The Baby Pact_A BDSM Romance

by Riley Rollins

  Angelina shifted her weight and sat up beside me. “Hold on, Will…”

  “I’ve got the resources to give her every advantage. Hell, there’s so much inside her, just waiting to break free. There’s no telling what she’s capable of.”

  “She’s only five, Will… and she’s my daughter…”

  “Could you imagine her being ours?” I asked. I watched quietly as a strange look came over her face. I could tell it was an idea that hadn’t ever occurred to her before… the idea of sharing the joys and burdens of parenthood.

  “I know when Jimmy left you alone, you did everything in your power to make sure Violet didn’t suffer.” I took her hand and sat up in the bed beside her, wrapping my legs around her hips. “And she hasn’t. She’s perfect, and that’s all you.”

  “She was born early…,” she said faintly. “I blamed myself for it… the stress I was under…”

  “And you thought maybe that was the reason for her autism.”

  “I thought a thousand things,” she said. “Maybe most of them were wrong.” She gripped my hand and looked at me strangely. “But it’s my job to take care of her… my job to make her world safe and secure and dependable. I spent the last five years making sure nothing, no one, could ever hurt her… or disappoint her…”

  “Or leave her?” I asked gently. “The way her father did.”

  She let go of my hand and pushed her hair back over her shoulder. “He didn’t hurt us,” she replied. “I told you that before. It was the best choice he could have made. He would only have made everything more complicated. “I’m the one who knows what she needs… I’m the one who understands her. Jimmy and I would have been at each other’s throats if he’d tried to take those decisions away from me…”

  “I’m offering to help make it all easier, not take anything from you” I said, touching her chin. “I love you, sweetheart. And I intend to make a life with you…”

  “But there’s nothing conventional about anything that’s happened between us,” she answered, strain in her voice “I grew up thinking you and I could never…

  and then we had one single night together… Hell, not even a night. I saw my high school boyfriend fucking another girl, and then you were there and I was in your arms. You swept me off my feet and opened my eyes to a whole new kind of experience, Will…

  But then it was over and I’ve made it all on my own. We hooked up at the club and it’s been incredible, but your life went on without me before. And when this job is over with, it’ll go on without me again. It’s better for everyone, especially Violet, if we don’t make any more of this than it is.” She was breathing hard with emotion and pulled the sheet up over her breasts.

  “So you can’t believe that I could want more than that?” I asked. “Because I don’t think my life can go on, without you in it…”

  “I think that prom night woke up something inside me. A sort of hunger that needed to be fed again.” She looked at me directly. “But I’m not sure it’s who I am. I’m not sure I can be that woman… and be Violet’s mother, too.” Her eyes were pleading, confused… all the things I didn’t want for her…

  “I feel like I’m living two different lives,” she said. “And what’s best for my daughter has to be the priority.”

  “Of course it does,” I said, running my fingers over her arm. “And it should be.

  But there’s a bond between us you can’t deny. And the night I first made you mine was a turning point in my life, too. Nothing was ever the same for me again. And it’s no accident I found you… I would have done anything…” I took her in my arms, unable to bear the distance any longer. “I know it’s hard for you to open your heart, terrifying to think of trusting and getting hurt. But we belong together, sweetheart. And this is our chance…

  Trust me enough to give us that chance…”

  28

  Angelina

  For a moment, just a moment… I wished I was anywhere else. Back in college, driving to Vermont, sitting in the dentist’s chair… Just anywhere but right here, struggling with everything that terrified me most… and another possibility, even more frightening, that I barely even dared to imagine…

  Except when he kissed me again, his lips tender and exploring… I knew why I was here, and why it was the only place I could ever be. But even that awareness didn’t change the facts… or the fears that made my stomach turn over. I thought of the test still hidden in the kitchen drawer, and knew that before I could decide anything, I had to find out if I was carrying his baby. Could a man, any man, really be willing to take on a woman with one child, let alone two…?

