by Nikita Singh
Laila shrugged. ‘I thought I could do it by myself. Until it stressed me out too much and I couldn’t take it for a second there. But it doesn’t matter. Why didn’t you fucking tell me about Kishan?’
‘Kishan? How do you know?’ Maahi asked, looking at Sarthak, who was standing next to the shutter, leaning against the wall, looking down into his phone. He looked so sad, his face so small, Maahi felt a tug in her chest.
‘Siddhant called me, trying to find out where you were,’ Laila said. ‘I was still pissed at you, so I didn’t pay attention. But then Sarthak called me too, asking if you were with me. We must’ve called you like a hundred times. Don’t you fucking go disappearing on us like that again!’
‘I didn’t plan to. I lost track of time after I called Kishan and yelled at him. It was the weirdest thing. I fell asleep,’ Maahi said. ‘Guess I just kind of gave up. I was thinking about how badly I wanted Cookies + Cupcakes to happen, and stopped caring about everything else.’
‘Hold up. One, Cookies + Cupcakes is our baby and we’re not killing it. It’s going to happen. I’m going to make you work extra hard, and you’re going to cry and whine, but you’re going to do it. You’re so young and talented and I’d hate to see you lose focus. That’s why I was pissed at you—because you weren’t caring about the right things. And if you don’t put in the work in the beginning, you’d never be able to keep up once we launch and things start going crazy. I’ve worked with start-ups before, and I’ve seen people mess up,’ Laila said. ‘You’re not going to mess up—not on my watch. Baking is one thing, setting up a bakery is a completely different ball game.’
‘I’m not going to mess up. I promise.’
‘I know you won’t. Now wait, did you say you yelled at Kishan?’
‘Yes,’ Maahi said. A smile crept up on her face. ‘I don’t know what got into me. I was just done, you know? Suddenly, I was done with him and his bullshit and couldn’t stand it anymore.’
‘So you asked him to fuck off?’
‘More or less.’
‘Not good enough.’ Laila curled her lips. ‘Did you use the actual words?’
‘I said fuck a lot. And I called him an asshole. I think at one point I did ask him to shut the fuck up. Does all of that add up and make a fuck off?’
Laila nodded. ‘You make me proud.’
Maahi giggled. ‘I feel so much better already. I don’t need him.’
‘Of course you don’t! You don’t need anyone. You’re a strong, independent, ambitious woman. You can take care of yourself. If a relationship is making your life worse instead of better, you’re in the wrong one.’
‘I might’ve been in the right one … with Siddhant. But I don’t think he will ever talk to me again.’
‘He called me to check up on you. He definitely still cares,’ Laila said.
‘Enough to forget that I almost broke up with him over my ex? I don’t think he can forgive or forget that I kissed my ex and tried to blame it on him. I’ve been so shitty with him recently … Like you said, if a relationship is making your life worse … I’m definitely making his life worse. I don’t think he should be with me.’
‘You don’t mean that!’
‘It’s true. I’m always annoyed and treat him badly for no reason. He deserves so much better…’ Maahi said sadly.
‘Shut up. If you’re going to whine, I’m out of here. Actually, let’s get out of here anyway. What are we doing in here? It’s so hot,’ Laila said, pulling the neck of her top up and fanning herself.
‘Ready to leave?’ Sarthak asked. His face was taut.
Maahi could tell he was trying really hard to be impassive and appear as if he didn’t care. ‘I’m sorry,’ she said. ‘I’m really, really sorry. That was not only uncalled for, it was mean to the point of being cruel. I didn’t need to take out my anger on you.’
Sarthak pursed his lips.
‘I feel really bad. You have perfect reasoning for doing what you’re doing. It makes total sense,’ Maahi continued.
Sarthak finally looked at her. ‘Nah. You were right. I talked to her…’
‘And?’
‘We’re going to try to be friends. See where it goes.’
‘That’s awesome! I hope you don’t get hurt, but I mean, hey, if not her, someone else is going to hurt you. You can’t run away from that forever. Shit happens.’
