Secret Admirer

by Cynthia Eden

  She waited.

  The air itself seemed to get very, very heavy.

  “You want to run that by me again?” His hands fell to his sides and fisted.

  “I think there is room for us both in the bed.”

  “You should dry off. Get changed. Go to bed. It’s late, and you don’t know what the hell you’re saying—”

  She took her time as she eliminated the distance between them. Alice would like to think that she did a sexy stroll toward Zander, but in reality, she probably looked like a dripping wet mess. Maybe that’s why he’s not jumping at the chance for sexy times with me. She stopped right in front of him. “I know exactly what I’m saying. I know exactly what I’m doing.”

  A furrow appeared between his dark brows. “It took me two months to convince you to have dinner with me. Now you’re ready for—”

  “More than dinner,” Alice finished, and she hoped he didn’t realize just how hard it was to say those words. How hard it had been to go to his cabin. But she wasn’t going to be the scared victim any longer. A year was long enough. “I want you. And judging by the way you kissed me, I think you want me, too.”

  “I’d have to be insane not to want you.” His words were a rough growl.

  She smiled at him. He didn’t get that her self-esteem had been crap for months. That she doubted every move she made. To have someone now stare at her like she was the best thing he’d ever seen… “Thank you.”

  “What changed?” His hands were still fisted.

  A shiver slid over her. Mostly due to the cold…or, perhaps it was due to the intense, hot look in his eyes. “I couldn’t stop thinking about you after you left. And I realized I didn’t want to be the same woman any longer.” The woman who didn’t take chances. The woman who would never think about making love with a man on the first date.

  Too risky…You don’t know him well enough. You can’t trust him.

  She would have bet her life on Hugh being a good man. On being someone she could trust. She would have lost her bet and her life.

  Alice stared straight into Zander’s eyes. Such dark eyes. “I want to be with you tonight. If you don’t want me…if you don’t want this, it’s okay.” She kept her chin up. “I’ll go shower.” A warm shower would chase away the chill from the rain. “And you can decide what you want.”

  He pointed to the stairs. His gaze positively burned. “The shower is at the top of the stairs.”

  Her body brushed against his. Was that seductive? Or clumsy? She was so out of practice at this. “Thank you.”

  She took her time heading to the bathroom. Trying for a sensual walk again, but probably just getting more water on his floor and stairs. Once she was inside the bathroom, Alice shut the door behind her with a soft click. Her gaze darted to the mirror.

  What in the hell are you doing?

  ***

  What in the hell was he doing? Zander caught himself before he bounded toward the bathroom. His dick was rock-hard in his jeans, shoving so tightly against the zipper that he was pretty sure he’d have an imprint on his cock. Tension tightened every muscle in his body, and he just wanted to head toward the bathroom, throw open that door—

  And have her.

  He closed his eyes. Counted to ten. Then fucking twenty. The lust didn’t lessen. He’d known the desire he felt for Alice would be a problem. From the very first day when he’d gone to her cabin, rapped on the door, and then found himself staring into her unforgettable eyes.

  Fucking problem.

  But he’d thought he could hold himself in check. He’d sure as hell never expected Alice’s offer…

  There is room for us both in the bed.

  His phone rang. The distinctive peal—metallic and flat—told him the caller was Randall. Swearing, Zander turned away from the bathroom and the roar of the shower that he could now hear. If he was going to talk to his partner, this was the time. While she was in the shower, Alice wouldn’t be able to overhear his conversation.

  He grabbed the phone and slipped into the kitchen. “What?” His voice was low and angry, but Zander couldn’t help it.

  “The weather is so freaking bad that I’m pulling the other agents back. Keep Alice May at your place for the night. We need to make sure she doesn’t try to slip past our guard.”

  Oh, she’s about to slip right under my guard, all right.

  “Z?”

  “What?”

  “You got everything under control there?”

  Not even close. “She won’t leave tonight. Don’t worry about it.”

  “Is she close by? Can she hear you?”

