Now and Forever: A BOX SET OF STANDALONE NOVELS

by Ann, Pamela

“Thank you for coming. My family adores you,” Jared says after we’ve danced silently for a few moments.

  “They’re lovely. Thank you for inviting me and sharing this significant day.”

  His hand grips me tighter. “God, you smell great. Lil . . .” Jared’s breathing shifts. “I want you.”

  I bite my lip as I contemplate what to say to him. “I know. Give me a few weeks, then I will be . . . ready for you. To be with you, I mean.”

  Shit, did I just say that? Two weeks to get over Drake? Was that even enough time?

  “Is there another man? Is that why you’re so hesitant?” Jared halts when the music stops.

  Reaching for my hand, he guides me toward the other end of the garden, where there are no people around. The tall trees and rose bushes make it difficult to see, but Jared knows where he’s going. He stops when we get to a fountain. The smell of roses are overpowering and toying with my senses. I have to concede that roses are definitely the smell of seduction.

  I’m not panicking that I’m alone with Jared in the dark, but I’m a little hesitant to tell him about Drake because if he starts shooting out questions, I may not have an answer for him. I can barely admit to most of the answers to myself . . . Never mind saying them out loud.

  “Lily, I’m still waiting for you to answer my question.” Jared is a couple of feet away from me. His hands are in his pockets, his face serious as he waits for me to speak.

  Oh, fuck it. Jared deserves more than this. “A guy from my past recently came back into my life.”

  “An ex? Does he want you back? Where do I stand?” Jared looks devastated and I feel bad, actually, I feel like shit.

  “No, not an ex, but he was my first. Things aren’t really like that with us. I like you, Jared, very much.” Jared pulls me up to my feet so we are facing each other.

  “Alright, I understand where you are coming from, but the most important question is, do you want him back?”

  Drake . . . I love him, but Shannon, their almost baby and the fucking past are always going to be there. When it comes down to it, I don’t trust Drake not to break me again because he will. He already did once before, quite callously, too.

  “No, I don’t want him back,” I state with conviction.

  “Good. That’s all I need to hear. Two weeks and you’ll be mine?”

  “Yes.”

  “Mine in two weeks, I can’t wait until I can claim you as mine,” Jared whispers before he takes my lips and kisses me.

  The kiss is good, hungry even, but compared to Drake’s . . . this kiss lacks something. Or maybe it’s me who lacks something. Yeah, that would be my heart.

  It’s possible to lose your heart along the way. It dawns on me that life does go on after love. That one can go on with just a partial part of your heart─or none at all─depending on how much love you granted that person. In my case, I’m trying to scrape back what little I have left because Drake took most of it away, leaving me with the crumbs.

  With that, though, I am determined to build something out of it. Maybe I’ll grow another heart, another love.

  Chapter 172

  Jared moves around the front of the car to open my door. Once I’m on the pavement, outside my townhouse, we stare at each other for a while, smiling.

  “Thank you. I had a lot of fun tonight.” I look at Jared before he claims my lips again.

  This time, I let myself go and kiss him the way he’s kissing me. Jared’s hand lifts my skirt and cups my butt cheek, pushing it against his hardened state.

  “Lily!” a voice barks out.

  I open my eyes and find Drake fuming like a mad man ready to kill me and Jared—who happens to just let go of me. Something in Jared’s eyes flares, but he composes himself. Both men measure each other up, readying for some testosterone showdown.

  “Jared!” I pull him aside. “I’m sorry. Let me talk to him. I’ll call you, okay?” I plead.

  Jared’s nose flares. “You want me to leave you with an angry man? Have you lost it? I don’t trust him with you!”

  No, this is not the time to be macho, damn it. “It’s fine. He’ll calm down. I just need to talk to him. Trust me on this one. Jared, please?”

  Defeated, Jared cusses for a moment and then concedes. “Fine.” He cups my cheek. “Call me, anytime, if something happens, okay?” He leans over and gives me another tongue lashing kiss.

  “Thank you,” I whisper to Jared before he gets in his car and drives off.

  I stand on the pavement and watch until I can’t see the lights of Jared’s car. Then I turn around to deal with the ever present mistake, my problem.

