Now and Forever: A BOX SET OF STANDALONE NOVELS

by Ann, Pamela

  Hell, she was breathtakingly exquisite. My eyes couldn’t get enough of her, and my body responded with alarming depravity. I had viciously lashed out when she had flagrantly displayed her body as she dressed for her date with Wyatt Rinaldi. I could only imagine what that man felt as he gazed at her from across the table. Gisele had the body and the face to provoke any man. She was the perfect package. Add the trappings of wealth, and all sorts of men would come out of the woodwork. She reeked of sex. It was ingrained in her. It was in the way she strutted, especially in heels, the way she coquettishly curled her hair behind her ear, gray eyes commanding a raging wood to any men in her line of sight, her toned luscious body and the irresistible coy smile that stimulated all brain function to head south. Yes, the beguiling woman was a walking, talking, breathing siren. A full-blown, purring sex kitten, and my senses couldn’t drown her out any longer…not when I was beginning to acknowledge her as mine, my wife.

  A man could only endure so much before reaching his breaking point, and I was there, teetering on its threshold. I badly fought the impulse to simply haul her pliant frame against the door and taste the exquisiteness in between her thighs. She’d welcome it, too. Her blatant advances had placed me in this present conundrum. If I were less of a man, I’d have had her writhing under me with the full length of my cock sheathed in her honeyed slickness on our wedding night.

  But I didn’t have the wherewithal to breach lunacy yet. However, I’d been hovering about it, tempting fate, provoking the idea of “what ifs.” Still, I knew, no matter how I rationalized it, I couldn’t go on knowing she’d eventually fall for me. And she would fall. Hard. She was the kind who loved with her all, and with the way she had been longingly gazing at me with bright stars in her eyes, how could I fathom telling her that I had no love left to give her?

  I left women for this very reason. The moment they got attached, I knew I had to set them free. Every man had a sneaking suspicion when a woman was on the verge of falling in love. One could instantly see the change. The light in their eyes shifted each time they looked at you. They donned the look of amazement, as if you were the only thing they saw, the sole reason for their existence.

  And if it were up to me, I’d prefer one partner for a lifetime. But such notions couldn’t be granted. Not when women were highly emotional beings and most especially when my heart wasn’t available for any woman, for that matter. So how could a man keep a sexual partner, knowing the other tortured herself with secret hankerings of love? Therefore, I let them go. Saving them from the eviscerating privation that a shattered heart entailed. If I couldn’t reciprocate such love and devotion, what right did I have to keep it? A cock-thinking bastard wouldn’t think twice, though. If sex was so damn incredible, why let it go, right?

  It was the right thing to do…as was freeing Gisele of me. She mightn’t realize it now, but this was for her own good. She deserved the best. Sadly, the best didn’t have my name written on it.

  Gisele had gotten used to us sharing a bed. In those five nights, she’d thrown out her inhibitions and begun to sleep naked. She became emboldened, trying to seduce me at any opportunity. But after last night—after she rolled on top of my body, straddling my hips and almost succeeding in pulling my dick out so she could sheath me with her pussy—I was left with no choice but to withdraw my presence in her life. Once I’d gotten everything under control again, I’d move back in. Not in her bedroom, either, but to my very own room. But for the time being, distancing myself was crucial.

  It was arduous to hold a steady gaze without revealing my guilt, so I dragged my eyes away from her stunning beauty, steeling myself to my decision.

  “I have to fly out to Seattle for a day,” I managed to say as I briskly stepped into the bedroom straight into the closet. Gisele calmly trailed behind me. Her luring scent lingered in the spacious walk-in closet. It engulfed my senses, deliberately threatening to test my resolve. “Isn’t today your first day? Don’t you have a class to rush to?” I had intended to make small talk, but my words came out accusatory.

  Gisele stepped before me, halting us in the middle of the enclosed space. Inquisitive gray eyes scanned my face, scrutinizing. “Something’s wrong,” she stated crisply. Her brows knitted together while she waited for me to offer an explanation. But when I stayed mum, her hand reached out to touch my face, analyzing. “What is it, Jared?”