  His hold tightened on the phone. “What the hell do you think I am? An amateur? She’s in the shower. I’m going to give her dry clothes to wear, and then I’m tucking her into bed for the night.”

  Silence.

  “Uh, tucking her in?” Randall coughed. “Then…you’re sure things are under control?”

  “I’ve got her.” Why did his words come out with a hard, possessive edge?

  “This could be an opportunity. Talk to her. Gain her trust—”

  “I have her fucking trust.” She’d come to him. Offered herself to him. And he felt like the worst kind of bastard. Because I am. “And everything I’ve learned is telling me she’s innocent. Alice wasn’t involved in Julianna’s murder. I don’t think she was involved with any of the kills.”

  “The phone calls tonight—”

  “Someone is fucking with her.” Zander didn’t like that. Not one bit. “Instead of looking at her as the top suspect, we need to reassess. She could need our protection.”

  “Z—”

  The shower had shut off. “I have to go. She’s coming out of the shower, and I need to give her one of my t-shirts to wear.”

  “Z.” Worry blasted in Randall’s voice. “You’re not sleeping with her.”

  It wasn’t a question. And since it wasn’t a question, Zander didn’t give his partner an answer. He ended the call, tossed the phone onto the counter, and hurried to his bedroom. He found an old Army shirt and rushed back to the bathroom. He opened the door and slipped the shirt inside, putting it on the sink. “This is for you.” The words were gruff and hard, and steam drifted out of the bathroom. He backed away, as fast as he could.

  A few moments later, Alice crept out of the bathroom. “I, um, hung my wet clothes over your shower rod. Is that okay?”

  She wasn’t supposed to look that sexy in his shirt. He’d gotten the biggest shirt he could find, thinking it would conceal her. But…the neck of the t-shirt slipped over one of her shoulders, a sexy little slip. And the bottom of the t-shirt fell to mid-thigh on her. Alice had incredible legs. The fabric of the shirt was old and worn, and he could easily see the thrust of her tight nipples against—

  “Is that okay?” Alice repeated.

  He spun on his heel, giving her his back. “Absolutely.” A snap.

  “Zander?”

  “You’re sleeping in the bedroom.” He was trying to keep his control. Trying really hard not to pounce on her. FBI agents didn’t pounce. “I’m on the couch.”

  “You…you don’t want me.”

  He sucked in a deep breath and slowly turned toward her. “I can’t remember wanting a woman this much.” And that wasn’t some line. Not some BS that he threw out to make her feel more connected to him. It was the absolute truth. “But you need to be sure. Sure of yourself. Sure of me. Before we take a step that we can’t take back.” Every time he pulled in a breath, Zander swore he tasted her. “If I have you, I don’t think I’d be able to let go.”

  Wait. Where in the hell had those words just come from?

  But…he meant them. Something told him this wouldn’t be a one-time deal, not for him, and not for her. And he knew how important this particular date was for Alice. There was no way he could have worked the Secret Admirer case and not understood the importance of this particular first anniversary.

  Alice had come to him just after midnight. She’d co
me to him on the one-year anniversary of Hugh’s death. On the anniversary of the date her life had gone to hell.

  He was trying to do the right thing, a hard feat when every part of him wanted to do so many very, very wrong things to her. With her. In that big bed just waiting in the bedroom… “See if you still feel the same way in the daylight,” he rasped. See if you still feel the same way when demons aren’t chasing you.

  Alice’s eyes were so big and deep. She stared at him a moment longer, then, without a word, she padded into the bedroom. Zander didn’t realize he was holding his breath, not until the door closed softly behind her.

  When it did…

  He exhaled. Shuddered.

  Then he marched into the bathroom and prepared for one very cold shower.

  ***

  Her cabin was dark and still. Rain pounded down, and thunder rumbled, hiding his approach. He’d planned this moment for so long. It was finally his time.

  Getting inside was easy. Her locks were a joke, and Alice hadn’t remembered to turn on her security system. She’d always been far too trusting.