  “How dare you, Drake!” I screech at him.

  His eyes are screaming bloody murder, but that doesn’t scare me a bit. “How dare me? How dare you, Lily! You were barely out of my bed before you jump into another man’s arms! How fucking dare YOU!” Drake spits back at me, glaring.

  Right, slutty Lily. Yay, me!

  “Goodnight, Drake.” I stride past him and head for my door. With my key, I open it and I’m just about to take a step inside when Drake pushes me inside and slams me against the wall.

  If it’s possible for my heart to leap and do a marathon, my heart would be a champion at the rate it’s going. “Go home, Drake.”

  “Stop killing me, Lil. What you did tonight . . . I wanted to commit fucking murder.” He plants both hands against the wall on either side of my head when I try to move away from him. He’s caging me in for confrontation. “Did you fuck him?” Drake barks.

  “That’s none of your business, Drake. I told you before that it wasn’t. Now, I’m telling you again. I am not yours. Never was.”

  “You were last night when you kept screaming my name as you came. I think I’m half deaf from your screams alone.”

  Bring that up, why don’t you? “That was last night, big difference.”

  Drake growls. “Why do you toy with me and my emotions? Is this some kind of punishment because of what happened eight years ago? I’m sorry. Okay, I fucked up, but it’s different now. I fucking want you.”

  No matter how hard I try not to be affected by his words, they still manage to get through and cut deep inside me. I’m speechless for a moment before I can respond. “You’re eight years too late, Drake.” I finally manage to squeak out.

  The pounding of my heart is deafening. Drake’s heavy breathing is distracting and it doesn’t help that he’s so close. Nor does it help that my body’s acting all weird again. Betraying me.

  It itches to be touched by him; to be marked by him.

  Drake’s eyes are determined. He’s not going to let this go. “I don’t—I choose not to believe you. I won’t. It’s crazy, Lil, but my gut tells me that you’re lying. Your mouth speaks of hate, but your body says something else. So, which one should I believe and trust?” His thumb reaches out and traces the side of my neck, stroking.

  It stops at my pulse and I stiffen. “I didn’t realize that you’re such a liar now, Lily. I did tell you that your body doesn’t lie to me.”

  “Stop it.” I gasp when his hand moves lower. My chest is heaving like I’ve ran for miles. I’m out of breath from anticipation, anger, frustration, and, yes . . . excitement.

  FUCK!

  I squeezed my eyes shut when his middle finger reaches inside my corset, and brushes against my pebbled nipple. “Yes, you are a liar,” Drake states confidently. “Or is your body wrong, Babe?”

  Yes, it’s wrong. I shouldn’t want you, but I do. So, fucking, bad. It’s not right, to want you this much. I must be fucked up beyond belief to want you this badly.

  “Yes, it’s wrong. You’re wrong,” I speak, panting and out of breath.

  “Huh.”

  “Drake!” I yell when his hand goes up under my skirt. His hand is purposeful as it nudges the side of my underwear and then sticks a finger inside me.

  Fucking, asshole, I hate you.

  “Your pussy doesn’t think so,” Drake pants against my ear. I m
oan when he starts to stroke me tenaciously before he jabs another finger into me.

  My God, I’m dying. “Don’t do this . . .” I whisper, but my body is betraying me. It screams for more; more of Drake and more of this erotic torture.

  “I’m not stopping until you tell me the truth, but if you want to play stubborn, this can go on all night. I won’t mind it at all.”

  “What truth? Argh, shit, Drake!” I clutch onto his shoulders, practically hyperventilating from his fingers. “Drake . . .” I cry out.

  I hear him growl when he rips another pair of my thongs. The second one in twenty-four hours. With my thong out of the way, things get more serious. “I’m not going to let you come, unless you give in to me.”

  Cruel son of a bitch! “Fuck you!” I curse at him, at my stupid body, at every single thing because when his fingers almost withdraw, I grind my hips against them, begging for more. “Ahh, ahh . . .” I moan.

  “Do you want me?” Drake fumbles with something. I hear his pants drop on the floor next.

  “Ahumm . . .” I say incoherently.

  “What? I can’t hear you. I’m asking again, do you want me to fuck you?”

