Stink and the Freaky Frog Freakout (Book #8)

by Megan McDonald

  Frogzilla

  Invasion of the Frog Neck Lake Frogs

  Freaks of Nature

  Rock, Balloon, Squeak Toy

  Ready to Ribbet

  Radioactive Mutant Ninja Frog

  True Blue

  Good-bye, Polliwog

  Croak!

  Squeenk!

  Ribbet!

  The shark was super sneaky. The shark was super slithery. The shark slid through the water like a silver streak.

  Stink felt something grab his leg. S-s-shark attack!

  “AARGH!” Stink leaped out of the way, making a big, giant ker-splash!

  The sneaky shark was . . . his sister, Judy!

  “Hey! No sneaking up on me like that in the pool. You scared my pants off!”

  “That’s because I’m a Shark and you’re a Polliwog. You’re going to have to put your head underwater sometime, Stink. You can’t stay a Polliwog forever. I’m almost a Barracuda!”

  Sometimes, Stink wished he did not have to take swim lessons with Judy-the-almost-Barracuda. She was always bugging him to hold his breath and put his head underwater.

  No thanks. He’d tried that one time when a kid named Dunk had dunked him. Okay, so Dunk wasn’t his real name. But Stink still got a Major Nose Wedgie! Why would he want a geyser up his nose on purpose?

  Riley Rottenberger was the one and only second-grade Shark. And Webster and Sophie were already Dolphins.

  “I know how to swim,” Stink told Judy.

  “If you call doggie-paddling swimming,” said Judy.

  “I can swim across the pool,” said Stink.

  “Without a pool noodle?” Judy asked. Stink’s shoulders sagged.

  “C’mon,” said Judy. “Just hold your breath and stick your face in the water.”

  “Hello! Nose wedgie!” said Stink. Nose wedgies were scary. And they burned. And made you choke. Stink had been breathing air for over seven years, and he was just fine with that.

  “Sharks get to dive for quarters,” said Judy.

  Dive for quarters! Stink wanted to dive for quarters! But that meant holding his breath all the way to the bottom of the pool. He shivered. “Maybe next week.”

  “Stink!” called Cammy, his swim teacher. “Lesson’s over. Time to go.”

  “See? Time to go,” said Stink.

  “Have it your way,” said Judy. “But I’m going to dive for quarters one last time. Not pennies. Not nickels. Not dimes, Stink. Quarters.” She grinned like a sawtooth barracuda, then swam off silvery-smooth like a shark.

  Stink clung to his pool noodle in the shallow end, watching the Sharks dip and dive and come up for air.

  Polliwog-a-doodle all the day.

  * * *

  Then something unusual happened! Stink climbed up out of the pool. He flip-flopped his way into the boys’ locker room. He flicked on the shower, turning his back to the hot water.

  That’s when he saw it. Something lumpy and bumpy in the corner of the shower. Something bigger than a spider. Something greener than a spider.

  Stink turned off the shower and bent down to get a closer look. SPROING! The bumpy lump jumped!

  “It’s alive!” Stink yelled.

  Ribbet! Ribbet-ribbet! The bumpy lump was a frog! A teeny-weeny greeny frog.

  “What are you doing in here, little guy?” Stink asked. “You’re far away from home, aren’t you?”

  Wait just a frog-hoppin’ minute! Something was not right. Something was way wrong with that frog.

  That frog had only one-two-three-not-four legs!

  “Did you almost get eaten?” Stink asked. “Some big bad bird ate a frog leg for dinner, didn’t he?”

  Stink just had to rescue the frog. He bent down and cupped his hands over the little guy. “Gotcha!”

  Sproing! The little green three-legged froggy leapfrogged right out of Stink’s hands.

  Stink tried again. He cupped his hands. He waited, waited, waited, and pounced. “Gotcha!”

  Sproing! That froggy leaped right out of Stink’s hands again.

  Stink chased that froggy in circles around the shower.

  Sproing! The frog leaped onto the drain cover. Sproing! The frog leaped up on the wall. Sproing! The frog leapfrogged right inside Stink’s swimming goggles.

  Pounce! “Mine at last,” said Stink.

