asks me.
I nod my head. “Yes, I'd like that very much.” I'm still not sure where we stand. I know yesterday that he wanted me to be his girlfriend but did the fact that I kept the truth from him change the way he feels?
We clean up our breakfast dishes, and then we leave the cabin. We walk down the steps and towards the lake. The sun is making its way above the mountain peaks to the east of the lake.
We don't talk but Tony does grab my hand. He squeezes it softly and leads me to the edge of the water. We walk around, along the shore for a ways. I watch the ripples of the water. Every once in a while a bird will fly low enough to touch the waves or a fish will jump into the air.
We make our way around a small bend on the shore. The grass had grown so high that I had not seen the small canoe that it hides. I look at it and then up to Tony.
“Okay, well maybe not so much as a walk than a sail,” he says, breaking the silence. He tries to smile but it's hard for him to do. “Are you scared of the water?”
I shake my head. “No, I love the water.” I have only been on a canoe once. It was before Sabby was born and when I was much younger. My parents took me out on a river during our summer vacation. I remember watching the Daddy-Long-Legs climbing all over the trees that lined the riverbanks. We had stopped to fish and I caught my first small trout. My mom and dad had made such a huge deal of it. They took a thousand pictures and I got mad because I wanted them to hurry so I could put the fish back where it belonged, in the water.
“Good.” Tony pulls the canoe out of the tall grass without difficulty and flips it over on his own. He opens up his bag, pulls out a towel, and begins wiping out the inside of the boat. No doubt a legion of spiders are being removed from the home they've made theirs over these past several months.
I find two small oars in the grass next to where the boat was stored. I grab them as Tony starts to push the canoe into the water. He stops it halfway. “After you.” He holds out his hand for me. I place the oars in the boat and then accept his hand. He helps me step in. The boat rocks as I make my way slowly to the other end.
He pushes the boat into the water as far as he can, before he jumps in and takes a seat on the bench facing me. He grabs an oar and hands one to me. He takes the other one and works on pushing us away from the shore.
The wind whips at my hair as we glide across the lake's surface. I close my eyes and feel the cool breeze against my skin. The air smells crisp and clean. The sun works counteractively against the coolness that the water-chilled wind brings. I savor the mix of cool and warmth. I open my eyes to find Tony staring at me. The heat in his eyes tells me that he hasn't completely written me off yet.
“I'm so sorry, Tony,” I whisper, breaking the silence we've done so well to maintain.
This time he closes his eyes. He opens them a second later. “I can understand why you didn't tell me. I can only imagine that had the roles been reversed, I would have done the same.”
Relief floods through me. “Even still, I'm so very sorry. I'm sorry that I wasn't able to stop it and I'm sorry that I didn't tell you.”
Tony shakes his head. “You couldn't have stopped it from happening, Willow. That was out of your control. Yes, you could have told me about it afterwards, but I know why you didn't. For what it's worth, I forgive you completely.”
I let out an audible breath. “Thank you,” I whisper.
He nods once and then we go back to paddling. We make our way to the middle of the lake. Once we are at the point in which the mountains cast their image over our boat and past us into the water, we put down our oars. Tony rocks the canoe slightly as he moves off the bench and sits on the bottom of the boat between our two seats. He pats the narrow space next to him.
Not sure if I will fit, but not caring anyway, I move off my bench and sit beside him. The space between the two seats is enough for us to lie down if we keep our knees bent. He lies down first and then I lie down and rest my head on his chest.
My arm rests on top of his. I can hear his heart beating in my ears. It sounds beautiful. I close my eyes and savor the memory. The way he smells of grass and soap, the way the air feels against our skin, the gentle swaying of
the boat against the lake's water... everything.
We lay like that for a while. Eventually I turn so that I can watch the white puffs of cumulous clouds float across the sky. We take turns calling out shapes in the clouds that our imagination has conjured up. The clouds look like huge pillows of white that tower up into Heaven. I like to imagine that my mom is up there looking down at us. I wonder what she would think of me being here with Tony. Would she approve of my choice between the two guys?
“Willow...” Tony says softly to get my attention.
“Mmhm?” I answer lazily.
“What are you thinking?”