  Panic rose up in the back of my throat and I took everything I had to force it back down. The chances that I’d gotten pregnant had to be next to zero. The odds in any given month weren’t all that high for any woman, let alone one with my medical history. I could easily never get pregnant again, even with months, or years of trying to. I pushed the whole idea aside. It wouldn’t be true… it couldn’t be true… but what if it was…?

  “You don’t need to answer now,” Will said, pulling me gently down beside him. He curled his warm body against mine, spooning me as he tucked his face into the curve of my neck. “Just sleep with me for now, Angel. Let me take care of you tonight.” I raised my head to speak, but he kissed my ear and stroked his hand soothingly over my back. “I’ll be gone before she wakes up in the morning, I promise.”

  And he was.

  I woke up and rolled over to find the bed still warm beside me, the sun only barely beginning to brighten the sky. I wrapped up in my old flannel robe and stuffed my feet into a pair of Mattie’s slippers.

  Violet was still asleep. And Miri only lifted her head when I cracked the door open to check. She tucked her velvet nose into my daughter’s curled hand, and I felt an almost overwhelming desire to have Will beside me. I could smell the aroma of brewing coffee coming from the kitchen…

  “Will…?” I poked my head hopefully through the doorway. But the room was empty. The coffee was still hot and waiting for me, my favorite mug sitting next to a note…

  “Violet and Miri are safe and sound asleep. So are you, Angel.

  I’ll be in the city for a day or two, but I’m only a phone call away.

  Let’s talk when I get back… Dinner at the main house?

  It was unsigned, but I ran my fingers over the tall, sloping letters before I tucked it into my pocket. I leaned back against the counter and stared out the window at the endless, soothing movement of the waves on the sand. I knew he was right. It was more than time for us to talk. And I needed to have an answer ready. Part of me was terrified he might ask me to marry him. Most of me was sure he might want an answer to the same question that had been nagging relentlessly in the back of own mind…

  I held my breath and opened the drawer. It had been so long since I’d had to take one of these tests…. I scanned the directions on the back of the box. Simple… straightforward.

  Pee on the stick and wait to see if your entire life turns upside down…

  But I headed for the bathroom anyway. Who knew when I’d have a few quiet moments to myself again? And if it was positive… I closed the door with a soft snick and turned to catch my own reflection in the mirror. My pale hair had an almost golden glow in the morning light, blue eyes that looked too round for my face. I untied the belt and let my robe slip to the floor. When was the last time I’d even looked at myself naked?

  My mouth was full, bruised from last night. My breasts were heavily rounded, nipples large and dark. I ran my hands down my belly, remembering the fear and excitement I’d felt when I’d found out I was pregnant with Violet. I’d been so young… so afraid of all the unknowns. And I’d been on my own… especially after Jimmy…

  But I’d discovered that I loved being pregnant, watching my belly grow rounder and fuller. I’d talked to her, read her stories, played music for her from the very first trimester. I’d eaten right and exercised and seen my doctor… I’d d
one everything in my power to make sure she was healthy. I was still doing everything I could. And my little girl was slowly starting to blossom…

  My stomach rolled uneasily as I touched myself. Were my breasts fuller? They were tender, the nipples exquisitely sensitive. But that could as easily be from Will’s hands… from Will’s mouth. He had sucked me hard, squeezing and kneading me as I’d climaxed on top of him. Hell, my whole body was deliciously sore and sensitive…

  And there was only one way to get an answer. I peeled the wrap off the test and sat down on the toilet, my heart pounding in my chest. I held my breath, wondering which result I was hoping for most. Negative… or positive? A baby brother or sister for my little girl? And this time, a baby that I shared with Will… My thoughts were running wild and all of them were frightening.

  He said he wanted to be a father… but he was only thinking in terms of helping me with Violet. Hell, that all by itself would be more than enough to scare most men away. But a baby we shared… He would have as much right to that child as I did. And if things didn’t work out between us, if he never made a real commitment to us… I let out my breath and tried to relax.