  * * *

  Stink showed the frog to Judy. Stink showed the frog to Webster and Sophie of the Elves. Stink showed the frog to Riley Rottenberger.

  “Meet King Otto,” said Stink. “King of the three-legged frogs.”

  “More like Frogzilla!” said Riley. Everybody cracked up.

  “So cute,” said Judy.

  “So tiny,” said Sophie.

  “So green,” said Webster.

  “So many warts,” said Riley.

  Stink peeked at the frog again. He was bright shiny green with black eyes and a white racing stripe down his side.

  “Those aren’t warts, those are —”

  “Beauty marks,” Sophie teased. “Ooh-la-la.”

  “I was going to say freckles,” said Stink.

  Everybody leaned in closer to peer at Stink’s frog.

  “Too bad about his leg,” said Judy.

  “Still, he’ll make the perfect friend for Toady,” said Stink.

  “Yeah, if your toad wants a freak of nature for a friend,” said Riley.

  “You can’t keep him,” said Judy.

  “You can’t keep him,” said Webster and Sophie.

  “You can’t keep him,” said Riley Rottenberger.

  “We’ll see,” said Stink.

  Stink took one giant leap for frog kind. He let King Otto go in the Great Outdoors.

  But when he got home, the strangest thing happened. Stink had his air-breathing nose in Amazing Spider-Man comic book issue #159: Arm-in-Arm-in-Arm-in-Arm-in-Arm-in-Arm with Doctor Octopus. Stink went down the steps. Okay, I’ll work with you, Octopus — but I won’t shake your hand! Stink walked to the front door. We get a move on, Doc — and fast! Or it’s Swiss Cheese City for both of us! Stink started to slip on his boots.

  Cra-awk! A little green frog leaped out of his boot, hopped down the steps, and sprang into the grass.

  Stink dropped the Amazing Spider-Man #159. He sprang after the frog. “At least you have all your legs,” said Stink. Sock-footed, he chased it through grass and mud on all fours. But the little four-footer blended into the grass. He was so fast on his little frog feet, he got away.

  “I give up,” said Stink. He went to squirt off his muddy hands, but no water came out of the hose.

  “Great,” said Stink. He picked up his comic book and raced inside. He wipe-wipe-wiped the bottoms of his socks. They were still muddy. And grassy.

  That’s the end of you, Hammerhead. Stink peeled off his socks and tiptoed upstairs to the bathroom. Being a superhero is no bed of roses. Stink turned on the water in the tub to rinse his feet.

  Sproing! Something caught his eye. Not a rubber ducky. Not a floaty boaty. A froggy woggy! A real live blinking frog!

  Stink could not believe his eyes.

  He had heard of it raining cats and dogs. But whoever heard of it raining frogs! He cast about, looking for something he could use to catch the frog.

  “Don’t-go-away-don’t-go-away,” Stink urged in a soft voice. Keeping one eye on the frog, he grabbed a cup and slammo! He scooped up the little tree frog and raced downstairs.

  “Me! Frog! Found! Tree! Three!” Stink ran out onto the back deck, wild-eyed and out of breath.

  “Stink, honey,” said Mom. “Slow down.”

  “You sound like an alien,” said Judy.

  “What ar
e you trying to tell us?” asked Dad.

  “It’s raining frogs!” said Stink. “Not cats. Not dogs. Frogs. I found three green tree frogs today. One at the pool, one in my boot, and one in the tub. Just now.”

  Stink lifted his hand to show the little green frog in the cup.

  “In the tub? I did notice that a frog keeps hopping out of the garden hose when I go to water the roses,” said Mom.

  “They’re in the garage, too,” said Dad. “And I’m sure I heard one in the basement.”

  “Maybe it’s all this rain we’ve been having,” said Mom.

  “Maybe it’s the first sign of spring,” said Dad.

  “Maybe Stink is like a big giant human frog magnet,” said Judy. “And all the frogs come out when he’s around.”

  “I bet they know I’m a friend to all amphibians,” said Stink. “I mean, I have a pet toad, and I had a pet newt, even though Judy let him go down the drain —”

  “I didn’t let him,” Judy protested.