I turn my head up so I can see his yellow eyes and answer. “About my mom. I wonder if she can see me.”
He gently brushes my hair back as he says, “I'm sure she can.”
I smile lightly and turn my eyes back to the sky. “What are you thinking?” I ask him in return.
“About you,” he says warmly.
My stomach flutters. I look back up at him and he continues. “Yesterday, I was going to leave. I did make it as far as the empty prison yard before I turned back. I knew that the best thing would be for me to get as far away from you as I could, that it was the right thing to do.”
I look at him worriedly and hold my breath, not sure where he's going with this.
“But I am a selfish man, Willow. I couldn't leave. I know that it's safer for you if I did... leave. But, if I'm going to lose myself soon, I don't want to do it until I've found myself first.” He runs his fingers across my hand. “I felt like a shell before I met you. I went through the motions, I did my duty to serve and protect, but I didn't know who I was. When I first saw you on that mountainside, something in me changed. Time stopped and at that moment, I was torn between my duty to protect your mother and my desire to help you. You looked so scared and lost.”
I think back to that day that wasn't too long ago. “You were going to shoot me,” I joke.
He shakes his head. “I don't know if I would have been able to. If any other set of eyes had looked up at me, I wouldn't have hesitated. I never hesitated, before I met you.”
I stare into his eyes, not sure what to say to such an honest sentiment.
“Willow Mosby, when I look at you, all of the broken pieces fit back together. I know I should leave and never come back, but I can't without telling you how I really feel. I can't imagine ever losing touch with who I am so much so that I wouldn't recognize what you mean to me. I know they say that...” he swallows and looks away, “Reapers, aren’t in touch with their humanity,” he looks back at me, his eyes full with emotion. “But, I will never forget that I am so in love with you that sometimes it hurts.”
My breath catches as I stare into his eyes.
“Even if I don't remember this tomorrow, I couldn't bring myself to leave without telling you how much you mean to me and how I really feel. I love you and I will never stop loving you no matter how I change or who I become.” He sits up on his elbow so that he's leaning slightly over me.
I can see the clouds behind him floating in the distance like a beautiful backdrop to a perfect picture. I look into Tony's eyes, mesmerized by the warmth and love conveyed in those yellow irises. My eyes wander down to his lips.
Tony lifts his hand and gently grazes it across my cheek. I close my eyes, savoring in his touch and the warmth that the sunshine brings. When I open them again, I see his eyes staring at my lips in return. His gaze is filled with heat that sends a warm tingling sensation through my veins. My stomach dances as he moves in and kisses my forehead gently. I take a deep breath and hold it, not sure if that is all he was moving in for. He then kisses the bridge of my nose.
He pauses and I open my eyes to meet his. He looks at me; his eyes are asking me if it's okay. “I love you,” he whispers in my mind. He leans in, his eyes close and so do mine, and then, after what seems like an eternity of waiting, his lips touch mine. A spiraling sensation flutters throughout me as my blood pumps wildly. He kisses me gently and everything inside me tells me that this is right. How I feel can't be put into words. I wrap my hands around his neck and pull him closer to me. Our kiss grows stronger and I run my hands through his hair. Fireworks burst forth behind my eyes and my toes curl as I allow the love to flow through me.
I feel the boat sway as our lips part and he sits up slightly. I don't want to open my eyes. I want to savor in the warmth and the feeling of electricity that course through me and touches every nerve ending in my body. I smile and take a deep breath. Then I open my eyes groggily. I stare up at the man that I very well may be falling in love with.
Tony stares back at me with a smile across his lips. He gently brushes a loose strand of hair behind my ear and then his hand freezes. His posture stiffens and his back goes rigid. Then before my eyes, I watch the eclipse happen in slow motion. My heart jumps and the panic takes hold as I look on with pure dread. Like storm clouds moving in to cover the sun, his eyes fade from the bright, beautiful yellow that I adore into a deep, crimson red. Without thinking, I place my hands on his chest and focus my healing energies on him, desperately trying to save him. Seconds turn to minutes. He hasn’t moved. He just sits upright staring at me with those eerie red eyes that only moments ago held a profession of love.