  Her tenderness made me inwardly flinch. She deserved better, and yet, hesitation tested me. Gray eyes sought my unforgiving blue ones, threatening to break the dense barriers I had shielded myself with, established the moment my life had been shattered to nothingness.

  And for the very first time in almost a decade, I felt my heart tighten. The once pronounced dead heart constricted.

  There it is again, I loathingly noted. As if to prove a point. As if to remind me Gisele Weber affected me more than I dared conceive. She brought a pulse, breathing life into it once more. Like an essence of life, she revitalized the broken pieces of my soul.

  The unfamiliar palpitation made me instantly reject it. Not only was I flabbergasted at this, but also, to see Gisele’s contorted face while grasping what was happening to me simultaneously, it was overwhelmingly frightening. Being bombarded with such unwelcome emotions left a sour taste on my tongue.

  Fuck. What was happening to me? Was my guilt so shameful that my mind began to hallucinate nonexistent, unwarranted feelings? I mean, why else would my heart react so violently? This was the only rationalization I was willing to consider. The rest was absolute rubbish.

  Bloody hell. What had I gotten myself into?

  Less than a month married and I was waving the white flag. I had underestimated Gisele. More importantly, I had miscalculated the chemistry brewing between us. It was highly charged, palpable, heady to one’s senses.

  Rubbing my temple, I scanned the closet, seeming as though I was engrossed in wondering what to pack, but it was the last thing on my mind. Gisele’s eyes lingered on me as she steadily situated herself on the circular black ottoman that sat in the middle of the expansive closet.

  Do it now, you shameless bastard.

  I groaned before I cocked my head to the side and took a deep breath. My entire body tensed as I silently rehearsed the words in my mind.

  “Gisele…” I began to say, slowly meeting her tumultuous eyes. “I’ve thought this through and concluded this is the best course to take.” As the words monotonously drawled out of my lips, my unwavering gaze steadied on her confused one. “This thing between us, it can’t go on anymore. Not only is it wrong, but also, I have Rose to think about. Therefore, I’m temporarily moving out to give us both space and to keep things in perspective between us.” Rose…what the bloody fuck did I say that for? Too late to retract the devious excuse. The words had already been spoken.

  She cast her eyes downwards, immediately hiding her emotions. Her cheeks reddened, and I wasn’t sure if it was from anger or mortification. I was guessing the former. Gisele wouldn’t take this lightly. The siren had a temper, even though she kept it in check.

  As a result, when those tempestuous eyes lifted to connect with mine, it scorched my insides.

  “Whose perspective, yours or mine? Because I can tell you now, Jared St. James, I want you like I’ve never wanted anyone in my life. Life’s been crazy, and the only time it isn’t…It’s when I’m in your arms. I need you. Desperately. So, don’t take this away from me, too…It’s the only thing keeping me sane. Please, don’t leave.”

  Please.

  One word and it was threatening everything I stood for. Bloody hell. Why must she be so…so every goddamn thing that was all sorts of bad for me? There was a reason I kept her at arm’s length for years. In this very instant, I was being reminded why. Gisele Weber had the gift to make me doubt myself, and being the man I prided myself to be, it rocked my perfectly stable, work-driven, uncomplicated life.

  There was a decision to be made—be her pillar of strength or save myself from damnatio
n. Planting a firm hand on my hip, my brows furrowed while being contemplative. Find a new course or retreat, my mind perpetually deliberated.

  I caught sight of her soft bottom lip trembling as she hopelessly regarded me. It gutted my insides to see her in pain.

  Overawed with consuming guilt, I quickly rushed to her side, situating myself next to her on the ottoman. Shifting her body so we faced one another, I was momentarily overwhelmed with a need to pacify her.

  “Gisele…” Don’t cry. I won’t be able to take it. My body having a mind of its own, it instinctively took hold of her soft hand, drawing it to my lips. The feel of her skin against my lips jolted my body to life. Captivated by the sensation she affected me with, I kept it there. My lips pressed, faintly brushing against her skin, kissing her palm, trailing onto her wrist.

  “I warned you, didn’t I?” A pained smile crossed her pink lips. “That night, I said it…but you didn’t listen.”