  No go. I turned on the water faucet and listened to a thin trickle of water stream down the drain and willed myself to let it happen. Whatever the result, at least I would know. And I had to know for sure. I’d lose my mind if I had to wait one more minute… Decisions could be made later on, if there were even any to be made…

  I felt my knees soften and heaved a big, relaxing sigh. I felt my tiny stream just starting to come…

  “Hey, Angie…? You home… Anybody here?” Mattie yelled, letting the front door bang loudly shut behind her.

  29

  Will

  It was amazing how alike they were. Angel slept with the same sweet innocence her daughter did. I ached to stay, to wake up with them, like a real family…

  “But first things first,” I said out loud, climbing into the truck on Bainbridge. I could take the ferry into the city and make the appointment in plenty of time. I revved the engine and hit the gas. And the first thing was talking to Harry Chapin. We’d gone to college together, graduated together. Then I’d gone off to start my company and he’d gone on to medical school. We’d kept up over the years, and he and his family had only recently moved into the Seattle area to start a new practice. Never once in the last ten years had I imagined needing his services. But I needed them now.

  When I reached the dock, I pulled the truck into the belly of the ferry and left it there. The day was incredibly clear after the night’s storm. I climbed up to the deck and leaned against the rail, the feeling of crisp air on my face. A light mist sprayed up from the inky water as it slid beneath the bow and the view of the city was sharp and clear.

  Any other day, these would have been the only things on my mind. Ferry rides had always been that stolen time in the day to relax and enjoy living in the moment. But for the last few weeks, as my feelings for Angelina had only deepened, I’d been finding myself more and more distracted.

  Now it was the future that occupied my thoughts. A future with the woman I loved… and the question of just what that future would look like…

  The Jag was waiting at the dock, and started instantly with a gentle purr. Even with traffic, it didn’t take long to find Harry’s office. Rather than making me sit in the waiting room with husbands and their wives, the nurse took me straight into the back. There was no need for an exam… I’d had my most recent test results, those done almost a year ago, sent directly to him. Mostly, what I had were questions…

  and fears.

  “God damn, Will,” he said, sweeping into the room and holding out one big hand. “It’s been a long time.” He shot an arm around me, clapping me on the back, and pumped my hand hard. “You look great. Success seems to be working for you.”

  “No complaints,” I shot back with a smile. “How’re Louise and the kids?”

  “Jill’s already started third grade and is growing like a sunflower,” he said with a proud smile, gesturing for me to sit down. He took the chair beside me instead of the one behind the desk and took his stethoscope off. “Dylan’s only in preschool and now we’re expecting again,” he said, raising his shaggy brows, his smile growing lopsided, “...Pills got lost in the move…”

  “It’s got a tendency to happen,” I said, smiling back. “And you already know why I’m here…”

  “Well…,” he said, turning the computer screen so we both could see. “I took a look last night… and I’m not seeing that anything has changed.

  I’m sorry, Will. I know you were hoping for better news, but the chance for any improvement was a long shot at best. You’ve always known that.”

  I nodded and let my breath go, leaning back into my chair. “I knew,” I said. “And it wasn’t really much of an issue until now. But I needed to know for sure.”

  “Because you’ve met someone?” he asked gently.

  “Re-met, actually,” I said wryly. “We were together years ago. And that’s the real reason I’m here.” I leaned forward. “I hoped you’d tell me things had improved, that there was a chance I could father a child now… but I didn’t really expect it. But I have to know if there’s any reason to believe I couldn’t have fathered a child before the accident…”

  He exhaled audibly and furrowed his brow. “Before…?

  It was a long time ago, Will. Tests like that aren’t typically run on a young, healthy man. There’s no way to know for sure, especially all these years later.” He tapped a finger against his temple idly. “But in the absence of any other issues, I don’t suppose there’d be any reason to assume that you hadn’t been fertile.” He spread his hands in question. “There’s just no way to know, now.”