  So many days—weeks—had passed since he’d last seen her in person. Had she missed him? He’d certainly missed her. He climbed up the stairs. The third stair creaked, but the soft sound was swallowed by the storm’s fury. Up, up he went, and then he was at the top of the stairs. A door waited to his right. Alice’s bedroom.

  He opened the door. The hinges didn’t squeak, there was no sound at all, and then he was inside. Rain drops fell off him, trailing onto the floor as he approached the bed.

  Lightning flashed, illuminating the room.

  Illuminating the empty bed.

  He stopped cold a moment, shock rolling through him. Where in the hell was Alice? It was their day. She should have been in the bed. She should have been waiting for him.

  He bent, and his hand went to the knife that he kept strapped inside his boot. The knife that he hadn’t intended to use on Alice. Not on his Alice.

  But…rage grew inside of him.

  It twisted. It surged. It consumed.

  Alice wasn’t there.

  He slashed the knife into her pillow. Into her bed. He cut through her sheets and her covers.

  Alice wasn’t there.

  So where in the hell was she?

  Chapter Four

  Her scream sent adrenaline coursing through Zander’s body. He jerked upright and nearly tumbled off the narrow couch. Lightning flashed, illuminating the den, even as his frantic gaze went to the nearby clock on the wall. Three a.m. He hadn’t been sleeping, he’d been fucking thinking about her—

  Another scream came, and Zander leapt off the couch. His heart thundered in his chest as he ran for the bedroom. When he reached the door, he kicked it in, not even hesitating. “Alice!” He hit the lights.

  She shot upright and her wide eyes immediately locked on him. Her chest heaved, rising far too quickly as she drew in desperate gulps of air.

  “What’s happening? What’s wrong?” His stare shot around the room, but he didn’t see any sign of a threat. Zander stalked closer to her.

  “I’m sorry.” Her hair had dried, and it slid over her shoulders. “I had a-a bad dream. I didn’t mean to wake you up.”

  He found himself sitting on the edge of the bed. His hand lifted, and he brushed back a heavy lock of her hair, tucking it behind her left ear. “You have a lot of bad dreams?”

  Alice gave a slow nod. “Unfortunately.”

  “Want to talk about it?”

  Her gaze slid away from him. “In the dream…” She swallowed. “I was one of Hugh’s victims. He had me tied down, and he was coming toward me with a knife.”

  Shit. “Baby…”

  She reached for him, moving fast, and suddenly, Alice’s hands were around his shoulders, and her mouth was pressed against his. She kissed him with a desperation, a wild need, and Zander’s response was instant.

  Desire ignited. Lust burned. He’d tried to fight his attraction to her. Tried to just do the damn job. But it was three a.m. She was kissing him. She wanted him.

  And he wasn’t going to be able to pull away. Not this time.

  “I could have been another victim. I could have died.” Her words tumbled out as she eased away a few inches. “I want to live.”

  She was alive. She was—

  Her hands moved to his chest. He wasn’t wearing a shirt. Before he’d crashed onto the couch, he’d stripped down so that he only wore his boxers, and they weren’t exactly providing him with a lot of coverage. Her silken fingers trailed over his chest, and her tongue slid along his lower lip.

  “I want you,” Alice whispered.

  He felt his control shatter. Zander tumbled her back onto the bed. And he let his desire loose. His kiss was demanding and ravenous. His hands snaked along her body. Slid under the edge of the shirt she wore—his shirt—and he touched smooth, perfect skin.

  She moaned into his mouth, and he absolutely loved that husky sound. He wanted to hear more moans. Wanted to drive her wild. He was beyond rational thought. All he knew was need.

  A need that threatened to swallow them both whole.

  He got the t-shirt off her. Threw it somewhere. Then Zander was kissing a path down her neck and finding her sensitive spots. Memorizing them. Licking and kissing and even lightly biting as he marked her. Down he went. Her breasts thrust toward him, the nipples light and dusky, and he had to take one into his mouth. Had to suck and make her moan again. He treated the other breast to the same sensual attention. Her hips jerked up against him, moving in a fast rhythm against his cock.

  Her legs were spread. He was already positioned between them. His cock—covered only by the boxers—shoved toward her sex. Sinking into her would feel like paradise, he knew it.