‘That’s a very positive outlook on life.’ Sarthak chuckled.
‘No, I’m serious. If you have to get hurt, why not by someone who’s actually worth it?’
‘Makes sense to me,’ Laila said. ‘Look at her—our girl Maahi growing up!’
Maahi ignored her and looked up at Sarthak. ‘So, we’re cool?’ she asked.
‘Yep.’
‘Hug it out?’
‘Nope.’
‘Fist bump?’
‘Meh,’ Sarthak said and reluctantly offered her his fist. Maahi bumped it with hers.
Laila cleared her throat. ‘If your sibling PDA is done, can we go? This place is a sauna. Maahi—air conditioning—first on the list.’
‘Got it.’ Maahi gave her a thumbs up. She bent down to pull up the shutter. ‘How furious are Ma and Papa?’
‘Very. But I think I was able to turn them a little,’ Sarthak said, bending down with her. He got hold of the handles of the shutter. ‘I got this.’
‘Really? What do you mean?’
‘After you left, Ma went on and on about how disrespectful you were and how dare you and all that. Papa wasn’t saying much. I just sat there quietly. And when Ma asked me how it came to this, and how could you go behind their backs and lie to them, I told her that maybe you didn’t tell her because you knew this is how they would react. And you weren’t wrong. I would’ve done the same thing. I told her that we sometimes feel like we can’t talk to our own parents, even when we need help.’
‘Shit. What did she say?’ Maahi asked. They got under the half pulled-up shutter and stepped out. ‘Oh God, I feel so bad.’
‘What I said wasn’t half as bad as you, but I guess both of us in the same day, with the difference in the tone … I don’t know … They didn’t say anything to me.’ Siddhant shrugged. ‘But I’ve got to say—I’m loving the role reversal. You the trouble child and me, the good one. It was odd at first, but I’m getting used to it. Keep letting them down!’
‘Ha! Don’t get used to it. I’m going to be awesome.’ Maahi smirked.
‘Guys,’ Laila said, coming out of the shop. It was around three in the morning, and the area was deserted. The warm July air hit them, a light breeze flowing. It was odd to see Shahpurjat like that—a place that was always bursting with people.
Maahi turned towards Laila and followed her gaze. ‘Siddhant?’ she mouthed.
He looked confused for a second, as if trying to find them, and then walked towards them. Maahi was standing with Laila and Sarthak on each side. Siddhant stopped in front of her. They all looked at each other awkwardly. Maahi met Siddhant’s eyes and held them.
‘Umm,’ Laila said, clearing her throat. ‘So, we’re going to bounce then?’
‘Yeah.’ Sarthak’s face turned red as he said, ‘I’m going to hang out in the parking lot. Just … you know, update me on the situation? Like if you’re coming home with me or what? Let me know when you know.’
‘I’ll keep you company,’ Laila said, and they walked away.
Maahi and Siddhant didn’t pay any attention to them. They kept looking at each other. Maahi was so happy to see him. She didn’t care why he was there, maybe he just wanted to fight with her, but she was glad that he was there regardless. She felt horrible about how things went down between them, and was glad for a chance to talk to him, maybe try to explain.
‘You’re okay?’ Siddhant asked slowly.
‘I’m really sorry,’ Maahi said.
‘I was worried about you.’
‘Why? I’m such an asshole. You shouldn’t care about me.’
‘Can’t help i
t.’
‘I feel so bad about everything. I understand if you can never forgive me, and don’t ever want to see me again. Why are you even here? You shouldn’t talk to me.’ Maahi looked up at him, wanting to touch his face, somehow holding back.
‘Because I have a question I need to ask you. I couldn’t … I need to know.’
‘What is it?’
‘Do you love him? That guy … your ex-boyfriend? Is that what you were trying to tell me when you told me about him and what happened between you guys last night?’ Siddhant’s face was distorted, crumbling. Maahi could see how much he was hurting because of her.
‘No. I was confused. I was all over the place, saying all kinds of things … I don’t even know why I was saying any of that.’
‘So you don’t love him.’