  “And I read everything there is to know about skinks in the S encyclopedia. That counts. And I like the gecko ad on TV.” He leapfrogged around the deck and all the way across the yard to the back fence.

  When he got to the creek, he let the frog go in the Pond of Life.

  “Avoid big bad birds,” Stink told the little frog. “And may you live froggily every after.”

  * * *

  Sunday and Monday were no-frog days. Not even a toad. Tuesday, too. On Wednesday, Stink saw five more frogs crossing the road on the way home from swimming.

  On Thursday, Stink saw a picture of a giant two-foot-long Goliath frog in his Geo Kids magazine. It was almost half as tall as Stink! No lie. On Friday, Stink could hardly sleep, the frogs outside were so loud. He had to count frogs-not-sheep to go to sleep.

  Then came Saturday. Swim lessons again. Stink got wet up to his neck. He even dunked his left ear in the water. And he won a crab race across the pool (without putting his head under).

  After swim class, Stink talked Sophie and Webster into going on a nature walk.

  “Nature walk,” said Riley Rottenberger. “You don’t get to see anything on those walks except nature.”

  “That’s what we want to see!” said Sophie.

  “No, I mean, it’s just trees and plants and dead leaves. Not even poison ivy.”

  “Um, hello! Nobody wants to nature walk through poison ivy,” said Stink.

  “Maybe we’ll see a flying squirrel,” said Sophie.

  “Or a bobcat,” said Webster.

  “You guys! Trust me. There are no animals.”

  “Not even animal tracks?” asked Webster.

  “Not even animal scat?” asked Sophie.

  “Not unless you count mosquitoes,” said Riley. “I got about two hundred mosquito bites when I had to go on one. And a gnat went up my nose.”

  “Don’t worry, you guys,” said Stink. “This is different. It’s not even in the woods.”

  “It’s not?” asked Sophie.

  “It’s not?” asked Webster.

  “No,” said Stink. “It’s at a pool.”

  “But we’re already at the pool,” said Webster.

  “The kind of pool that has frogs and lizards and salamanders and turtles.”

  “And dead leaves,” said Riley.

  “Coolness,” said Sophie.

  “Coolness,” said Webster.

  “Have fun counting mosquito bites,” said Riley. She waved good-bye.

  Riley Rottenberger sure was a sour ball sometimes.

  Later that afternoon, when Dad, Stink, and his friends got to the nature center, a young guy came out to meet them.

  “Hi, I’m Jasper,” said the guy. He was tall and had a tiny beard on his chin. He wore a hat with a wide brim, a vest covered with little pockets, and rubber boots up to his knees.

  Dad shook hands with him, and the kids all told him their names.

  “I’m a grad student at the local college,” said Jasper. “And I’ll be your guide. Looks like it’s just us today, huh? Everybody grab a bucket and a net. Let’s head over to the vernal pool.”

  The vernal pool was a small wetland surrounded by trees. Pussy willows and cattails lined the banks.

  “Are there bobcats here?” asked Webster.

  “Are there flying squirrels here?” Sophie asked.

  “You guys!” said Stink.

  “How about mosquitoes?” Sophie scratched an imaginary mosquito bite.

  “Mostly amphibians,” said Jasper. “Luckily, they eat all the mosquitoes.”

  “Amphibians are my favorite!” said Stink. “Especially frogs. Also skinks. And newts. I even make up comics about this superhero called Stink Frog.”

  “Sounds cool. What does he do?”

  “Mostly he fights slime. But he’s really good at swimming and he can put his head all the way under and he can jump higher than the Empire State Building. And once he saved the earth from a giant spitball. You know, like Spider-Man and the asteroid.”

  “So, you’re into Spider-Man?” said Jasper. “I used to collect Spider-Man comics.”

  “Really? My dad did, too. I’m reading some of his from the seventies!”

  Dad nodded. “Stink, let’s give Jasper a chance to tell us about the pond.”

  “This is a vernal pool,” said Jasper. “That means it’s a wetland that’s here mostly from rain and melted snow. Vernal pools are great habitats for all kinds of frogs, toads, turtles, and salamanders.”

  “I have a Stuffed Animal Baby named Salamandra,” Sophie chimed in. “Made of crushed orange velvet.”