I feel my body going weak as I exert all the power I can on healing Tony. This time seems different though. This time it doesn’t seem to be working. A tear slips down my cheek as I realize this may be it. How can such a loving moment turn into terror so quickly? Saving the last drop of energy, I release my hand from his chest.
An elfish grin encompasses his face; an expression I’ve never seen him make. I move away from him and scoot back as far as I can until I hit the back of the boat. Tony’s lips part, “It’s my turn now, sugar.”
EPILOGUE
My breath catches and, at first, I freeze like you do in those horrible nightmares. My body feels paralyzed with fear. The man I'm falling for stares back at me with crimson eyes that don't belong to him.
I'm stuck in the middle of a freaking lake in the middle of nowhere. How could I have been so stupid? “Tony, please come back to me,” I beg him. My heart accelerates and I work hard to keep the panic at bay.
He cocks his head to the side and gives me a surprised look. “Wow sugar, you do have some great new gifts for me don't you?” I give him my coldest glare when he smiles. He rubs his hands together as if he's about to have the best meal of his life. “Now I need to take you in.” He grabs an oar and starts rowing the boat back towards the shore.
I sit there watching his arms move the paddle back and forth, back and forth. The mountains surrounding the lake once looked majestic, now they look like prison walls locking me in on all sides. I have to consider all of my options. I can either try to get away now or I can wait until we get to the shore. I glance down at the water rippling against the boat.
Tony stops rowing and looks at me seriously. “Don't think about jumping ship, Willow. There is nowhere for you to go out here.”
I memorize the way that my Tony looks. His copper hair shines like a penny underneath the sunbeams. His lips still make my stomach flutter with anticipation. I try to look past the red irises and remember the bright yellow eyes that once looked at me so adoringly. I don't want to forget what he looks like. I want to remember the real Tony, no matter what happens next.
I reach my hand into my back pocket and feel the letter sitting there safely. I look up at the clouds, hoping that my mom is looking out for me. I can hear her speaking the words from her letter, “Don't ever give up...”
I close my eyes and stand. I know what I have to do. My hands are behind my back and in one of them I hold an oar. My legs are shaky but I manage to maintain my balance. I keep my eyes closed as I whisper, “Zack, have I ever told you that I can't swim?”
I don't reopen my eyes so I have no idea how he will react to my proclamation. He takes the bait since I will be no use to him if I drown. I feel the boat waver as he makes a move
towards me. I lean to the left, pretending to lose my balance. He is in front of me in an instant, ready to keep me from falling.
Using all of my strength, I open my neon yellow eyes and swing the oar out from behind me. Before he can register what I am going to do next, I bash it across his back with all my might. I watch as he goes tumbling forward into the lake. Water splashes against me, soaking into my clothes. I shiver.
I struggle against the part of myself that wants to help Tony and make sure he doesn't drown. I can't allow that part to win. Instead, I focus my mind on getting to shore. As the gold starts outlining my vision with a shiny haze, the boat moves a fraction of an inch. I take several deep breaths trying to get my mind to work with this new power.
I nearly fall off my seat when Tony's hand reaches up out of the water and grabs the edge of the boat. I keep from crying out as my heart works double time. I have to get out of here! I raise my shaking hands over my ears trying to block out the threats Tony is calling out to me from in the water. He tries to shake the boat more. To knock me out of it or to get into it, I'm not really sure.
The gold haze starts moving in again and, with much relief, the canoe starts propelling itself across the water with the speed of an Olympic rowboat. I turn and see Tony starting to swim after me. I leave him far behind in the wake, even with his strength and speed, he's no match for this boat. In less than two minutes, the boat hits the shore. I jump out of it and run. I run into the shadows of the forest. Tree limbs slap against my skin, causing lacerations that I will heal later. I jump over exposed roots and fallen limbs.
I don't look back because if I do, I know that I might hesitate. I might go back to see if there is any way I can reach the Tony that I know is still inside there. I can't risk that, not now. If it were just my life in danger, my decision may have been different. Now, I am responsible for many others. I must get back to the safe house to warn everyone that they need to leave. Tony knows its location; it will only be a matter of time before Zack and his minions surround us. I have to save my people.
Exposing ELE (ELE Series #3) Page 18