  But she had to be ready. Had to be as wild as he was.

  His fingers caressed over her abdomen. Her nails bit into his shoulders. He eased his hand down more, moved it between their bodies. Stroked her very core.

  She was wet for him. Hot. And when he pushed one finger into her, then another…

  “Zander!” Fierce need had her crying out his name.

  He felt as if he’d erupt at any moment. He had to get inside her. Right the hell then.

  But…

  He wanted to taste her. Wanted to make her come. Wanted her to go insane for him.

  He slid down her body. Spread her thighs even wider, and he put his mouth on her. She stiffened, then arched toward him, moaning eagerly when his tongue went to work. Licking, stroking, and tasting heaven, Zander feasted.

  She came against his mouth. The release rocked through her whole body, and he loved the way she cried out his name. No inhibition. No hiding. Just pleasure.

  He licked her again, then pulled away long enough to fumble for the nightstand. He yanked out a condom from the box there and had it on seconds later. Then he was pushing his eager cock toward the entrance of her body. Locking his fingers with hers. Driving in—

  So tight.

  She stiffened beneath him, and Zander cursed himself. He was being too rough with her. He needed to ease up, to—

  “It’s…been a while,” she gasped.

  His fingers slid back to her clit. He stroked her. Didn’t move his cock an inch forward. He wouldn’t, not until she was ready.

  She relaxed around him as he strummed her clit. As he caressed her, Alice gave the moan he was becoming greedy to hear. Then her legs lifted and locked around his hips. She was the one to move. The one to arch up against him and take his cock in deep.

  And when he was balls deep into her, Zander nearly lost his mind. Hot. Wet. So tight. He withdrew, thrust deep, over and over, as the rhythm became wilder. She was with him every second, driving for the release of pleasure, for the avalanche that would come. The slap of their bodies filled the air, the scent of sex, the sound of their panting breaths and then…Alice jerked beneath him. She gave a little scream, and he felt the fierce contractions of her release around his c
ock. Zander followed her into oblivion.

  ***

  When she woke up again, Alice wasn’t alone. A warm, strong arm had curled around her stomach, and her body was tucked in close to Zander.

  They’d had incredible sex. The best sex she’d ever had. Then he’d held her while she slept. She’d dreaded the anniversary of Hugh’s death. Dreaded waking up to his ghost, but she wasn’t staring at a twisted past.

  She was staring at Zander’s handsome face. When he slept, his features softened a bit. Sure, his jaw was still as hard, but his lips had curved into what looked like a faint smile. His long lashes—thick and dark—shielded his intense gaze. A line of stubble covered his jaw, and she found herself leaning forward and pressing a quick kiss to his cheek.

  “Good morning, sweetheart,” he murmured.

  She realized he’d been awake. Then she wondered—just how long had he been awake?

  His eyes opened. No sleepiness there. Absolute awareness. His faint smile deepened. “Sleep well?”

  After the mind-blowing sex? Yes, she absolutely had. No more bad dreams. No nightmares that left her screaming, thank you very much. Alice gave a quick nod as she sat up and pulled the covers with her. She needed the covers because Alice had just realized she was completely naked. She hadn’t cared last night. But this morning, she felt shy.

  Probably because she hadn’t done the morning-after routine in a very, very long time.

  His fingers rose and trailed over her suddenly hot cheeks. “What’s the cute blush about?”

  “It’s…” Be honest. “It’s about me not knowing what I should say to you right now.”

  His eyes narrowed. Zander seemed to mull something over in his head, and then he finally said, “Last night, you mentioned that it had been a long time for you.”

  She knew her blush had to be getting deeper. There was no way she could play this situation off casually. “It had been a while.” Oh, jeez, she’d thought he’d enjoyed himself. Maybe he hadn’t experienced the insane pleasure that she’d had. Maybe—

  “How long?”

  She wanted to hunch her shoulders and hide under the covers. Because she wanted that, Alice lifted her chin and squared her shoulders. “Since Hugh.”