‘I don’t!’ Maahi said.
‘Then what was that about? All the things you said you felt for him?’
‘I can be an idiot sometimes. He came back and he was saying all these things to me. A smarter girl wouldn’t have fallen into the trap so easily. I don’t know how, even after all these years, he still holds a power over me. And I mistook that for love, or something. I thought it was something special.’
Siddhant nodded. After a quiet moment, he said, ‘No. I can’t say that I understand.’
‘I don’t either. But talk to me. Maybe I can help.’
‘I don’t understand how whatever was going on between you two made you forget about us. I thought we loved each other.’
‘I thought so too. I still think so. I do love you, Siddhant,’ Maahi said. She looked at him, remembering their first date—the night they’d played Mario Kart. How excited she was, wondering how it would turn out, what it would become. It was good for a while. But all they’d done in a long time was fight. Whatever they had hadn’t been able to survive the strain of two hectic schedules and that’s not how it should have been. ‘You’re kind and caring and funny. I love spending time with you. But frankly … we don’t have any.’
Siddhant rubbed his face with his palms, and looked away.
‘It shouldn’t be so hard.’ Maahi sighed and looked at her feet. ‘We shouldn’t have to struggle so much, right from the beginning. I love you, Siddhant. I made a mistake with Kishan, and I will understand if you hate me forever for it. All I’ve ever done is make your life difficult. I see that now.’
‘Would you stop making assumptions about how I feel?’
‘I don’t want to get in the way of your career. I don’t want to be the person who adds to your stress, instead of making it easier. I can never forgive myself for being that person.’
‘Maahi—’
‘No! Listen to me. I can’t come in the way of something you’ve been working on all your life. You would resent me for it and I can’t handle that. I want you to be happy, and you’d never be happy with me. I don’t know why you’ve come here right now—is it because of some sort of obligation you feel towards me? You don’t have to. You didn’t do anything wrong. I was the one who fucked up.’
Siddhant was looking away from her, staring at the closed shops. Maahi pulled his arm and turned him to her. She held back tears as she said, ‘It’s not your fault. Don’t worry about me. I’ll be okay. I have my bakery. I’ll keep busy. I can take care of myself. You don’t have to be with me out of some misplaced sense of obligation.’
Siddhant didn’t look at her for a while. She stood next to him and stared at the shops too. She wondered if he was going to leave. She was giving him an out, and the last time she had done that with someone, he had taken it. This time, she wanted him to take it. With everything going on with Cookies + Cupcakes, things were only going to get harder for them. And she wasn’t so sure they would be able to survive it. If they didn’t end it now, they would only add more torturous months before the inevitable end. And that would close all doors for any kind of friendship between them. She didn’t want that. They had to end it before they reached a point of no return.
‘Are you done deciding how I feel? Can I speak now, with your permission?’ Siddhant asked slowly, still staring at the houses.
‘Yes,’ Maahi said meekly.
‘You have no idea how much I love you, how badly I want to be with you. When you told me about Kishan today … do you have any idea how that made me feel? You kept undermining what we have, when I think what we have is the best thing that ever happened to me.’ Siddhant slowly turned to look at her. ‘Just thinking about that guy kissing you … it feels … it’s unbearable. I honestly can’t even think about it. And the thought that you chose someone else over me, while you were with me—’
‘I didn’t! I know it’s difficult for you to trust me right now, but believe me, I didn’t choose anyone over you. Whatever’s going wrong between us doesn’t have anything to do with Kishan. It might’ve triggered the realization, but it’s always been there.’
Siddhant hooked his finger under her chin and studied her face. His own face looked pained in the light coming from their unfurnished shop. ‘Yes. It has always been there. I wanted to be with you enough to ignore it, but it’s still very much there. I’m so caught up in my work and you in yours. I don’t know how we ever thought this was going to work.’
Maahi’s voice broke when she tried to speak. ‘Because we were in love and we thought we would win against all odds.’
‘Maybe under different circumstances…’
Maahi nodded fervently, trying to hold back tears. ‘Maybe.’