  She did, but her words had hardly penetrated through my brain since my cock had done the thinking for me, ravenously dead-set on one thing and one thing alone—her body. “You did, and I’m sorry for that.”

  “How long will you be gone for?”

  How long? The time frame I had yet to decide. “A few weeks. A month. Maybe more…it depends.”

  She grimaced. “It depends on what, Jared?”

  Brutal honestly—it was what she and I had agreed on, even though the other wouldn’t be too pleased with the outcome. It was an essential ingredient to our complex relationship. Of vital importance to supporting our extraordinary union. Without it, we’d have nothing to stand on. And even though divulging the truth was the last thing I wanted to reveal, I was left with no choice.

  “It depends on…when I’m unreservedly certain I’ve flushed you out of my system.”

  “Where will you go? Oh, wait,” she scoffed mockingly. “Why even ask? Of course, it’ll be with Rose and her sparkly vagina.”

  She wasn’t amused. Neither was I.

  Gisele scornfully glowered at me. And even when angered, she was still the most beautiful thing I’d ever set eyes on.

  “I should’ve known…I don’t know why I fooled myself into thinking maybe things had changed between us—that we had something good, something special—but you’re just as fickle as they come.”

  “You are special.” No woman dared me to think twice. That in itself was rather telling. My body raged on while my mind struggled for regularity.

  “Yeah, not special enough for you, apparently.”

  She was too special for my liking, so much so that I was willing to move homes to expunge her from my system.

  “You have men falling at your feet. I doubt you’ll even remember me.”

  Her eyes sparkled defiantly. “If believing that helps you, then go on ahead. They did say some men were plain idiots. You can add yourself to the tally, Jared. I heard the registration’s free in the ‘dumb as fuck’ record,” she spat disdainfully, challenging me.

  The spitfire had wit, and I admired her all the more for it.

  “I’m doing this for you—for us, but mostly for you. You’re blinded from losing Peter. You believe losing me, too, seems abhorrent to you, but I’m a call away. If you need me any time, any day, all you have to do is pick up the phone. My decision will benefit you in the long run, Gisele. You’ll thank me someday. You might not see it now, but you will.”

  Gisele vehemently shook her head, making a few strands of her blond locks slide out of the loosened bun. She opposed, leaning her forehead against mine. Though her eyes were closed, there were no tears shed. However, I had an inkling that they would come soon enough. “Why can’t we just go back to how it was, Jared? I won’t sleep naked anymore.” She made an inaudible whisper, barely to be heard from the loud thumping, vibrating sound in my ears.

  Her closeness did all sorts of maddening things to me, none of them good. There was a reason to fear the safety of my sanity and my heart. Life with Gisele was unpredictable, and that put me off kilter. Everything I held dear and proudly protected against the world would all be vulnerable.

  “You can go back to Rose to satiate your sexual appetite, and you come home to me. Why can’t we just go back to that?” She delivered her speech with a straight face without batting an eyelash, serious as a heart attack.

  If only it were that easy… “You can go back, but I can’t, Gisele. I won’t be able to do that. I want you too fucking much. I’m in pain.”

  She made a loud gasp upon hearing my unabashed admission.

  It was the truth. I could no longer hide it. This consuming need to possess her—all of her—hadn’t left my mind for the past five nights. It hounded me, so much so that it even distracted me from work. Nothing, I mean nothing, ever came in between the company and me.

  The past nights having her in my arms had become something I looked forward to at the end of a strenuous day at work. Deciding to take this action hadn’t been easy for me, either. But it had to be done. For my heart. For hers. For Paige. Most especially for my late wife. I was not one who took promises lightly, and I wholly intended to keep my end of the bargain.

  My decision was set in stone. Nothing could dissuade me. With that in mind, I let out a breath, feeling like a bastard all over again for touching an eighteen-year-old.

  Wordlessly, her lips unexpectedly brushed against mine. It was a feather-like kiss, but the impact immobilized me, dumbstruck at her impulsive gesture. Her soft lips pressed again, testing my reaction for a quick second. Emboldened, her lips slightly parted, gradually darting her warm tongue out, luring my mouth to open to her bold advances.