  They walked out onto a short wooden dock that jutted out over the pond. “Shh!” said Jasper. He pointed. Five painted turtles sunned themselves on a rock. A small blue-tailed skink darted across the dock. Two red dragonflies dipped and dived over the pond. Water striders skipped across the surface.

  “Is that a stick bug?” asked Stink, pointing to a bug that looked like a stick.

  “A stinkbug?” said Webster, holding his nose closed.

  “That’s a water scorpion,” said Jasper. He took them down to the banks of the pond and lifted up some leaf litter. Curled up underneath was a black salamander with yellow spots.

  “Spotted salamander?” Dad asked.

  “Yep. They’re making a comeback,” said Jasper.

  Jasper let everybody dip nets and buckets in the water. “Dip your bucket in, take a look, and then put it back,” said Jasper.

  Sophie caught a fairy shrimp in her bucket. Webster caught a diving beetle. And Stink caught . . . a stick.

  A stick with glup on it. “Hey! There’s a polka-dot jellyfish on my stick,” said Stink, pointing to a clear jelly-like glob on the stick.

  “Looks like it could be an egg mass of the spotted salamander,” said Jasper. “Hopefully each one of those polka dots will hatch into a salamander.” He carefully set the stick back in the water.

  They walked all the way around to the other side of the pool.

  “I think I hear a frog!” said Stink.

  “You should hear it just after dark,” said Jasper. “It’s like a frog party out here. I know technically it’s still winter, but in the heart of a frog, it’s spring.” He reached down and scooped up a brown leaf.

  The brown leaf was a frog!

  “This is a wood frog,” said Jasper. “It’s more brown than other frogs, and it has a dark mask behind each eye. They sound like, Craw-awk, craw-awk! We catch them and study them and it teaches us stuff about the frogs.”

  “Craw-awk!” Stink croaked. “Craw-awk!”

  “Frogs have been popping up all over the place at our house lately,” said Dad.

  “We’ve been getting calls about that,” said Jasper. “Frogs are popping up all over town. Their habitats are shrinking from so much building going on in our area. And with climate changes, there aren’t as many wetlands and vernal pools, so frogs seek out water wherever they can find it.”

  “Stink found a frog in the
shower at the pool!” said Sophie.

  “And it only had three legs!” said Stink.

  “I’m sorry to hear that,” said Jasper. “Unfortunately, we’re finding more and more frogs that have something wrong with them.” He shook his head. “It’s not a good sign.”

  “Really?” asked Stink. “I thought his leg just got eaten by a big bad bird.”

  “I’m afraid not. All kinds of weird things happen to frogs because of fertilizer, pesticides, and pollution in the water. C’mon back to the center and I’ll show you.”

  At the nature center, Jasper showed them not-normal frogs in tanks. One frog had an extra leg and one had what looked like a crooked tail. Stink picked up one that had three eyes.

  “Freaky-deaky!” said Stink. “Does this one have a name?”

  “Not that I know of,” said Jasper.

  “I dub you King Otto the Second,” said Stink. Jasper laughed.

  “Weird,” said Webster. “You can see through that one. Casper the Friendly Ghost Frog.”

  “Casper the Freaky Ghost Frog,” said Sophie. Webster cracked up.

  “These frogs have a hard time making it in the wild,” said Jasper. “They’d probably just get eaten.”

  “Oosh. Being a frog is no bed of roses,” Stink said.

  “You sound like Spider-Man!” Jasper said.

  Stink grinned.

  “So that’s why we rescue any abnormal frogs and study them. Here at the center, we have all kinds of efforts to save the frogs.”

  “That’s great. Isn’t it, Stink?” Dad said. Stink nodded.

  “You know, if you’re really into frogs, you should come to the First Annual Frog Neck Lake Frog Count next Friday night. It’s perfect weather for counting frogs.”

  “Really?” Stink asked.

  “Sure! We’re concerned that the number of frogs in our area is down, so a bunch of us are meeting up at Frog Neck Lake to count frogs at night.”

  “A frog stakeout!” said Stink. “Do you stay up late and drink coffee and stuff?”

  “Sure. Hot chocolate, too.”

  “But how do you see the frogs at night?” Webster asked.