They were quiet for a while, as they stood next to each other, staring at the shops. It wasn’t as dark as it was before; the sun was on the horizon. They had ended it, and it was for the best, but neither of them moved. With every second, her determination weakened. She imagined how easy it would be just to be. With him, in this moment, forever.
But real life didn’t work like that. In a few months, once things settled down a bit, they might start talking again. They might become friends, or maybe even something more. Or they might never talk to or see each other again—this might be the last time. Her stomach hurt just thinking about it.
‘Are you okay?’ Siddhant asked. He came closer to her and wrapped one long arm around her. He sighed again, whispering, ‘Maahi.’
Maahi bent towards him and rested her head against his shoulder. She looked up at him and smiled sadly.
‘What is it?’ Siddhant asked.
‘It’s the way you say my name…’ Maahi thought about how he never called her anything other than her name. And how much she didn’t mind. ‘I never needed any terms of endearment from you. Just my name from your lips sounds like a love song. Even now…’
Siddhant’s fingers grazed the back of her neck. ‘I’m sorry that it worked out this way…’
‘Me too.’
‘I’m going to go now. You’ll be okay?’
Maahi nodded.
Siddhant planted a small kiss on her forehead and left. Maahi watched him walk away, feeling a tug on her heart, watching his back recede. She sniffed and looked away.
Maahi turned back to her shop. She pulled down the shutter and locked it. She walked to the parking lot, where Sarthak and Laila were waiting for her. Maahi laughed. This was all she needed. It wouldn’t be that bad. She could see her life around her—the people she loved, the thing that mattered most.
Epilogue
‘It’s unfair that you get to do this and I don’t,’ Laila said, staring sadly at the assortment of cupcakes on display. Maahi had used bright, solid colours, each cupcake had a unique design, all a riot of colours mixed together, reflecting the festival she made them for. ‘I’m so jealous.’
‘Holi isn’t the festival for your cookies,’ Maahi said, appreciating the display, breathing in the smell of the fresh batch she had set on the cooling rack back in the kitchen. ‘Try something for Diwali.’
‘I’m going to. I’m calling dibs on Diwali.’
‘Okay.’ Maahi laughed. ‘I’m kind of nervous.’
; ‘Oh, you’ll be fine. Your parents have performed much better than expected. We’ve proved ourselves. You’re good.’
‘We’ve proved ourselves with the first shop. What if they don’t like this one? How can I not be nervous?’
‘Because all of this is awesome?’ Laila said, looking around. It was the opening of their second shop, this one in Hauz Khas Village. Cookies + Cupcakes had been featured in Vogue, in their City Directory segment, which had significantly boosted their image. They had been really persistent with social media and digital marketing. Exciting things were happening and they couldn’t be happier with where they were.
They kept the design of the second shop consistent with the first one in Shahpurjat. The turquoise they had picked for the walls came out lovelier than it looked on the palette. Along with the gold, it really livened up the place. They were especially happy with all their stationery and their website. The designer had exceeded expectations. They hired a baker to help them in the kitchen and a young girl for the counter. She reminded Maahi of herself, when she’d first started working at Cozy Coffee.
‘I guess you’re right. I wish Sarthak was here—he could’ve come in handy. He’s good at handling awkward social situations, by being even awkwarder and making a fool of himself,’ Maahi said. Sarthak was in Mumbai, in his second semester. Last time she checked, he was still friends with that girl he liked. They were close friends.
‘Yeah, he’s good at that. But I can cover for him, just for today,’ Laila offered. ‘Dammit! I hate that you’re going to get all the compliments today. Let me run to the kitchen and bring out a box of cookies for everyone real quick,’ Laila said, rushing inside. She brought a tray and placed it on the counter.
‘Great. Now, if they hate my cupcakes, we’ve got a solid backup option.’
‘They’re going to love it,’ Laila assured her.
Maahi looked out of the bakery. There was no sign of her parents yet. ‘I bumped into Siddhant today.’
‘Yeah? First time since breaking up?’ Laila asked.