  “No . . .”

  Drake hoists me up against the wall and rams his hard cock inside me, with one hard thrust. “Oh, God, It’s so tight. This tight cunt is mine,” he repeats each time he slides back inside me. “I own this cunt. Tell me I’m the owner.”

  “Hell no!”

  Drake curses and hoists me up again, carrying me toward my living room. With his manhood still inside me, he cups my chin and kisses me senseless.

  Was this his way of making me submit to him? Using my body against me? It’s working effectively.

  Done fighting with my body, I kiss him back, angered and impassioned. Just for tonight . . . I think as I start to rock my hips against his cock. Drake makes a guttural sound. Holding onto my hips, he uses them to make my body pound against him, roughly, ruthlessly. He fucks me hard and kisses me harder. I hang on to him, kissing him as I run my nails down his back.

  I stop kissing him when I realize we aren’t using condoms again. Fuck! “Protection. Condom, Drake.”

  “No. Not with you, never with you. We’ll get you pills tomorrow.” He quickly places me on all fours on the chaise lounge. He then parts my legs, presses his hand on my lower back to keep me in the position he wants me in and enters me, viciously.

  My knees buckle as pleasure, pain and soreness hits me full-on. In this position, he has easy access to the deepest parts of me. I’m not sure if I can handle it. If he pounds me any harder, I might not recover. “Drake . . . I . . . um…”

  “Does it hurt?” he distractedly asks while his other hand reaches over my stomach, parts my folds and lets his fingers cater to my core. “Babe?” Drake asks as he starts to gradually move. Hissing each time he slides back into me.

  Heck, yes, it hurts like a bitch, but I don’t want him to stop, either. “Don’t stop. Just keep going.”

  “Come here, Babe.” Drake slowly pulls me against his chest, takes my chin and kisses me. On our knees with his cock buried deep inside my core and his fingers on my clit, he passionately devours my lips. My body starts to relax while I press my back against his chest. When his cock starts to move inside me, the soreness is still there, but the pleasure is terrifyingly amazing; it’s all I can concentrate on.

  Drake’s pacing starts to heighten again, but this time, I am ready to take him in. “Get on your elbows, lower your upper body, but lift your ass to me.”

  “Argh! Fuck!” I cry out when he severely smacks my ass a few times.

  “No more other men, Lil. I won’t be accountable for what happens next time I see you going on dates or another man touching you. Are we clear?”

  Damn it. “I don’t think you and I will work out, Drake. This is just sex.”

  He smacks my ass again and thrusts forward, teasing me. “How the heck do you figure that? We haven’t even tried it.”

  We haven’t really tried, but . . . what else do I have to lose? I already lost my heart to him. Can I possibly make him love me the way I love him? I’m still pondering it when Drake suddenly pulls out of me.

  He stands up, takes his shirt off and throws it away. He then goes over and punches a wall.

  What the hell? I watch him fume. Meanwhile, I drop off the couch and sit on the carpet, admiring his naked form. God, his ass is to die for.

  Seriously, I have it bad. Really, fucking, bad.

  Drake runs his hands through his hair as he mutters something. “Fuck!” he yells at the wall. After huffing a few more times, he finally spins around and stalks toward me.

  I train my eyes very hard to not look down and away from him; no matter how much I really want to look away, I can’t. I won’t give him an inch on this. Drake kneels down next to me, looking helpless and agonized. “Tell me what to do. I’ll do it,” he rasps out, voice packed with emotion.

  “Drake—”

  He cuts me off. “Just tell me. Do you want me to grovel? Do you want me on my knees and asking for forgiveness? Just say it, Lil, so I can jump through anything you ask of me. I’ll do anything to have you, be with you, and have you beside me.”

  Just love me. It’s all I have ever wanted.

  “Are you sure you’re not on the rebound after Shannon?” I eye him warily. Drake’s asking me to put my heart on the line for him, again. I have to know what’s on the table and what isn’t.

  “Un-fucking-believable!” He gets up again, nose flaring, furious. He paces and stops, looking down at me. “Use your fucking head, will you? Do you think I will fuck around with a woman whom my parents wish to be my wife? Have you not seen the changes in me, Lily? The moment I saw you again, there was no doubt in my mind that I wanted you. I always have, but this time, I’m ready to give you my all.”