  “But a test can be run on a child…,” I said, locking eyes with him.

  “You believe this child was conceived before the car accident? And you didn’t have a test run at the time?”

  “It never even occurred to me at the time,” I said with a hard exhale. “It should have, but it didn’t. Not until I saw Violet… not until I opened my eyes and wanted to see…”

  “And will the mother consent to a paternity test?” he asked. “It can be done without, of course. People do, every day. But legally, the child’s guardian has to give her consent.”

  I nodded, jaw muscles working, knowing he told me the truth. “I haven’t asked Angelina yet,” I admitted. “I wanted to talk with you first. To see if there was even a chance first…”

  “That you could be Violet’s father? And that maybe you might be able to give Angelina another child someday?”

  I sighed. There was something about hearing the words spoken out loud. They’d been screaming in my head for so long, but they hadn’t seemed real until he said them. “Angelina’s had to raise Violet all on her own since the day she was born. She’s strong and protective… and feels the responsibility so deeply. It might have been different, if I’d been there from the beginning. Then Angel would know what it’s like to share parenthood.

  Part of me is afraid, that if I ask her about a paternity test, she’ll feel like I’m trying to take away her heart. I don’t know if there’s room for me in their lives now, but what if Violet is my only chance at fatherhood? I’m afraid, all these years later, it might be too late… And hell, I don’t even know if Angelina might want another child… but what if she does?”

  Harry sat back, tenting his fingers and pursing his lips. He looked at me and I looked at him. And then he smiled at me.

  “Only one way to know,” he said, sagely.

  I smiled back, full of uncertainty. “Wiseass.”

  “Holy shit…,” I breathed through my teeth. Every time I saw her again, she was even more beautiful. And tonight, she looked like she came ready to play…

  “So…?” she asked, spinning slowly to let me take in the whole view. She smiled at me, looking more relaxed and comfortable than I’d seen her in weeks. It was a good way
to begin...

  “So I’m not sure dinner is the first thing on the menu,” I replied, darkly. I reached out and pulled her in for a kiss that left no doubt. “Unless you’d like to be my appetizer…”

  She reached her arms up behind my back and pulled me closer. Her luscious breasts flattened against me and spilled over the top of her little black dress. Tall pink heels made her taller, but it was the pink ribbon in her hair that made my fingers itch. She tipped her head back and looked at me, her eyes bright, but her pupils dark and wide with arousal.

  “I thought tonight was for talking,” she said, lightly. “That’s what you said in your note…”

  “Sustenance first,” I said, taking her hand and leading her into the kitchen. I’d thrown a roast in the oven along with potatoes and some root vegetables. A handful of fresh aromatic herbs in the mix, and the whole kitchen was warm and inviting. I had the wine decanted and waiting. I poured, took a sip and put the glass to her waiting lips. I watched the tiny muscles in her throat convulse as she swallowed and felt a hot rush in my groin.

  “Delicious…” She took another long, slow sip and licked her lips. “Are we drinking to anything special…?”

  “To you,” I said, tasting her neck. “I hope… to a future together. And to clearing the air between us. There’s a lot we need to talk about…

  You and me… and Violet…,” I said, softly. “The three of us… as a family…”

  She reached up and tangled her fingers in my hair, the gesture intimate and familiar. “You know I’ve been struggling with some things… I’ve been unsure if our lives could really fit together. I wasn’t sure I could… I was afraid that… well, it really doesn’t matter now,” she said, firmly. “You’re so good with Violet and you’re the only man I ever wanted. I’d be crazy to turn my back… crazy not to throw myself in head first and trust that we were meant to be.” She looked up at me and I slipped the silky ribbon from her hair. It fell like a soft gold curtain around her shoulders. “It all seemed too complicated before… but now it isn’t anymore.” She looked up at me with trust and longing in her eyes.