  Her brazenness left me reeling, but I remained unresponsive. But instead of shying away from the lack of reaction, she surprised me by shifting her body, spreading her long legs open, and straddling me without hesitation. A strangled sound came out of my throat, tortured. When she strategically situated her heat against the unmistakable bulge in my pants, I undoubtedly felt the warmth permeating off of her moist crevice, and Christ, her cunt was sopping wet.

  My restraints were slipping, slowly but surely. Gisele gradually unbound the restrictive chains.

  Even though my lips remained unresponsive, my cock was anything but. It zealously twitched as my hand clutched her thigh, silently praying she’d come to her senses and relieve us both from this arduous torture. Somehow, I couldn’t muster the strength to pull away even though panic seized within. It was as if she knew her power over me, knowing she was merely a few attempts away from having me capitulate.

  Her cunt sunk lower into my engorged manhood while she let out an erotic moan against my lips, soaking my trousers with her intoxicating musk, raging my cock to new levels of inferno.

  Bloody. Fucking. Oath!!!

  Hell was where I was definitely heading since my mind began to envisage how it’d feel to impale her snug cunt. She’d likely scream bloody murder if I shoved my cock without foreplay. Women needed extra petting to be able to accommodate my well-endowed size. Quite a hassle really, but seeing a woman’s shocked/awed/pained/impressed/terrified expression simultaneously made it worth my while. And seeing how tiny her pretty little pussy was—well, she’d need an extra hour of coaxing. The image of her glistening cunt made me…unhinged.

  I was on fire. My skin burned, my mouth watered, and my cock salivated at the tempting torridness seeping from her parted thighs. If her motive was to throw me off kilter, she’d effectively done so.

  I felt mental, torn between debauchery and lucidity. But just as my mind tried to reel more control, she unexpectedly kissed me deeply, erasing every thought I had. The world became a blur, and all I cared about was the woman in my arms.

  Drowning in her kiss, I secured my hand behind her head, ravishing her lips, voraciously devouring her whole. I felt drunk, irrevocably under her wicked spell.

  Lightly adjusting her hips, she lifted slowly without detaching from our kiss.

  Too out of my mind to register anything at all,
I was consumed by the power of her kiss and barely heard the zipper of my trousers being lowered. I realized too late; it only dawned on me when her hand wrapped around the shaft. We both groaned in unison from the first stroke of her wicked hand. Without breaking our kiss, the wanton minx strategically sat on my bare length, perfectly positioning my hardness between her slickened cunt lips.

  “Bloody sweet mercy, you witch!” A wretched hissing grunt broke out of my throat, vaguely shivering at the superb sensation of her greedy cunt sliding and gliding on my dick. “Damn you and your wet greedy pussy!” I was as incensed as I was equally aroused.

  The witch paid no heed to my wretched words. Up and down she went, rocking me to kingdom come.

  “Jared,” the sexy kitten moaned as she slipped her robe off her shoulders, exposing her luscious tits directly against my lips. She daringly arched her back, bewitchingly offering me a pink nipple.

  This—here—right this instance, this was where I inconceivably lost my bloody mind!

  All fight drained away, surrendering to the wicked minx’s wish before I roughly bit into her pebbled rosebud with a wild animalistic groan, evoking a loud whimper from the sex starved woman. Her cunt wild with need, Gisele was seemingly lost as she reveled in the wonderful friction our wet sensual rubbing produced.

  “I know you don’t want to really fuck me, but we can be creative. I don’t mind this…stay with me…only seek her to satisfy your other needs,” she panted out as I suckled her breast, one hand gripping her free tit and the other rubbing her clit. “You can have us both. I won’t begrudge you that, Jared. I promise.”

  Her words set my dick ablaze. She dangled her mad idea, resulting in my cock hardening further. It couldn’t be denied. Her cunning method of wanting to keep me was as senseless as it was appealing.

  What was I to do? Her proposition was tempting. What idiot wouldn’t be? But even so…even if I lashed out all of my frustrations on Rose’s body, my attraction to Gisele wouldn’t dissipate. Did she believe I simply had to fuck Rose and I’d desire her no longer? How I wished my anatomy could easily be convinced. Life surely would be less complicated.