  That does it! He’s ready. Great! Yippee! “Before, you didn’t want me because you weren’t ready? Now, that you’ve grown, you’re ready for me? How fucking convenient, Drake.” I get up, angry, with shaky legs. It doesn’t deter me. “I loved you. I fucking loved you! I worshipped the ground you walked on. And you knew it, too! Even before I told you, you knew how I felt about you.” I swallow, my throat constricting, as my tears threaten to fall. “But you didn’t care. You just took what you wanted and walked away. For eight fucking years, never once have I heard from you. Not. Once.”

  I start to shiver, but I’m not done. “How do you expect me to react to you, now that you want me the way I wanted you to want me eight years ago? Did you expect me to jump for joy because you’ve changed your mind about me? Newsflash, the world doesn’t revolve around you and your wishes. You can go fuck yourself!” I start to walk out of the living room, wiping my tears away, when his words stop me.

  “I went to visit you once. That same year. It was Christmas Eve, but you were wrapped up with some guy. I was actually a few feet away. I was even surprised that you didn’t notice me. Guess you were too busy with him.

  “You see, I wanted to talk to you. About what happened that summer and how for six months on, I still couldn’t get you out of my head. You looked happy, Lil. I thought it was for the best. I thought, when you told me you loved me then, it was just a crush. You were young. I mean, what did you know about love when you were eighteen, right? So, I did what I thought was best and left you alone.”

  “What guy?” I whisper, still halted on the same spot. There had been no one, no one for two years after him. The only guy I hung out with was Nick, Masie’s boyfriend, who became a friend, too.

  “Tall, dark hair and fairly built. I didn’t stay long enough to watch you with him. I couldn’t stand it.”

  “Nick. The guy you saw me with was Nick. He’s my friend’s boyfriend who is a very good friend of mine.” Drake went to see me. Sadness fills me in an instant. Missed opportunity . . . if it hadn’t gone that way . . . maybe I wouldn’t have a grudge against him. Even if he and I end up not pursuing a relationship together
, at least I have some sort of closure now and not some twisted, pathetic reasoning my brain can juggle with.

  A person cannot fully and truly understand the meaning of bitterness, gripping pain and raw heartache if one hasn’t gone through a massive blow of rejection—the kind, where it demolishes all your confidence and self-worth. The kind where life halts and your heart is left in that suspended time, with him, reliving memories; the good and the bad, over and over again.

  I lived. I breathed. I simply existed.

  That’s all I was, all I’ve ever been, since Drake crushingly and devastatingly left me. There is nothing worse than being brushed off by someone you love so much and hold dearly, it leaves you feeling as if you’re worth nothing. I’ve been a shell, an empty shell, because of this man. It’s sad, that the moment I am back in his arms again, I feel whole, complete. How can I fathom such a trivial pursuit of happiness? Am I even capable of risking whatever that is left of me to be with Drake again?

  “I’m sorry” he croaks out, gutted.

  I hear him move, cautiously. Paralyzed, I hold my breath as I feel his hard chest against my back, his hot breath hitting my left shoulder. “I’ll do what you ask of me. Just tell me what to do. One more chance is all I ask. I know this might be too much to ask of you, but if you feel the same as I do, I want you to reconsider.”

  “Okay,” I rasp out, my voice trembling.

  “Okay, yes? I want to be with you, too? Or is it an okay, I will think about it, kind of okay?” Drake asked cautiously.

  I spin around, facing his naked form. I look up at his nervous face and I can’t quite look him in the eyes, my eyes drop low, looking at his chest. With my right hand, I softly press against his beating heart. “I want to be with you, but . . . you have to understand, that it may take longer for me to trust you. You have to earn it. This is not easy . . . for me to do. I know one thing that’s true and that is how much I still feel about you.” Choked up, I meet Drake’s gaze. “Let’s take this one day at a time. Is that alright with you?”

  A smile starts to break across his handsome face. “You’re really serious? You won’t change your mind tomorrow? Because if that’s the case, I don’t think I can handle it.”